xkcd

by **madjo** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:48 am UTC

granted, but the tuna is still alive.

I wish I was awake.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 6:54 pm UTC

Granted. But the floor is now pirannas... ...yup.

I wish I could fall in love. *sigh*

by **someguy12345** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:07 pm UTC

Granted. There is no need to corrupt this one.

I wish I knew why people want to fall in love so much.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:22 pm UTC

Granted. They do it so they can more easily plan the eventual downfall of the free-world! Muaahahahaha.

I wish I was done with work. Forever.

by **Tomlidich** » Tue Jan 31, 2012 9:51 pm UTC

granted. you cannot get a job, become homeless, and starve.

i wish my darn knee would fix itself already.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:54 am UTC

Granted. But to do so it had to borrow irreplacable material from your lungs! ...Now when you breath there is a slight weeze.

I wish I was as funny as xkcd.

by **Magnap** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:29 am UTC

Granted, but the constant request for entertainment burns you out, but people continue to laugh every time you say something.

I wish, that Chewbacca's avatar was really an image of him (so i could deduce that he was Swedish (if you really are, just write your next wish in Swedish (i will have no trouble understanding it (i am Danish (this could be fun (and yes (i have programmed in Lisp recently)))))))

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 7:11 pm UTC

granted, but suddenly you can only speak in swedish now. all the english speaking people now have a hard time understanding you.

i wish for a double ended- electromagnetic heat seeking cattle prod programmed to only poke stupid people.

by **someguy12345** » Wed Feb 01, 2012 8:26 pm UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, we all know that most positions of power are held by stupid people. As a result, the world is plunged into nuclear war as the stupid people try to find out who did that.

I wish that all positions of power were held by smart, competent people, who are not in any way evil, and are able and willing to turn the world into a utopia.

by **Millumi** » Thu Feb 02, 2012 4:34 am UTC

someguy12345 wrote:Granted. Unfortunately, we all know that most positions of power are held by stupid people. As a result, the world is plunged into nuclear war as the stupid people try to find out who did that.

I wish that all positions of power were held by smart, competent people, who are not in any way evil, and are able and willing to turn the world into a utopia.

Granted, some evil and smarter people take over by exploiting their inability to be evil and make the world worse.

I wish Republicans were sane, especially Newt Gingrich.

by **Fire Brns** » Thu Feb 02, 2012 3:10 pm UTC

Granted. Sanity is relatavistic, you become a hardcore republican.

I wish that this was a regular wish thread instead of a corrupt a wish thread.

by **bug sniper** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 1:29 am UTC

Granted, but you have only 3 wishes and can't wish for more wishes now. This thread stagnates. And the wishes we actually do make are written boringly and carefully to prevent loopholes.

I wish my computer was fixed 110%.

by **madjo** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:33 am UTC

Granted, but now your monitor is broken 110%

I wish I had the day off.

by **Fire Brns** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:20 pm UTC

Granted, you are fired.

I wish I didn't get sick

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:55 pm UTC

Granted. You are now dead, and will never get sick again.

I wish my chair was more comfy.

by **Sproukr** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:50 pm UTC

Granted. Your chair has been stolen.

I wish I could think of a good wish.

by **Millumi** » Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:41 am UTC

Granted, your head explodes because it is filled with too many ideas due to the concept of a 'good wish' being subjective.

I wish scientists would come up with a cure for procrastination in lazy people.

by **el_cheato** » Sun Feb 05, 2012 1:16 am UTC

Granted, but they're too busy procrastinating to get around to tell anyone.

I wish the world was run by competent people instead of corrupt assholes.

by **madjo** » Sun Feb 05, 2012 5:28 pm UTC

Granted, but they are all still assholes, and you are still fucked.

I wish I had more money

by **Vohu Manah** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 3:15 am UTC

Granted: The US government switches to the amero, so people give all their useless dollars to you.

I wish for pie.

by **RollingHead** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 3:43 am UTC

Granted, someone just threw one at your face because you live in a cartoon.

I wish for a good grade on tuesday's exam.

by **jendral_hxr** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:42 am UTC

Granted, but you fail in Wednesday-Thursday-Friday's exam

I wish for new road bicyclces

by **madjo** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 11:01 am UTC

Granted, they all have triangular wheels.

I wish the US government would take Dollars again instead of Amero. I want to be able to spend this funny money.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:40 pm UTC

Granted. Though they only take the dollars on a recylcing program to make new NORAmeros. Having approximately 10 million dollars to recycle will net you about 3 NORAmeros.

I wish my seat was more ergonomic.

by **Igidich** » Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:27 am UTC

Granted. Your body is now shaped perfectly to fit in your chair.

I wish I could mimic any sound.

by **Tomlidich** » Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:03 pm UTC

granted. but now anytime you go to a social event, everyone keeps yelling/begging/pleading at you to make noises and such, and noone actually wants to talk to you.

i wish i had a different job.

by **eculc** » Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:58 pm UTC

granted, you are now a crash-test dummy.

I wish I could sleep for the next 8 hours.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:02 am UTC

Granted. You can now sleep for the next 8 hours, but then you must stay awake for the following 72.

I wish I could use the restroom.

by **Zoso1012** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 3:32 am UTC

Granted, however the bathroom is full of people, people who are watching you

I wish people would give me their NORAmeros without me having to do any work.

by **Tomlidich** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:47 pm UTC

granted, but i do not know what that is, so i am not sure what i told everyone to give you. hope you like whatever you got.

i wish i could just fix my knee instantly so i could go run a mile today.

by **Igidich** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:21 pm UTC

Granted. You take out your knee and fix it like magic, but then have no idea how to put it back in.

I wish I had Rachmaninoff's hand span.

by **someguy12345** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 9:38 pm UTC

Granted. Your hands have been sawed off, and Rachmaninoff's dead, decaying hands have been stolen from his grave and sewn onto the stubs where your own hands used to be. Rachmaninoff's ghost is not too happy about that, so he haunts you for all eternity.

I wish I could go back in time, hear Bach performing his own works live, and then return to the present day.

by **Igidich** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:10 am UTC

Granted. You discover the awful truth: Bach was a puppet in the hands of a secret order of serialists.

I wish I could command the heavens.

by **RollingHead** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 4:12 pm UTC

Granted, everyone will criticise your commands day and night and bug you about changing stuff in favour of their personal interests.

I wish for chocolate ice cream.

by **someguy12345** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:16 pm UTC

Granted. A child has just smeared his cone of chocolate ice cream all over you.

I wish I wasn't so socially awkward.

by **Igidich** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:39 pm UTC

Granted. You're a sleazy politician.

I wish were Bertie Wooster.

by **gallifrey** » Fri Feb 10, 2012 9:20 pm UTC

Granted. You are now a fictional character and can no longer have human interaction.

I wish people celebrated Lupercalia instead of Valentine's Day.

by **RollingHead** » Fri Feb 10, 2012 11:57 pm UTC

Granted. They do, but pop culture and commercialism have made equally annoying.

I wish for my bus tomorrow to be on time despite the snowstorm.

Nine Inch Nails Remixes · by **RedBandit** » Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:51 am UTC

Granted! However, the bus flips over in the snow during your journey.

I wish for my legacy to endure forever.

by **CorruptUser** » Sat Feb 11, 2012 5:10 am UTC

Granted, your legacy is hurled into the lonely depths of space where not even sunlight can harm/degrade it.

I wish for a statistics job.

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