1011: "Baby Names by Frank Zappa"

[gjbloom]

If you're having trouble coming up with absurd baby names, babyzoink.com has got you covered, with an endless supply of quality names like:

Arnolda
Ebonstance
Elvada
Beuben
Gwesley
Gigidget
Jodger
Mook

[blazemongr]

The best names always seem to come from the Discworld books in general, and Lancre in particular. Saccharista is one of my favorites.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discworld_characters -- although the best names always belong to minor characters.

[shella]

If you ever want to see the state of names in the US, you need only watch an episode or two of Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC. There was a great post on "name rules" for pageant girls on the TWOP forums but I can't find it just by searching (think instead of an "e" add "eigh" and other random misspellings). There's been girls named Alaska, Paisley, Saryniti, Sparkal Queenz and I could go on but I won't. One of the girls was named Dianely. Most people expected it to be pronounced Diane-lee. Nope. Try it's pronounced Dee-ann-el-lee!

[Mikoto]

...
And Major Major Major is a pretty good one too.

I am ashamed that it took me a few minutes to recognize this.

Off to re-read it, I suppose.

[That Ben]

How about
Salmon Ella
or maybe
T'Spoon?

[Trickster]

I'm at minor risk of violating confidentiality, but the following must be shared...

About ten years ago when I worked for Head Start, one of the children was named "Sativa". "What a funny name," I thought, and wondered why it sounded vaguely familiar. Soon after working there, the other workers privately told me to look in his file, as Sativa was actually his middle name rather than his first name (all of his records were also labeled with his middle name).

Yeah. It's what you think. (Or if not what you think, what you Google.)

Trickster

[neoliminal]

If you're having trouble coming up with absurd baby names, babyzoink.com has got you covered, with an endless supply of quality names like:

Arnolda
Ebonstance
Elvada
Beuben
Gwesley
Gigidget
Jodger
Mook

Sweet, now I can totally name those elvin NPCs from Shadowrun.

[PolakoVoador]

My mother is a teacher in a school where most os students are from the lower social classes, and in Brazil this means lots of weird names (we have close to none regulation/rules regarding naming your child).

The best (or should I say worst?) one was from a student a few years ago: Luft Power (that's the first and midle name, no idea what was his last name).

The name is kind of ridiculous on itself, but in Brazil, it makes even less sense to use such foreignness (using a german and an english word), making it a way too much bizarre name.

[jemtallon]

Does it usually take 2 hours for a post to publish to a thread or was it silently moderated away again? Sometimes I think these boards just don't want new members *sad sigh*

[jjane]

Weird real names I've heard about over the years:

(phonetically)
L'Mon-Gel-O
O-Ron-Gel-O
No-Na-May

Holly Wood
Lolly Pop

My friend went into Starbucks to get a coffee on his work break. They kept calling out the name "Shady Nasty." "Shady Nasty!" "SHADY NASTY!" Nobody was coming to claim their coffee. Until finally, a woman walked up, did the "oh no you di'nt" head bob and said, "MY NAME IS SHA-DYNASTY!"

True story.

[lensman3]

My wife, who teaches 6 grade in the US, had a student once who name was pronounced Or-ran-ge-low. Spelled "Orange Jello"!

[Fire Brns]

There was a thread coviering this in liguistics.

Apeiron's 10 Commandments of Child Naming
...
2) Thou shalt not make up a name. Pick an established non-stupid name. If want to give your child an "ethnic" name, PICK A NAME FROM THAT ETHNICITY. Don't make up something! You might think you're ever so clever or that you're "keepin' it real", but you're ensuring that your child will never be taken seriously (Orangello, DaShawn).
...

At least the de prefix has a french/spanish tradition even if it implies possession. I hate hearing names such as laqueesha or jawanda.

A friend of mine from former east Germany had a girl in class, that her parents had named… brace yourselves… “Sozialisma”!
The German version of English folks calling their child “Socialisma”, as you probably guessed.

Now old German names generally are pretty horrible, like Brunhilde, Kunigunde or Heidemarie, which all sound like fat women from the middle ages with those large double pointy hats with a veil hanging from them on their heads. But Sozialisma definitely takes the cake!

Poor girl…

Look up the russian names acronyme names like VILOR.
It is an acronym Vladimir Ilvich Lenin October Revolution.

And what's with all the Nordic people liking restriction of names?

Recently I have grown fond of chinese nameing customs, it's as simple as: Hello this is my daughter "bueatiful" and my son "luck".

[MathUhhhSaurus]

Oh. It's very easy to come up with dumber names. The only thing is you have to be pregnant. Hormones screw up your opinions on normal sounding names and in the case of my school advisor, t-shirt designs.

Also, one of my biggest pet peeves is alternate spellings of my name, Emily. It really really really bothers me.

My roommate is a 1st grade teacher and she once had a student name Almighty and refused to call him that. I guess she spoke to the mother and the mom agreed to let her call him Al or something.

[GreatLimmick]

One of the worst I've seen in real life is a guy I know who named his son Seven. That's going to get confusing in a few years.

In elementary school, I had a classmate named Richard Dick. By Junior High he was "DickDick", and of course in High School he was "Double Dick".

Dick is an unfortunately surname. But what is wrong with 'Richard'. How does it shorten to dick?

I don't know how, but it's traditionally the case. In his book Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man, Tim Allen mentions that his real name is Tim Allen Dick (his agent urged him to adopt a stage name because, based on his material at the time, he didn't think any audience would believe that was his real name) and he had a paternal uncle named Richard Dick (who was also known as "double Dick).

[Sprokket]

I've always toyed with the thought of naming a girl "Elemenope..."

(that's L-M-N-O-P, if you didn't get it.)

[Karilyn]

GOOMHR

My roommate is pregnant and he was wanting to name his child Goomhr. He doesn't know the baby's sex yet, but was going to name the child Goomhr either way.

[TranquilFury]

So apparently it's a good thing i didn't get the alt text reference.

[PolakoVoador]

And about nicknaming/shortening conventions, russians have some weird ones. While my friend Grigory was nicknamed Grisha (just one letter shorter), I also met two girls named Natalia nicknamed Natasha, wich has the same length as Natalia.

If there is any russian around here that can explain these things, I thank you in advance.

[RebeccaRGB]

Renesmee

I don't know which I should have more of: love of esoteric names¹, or hatred of crappy literature. :/

¹ (that actually sound like names, of course)

[TheCycoONE]

My wife and I agree. Worst possbile name for a girl:

Dome
pronounced "Do me."

Great. Now I have Richard Cheese stuck in my head.
(http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/dome)

[San Fran Sam]

I had a dream once that the most popular girl's baby name for 2009 was "Loch Ness Newark".

I was under the influence of cold medicine at the time...

Would that be Newark, New Jersey or Newark, Delaware or Newark, California?

[SecondTalon]

Looks like we've got a lot of idiot closeted racists in this thread... Funny how that works.

Pro-Tip : If a friend swears this person they know totally has this crazy name, don't believe shit without a birth certificate, drivers license or news article. You look like less of a dumbfuck that way.

Does it usually take 2 hours for a post to publish to a thread or was it silently moderated away again? Sometimes I think these boards just don't want new members *sad sigh*

A 2 hour turnaround time is more than adequate.

Go to General. It's more interesting there.

[pbnjstowell]

The best names always seem to come from the Discworld books in general, and Lancre in particular. Saccharista is one of my favorites... although the best names always belong to minor characters.

My favorites are his troll's names.

[SEE]

These names sound a lot like what my babymama had on her list of possible names for our daughter. I remember "February" was on it

Well? April, May, June, Julie, Augusta . . .

[San Fran Sam]

Although 'Teancum' by itself is a rockin' awesome name.

Two apostrophes would like to disagree with you.

My wife and I are having naming trouble. We have agreed that it must actually be a name... That's all we've got so far.

Oops. I've been writing in Python too often... got used to demarcating predefined strings in single quotes. :3

That is, insofar as it's possible to write in Python "too often".

Speaking of Python, it's pronounced Throat-warbler Mangrove.

[Karilyn]

Actually come to think of it, my girlfriend's middle name is November, and that's pretty strange. Didn't ever occur to me before that it was an odd name. I guess this is one of those "Your milage my vary" things.

[PolakoVoador]

Looks like we've got a lot of idiot closeted racists in this thread... Funny how that works..

inb4: Godwin's Law, probably.

[J.D.KaPow]

I've always toyed with the thought of naming a girl "Elemenope..."

(that's L-M-N-O-P, if you didn't get it.)

See "Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters", by Mark Dunn. I found it amusing.

[dmm]

1) Studies have been done of this phenomenon. It is real, and it occurs most often among the lowest economic class. (My wife went to school with a Female.) Sadly, that demographic really does contain a non-negligible percentage of people who are so ignorant and/or stupid that they do it by accident.
2) Laughing at this isn't inherently racist or regionalist. I agree that it often devolves into those, but there's a reason for that. The sad fact is, poverty in America is concentrated in certain races or regions. Sometimes it's laugh or cry.
3) "And we let these people vote!" That could be a racist/regionalist comment, but it could also simply be frustration that very stupid people are allowed to vote. During the last presidential election in the U.S., I drove an old Italian-American man to the voting booth. My wife, making conversation, asked who he was voting for. (It was the primary.) He answered, "Not the black guy!" That was the extent of his opinion. IMHO, that man was not competent to vote. It certainly frustrates me that people who know nothing about economics, science, history, geography, the issues, or the candidates get the same vote that I get. But, the alternatives are probably worse.

[Neveko]

Let's not forget La-a. The dash isn't silent.

Would you believe that there is even a worse way of spelling this name? I got one.
My sister is a nurse. She witnessed a woman give her new daughter this name: Le'a.
After having so many people "mispronouncing" her daughter's name, the woman screams "It's pronounced 'la-dash-a!'"
B| Seriously still beyond stupid.

[CousinFabian]

I actually know a girl named Emmmily. Her parents did it on purpose in order to help her name stand out on lists.

[SirMustapha]

Looks like we've got a lot of idiot closeted racists in this thread... Funny how that works.

Pro-Tip : If a friend swears this person they know totally has this crazy name, don't believe shit without a birth certificate, drivers license or news article. You look like less of a dumbfuck that way.

Why do you keep reading these threads if you obviously don't like them? You don't see me going around criticising everything I don't like! If you thought those posts were bad, where are YOUR genius posts, huh? huh? huh? DONT FEED THE TROLS, GUYZ

[SirMustapha]

1) Studies have been done of this phenomenon. It is real, and it occurs most often among the lowest economic class.

Yeah, then it's totally true. Studies show that Studies are always right.

2) Laughing at this isn't inherently racist or regionalist.

Indeed. It's just that black is an inherently funny color.

3) "And we let these people vote!" That could be a racist/regionalist comment, but it could also simply be frustration that very stupid people are allowed to vote.

Yeah, because forwarding e-mails with poorly concocted urban myths is a totally smart thing to do.

[Vanst]

Renesmee is pretty terrible, made worse that it's from Twilight. But I think "Blue Ivy" comes pretty close.

[Tomlidich]

am i the only person here who does not get the point of this comic?

[Tulicloure]

There's this movie in which a character changes his name on his false ID to "McLovin". I laughted so hard when he said that.

I've always wanted to name my (future) son Mufasa. Either that or just give him my name with a "II" in the end. =)

Also: http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_the-9-manliest-names-in-world.html

[VectorZero]

I've always toyed with the thought of naming a girl "Elemenope..."

(that's L-M-N-O-P, if you didn't get it.)

For triplets, how about Kay, Elle and Em? Jay's their elder brother.

[Epod]

Couldn't the stick figure couple save a lot of time over the years by agreeing to name all of their children "George Foreman"?

A physician in my family tells a story from their OB/GYN rotation in medical school of a mother who decided to name her impending daughter "Sagittal" (pronounced "sahj-i-TAHL") after seeing a prenatal ultrasound of the child, labeled to show that it was a sagittal view.

[XTCamus]

Looks like we've got a lot of idiot closeted racists in this thread... Funny how that works.

Pro-Tip : If a friend swears this person they know totally has this crazy name, don't believe shit without a birth certificate, drivers license or news article. You look like less of a dumbfuck that way.

Why do you keep reading these threads if you obviously don't like them? You don't see me going around criticising everything I don't like! If you thought those posts were bad, where are YOUR genius posts, huh? huh? huh? DONT FEED THE TROLS, GUYZ

Still laughing about this one, SirMustapha, partly because of the self-referential bit, but mostly because I was shocked at the casual way you ribbed SexyTalon. I thought you couldn't mess with the ones with purple usernames... don't they have magic powers or something? (I just dodged a bullet there as at first I wrote this as " the ones with funny colored names", which in context would have been grossly misinterpreted.) So, does this mean I can finally point that every time I see that dancing cowgirl, my brain threatens to eject my eyeballs right out of my face if I don't look away? Don't destroy me, though! I loved those Snopes links, and now understand better why these dumb stories thrive. Plus, that chopsticks analogy you found is brilliant. Seriously.

[jonbly]

As a colleague's wife was expecting, we naturally, started a pool on arrival date, sex and weight... with our usual rider that anyone nailing all three gets to name the child.

Two girl's names stuck out in particular. And I have to concede, Norbert is a pretty good name for a girl.

But, let's face it, you'd never forget a young lady named Golliwog McConalogue...