1011: "Baby Names by Frank Zappa"

[tenkai]

Raptor is a pretty name for a girl.

[pbnjstowell]

GOOMHR! I'm trying to name my kid something stupid too!
(I'm just kidding.)

I have an ancestor a few generations back named Orange... a roommate named Nyla, because her parents were from NY and LA... and another roommate named Sprice, because she was a S(ur)prise.

Also... yes, I read the books-that-must-not-be-named. I thought Renesmee was a really dumb name. At least they start calling her Nessie.

Explanation: Her first name is a mashup between her mom and mominlaw (Renee and Esme), and the middle name, if I recall, was Carlie... a mashup between her dad and dadinlaw's names (Charlie and Carlisle).

[toadpipe]

The funny part is that no one who is able (has a partner/allowed) to breed would have such a fecked up list. But then again, this comment comes from a man named Toadpipe, your mileage may vary.

This comic reminds me of that show "Portlandia" in that it's satire that some people probably don't understand is satire.

[Matt Herdman]

If I may suggest the name "Rhubarbara".

Beautiful, elegant, and for some reason still not quite acceptable.

[Uzh]

Sometimes I'm very glad to live in a country where you have to proove that the name you want to give already exists. And you are forbidden to give a name which can be used to make fun of the child. Plus the gender of the child should surely be recognised from the name. That takes a lot of "Moon Unit", "Renesmee" (although I think by now it's proven that this name already exists), "Drop Table;)'-- Robert" or so out of our area...

Unlike this harsh legislation we have quite a lot of funny names. A actor is called Wolke ("Cloud") http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolke_Hegenbarth. A famous writer from the Twenties called his daughter "Winnetou", a (obviously male) indian Chief in a quite well-known series of books.

By now it's quite researched, whether younger underclass parents tend to give especially strange sounding names (which they usually can't pronounce...). This is called "Chantalism" or "Kevinism" and there was a thesis quite a time ago, that teachers use to give worse marks to children with such names...

I'm still trying to get the fun out of the list... Perhaps I have to wait for explainxkcd.com

[Djehutynakht]

Would it be a legal loophole to give your daughter a copyrighted brand name (like Microsoft) and then try to get around copyright laws with it? (That software is not copying you... I named it after my daughter!)

If not, for stupid names, I'd just make one with a lot of "isha"'s "ay"'s "niq"'s, etc. etc. combined with long strings of vowels and odd consonants (old Gaelic can get interesting)... and then pronounce it nothing like that.

Or just go with something

1. Ancient
2. Obscure
3. Egyptian (Ankhesenaumun, anyone?)

[Sam Knight]

There's actually someone in my course who's named Placid. His surname is also a common first name.
Adjectives as first names usually yields a degree of hilarity
Baby names can be cruel when combined with certain surnames though, like naming your son Jack when you have a surname like Gogh (pronounced Goff).

[TG333]

By now it's quite researched, whether younger underclass parents tend to give especially strange sounding names (which they usually can't pronounce...). This is called "Chantalism" or "Kevinism" and there was a thesis quite a time ago, that teachers use to give worse marks to children with such names...

I remember reading a paper about how those weird names once considered rare or special and that have become more of a diagnosis than a name by now, all those Kevins, Justins, Chantals, Cindys, Mandys and what have you, left a long trace diffusing from the upper classes and so-called-celebs right down to the lower income regions of the population.

edit: Found it: http://www.slate.com/articles/business/ ... ng_up.html

There is a clear pattern at play: Once a name catches on among high-income, highly educated parents, it starts working its way down the socioeconomic ladder. Amber, Heather, and Stephanie started out as high-end names. For every high-end baby given those names, however, another five lower-income girls received those names within 10 years.

[Airbard]

There's actually someone in my course who's named Placid. His surname is also a common first name.
Adjectives as first names usually yields a degree of hilarity
Baby names can be cruel when combined with certain surnames though, like naming your son Jack when you have a surname like Gogh (pronounced Goff).

My surname is pronounced like that and my mother used to go by the nickname of jack(to shorten jacquline). My father wanted to name me fa.

[Mirkwood]

I've got to agree with him on this one. I'm actually a big Twilight fan, but I was simply horrified by Bella going for "Renesmee". It's just so tacky. When the spelling checker puts a squiggly red line under your proposed name, that's a good sign you may need to rethink your choice.

[Chris Dude70]

I know a brother and sister named: Kool and Lyric.

Yup.

And I remember one of my old highschool teachers talking about a student they had whos name, if sounded out, was Bitch, but was technically pronounced bridgete or something.

Currently know a girl named cavannah. Pronounced Savannah.

[Mutex]

There was a homeless guy in my town called "Harry Potter". Perfectly unremarkable name when he was born I expect.

Also, my friend went to school with a "Richard Head". His parents definitely didn't think that one through.

[hifi]

I knew a girl called Portia.

Yes, the idea came from Porsche.

[MartinN]

First, Congratulations, Randall!

Second, I tried all (tm) of them and the only one worth reading was this:
http://www.beprepared.net/

Good luck!

/Martin

[TheEngineer]

Many diseases would make okay names (well, if you were in Ancient Rome)...

Chlamydia, Septicaemia, and so on...

We were going to call our daughter Mimble after the Moomintroll character, but we chickened out and gave that name to the cat instead...

If Goneril was acceptable for Shakespeare to name one of his characters then Syphilia would be fine too.

[TG333]

Uh I forgot MX legend Ronnie Renner named his sons Racer and Rider iirc. How cools that?

[nowhereman]

My older brother's name is Elric. He received that name because my father is a big fan of the Elric series of book (graphic novels, what-have-you). Interestingly, this name nearly got him into a bar fight. I wasn't there, but apparently a drunk thought Elric was pulling one over on him when he told him his name. I somehow think that something was left out of this story. Either that of they have really good booze.

In addition to naming Elric "Elric", my father also tried names for the rest of us. These names include Cthulhu, Yogsothoth, and Nyarlathatep. I am not sure if I should be disappointed that I wasn't named any of the above given my love of H.P. Lovecraft. Then again I was already being made fun of in school...

Only other weird namer is my sister Brittany who cannot pick normal names. Ashleigh (pronounced Ashley) was about to be named "Autumn Divine". We as a family stepped in so as to protect her from a life of future misery and possible stripping.

[Fedechiar]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCdmiZyyGjQ

I think this 1-ups Randall's list

[Bog]

I always thought if I had a daughter either "Eula" or "Felony" would be nice names. Tomandlu had another winner with Chlamydia - so refined!

Presumptive congratulations to Randall and his wife if, indeed, they're forking a new version! Otherwise.... as you were.

[userxp]

I don't get it.

[lambent1]

Some of my favorite baby girl names are:
Shi-thead (dash to denote correct pronunciation)
Julie (but pronounced "Jane")
zljk (pronounced "lilamoozeles)
Darthette
Wassup
"My Name"
Killer

[grythyttan]

For a daughter: Veranda
For a son: Culvert
And Major Major Major is a pretty good one too.

[Atza]

I've had in the back of my mind this idea, that if I have a son, I would name him myname Jr. Knowing that this would be a pretty awful name, but then hopefully he would name a possible grandson of mine myname III, as in the third, and that would be awesome.

Although I have wondered what kind of people actually do this...

[ttnarg]

I don't get it.

The auther of XKCD dose not like twilight so pick a name from the book and call it silly dispite the fact the even charators from the book it self thoght the name a silly and 'a bit of a mouth full'

I have to agree that I would not name my kid anything like 'Renesmee' but it has to be better then having a class 1/2 full of kids name after who ever was at the top of the pop charts 12 years ago which is what you seem to be getting now.


Team Alice
Tnarg

[hawkehunt]

I'd like to see if anyone can do a GOOMHR on this (and I don't mean just "oh yeah I was trying to pick baby names too")

I read this strip while talking to my pregnant wife (due today) about my two pregnant cousins (both due within the month) and making disparaging comments about the Twilight series.

[Andromeda321]

I had a friend in undergrad who insisted that if he ever had a daughter he'd name her "Clitoria."

On the one hand I'm still mildly horrified, on the other curious to see how that would turn out (because if nothing else I figure you should never name a child something you wouldn't feel comfortable shouting at the top of your lungs for a long time from the back porch).

[Mr Q]

Even Renesmee would look fine ahead of much of this list....
http://thingsboganslike.com/a-bogue-by-any-other-name/

[WizardFusion]

But according to comic 910, you already have a name...!
(can't add link) http://xkcd.com/910/

[jumblejumble]

So the joke is, those names are all stupid? Er, genius.

[DoNotFoldSpindleOrMutilate]

hi,
The government of Alberta list all new born names. While the title of the page is the Top Baby Names, inside are links to all of the names. http://www.servicealberta.ca/Alberta_Top_Babies_Names.cfm
http://nameberry.com/nametalk/threads/86894-Top-20-Worst-Baby-Girl-Names-in-Alberta-in-2010-in-my-opinion-anyway! lists some interesting actual names such as:

#20. Kamalakeiimalamalamaiaikanaau, also Aanuoluwatomilehin – These may well be ethnic names. While I respect ethnic names in general, these names look like someone fell asleep with their forehead on the keyboard. I totally understand giving your child a name that has cultural or family history significance, but one should also consider the society in which the child will grow up and how the name will be received in this society. No one will be able to pronounce, much less spell, these poor children’s names. These children will also have a disadvantage on all standardized tests – it’ll take them twenty minutes alone just to fill in their name on those multiple-choice test score sheets!
#19. Y – Here we have the opposite problem. Y is a letter, not a name. It’s a fine letter, it’s just as good a letter as the other 25 letters in the alphabet, but it needs to be followed by some other letters before it can be a name. Y don’t we just add a few of those here to turn Y into a name?
#16. Asma – No child should have a name reminiscent of the name of a disease or other health disorder.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised – one little girl was also named Hermione.

I wonder if Y is named after Abbot and Costello's "Who's On First? " left fielder? Definitely a name that could cause problems if the name holder is drunk.

[Scars Unseen]

And let's not forget that there is now a Dovahkiin getting to second base right about now.

[esc27]

My favorite questionable baby name: Amandalynn. (Seems innocuous till you realize it sounds just like "A mandolin.")

[NoOutlet]

My wife is 28 weeks pregnant and we have a feeling it's a girl. Names like Okra, Bacon and Tofurkey are on the 100+ list of potential names. For boys, we're thinking of Fire as a middle name.

[Dot145]

Ooh, this is cool. Today is my birthday. ...Unfortunately, none of these are my name (obviously) and I'm male. I must admit, however, I was pretty excited when I saw the name of the comic in my RSS ticker.

[radtea]

(old Gaelic can get interesting)...

My ex-wife is a Scot, and while she has many virtues (always marry someone you'll still love and respect after the divorce) naming was a bone of contention between us, fortunately settled in my favour.

She had many suggestions that a) were formed by an unpronouncable series of letters, b) sounded like a cat's snarl to non-Gaelic-familiar ears and c) such that the incomprehensible pronounced form had no discernible relation to the unpronouncable series of letters to anyone only familiar with the Anglo-European phonetic values of the Latin alphabet.

The only one I remember was pronounced something like "Shoanich" (rhymes with "sandwich"). When spelled out I think it started with a "G".

[BAReFOOt]

A friend of mine from former east Germany had a girl in class, that her parents had named… brace yourselves… “Sozialisma”!
The German version of English folks calling their child “Socialisma”, as you probably guessed.

Now old German names generally are pretty horrible, like Brunhilde, Kunigunde or Heidemarie, which all sound like fat women from the middle ages with those large double pointy hats with a veil hanging from them on their heads. But Sozialisma definitely takes the cake!

Poor girl…

[chrth]

I knew a girl called Portia.

Yes, the idea came from Porsche.

Or, you know, Shakespeare

[thesingingaccountant]

When I was a little kid, I knew a pair of sisters whose names were November and December. I've also been friends with a girl named Spring, I've worked with a girl named Summer, and I've known girls named Autumn and Winter.

I swear, my children are going to have normal names. For one thing, childhood and adolescence are difficult enough without adding a weird name to the mix. For another thing, I agree with Andromeda321. Whatever I name my children will be things I'm okay with shouting in any setting, or explaining to the doctor/teacher/minister. I rather like Sophia for a girl.

[ModestMouse]

My wife is having a baby on Friday - Randall has excellent timing!

(I almost gave my first daughter the middle name "Ada")

Congrats!

If it's a girl, you can name her Porsha (after the car)

I also like a-a (Adasha)

[gundog]

I have registered on this forum with the sole intention of publicly stating my intention to name my twin daughters Canderel and Splenda.
Why? 'Cos they're sweet... innit!

Also, I'd like to mention Angusina and Donaldina, two girls I met on a visit to the highlands of Scotland. Without question the two best "Whoops! We were expecting a boy." name's I've ever heard.