Boy Thread: put a hat on ur butt

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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:33 pm UTC

Izawwlgood wrote:If you're going to grow facial hair, keep that shit tidy. Neck beards are unacceptable unless it's down to your chest and the bones of your enemies are woven in.

Gotta start somewhere. Or are you suggesting I magically go from no beard to chest-length beard?
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby doogly » Sat Jan 21, 2012 8:53 pm UTC

Kick wrote:What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

*You only get to associate with the Civil War vets who have neckbeards if you have also been in the Civil War. Otherwise, ignore all those results, and associate purely with the people who look like they have strong opinions about operating systems or horde v alliance.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Jacque » Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:50 pm UTC

doogly wrote:
Kick wrote:What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

Yeah, neck beards are right out. Facial hair is cool and all, but it needs to be on the face (also, not patchy [see Sidney Crosby]) to grow something that looks good.

Sorry to those of you that have neck beards, but seriously, shave it off. Harsh but necessary.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby doogly » Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:53 pm UTC

My pubes look nothing like that man's chin. My beard is like the boreal taiga, crown of majesty, my pubes like the teeming Amazon, giver of life.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SurgicalSteel » Sun Jan 22, 2012 12:48 am UTC

If your pubes are capable of giving life, maybe you need to wash better after certain activities.
Last edited by SurgicalSteel on Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:05 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Noc » Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:12 am UTC

SurgicalSteel wrote:If you're pubes are capable of giving life, maybe you need to wash better after certain activities
I'll just put this out there.

Otherwise, though, uh. "Teeming with life" is not really a term I would want associated with my forested regions. Anything that would be growing in there is bound to be kind of...yucky.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SurgicalSteel » Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:06 am UTC

Dammit.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:55 am UTC

doogly wrote:
Kick wrote:What's wrong with neck-beards?

I'm not sure where to begin. Maybe just do a google image search for "neckbeard," and see what sort of company* is kept.

*You only get to associate with the Civil War vets who have neckbeards if you have also been in the Civil War. Otherwise, ignore all those results, and associate purely with the people who look like they have strong opinions about operating systems or horde v alliance.

So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SecondTalon » Sun Jan 22, 2012 10:31 am UTC

Kick wrote:What's wrong with neck-beards?

Everything?

e^iπ+1=0 wrote:So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.

It .. kinda works sorta like this.

If you have a full, luxurious beard and mustache combo going on, where you do a little line maintenence along the upper cheek to keep it straight and tidy and you also let it grow more or less natural under the jaw along the neck and.. again.. keep it straight and tidy .. like this, more or less, or this or this.. it's.. going to depend on a number of factors that can't lead to a blanket ban, but generally speaking it's still not a good idea.

This? Or this? Or even this or this?

Don't do that. You look like a douchefuck who has no idea how a razor works, or are completely terrified that you're going to sever your jugular so you just refuse to shave anywhere dangerous. Don't do that. You look terrible.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby roband » Sun Jan 22, 2012 4:28 pm UTC

But that looks like they've shaved everything BUT the neck.

I'd post a photo of myself to compare, but you'd just say mean things :(

</sarcasm> Obviously you'd be polite. Obviously, right?
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Izawwlgood » Sun Jan 22, 2012 4:50 pm UTC

Not if you had a neckbeard.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby doogly » Sun Jan 22, 2012 4:55 pm UTC

This came up nearly a year ago.
viewtopic.php?p=2491200#p2491200
I said some things with math but whatever, this could be nonsense. Pod's instruction to stay above the laryngal prominence is the way to go. But never have a beard strictly above larynx but below jaw, that is terrible.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby PictureSarah » Sun Jan 22, 2012 5:34 pm UTC

Ok, I always called it a "neckbeard" when someone was just too lazy to maintain their beard, and had a hairy neck + beard, but the examples Talon posted go one worse, they are people who apparently have shaved everything BUT the neck, or the neck + very minimal chin area. The problem with that is that you basically just look like a man who has a chubby face, who knows he has a chubby face, and is trying to create jawline definition by adding hair to it. Sometimes (rarely) that works, but NOT by putting hair UNDER the jawline. The gents posted by Talon just look like men with fat faces and very poorly thought out and executed facial hair to boot.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby doogly » Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:02 pm UTC

Oh, and another thing worth specifically advising against -- beards which grow in thinly or patchily, and therefor are grown out longer. No. No no no. You will look like an ill goat, like you aren't fit for curry or cart pulling.

Having a harder time googling examples of it though.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Jacque » Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:11 pm UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
Kick wrote:What's wrong with neck-beards?

Everything?

e^iπ+1=0 wrote:So because there's a negative stereotype associated with neckbeards, absolutely no one can have a neckbeard? Fuck that noise.

It .. kinda works sorta like this.

If you have a full, luxurious beard and mustache combo going on, where you do a little line maintenence along the upper cheek to keep it straight and tidy and you also let it grow more or less natural under the jaw along the neck and.. again.. keep it straight and tidy .. like this, more or less, or this or this.. it's.. going to depend on a number of factors that can't lead to a blanket ban, but generally speaking it's still not a good idea.

This? Or this? Or even this or this?

Don't do that. You look like a douchefuck who has no idea how a razor works, or are completely terrified that you're going to sever your jugular so you just refuse to shave anywhere dangerous. Don't do that. You look terrible.

If you grow facial hair like this, keep it shaved.
If you grow facial hair like this, keep it shaved.
If you grow facial hair like this, shave it or fully embrace the Amish look.
If you grow facial hair like this, then a trimmer and a little neck-definition would help a lot.

Growing a successful beard actually requires a bit of maintenance. If you're able to grow a full beard, you really have to trim it once in a while or else all the stages from no-beard to final-beard look really sloppy.

Here's me for an example:
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby I Am Raven » Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:54 pm UTC

At what age were you able to grow a full beard?
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Izawwlgood » Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:24 pm UTC

I dunno, 19 or 20... days in utero. My ectodermal precursor cells were bearded.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Jacque » Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:50 pm UTC

Like twenty-two for a solid, full beard (though usually I pare it back a bit).
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SecondTalon » Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:17 pm UTC

I was 18 when I could do a passable goatee, 23 when I could do a thin line beard (like an inch wide strip connectIng my goatee to my sideburns, all on the up side of the jaw) and 25-26 when the full beard would work. At 32, parts are still filling in.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Kick » Sun Jan 22, 2012 8:27 pm UTC

Alright, in my defense I just haven't shaved in a while and do kind of look like Jacque's example of a sloppy hobo. I guess I'll shave tomorrow if I wake up early enough.

EDIT: I found a reflective surface, and no, I did not look like Jacque's example of a sloppy hobo...but I had a glorious neckbeard.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby I Am Raven » Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:59 am UTC

Yeah, okay. I'm 18 and I can do a... goatee thingy. Here's a pretty good photo of it (thing is I justed dyed it red).
(This was a couple of months ago. Right now, I'm clean-shaven.)
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:27 pm UTC

doogly wrote:This came up nearly a year ago.
viewtopic.php?p=2491200#p2491200
I said some things with math but whatever, this could be nonsense. Pod's instruction to stay above the laryngal prominence is the way to go. But never have a beard strictly above larynx but below jaw, that is terrible.

:lol: I have no memory of saying this, so I was confused until I clicked the link. Oregonaut said it.

But since I've sneaked into the treehouse, I might as well say that I agree re: no neckbeards. They just look untidy. And make it difficult to nuzzle the hollow between the neck and the jaw properly.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby ArgonV » Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:17 pm UTC

baard.png


So how about my beard? Not neckbearded hobo-ish, right?
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby roband » Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:21 pm UTC

Looks good to me. I'm about to get rid of mine :(
Going away for the weekend, so want to be presentable and such.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby doogly » Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:18 pm UTC

Your beard is APPROVED.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:11 am UTC

ArgonV wrote:
baard.png


So how about my beard? Not neckbearded hobo-ish, right?
I see nothing objectionable here. The line on the neck is clearly defined.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby roband » Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:21 am UTC

Boy thread - finally something serious that you can be useful for. A really support group.

Spoiler:
Earlier, I went to stroke my beard contemplatively. But it's gone. I... I.. forgot :(
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby ArgonV » Wed Jan 25, 2012 11:14 am UTC

roband wrote:Boy thread - finally something serious that you can be useful for. A really support group.

Spoiler:
Earlier, I went to stroke my beard contemplatively. But it's gone. I... I.. forgot :(

Spoiler:
Aww, that sucks man. But I don't get it, you can look presentable with a beard. As far as I'm concerned anyway.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby roband » Wed Jan 25, 2012 11:29 am UTC

Naw, I talk up my beard, but it's very scrappy. I enjoy it though.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Kick » Wed Jan 25, 2012 7:08 pm UTC

My beard is no more.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby I Am Raven » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:10 pm UTC

Spoilered for genitalia and awkwardness.

Spoiler:
Since about 10 months I've got this eczema on my Adductores and upwards (up to half an inch of my scrotum). At first I was like "STD! :( " but then I realised I hadn't had any unprotected sex whatsoever, ever. Sometimes it itches REALLY bad, to the point where I scratch the skin off of it, and sometimes it's just a minor nuisance. I use a cream that is supposed to "relax and sooth" the skin, but it hasn't been helping.
(Girls, somehow, haven't noticed anything about it when having sex [safe, I assure you], but it still looks... suspicious.)
As a child I used to have the exact same thing on the inside of my elbows and knees, but because the area around my genitalia is so warm and the skin is constantly rubbing, it just doesn't go away by not scratching it.
I'm somewhat ashamed to go see a doctor (for obvious reasons), and like I said before, it can't be an STD (can it?). Do you guys have any idea what it might be, heard/knows about similar things, or has any advice? (Apart from "Go see a doctor." Which I will, but not unless I absolutely have to.)


I have absolutely no idea where to put this except here.*


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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:18 pm UTC

Yes, it could be. Go see a doctor. I assure you, not twenty minutes before the Doctor was having to deal with some condition far more embarrassing than whatever you have. 's why they take so long to get to you. They talk to a patient, remain calm and professional and deal with it, and then they have to go stand in a quite hallway for a half hour muttering "Jesus Christ.. They.. with.. because... a spiral cut ham?! Why?"
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Izawwlgood » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:32 pm UTC

Second what ST said. Nothing you can show a doctor will phase them. If it does, my guess is it'll be more of a 'Oh, huh, I wouldn't have thought of putting one of those in there, but alright".

I had a physical once 3-4 days after shaving myself bald as a gag with my girlfriend at the time. I thought this would be a bit awkward, dropping shorts in front of a 60 year old GP, but he just chuckled and said "Oh, that's back in style?"

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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby semicharmed » Thu Jan 26, 2012 7:09 pm UTC

Two of my SOs friends are emergency room residents, annnnd weird rash would barely even qualify in the stories they can tell.

Also, once, I rode my bike through not-quite-set asphalt while on my way to see a gyno and only when the Dr said something did I notice I had flecks of asphalt alllllll up and down my legs.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby I Am Raven » Thu Jan 26, 2012 7:32 pm UTC

Huh... okay. I hadn't thought about it that way. :)
Now all I have to do is find a doctor. (My general practitioner is pretty close with both my parents, and my brother and his son go to the same school.. And even though doctors have confidentiality, it would just feel weird if I saw him when I'm picking him up, or dropping him off.)

Thanks guys. :)
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:49 pm UTC

Have you got a Planned Parenthood or something similar near you? This is exactly what sexual health clinics are for.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Shro » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:19 pm UTC

Question for the Boy Thread about something you may not have thought of: Since mustaches are usually the first facial hair to come in, when you're trying to grow beard, does the rate of the mustache growth and rest of the beard growth differ? Does this vary during certain ages, as beard growth seems to have a propensity to grow in faster as males age?

Please limit respondents to those with first hand knowledge of beard vs. mustache growth. Thank you.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby pseudoidiot » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:24 pm UTC

I have a hard time remembering, honestly, but I don't think I ever thought any part of my facial hair came in faster than the other. I've gone with a full beard, only goatee, only mustache, and now my standard mustache+goatee.

The only variation I really notice is just length & density. While I've got a good 3 or 4 inches out of my goatee and it's fairly thick, my mustache doesn't come in near as thick or grow as long.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:31 pm UTC

Shro wrote:Question for the Boy Thread about something you may not have thought of: Since mustaches are usually the first facial hair to come in, when you're trying to grow beard, does the rate of the mustache growth and rest of the beard growth differ? Does this vary during certain ages, as beard growth seems to have a propensity to grow in faster as males age?

Please limit respondents to those with first hand knowledge of beard vs. mustache growth. Thank you.
I'm not entirely certain I understand precisely what you're saying, so I'm just going to answer all the interpretations I can come up with for it.


On my face, at least, facial hair is facial hair. It all seems to grow at the same rate. That said, the mustache tends to look better and more "done" earlier, even though the individual hairs are the same length. I am.. not entirely certain if my beard has a longer length than my mustache, as I often trim my mustache (particularly directly above my upper lip) so I don't basically eat my mustache/pinch the fuck out of myself while eating. That's.. pretty much how I know it's past time to trim - when my mustache catches on something and it feels like I damn near rip my face off. I still have no idea how the hell something like, say, bread and my facial hair can have so much friction. It's probably hilarious to watch.


Now, as for the beginnings of ST's face fuzz... From what I recall of my teen years, throughout puberty and post-puberty, it started mostly towards the outside ends of the mustache and filled inward towards .. I forget what that dip right under the nose is... as well as random bits on the chin and the sideburn area extending down to the end of the jawline in random bits.

The lower jawline and cheek area filled in mostly randomly, with the concentration being on the lower jawline to where it was finished at roughly 19-20, and I wouldn't say my cheeks were done until.. 24? 26? Somewhere in there.

As a result, I could grow a goatee and long sideburns before I could grow any sort of beard, and a relatively thin box beard before a full one would work.

Basically, the top images on this image from right to left, over the span of about .. 7ish years (17-18 to 24-26?). I also had a gap between my cheeks and my mouth (Kinda illustrated by David Beckham here) that's gotten smaller and smaller and is now almost completely gone. The gap in the middle of my mustache, however, refuses to fill in much more than it has.

...

I really need to scan in some of those images of me from late High School/Early Post High School era so I can basically make a Facial Hair Timeline.

Anyway, I think I answered your question somewhere in there.
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Re: Boy Thread: All Roads Got Back

Postby Jacque » Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:17 am UTC

With me, mustache area came in slowly, and seemingly at the same time. Though I really can't remember for sure as I shaved every day – or close to – back then. Sideburns definitely came in early and strong, age 16 I think. Then chin area, bottom of chin then more towards the lip over time. Grew out a goatee, age 18 or 19. Cheeks came in slowly. For years I just trimmed everything down to stubble every few days instead of shaving. Eventually around 22-23 I was able grow it out pretty well and thick to boot. Still have a small bit of gap between the mustache and cheeks from just below the corners of my mouth, but for the last 2 years now the mustache connects to the chin area. I expect that gap to completely fill in by my 30s.

For the other question, personally I've never noticed any one part of my facial hair growing much faster than any other part. I mean, sure, when I first started sprouting facial hair, the bits that came in well came in thicker than the other areas, as they would, but not necessarily any faster.
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