xkcd

by **PM 2Ring** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 8:22 am UTC

Kewangji wrote:When I was fifteen, somewhere in some woods with a couple of friends, the two other guys really wanted the girls to make out with each other. They didn't accept the bargain that if I kissed one of them, two girls would make out with each other. I was sad about this.

Straight guys are funny like that. I guess growing up in an environment where you get the living crap beaten out of you for any symptoms of gayness doesn't help...

by **Ser Pounce-a-lot** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 9:34 am UTC

If you are turning left on a 2 lane road, please do not get all the way into the left lane before starting to turn.
Yes, we really are tech support and not whatever hotel or bank you think you called. No, responding with 'well, this is the number I dialed' won't help.
Touching a 9 volt battery to a rocket motor to prove nothing would happen is a bad idea. (to myself as a kid)
Please do not give the coffee maker a bath, they don't work so well after that.
Sending messages to overweight women on dating sites to say nothing other than 'haha, you're fat!' or something similar, is neither funny or cool. It is rude and insensitive, and makes the rest of us guys look bad.

by **Chen** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:30 pm UTC

Ser Pounce-a-lot wrote:If you are turning left on a 2 lane road, please do not get all the way into the left lane before starting to turn.

I'm going to assume you mean don't go into the oncoming traffic lane (meaning a 2 lane road with each lane going in a different direction), otherwise I'm just confused by this.

by **emceng** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:41 pm UTC

Chen wrote:
Ser Pounce-a-lot wrote:If you are turning left on a 2 lane road, please do not get all the way into the left lane before starting to turn.

I'm going to assume you mean don't go into the oncoming traffic lane (meaning a 2 lane road with each lane going in a different direction), otherwise I'm just confused by this.

I don't have a problem with this, if it is done correctly. Being that I have lived out in the country, this happens. The driver is essentially getting over a lane so that the people behind them can pass without slowing down or swerving in the ditch. Just don't do it when there is oncoming traffic.

by **Ser Pounce-a-lot** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:21 pm UTC

Chen wrote:
Ser Pounce-a-lot wrote:If you are turning left on a 2 lane road, please do not get all the way into the left lane before starting to turn.

I'm going to assume you mean don't go into the oncoming traffic lane (meaning a 2 lane road with each lane going in a different direction), otherwise I'm just confused by this.

Yes, I meant a 2 lane road, as in one lane in each direction.

I understand people do it to try to get out of the way sometimes, but I'm pretty sure that nowhere in drivers education does it say you're allowed to do that. If it's not a busy area and there's no one coming, sure I don't see a huge problem with it.

by **rigwarl** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:19 pm UTC

I actually asked someone about this once- their mentality is that it slows down the people behind them less without affecting the oncoming car (assuming they are far enough). However while they're right in that while the oncoming car won't have to slow down at all to avoid a collision, they assessment is wrong because the oncoming car will probably be confused and terrified and slam their breaks.

by **SecondTalon** » Tue Nov 22, 2011 3:45 pm UTC

emceng wrote:
Chen wrote:
Ser Pounce-a-lot wrote:If you are turning left on a 2 lane road, please do not get all the way into the left lane before starting to turn.

I'm going to assume you mean don't go into the oncoming traffic lane (meaning a 2 lane road with each lane going in a different direction), otherwise I'm just confused by this.

I don't have a problem with this, if it is done correctly. Being that I have lived out in the country, this happens. The driver is essentially getting over a lane so that the people behind them can pass without slowing down or swerving in the ditch. Just don't do it when there is oncoming traffic.

Given the number of times I've nearly head-on'd people doing this shit, I have a big fucking problem with it.

by **Adacore** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:10 am UTC

Oh, traffic violations. How I love Korean public bus drivers. For example...

ISHTST: Don't make a left turn from the far right hand lane of an 8-lane road, through a red light. It's not even like the roads are quiet, there's traffic going across the junction, and the reason you're turning from the far right lane is because the cars in the left turn lanes are waiting at the red light and you had to drive around them.

by **Ser Pounce-a-lot** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:09 am UTC

rigwarl wrote:I actually asked someone about this once- their mentality is that it slows down the people behind them less without affecting the oncoming car (assuming they are far enough). However while they're right in that while the oncoming car won't have to slow down at all to avoid a collision, they assessment is wrong because the oncoming car will probably be confused and terrified and slam their breaks.

My thoughts exactly, any time I see a car in the wrong lane facing my way, I instinctively get a bit confused and cautious.

by **emceng** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 4:47 am UTC

Well yeah, but it's not like you're going to do it when there's an oncoming car anywhere close enough for it to matter. If I see a car in my lane half a mile away, yeah I think about it but I'm not laying on the brakes just yet.

by **SurgicalSteel** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 5:05 am UTC

Yes, but you see, you're a reasonable person who understands that other cars aren't spectres that can't harm you.

by **Ser Pounce-a-lot** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 5:42 am UTC

SurgicalSteel wrote:Yes, but you see, you're a reasonable person who understands that other cars aren't spectres that can't harm you.

OT, but I actually did see a car that was a spectre once. Or at least it sure seemed that way. My gf at the time and I were driving on the freeway in the wee hours of the morning, we saw a red sports car go around a slight curve just ahead of us. When we exited the curve and looked for the car on the nice open stretch of highway ahead of us, it was nowhere to be seen. There were no exits it could have possibly taken either. We turned to each other and said 'did we just see a ghost car?'.

back on topic, ISHTST: A bathroom cleaner that contains ammonia and one that contains bleach do not combine to create a super awesome cleaner. They make Chlorine gas, which will make your lungs feel like they are on fire.

by **BoomFrog** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 7:44 am UTC

Ser Pounce-a-lot wrote:red sports car
nice open stretch of highway

I think I see another answer besides ghosts.

by **Ser Pounce-a-lot** » Wed Nov 23, 2011 8:32 am UTC

Yeah, it's definitely possible they simply sped off. It was just strange, because we weren't that far behind them going around the curve. They may have floored it and gotten out of sight of us.

by **Brickmack** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 1:16 am UTC

"I just saw you sneeze a bunch of germ-filled droplets of mucus and saliva all over that sandwich. I will not eat that" (While trying to convince a rather stupid Subway employee that it would be gross to eat the sandwich he just sneezed on)

"Your screen is not working because it is not plugged in" (To a family member)
)
"Vaguely complaining that your computer isn't working and telling me to hurry up and fix it will not help me fix it faster" (To another family member)

by **Cathy** » Thu Nov 24, 2011 6:01 am UTC

PM 2Ring wrote:
Cathy wrote:Because I am bisexual does not mean that I am obligated to make out with your girlfriend for your amusement.

Spoilsport.

If you were like amie, you could insist that the guy has to make out with another guy for your amusement. Eg, a big cuddly bear type.

Hehe, don't get me wrong, I love kissing girls, it's just the obnoxious arrogance of guys who think bisexuals exist to get them off. (And they REALLY believe it -- don't just think it's funny as a joke)

... and guy/guy actually really get me going. Next time... *plots*

by **MiB24601** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:05 am UTC

If you live in the United States, please remember that there are many, MANY other elected positions besides President of the United States. When the state supreme court releases an opinion that deeply affects elections for state government, I becomes deeply afraid when most people's response upon hearing this is something along the lines of "we have a STATE government?"

by **EvilDuckie** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:06 am UTC

Dead birds do not belong in an office.

by **Meteoric** » Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:39 am UTC

ISHTST, but in southern California, Spanish is not an indecipherable code. Probably half of the people who've gone through the public school system here (not to mention every immigrant or descendant thereof) can at least understand basic sentences. So, no, switching to Spanish won't stop people from hearing you tell your friend an embarrassing secret.

Yet, two of my students thought it was clever to take the conversation into first-year-level Spanish when I walked over. If I were a quicker wit, I would have pointed out in Spanish that I could understand them, but I'm not, so I did it in regular English. They still turned bright red, though.

by **paulisa** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:01 pm UTC

ISHTST: A lowered sidewalk on a corner/crossroad does not indicate a parking space.

Seriously, I think that half the parking-signs and coloured lines on the floor could be done away with if people learned to fucking park sensibly. IE not on the pavement, not within 5m of a crossroad, and definitely not between the crossroad and the zebra-crossing. I don't know why this irritates me so much today but it does. I'm tempted to go out with a hammer tonight.

by **SlyReaper** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:54 pm UTC

Just start handing these out:

by **folkhero** » Sun Jan 29, 2012 8:57 pm UTC

EvilDuckie wrote:Dead birds do not belong in an office.

No more turkey sandwiches?

by **Steax** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:16 am UTC

paulisa wrote:ISHTST: A lowered sidewalk on a corner/crossroad does not indicate a parking space.

Seriously, I think that half the parking-signs and coloured lines on the floor could be done away with if people learned to fucking park sensibly. IE not on the pavement, not within 5m of a crossroad, and definitely not between the crossroad and the zebra-crossing. I don't know why this irritates me so much today but it does. I'm tempted to go out with a hammer tonight.

I've seen cars use zebra crossings as a marker of where to stop so the descending sidewalk leads straight into their door. They do it with aircraft-stopping-to-tentacle precision.

by **RoadieRich** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:23 am UTC

Steax wrote:They do it with aircraft-stopping-to-tentacle precision.

You do know that they either use a tug, or move the tentacle, right?

by **Plasma Man** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:41 pm UTC

Wait, what? Aircraft-stopping-to-tentacle precision? I have absolutely no idea what you're on about, but it sounds awesome. I'm imagining an aircraft carrier with tentacles, plucking the planes out the sky.

ISHTST 1 (going with the cars theme): A light that is amber is your cue to slow down and prepare to stop. Not to floor it and try to beat the light. Also, a red light means stop, not "oh, go on then, just one or two more".

ISHTST 2: If we have made plans for this evening, don't take drugs and pass out.

by **OBrien** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 6:46 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:ISHTST 2: If we have made plans for this evening, don't take drugs and pass out.

Dude, that was the plan!

by **SlyReaper** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:28 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:ISHTST 1 (going with the cars theme): A light that is amber is your cue to slow down and prepare to stop. Not to floor it and try to beat the light. Also, a red light means stop, not "oh, go on then, just one or two more".

Screw that. If I know I can make it before the red, I'm going for it. Especially if I've been stuck in a queue for those lights for ages.

by **Giant Speck** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 9:30 pm UTC

Plasma Man wrote:Wait, what? Aircraft-stopping-to-tentacle precision? I have absolutely no idea what you're on about, but it sounds awesome. I'm imagining an aircraft carrier with tentacles, plucking the planes out the sky.

If you hadn't asked, I would have. I'm still scratching my head.

by **Ubik** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:30 pm UTC

I assumed tentacle was referring to jet bridge, the moving tunnel thingy leading to airplane. Second possibility was flying boom, the thing used to fuel airplanes mid-air. (Links and explanations because I had no idea myself what the terms for those things were, so couldn't assume others have, also the articles have nice pictures.)

by **Gellert1984** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 1:56 pm UTC

Ubik wrote:I assumed tentacle was referring to jet bridge, the moving tunnel thingy leading to airplane. Second possibility was flying boom, the thing used to fuel airplanes mid-air. (Links and explanations because I had no idea myself what the terms for those things were, so couldn't assume others have, also the articles have nice pictures.)

See, I assumed Steax meant the arresting cable on an aircraft carrier that catches the plane on landing and stops it falling off the end of the ship.

by **phlip** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 9:21 pm UTC

Given the context was about lining up the door of the vehicle with the ramp on the footpath, I also assumed they meant the jet bridge.

by **Steax** » Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:25 am UTC

TIL: the thing actually has a name. I forgot who taught me it was called a "tentacle". And yeah, I meant 'jet bridge'.

RoadieRich wrote:
Steax wrote:They do it with aircraft-stopping-to-tentacle precision.

You do know that they either use a tug, or move the tentacle, right?

Yes, but these drivers are so badass that they'd land a plane right in front of the thing if they were airline pilots.

by **eaglewings51** » Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:41 pm UTC

No, I do not love my boyfriend with my spleen.

by **Menacing Spike** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:42 am UTC

eaglewings51 wrote:No, I do not love my boyfriend with my spleen.

Kamasutra - Forbidden Chapters.

by **eaglewings51** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:36 am UTC

Menacing Spike wrote:
eaglewings51 wrote:No, I do not love my boyfriend with my spleen.

Kamasutra - Forbidden Chapters.

I've never read that. The reason I said that was because my sister told me that I did not have a heart, and therefore, I must love my boyfriend with my spleen.

by **Zarq** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:53 am UTC

Why spleen? I can think of several other organs that are way more logical.

by **pseudoidiot** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:58 am UTC

Like appendix.

by **eaglewings51** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:05 am UTC

Zarq wrote:Why spleen? I can think of several other organs that are way more logical.

I think spleen was probably just the first random organ/body part that came to her mind.

by **Magnanimous** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 4:53 am UTC

I love you with all of my hypothalamus.

by **Menacing Spike** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:01 am UTC

eaglewings51 wrote:
Menacing Spike wrote:
eaglewings51 wrote:No, I do not love my boyfriend with my spleen.

Kamasutra - Forbidden Chapters.

I've never read that.

I was just implying it sounded like some arcane and dangerous sexual technique.

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