Boy Thread: put a hat on ur butt

[e^iπ+1=0]

If you're going to grow facial hair, keep that shit tidy. Neck beards are unacceptable unless it's down to your chest and the bones of your enemies are woven in.

Gotta start somewhere. Or are you suggesting I magically go from no beard to chest-length beard?

[doogly]

What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

*You only get to associate with the Civil War vets who have neckbeards if you have also been in the Civil War. Otherwise, ignore all those results, and associate purely with the people who look like they have strong opinions about operating systems or horde v alliance.

[Jacque]

What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

Yeah, neck beards are right out. Facial hair is cool and all, but it needs to be on the face (also, not patchy [see Sidney Crosby]) to grow something that looks good.

Sorry to those of you that have neck beards, but seriously, shave it off. Harsh but necessary.

[doogly]

My pubes look nothing like that man's chin. My beard is like the boreal taiga, crown of majesty, my pubes like the teeming Amazon, giver of life.

[SurgicalSteel]

If your pubes are capable of giving life, maybe you need to wash better after certain activities.

[Noc]

If you're pubes are capable of giving life, maybe you need to wash better after certain activities

I'll just put this out there.

Otherwise, though, uh. "Teeming with life" is not really a term I would want associated with my forested regions. Anything that would be growing in there is bound to be kind of...yucky.

[SurgicalSteel]

Dammit.

[e^iπ+1=0]

What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

*You only get to associate with the Civil War vets who have neckbeards if you have also been in the Civil War. Otherwise, ignore all those results, and associate purely with the people who look like they have strong opinions about operating systems or horde v alliance.

So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.

[SecondTalon]

What's wrong with neck-beards?

Everything?

So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.

It .. kinda works sorta like this.

If you have a full, luxurious beard and mustache combo going on, where you do a little line maintenence along the upper cheek to keep it straight and tidy and you also let it grow more or less natural under the jaw along the neck and.. again.. keep it straight and tidy .. like this, more or less, or this or this.. it's.. going to depend on a number of factors that can't lead to a blanket ban, but generally speaking it's still not a good idea.

This? Or this? Or even this or this?

Don't do that. You look like a douchefuck who has no idea how a razor works, or are completely terrified that you're going to sever your jugular so you just refuse to shave anywhere dangerous. Don't do that. You look terrible.

[roband]

But that looks like they've shaved everything BUT the neck.

I'd post a photo of myself to compare, but you'd just say mean things

</sarcasm> Obviously you'd be polite. Obviously, right?

[Izawwlgood]

Not if you had a neckbeard.

[doogly]

This came up nearly a year ago.
viewtopic.php?p=2491200#p2491200
I said some things with math but whatever, this could be nonsense. Pod's instruction to stay above the laryngal prominence is the way to go. But never have a beard strictly above larynx but below jaw, that is terrible.

[PictureSarah]

Ok, I always called it a "neckbeard" when someone was just too lazy to maintain their beard, and had a hairy neck + beard, but the examples Talon posted go one worse, they are people who apparently have shaved everything BUT the neck, or the neck + very minimal chin area. The problem with that is that you basically just look like a man who has a chubby face, who knows he has a chubby face, and is trying to create jawline definition by adding hair to it. Sometimes (rarely) that works, but NOT by putting hair UNDER the jawline. The gents posted by Talon just look like men with fat faces and very poorly thought out and executed facial hair to boot.

[doogly]

Oh, and another thing worth specifically advising against -- beards which grow in thinly or patchily, and therefor are grown out longer. No. No no no. You will look like an ill goat, like you aren't fit for curry or cart pulling.

Having a harder time googling examples of it though.

[Jacque]

What's wrong with neck-beards?

Everything?

So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.

It .. kinda works sorta like this.

If you have a full, luxurious beard and mustache combo going on, where you do a little line maintenence along the upper cheek to keep it straight and tidy and you also let it grow more or less natural under the jaw along the neck and.. again.. keep it straight and tidy .. like this, more or less, or this or this.. it's.. going to depend on a number of factors that can't lead to a blanket ban, but generally speaking it's still not a good idea.

This? Or this? Or even this or this?

Don't do that. You look like a douchefuck who has no idea how a razor works, or are completely terrified that you're going to sever your jugular so you just refuse to shave anywhere dangerous. Don't do that. You look terrible.

If you grow facial hair like this, keep it shaved.
If you grow facial hair like this, keep it shaved.
If you grow facial hair like this, shave it or fully embrace the Amish look.
If you grow facial hair like this, then a trimmer and a little neck-definition would help a lot.

Growing a successful beard actually requires a bit of maintenance. If you're able to grow a full beard, you really have to trim it once in a while or else all the stages from no-beard to final-beard look really sloppy.

Here's me for an example:

[I Am Raven]

At what age were you able to grow a full beard?

[Izawwlgood]

I dunno, 19 or 20... days in utero. My ectodermal precursor cells were bearded.

[Jacque]

Like twenty-two for a solid, full beard (though usually I pare it back a bit).

[SecondTalon]

I was 18 when I could do a passable goatee, 23 when I could do a thin line beard (like an inch wide strip connectIng my goatee to my sideburns, all on the up side of the jaw) and 25-26 when the full beard would work. At 32, parts are still filling in.

[Kick]

Alright, in my defense I just haven't shaved in a while and do kind of look like Jacque's example of a sloppy hobo. I guess I'll shave tomorrow if I wake up early enough.

EDIT: I found a reflective surface, and no, I did not look like Jacque's example of a sloppy hobo...but I had a glorious neckbeard.

[I Am Raven]

Yeah, okay. I'm 18 and I can do a... goatee thingy. Here's a pretty good photo of it (thing is I justed dyed it red).
(This was a couple of months ago. Right now, I'm clean-shaven.)

[podbaydoor]

This came up nearly a year ago.
viewtopic.php?p=2491200#p2491200
I said some things with math but whatever, this could be nonsense. Pod's instruction to stay above the laryngal prominence is the way to go. But never have a beard strictly above larynx but below jaw, that is terrible.

I have no memory of saying this, so I was confused until I clicked the link. Oregonaut said it.

But since I've sneaked into the treehouse, I might as well say that I agree re: no neckbeards. They just look untidy. And make it difficult to nuzzle the hollow between the neck and the jaw properly.

[ArgonV]

So how about my beard? Not neckbearded hobo-ish, right?

[roband]

Looks good to me. I'm about to get rid of mine
Going away for the weekend, so want to be presentable and such.

[doogly]

Your beard is APPROVED.

[SecondTalon]

baard.png

So how about my beard? Not neckbearded hobo-ish, right?

I see nothing objectionable here. The line on the neck is clearly defined.

[roband]

Boy thread - finally something serious that you can be useful for. A really support group.

Spoiler:

Earlier, I went to stroke my beard contemplatively. But it's gone. I... I.. forgot

[ArgonV]

Boy thread - finally something serious that you can be useful for. A really support group.

Spoiler:

Earlier, I went to stroke my beard contemplatively. But it's gone. I... I.. forgot

Spoiler:

Aww, that sucks man. But I don't get it, you can look presentable with a beard. As far as I'm concerned anyway.

[roband]

Naw, I talk up my beard, but it's very scrappy. I enjoy it though.

[Kick]

My beard is no more.

[I Am Raven]

Spoilered for genitalia and awkwardness.

Spoiler:

Since about 10 months I've got this eczema on my Adductores and upwards (up to half an inch of my scrotum). At first I was like "STD! " but then I realised I hadn't had any unprotected sex whatsoever, ever. Sometimes it itches REALLY bad, to the point where I scratch the skin off of it, and sometimes it's just a minor nuisance. I use a cream that is supposed to "relax and sooth" the skin, but it hasn't been helping.
(Girls, somehow, haven't noticed anything about it when having sex [safe, I assure you], but it still looks... suspicious.)
As a child I used to have the exact same thing on the inside of my elbows and knees, but because the area around my genitalia is so warm and the skin is constantly rubbing, it just doesn't go away by not scratching it.
I'm somewhat ashamed to go see a doctor (for obvious reasons), and like I said before, it can't be an STD (can it?). Do you guys have any idea what it might be, heard/knows about similar things, or has any advice? (Apart from "Go see a doctor." Which I will, but not unless I absolutely have to.)

I have absolutely no idea where to put this except here.*


*That's what she said.

[SecondTalon]

Yes, it could be. Go see a doctor. I assure you, not twenty minutes before the Doctor was having to deal with some condition far more embarrassing than whatever you have. 's why they take so long to get to you. They talk to a patient, remain calm and professional and deal with it, and then they have to go stand in a quite hallway for a half hour muttering "Jesus Christ.. They.. with.. because... a spiral cut ham?! Why?"

[Izawwlgood]

Second what ST said. Nothing you can show a doctor will phase them. If it does, my guess is it'll be more of a 'Oh, huh, I wouldn't have thought of putting one of those in there, but alright".

I had a physical once 3-4 days after shaving myself bald as a gag with my girlfriend at the time. I thought this would be a bit awkward, dropping shorts in front of a 60 year old GP, but he just chuckled and said "Oh, that's back in style?"

Believe me, they've seen it all.

[semicharmed]

Two of my SOs friends are emergency room residents, annnnd weird rash would barely even qualify in the stories they can tell.

Also, once, I rode my bike through not-quite-set asphalt while on my way to see a gyno and only when the Dr said something did I notice I had flecks of asphalt alllllll up and down my legs.

[I Am Raven]

Huh... okay. I hadn't thought about it that way. :)
Now all I have to do is find a doctor. (My general practitioner is pretty close with both my parents, and my brother and his son go to the same school.. And even though doctors have confidentiality, it would just feel weird if I saw him when I'm picking him up, or dropping him off.)

Thanks guys. :)

[Virtual_Aardvark]

Have you got a Planned Parenthood or something similar near you? This is exactly what sexual health clinics are for.

[Shro]

Question for the Boy Thread about something you may not have thought of: Since mustaches are usually the first facial hair to come in, when you're trying to grow beard, does the rate of the mustache growth and rest of the beard growth differ? Does this vary during certain ages, as beard growth seems to have a propensity to grow in faster as males age?

Please limit respondents to those with first hand knowledge of beard vs. mustache growth. Thank you.

[pseudoidiot]

I have a hard time remembering, honestly, but I don't think I ever thought any part of my facial hair came in faster than the other. I've gone with a full beard, only goatee, only mustache, and now my standard mustache+goatee.

The only variation I really notice is just length & density. While I've got a good 3 or 4 inches out of my goatee and it's fairly thick, my mustache doesn't come in near as thick or grow as long.

[SecondTalon]

Question for the Boy Thread about something you may not have thought of: Since mustaches are usually the first facial hair to come in, when you're trying to grow beard, does the rate of the mustache growth and rest of the beard growth differ? Does this vary during certain ages, as beard growth seems to have a propensity to grow in faster as males age?

Please limit respondents to those with first hand knowledge of beard vs. mustache growth. Thank you.

I'm not entirely certain I understand precisely what you're saying, so I'm just going to answer all the interpretations I can come up with for it.


On my face, at least, facial hair is facial hair. It all seems to grow at the same rate. That said, the mustache tends to look better and more "done" earlier, even though the individual hairs are the same length. I am.. not entirely certain if my beard has a longer length than my mustache, as I often trim my mustache (particularly directly above my upper lip) so I don't basically eat my mustache/pinch the fuck out of myself while eating. That's.. pretty much how I know it's past time to trim - when my mustache catches on something and it feels like I damn near rip my face off. I still have no idea how the hell something like, say, bread and my facial hair can have so much friction. It's probably hilarious to watch.


Now, as for the beginnings of ST's face fuzz... From what I recall of my teen years, throughout puberty and post-puberty, it started mostly towards the outside ends of the mustache and filled inward towards .. I forget what that dip right under the nose is... as well as random bits on the chin and the sideburn area extending down to the end of the jawline in random bits.

The lower jawline and cheek area filled in mostly randomly, with the concentration being on the lower jawline to where it was finished at roughly 19-20, and I wouldn't say my cheeks were done until.. 24? 26? Somewhere in there.

As a result, I could grow a goatee and long sideburns before I could grow any sort of beard, and a relatively thin box beard before a full one would work.

Basically, the top images on this image from right to left, over the span of about .. 7ish years (17-18 to 24-26?). I also had a gap between my cheeks and my mouth (Kinda illustrated by David Beckham here) that's gotten smaller and smaller and is now almost completely gone. The gap in the middle of my mustache, however, refuses to fill in much more than it has.

...

I really need to scan in some of those images of me from late High School/Early Post High School era so I can basically make a Facial Hair Timeline.

Anyway, I think I answered your question somewhere in there.

[Jacque]

With me, mustache area came in slowly, and seemingly at the same time. Though I really can't remember for sure as I shaved every day – or close to – back then. Sideburns definitely came in early and strong, age 16 I think. Then chin area, bottom of chin then more towards the lip over time. Grew out a goatee, age 18 or 19. Cheeks came in slowly. For years I just trimmed everything down to stubble every few days instead of shaving. Eventually around 22-23 I was able grow it out pretty well and thick to boot. Still have a small bit of gap between the mustache and cheeks from just below the corners of my mouth, but for the last 2 years now the mustache connects to the chin area. I expect that gap to completely fill in by my 30s.

For the other question, personally I've never noticed any one part of my facial hair growing much faster than any other part. I mean, sure, when I first started sprouting facial hair, the bits that came in well came in thicker than the other areas, as they would, but not necessarily any faster.