[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:32 pm UTC

My girlfriend is pretty awesome. She visited last week and ended up making me buy a whole new set of work clothes (ok, a shirt and pants) and some makeup. I got the powdered stuff and it works well, so thanks a ton Pod. Your suggestion was really awesome. A bit of concealer for red spots blended in with a bit of "normal" concealer for a start with powdered stuff over it (as well as everywhere else) works super nicely.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ChimeraMica » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:29 pm UTC

Thank you Monika. Sorry for the late reply but I've been getting settled in with Nexan. As for the therapist trans thing, I do think she's right in that it's basically impossible for me to climb the ladder in Carson City, even if it would be possible on paper, in practice there's a lot of bureaucracy and byass in the system there. Without a trans clinic I doubt anyone would trust you. Even fairly progressive people are transphobic, and in my experience, it seems to manifest as having too much caution to the point where they'll just say "wait five years." (My dad. If you don't already know, we're not on good terms.) I would expect more from the medical community, but my therapist is an insider, and as progressive as they come. She's from Scandinavia, Sweden to be exact, so the culture here is shocking to her. XD
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:56 am UTC

My internship briefing basically consisted of "go out and get work!"

So, uh. Does anyone know anyone in the greater Denver, Colorado area who might need a tech person?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Vaniver » Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:27 am UTC

Brace wrote:My internship briefing basically consisted of "go out and get work!"

So, uh. Does anyone know anyone in the greater Denver, Colorado area who might need a tech person?
Hm. Professors may know people, and hopefully someone in your department has a list of recent alums who could be the foot in the door to an internship.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby podbaydoor » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:03 pm UTC

Shivahn wrote:My girlfriend is pretty awesome. She visited last week and ended up making me buy a whole new set of work clothes (ok, a shirt and pants) and some makeup. I got the powdered stuff and it works well, so thanks a ton Pod. Your suggestion was really awesome. A bit of concealer for red spots blended in with a bit of "normal" concealer for a start with powdered stuff over it (as well as everywhere else) works super nicely.

That's awesome! I'm experimenting with my powder stuff too, and I just can't get over how easy it is. I don't have to deal with blending at all. And it's so light, I forget I'm wearing it. What brand did you get? So far I've been using Physician's Formula.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:32 pm UTC

My OSx86/Windows 7/Linux Mint 12 triple-boot laptop is finished and fully functional. Now I'm going to spend the rest of the evening configuring the different operating systems and installing things though >_<
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:52 pm UTC

Sounds like fun :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sat Jan 21, 2012 3:20 am UTC

After playing with it for a bit, I'm not sure I understand the appeal of OSX. It's just like any other *nix system, complete with all the idiosyncrasies, but with like 15 pounds of makeup caked on.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Maelstrom. » Sat Jan 21, 2012 5:36 am UTC

Brace wrote:After playing with it for a bit, I'm not sure I understand the appeal of OSX. It's just like any other *nix system, complete with all the idiosyncrasies, but with like 15 pounds of makeup caked on.

Its pretty, everything works excellently out of the box*, it works amazingly with your devices^, and does everything you want it to do

* Assuming you only ever want to use the one set of hardware
^ Assuming you only ever want to use Apple products
Assuming you only ever want to do things that Apple wants you to do
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PM 2Ring » Sat Jan 21, 2012 2:02 pm UTC

Maelstrom. wrote:
Brace wrote:After playing with it for a bit, I'm not sure I understand the appeal of OSX. It's just like any other *nix system, complete with all the idiosyncrasies, but with like 15 pounds of makeup caked on.

Its pretty, everything works excellently out of the box*, it works amazingly with your devices^, and does everything you want it to do

* Assuming you only ever want to use the one set of hardware
^ Assuming you only ever want to use Apple products
Assuming you only ever want to do things that Apple wants you to do


* giggles *

Brace, you might like to throw Puppy Linux onto that machine, or at least onto a CD or a spare old USB drive. It's only around 128MB, so it doesn't take up much space and it comes in handy as a rescue OS. Because it's so tiny it can run totally from a RAM disk, making it rather fast. It's a bit bare-bones compared to a full-featured distro like Mint, but that can be an advantage since you don't get overwhelmed by a bunch of cruft; I guess you could say it's the opposite of the "15 pounds of makeup" philosophy of OSX.
I don't use Puppy that much (my main distro is Mepis 11), but I like its no-nonsense approach and find it handy for CD ripping and disk burning. And Puppy on a USB (with dd_rescue and Testdisk added) helped me rescue most of my stuff when my old main HD started dying.

Anyway, this is getting rather off-topic... :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sambot5 » Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:09 am UTC

I used to be a pretty heavy 'buntu user (before everything went to crap in the past couple of releases) but now OSX runs on my main machine. Sure, it's not perfect and you could get equivalent software on most windows and 'nix boxes, but it does everything I want it to do. Plus hardware-wise, my macbook is solidly built. I've (unfortunately) dropped my compy a couple of times and I haven't noticed any harm.

I guess it really just comes down to personal preference.

(sorry for continuing off-topic, but I just wanted to add my two cents)

In other news, I've been slowly getting over my fear of rejection and started talking to this guy I have a crush on. The problem is, whenever I talk to him in school I'm always too verbose and I end up saying stupid things that make no sense. *sigh*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Mon Jan 23, 2012 4:44 am UTC

podbaydoor wrote:
Shivahn wrote:My girlfriend is pretty awesome. She visited last week and ended up making me buy a whole new set of work clothes (ok, a shirt and pants) and some makeup. I got the powdered stuff and it works well, so thanks a ton Pod. Your suggestion was really awesome. A bit of concealer for red spots blended in with a bit of "normal" concealer for a start with powdered stuff over it (as well as everywhere else) works super nicely.

That's awesome! I'm experimenting with my powder stuff too, and I just can't get over how easy it is. I don't have to deal with blending at all. And it's so light, I forget I'm wearing it. What brand did you get? So far I've been using Physician's Formula.

Uhh... It's L'oreal mineral something or other, I think. It's really nice, though I think I might need to get something else to help with it - I'm rather pinkish and it sort of desaturates me :P

It is really nice though, and I'm having a lot of fun with it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:09 pm UTC

Monika wrote:I managed to go to the Rainbow Lunch at work. It's every Monday. I tried before but failed because I did not recognize which people hanging around the canteen entrance might be the queer folk.
I am still nervous about this. I imagine the other people (not so many, about 6 people come to each lunch) are probably all gay or lesbian (well actually all gay as they are all men) and not bi, even though I have no evidence for this. So what will they think about the fact that I am married to a man? Or that I am poly?

Today during the Rainbow Lunch I took the opportunity to mention that I have a husband and a girlfriend. It went reasonably well.

It started with one of the guys telling another one that colleagues had been talking about him (because they needed to get him a present because he was going to change the department), realized they know not much, and wondered if he has a girlfriend. Much laughter ensued. That guy was also pretty surprised as he had not been keeping his boyfriend a secret at all.
The difficulty in German is that there are no words for girlfriend and boyfriend (however, like almost all words, the word for friend is gendered: Freund for male friends, Freundin for female friends). The way this is usually handled is to say "my/your/his/her friend" to indicate an intimate friend, so what would be called boyfriend or girlfriend in English. When meaning a non-intimate friend one would usually say "a friend of mine/yours/his/hers". However, this is not a definite rule. One could refer to a non-intimate friend with "my friend", too. Just when the gender of this person is opposite to yours people will assume you are dating ... and apparently if the two of you are the same gender they will assume you are not :P . The guys called it "hetero deafness". :lol:

Then the topic went to how to express "boyfriend" to make it clear to heteros, too. E.g. one of them says "mein Mann", which would mean both "my man" and "my husband".
So I took the chance to say: I am married to a man and I have a girlfriend, and it would be difficult to communicate this to someone who is not polyamorous and does not have the same vocabulary like "primary" and "secondary relationship".
So the guy right to me says (and laughts): Hey, there are words for this, e.g. "cheating" (there is a word in German that literally means "side-jump" and is not quite as negative as "cheating" is in English). He said something else along the line, but I forgot what it was, or maybe it was "open relationship".
I tell him it's not cheating, my husband knows I have a girlfriend and he is completely okay with this.
The guy to my left asks how this works, how do they get along? I tell him they haven't met, yet, but they might eventually, if they decide so. And I mention she has a husband, too.
The guy to the right says now (and still laughs): Oh, Swinging! I tell him no, that's something completely different, because we don't meet together.
Others ask other question: "But how does this work? How do you arrange the time?" I tell him I don't see my girlfriend very often, only once or twice a month and in some months not at all; but that other people might see their secondary partners more often.
Now the guy to the right who had been joking tells he is in an open relationship. That faithfulness (Treue) got a completely different meaning for him since then. He would never leave his boyfriend, they will spend their life together. But originally he went and met other guys alone and now they often do it together and have fun.
Now the a bit older man who calls his boyfriend (they are not legally "partnered") his man/husband says this would not be for him (neither open relationship nor polyamour).
This time there is also another woman finally and she says for her this would not work either, but right now it doesn't matter because she is single anyway.

BTW the woman is the one who I re-met at the LGBT event in October, who was my student at university while I was a teaching assistant (I think that position would be called teaching assistant in English, but I am not completely sure ... something that can be done by undergrads, too.) And we have to wear name tags now (since last April). So she noticed my changed last name. She commented on this later, that she had been wondering how come. However, not just in an (opposite-gender) marriages it is possible to adopt the partner's last name, this is also possible in (same-gender) "registered partnerships". But it was good I happened to mention it before, otherwise she would have asked later.

So all in all it went quite well and I am happy about it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:53 pm UTC

That's a very interesting story, Monika.
The sole concept of Rainbow Lunch seems fun, actually :)
Is this something popular in Germany, or just at your workplace?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Jan 24, 2012 12:20 pm UTC

I am not sure. One of the guys there is active in the core LGBT group at my workplace. He says other workplaces (e.g. Deutsche Bank) are much better in terms of diversity in general and LGBT specifically, especially that they also invest money and not just say how great diversity is.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Tue Jan 24, 2012 3:13 pm UTC

Wow, that's great. :!:
Spoiler:
Where I live (Serbia), it's still OK to talk about how lgbt people are "sick" etc. :( :roll:
Even the capital city's mayor said some anti-lgbt things, subtly though, adding that he is a "family man who believes in traditional values" or some similar bullshit, meaning that he believes that only heterosexual relationships are okay.

There were several attempts of having the Gay Pride parade, but, as I recall, only one was NOT cancelled. Every year, young nationalists threaten that they will beat lgbt people and supporters (and that's why they get cancelled).
So, one year, those idiotic bullies made loads of graffiti saying: "We're waiting for you".
Somebody then made stencil graffiti of Batman and Robin with the text: "You're waiting for us?" :lol:
There were many young people thinking differently, believing in promoting gay rights etc, but, unfortunately, there isn't enough of us.

This is, unfortunately, a much sadder story than yours, so I "spoilered" it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Jan 24, 2012 5:02 pm UTC

That sucks :( . I hope Serbia will enter the 21st century soon, LGBT-wise.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Tue Jan 24, 2012 9:19 pm UTC

I got my bike! It ended up costing $1600 more than I thought it would after dealer fees and after the insurance quote I was given randomly doubled. So, now I'm in a metric ton of debt and I'm trying to find corners to cut. I'm going to be selling the components of my more expensive computer, foregoing the purchase of new leathers, and eating only food that I already have (and only one meal a day). I hate being in debt, but it looks like if I do these things I'll be ok.

Edit: I love my new bike, even in the blistering cold. It's a lot different than my old cruiser. Much closer to the ground. It feels more like a toy, but it's also a lot more modern at the same time. And I guess I should be fine eating two meals a day, it's just going to mean that I won't be able to pay off as much of the principle as quickly as I wanted, but that's ok. Love will find a way :3
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Jan 25, 2012 2:13 pm UTC

I see, the B in LGBT is for bikesexual :wink: .
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:50 pm UTC

I just came upon this video/article on my tumblr. It's sweet, and a bit sad.

Monika wrote:I see, the B in LGBT is for bikesexual :wink: .

Obviously. And I just love pandas. =P
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Thu Jan 26, 2012 4:56 pm UTC

I got my name changed on my driver's license this morning. Just need to wait 1-2 weeks for the actual card to show up at the new place. So now I have updated social security card and driver's license. Now I'm confused; what name do I file taxes under?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:36 pm UTC

Brace wrote:I got my name changed on my driver's license this morning. Just need to wait 1-2 weeks for the actual card to show up at the new place. So now I have updated social security card and driver's license. Now I'm confused; what name do I file taxes under?

In the "Shit that costs money but you probably need in this one instance" category - ask an Accountant. It'll likely end up being something like filing your taxes under whatever your name used to use because that's what it legally was in 2011, but from now on you'll file it under your name as it's now your name.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Van » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:49 pm UTC

Mine was legally changed smack dab in the middle of the year. I used my legal name and they could :dealwithit:

I'd suggest keeping an eye on your return, 'cause mine was redflagged last year for the legal name not matching the previous year's tax return. Straightening it out took a 5 minute phone call (after the 30 minutes on hold, of course)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Carnildo » Fri Jan 27, 2012 6:23 am UTC

SecondTalon wrote:
Brace wrote:I got my name changed on my driver's license this morning. Just need to wait 1-2 weeks for the actual card to show up at the new place. So now I have updated social security card and driver's license. Now I'm confused; what name do I file taxes under?

In the "Shit that costs money but you probably need in this one instance" category - ask an Accountant. It'll likely end up being something like filing your taxes under whatever your name used to use because that's what it legally was in 2011, but from now on you'll file it under your name as it's now your name.

Slightly over two million people in the United States change their names every year, so I'd be willing to bet there are instructions included with the tax forms on how to deal with it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:25 pm UTC

They are only talking about name changes due to marriage and divorce, but it would make sense that it applies to other name changes, too: http://www.irs.gov/newsroom/article/0,, ... 69,00.html If I understand it correctly if you have already applied for a changed Social Security Card then they are already aware of the new legal name and everything should be okay ... but hey, with taxes it's easy to not understand correctly, so who knows :|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Fri Jan 27, 2012 7:55 pm UTC

Thanks everyone. I went through an online tax thing and it looks like I don't even have to file since I didn't pay income tax this year, on account of not making enough money >_<

Which sucks, because I was hoping that refund would make life easier for me. On the plus side, it's sunny today despite having snowed earlier, so I think I can ride my motorcycle to my friend's birthday, and also I got my Hackbook fully operational after a brief scare where it would only boot in safe mode. Now I have sound, wireless, and everything else working. Only curious thing is, sometimes the internal keyboard isn't recognized when I have to type in my boot passwords, but that's easily remedied by an external keyboard.

More superfluous updating: I passed the pre-screening for a call center job for IBM. If they're willing to do the paperwork and etc necessary for this to fulfill my internship requirements, then I'm taking it. It's $11.50/hr full time, which is huge for me, and would be a tier-2 tech support position. Plus they allegedly have benefits. If they have trans* benefits then I dunno, I may just take a hiatus from school for a few years and get some work experience.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:53 pm UTC

For the record for anyone else who might be in that situation: you file your taxes under whatever name is linked to your social security number. (Any and all employer reporting to the IRS is done via your SSN.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sat Jan 28, 2012 2:37 pm UTC

I should learn to trust my instincts more.

Spoiler:
Went to a birthday party last night, and some guy sits down next to me on the couch in the corner where I'm hiding. Standard smalltalk is exchanged, and the fact I'm trans comes up in response to some question he asks, and so he asks me to explain trans to him. At which point I basically tell him to fuck off (although not in so many words). So he does so, and then I hear from the birthday girl later that I hurt his feelings or some shit, and I figure, ok, maybe I snapped at him. So I manage to smooth things over with him, and then he basically goes right back into "find an explanation mode" with me, telling me he thinks I'm uncomfortable at the party because I'm trans (which would kind of be a "no shit" thing if it even were the whole truth), and then asking me for an explanation again, at which point the conversation basically went like this:

"So you were born a boy. Are you a boy who wants to be a girl?"

"...no"

"You're a girl who wants to be a boy then?"

"no"

"Then what... I don't..."

"I am a girl, right now, just not in the same sense as them" *gestures at a group of women*

"What? No. In what sense are you a girl?"

"Here" *points to head*

"No, that's not right. Biologically you're male. These are biological facts."

"There are other f..."

"You have an adam's apple"

"Yes, but that's immaterial"

"No it's not. What genitals do you have?"

"There's more than jus..."

"What genitals do you have?"

At which point I basically told him off twice as hard as I had initially, saying that he'd come over to ask for an explanation and if he really wanted one then he could shut the fuck up, because I wasn't interested in hearing yet another person explain me to myself. Based on his conduct, body language and etc I think he was autistic, but this was still a frustrating experience. Why do people think that asking me about myself is an appropriate pretext for sharing their opinions about me? Why do people even have opinions about me? They've never even fucking met me, but here they are, trying to act like whatever masturbatory abstractions they've run through in their head regarding transsexuality in general give them the right to collaborate with me (or worse, usurp me) in my self-definition. If you want an explanation, then listen to the explanation. Don't share your own perspective when you talk to me, because by asking in the first place you're pretty tacitly admitting that your perspective is worthless. Or better yet, don't ask me to explain myself, because that's very obvious code for "justify yourself" (hence the interrogation) and I don't go in for that.

:evil:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sat Jan 28, 2012 5:32 pm UTC

There will, unfortunately, always be such hateful people. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that :(
Try to ignore such individuals. Some people just need an object to hate, or at least dislike, the hatred/disliking itself is already there. Surround yourself with supportive people. I believe it's really really rough, but you're stronger than that :wink:
Just "be yourself, no matter what they say" :wink: many people don't have the guts to do that, so they go around hatin' those who do.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Jessica » Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:43 pm UTC

*hugs* for brace.

That fucking sucks. Really fucking sucks. I hope you never have to deal with that douche bag again.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sambot5 » Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:38 pm UTC

[deleted for IRL safety reasons]
Last edited by sambot5 on Sat May 04, 2013 4:22 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:14 am UTC

I don't feel brave. I feel like a neurotic wreck. I'm true to maybe half of myself and the other half I've basically written off. Thanks, though.
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:54 am UTC

*hugs*
Vaniver wrote:Harvard is a hedge fund that runs the most prestigious dating agency in the world, and incidentally employs famous scientists to do research.

afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Brace » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:08 am UTC

*hugs*
"The future is the only kind of property that the masters willingly concede to the slaves" - Albert Camus
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby lucrezaborgia » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:51 am UTC

That guy was a douche! Some people just don't get it.

Wow...I can't believe I just used that line...

*hugs*
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby natashatasha » Sun Jan 29, 2012 9:29 am UTC

Brace wrote:I don't feel brave. I feel like a neurotic wreck. I'm true to maybe half of myself and the other half I've basically written off. Thanks, though.


Bravery isn't walking in confident and walking out unshaken. Bravery is knowing how it will affect you and still summoning the courage to do it anyway. I admire that you even go to parties at all — I know I don't, even when presenting as male.

You're very brave Brace, and don't let anyone, even your own doubts, tell you otherwise. *Hugs supportively*
I am the way into the doleful city. I am the way into eternal grief. I am the way to a forsaken race ... You who enter here, abandon all hope.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sun Jan 29, 2012 3:22 pm UTC

*hugs for Brace*
That sucks - what a dick!
Sometimes one would need a "lmgtfy" in real life.
#xkcd-q on irc.foonetic.net - the LGBTIQQA support channel
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby kinigget » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:59 am UTC

Well hello again everyone. Been a while since I posted here, but I have good news! I've finally figured myself out! I identify as more female than male, but at the same time I want to present as more androgynous. Sexuality wise I lean more towards women than men, but I also don't have any problems with any of the possible genders. I was mostly aware of this before, but now it's pretty much settled. So that's good.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:20 am UTC

Three* cheers for self-knowledge!

* Or as many as you personally feel comfortable with. Taxes not included. See your doctor for more information.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby sambot5 » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:15 am UTC

[deleted for IRL safety reasons]
Last edited by sambot5 on Sat May 04, 2013 4:22 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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