xkcd

by **meridian** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 6:16 pm UTC

sophyturtle wrote:
meridian wrote:I have plans tonight, like I may be doing every Tuesday for a while. I am eating dinner with some friends. We will be having pasta. It will be enjoyable. I do not know what this other day is and I refuse to learn.
I did this with her, and it was awesome. Wow good food and so much laughing.
A++
Highly recommend.
Weekend after next?

Kew will still be here. We may be snagging a wild Sandry. You're welcome to eat with us, I just have to figure out what the actual plan is.

by **Cathy** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 6:59 pm UTC

If anyone lives in San Antonio or Houston, Texas, I would love to see some woman thread people in person!

I'm kind of stressing. I'm trying to find an officiant for the wedding barely 3 weeks away and I want to get some sort of under-wedding-dress tummy-holder thing. WTF though, spanx are so expensive. Still need to decide on hair ornaments and necklace. HALP!

I want to either wear my hair up or down but away from my ears because I'm wearing my great-great grandma's earrings. Pictures? Emails? <3 silverravyn9 at gmail.com

by **Virtual_Aardvark** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:22 pm UTC

As far as tummy control you could always go the "bridal lingerie" route. A lot of bridal stores have some pretty nice corsets. Those are also expensive but you may feel less silly spending on a sexy corset rather than a beige monstrosity that you can't even pee in*. There are also cheaper tummy control products out there. Try places like Macys, Target etc..

*Can you tell I hate spanx? I reaalllly hate them.

by **PictureSarah** » Wed Feb 15, 2012 8:44 pm UTC

I have a Spanx-like thing that is actually Maidenform, I got it at Kohl's. It was much cheaper, and it works the same way. Mine has straps, but doesn't cover my chest, so that it doesn't roll down, but I can wear whatever bra I want. I like it. If you have a strapless, dress, though, it wouldn't work.

by **suffer-cait** » Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:11 am UTC

i hear about maidenform much more often.
as for hair i always recommend a half up do for weddings. i feel it is formal but still retains some innocence which is essentially the point of the traditionalwedding look. I would suggest a nice little cinnamon roll bun at the back of your head and the rest draping behind your shoulders. there other more interesting buns you could do too. for a wedding it might be fun to throw an infinity bun for symbolism. an infinity bun is something you want to practise a bit first though, to get it perfect. it depends on a certain length:thickness ratio.

by **DaBigCheez** » Fri Feb 17, 2012 11:31 pm UTC

Cathy - I don't know if this is helpful to you, but if your problem is finding someone qualified to be the officiant (as opposed to 'someone willing to be the officiant', or someone to lend suitable gravitas) the American Marriage Ministries site may be useful, as it allows anyone to become an ordained minister easily, thus allowing friends, family, etc. to be the officiants.

by **lucrezaborgia** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 2:15 am UTC

Depending on how your county and state work, you don't always need an officiant. Some places you can do the deed at the office where you get the license and then the marriage is legal. Then you can have anyone do the ceremony at the wedding. Pretty much any state allows for a notary to oversee a ceremony too.

by **DaBigCheez** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 2:59 am UTC

lucrezaborgia wrote:Depending on how your county and state work, you don't always need an officiant. Some places you can do the deed at the office where you get the license and then the marriage is legal. Then you can have anyone do the ceremony at the wedding. Pretty much any state allows for a notary to oversee a ceremony too.

Right, for the legal side of things county officials/judges/etc. should work - the wedding ceremony has little or nothing to do with the legal wedding (that is, documents). At least in California they also allow the county officials to deputize someone for a day, allowing a person of your choosing to act as officiant, but they charge you some cash for it so AMM is cheaper and arguably easier

by **GraphiteGirl** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 4:44 am UTC

So, I've been posting this all over the place, but I realised it probably belongs here most of all. Does anyone else identify with this?

Pervocracy wrote:I have a dilemma every time I’m in a relationship when this day rolls around.

Part of me thinks: “This is a commercialized, manufactured holiday that celebrates oppressively inflexible gender roles, shames men who don't give the perfect gift and women who don't get the perfect gift, marginalizes queer people, marginalizes the shit of single people and people in closeted relationships, and ought to be completely unnecessary in a relationship where we express our love when and how we feel it rather than the way The Man tells us to. This holiday sucks and as someone who cares about conscious and intentional relationships, I should have no goddamn part of it.”

But a smaller yet deeper part of me feels sad about those words, because they're words that come from a sexual and romantic rebel, yes, but they're also words that come from a Perfect Girlfriend Who Never Wants Anything. (I have battled often with the Perfect Girlfriend Who Never Wants Anything inside me, desperately resisting her threats that I'm just one "can we go out somewhere nice tonight?" away from morphing into the High-Maintenance Girlfriend Who Wants Everything.) That part of me wants to put my foot down and say “I know this is arbitrary, Rowdy*, but sometimes I need you to make small arbitrary gestures to prove you care about me even when I don't make sense.”

by **poxic** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:15 am UTC

Yes. Also, I have a rant (surprise!):

Spoiler:

by **mochafairy** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:22 am UTC

Cathy-
As far as the legalities, you can do what my husband and I did--go to the courthouse to get the marriage license and return a few hours later (because the judges took a long lunch) and have a judge take care of legally wedding you, and then have a family friend play wedding supervisor (AKA officiant).

As far as hair, this is what I did: old wedding photos! Warning: lots of photos! Up towards the top I have my veil, and then towards the bottom we took the veil off so you can see the actual hair. It's just an idea of something to do. The blog is the photographers' blog, so they have lots of weddings and engagement sessions for you to look through as well to get ideas.

As far as tummy things, get something that you're comfortable in. After all, you're going to have to wear it, and if it's a good piece, you can wear it for other occasions. I like the idea of being able to go to the bathroom if you need to and not having to undress in case of a pee emergency.

GraphiteGirl-
I can identify. I like the fact that I'm me whether I'm in my pj's or in plain jeans and a top or decked out strutting my stuff. I think part of my love-hate relationship with V-Day is that I do like the reminders that I'm appreciated and loved, but that the whole idea of making a one day super stress test is sickening. One day isn't going to determine whether or not I'm loved or if I love, and I have to remind myself of that this time of year. I love and I'm loved whether I'm all fancy with my hair perfect out at a restaurant or if I look like I just woke up and I'm playing xbox, or anywhere in between. Sure, sometimes we both need a kick in the butt to do the cuddly mushy gushy lovey stuff, like go out to dinner and a movie, but that's us. I'd much rather spend the night in with my best friend, who so happens to be my SO, and have super awesome cuddle-tickle-giggle-shoot zombie time than have us both be out of our element, awkward and uncomfortable and not enjoying ourselves.
tl;dr: fuck the rest of the world. have a tickle-cuddle match instead or make cookies or whatever you want to do. enjoy being together, and fuck everyone else.

by **Isotope_238** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 4:56 pm UTC

Sometimes I consider what would make me happy in a relationship, but I'm not sure I want a relationship in the first place. I'm trying with varying degrees of success to figure out what I want before worrying about what society or my parents ("Oh, every teenager says that, and it's just a phase. You'll want kids someday.") expect.

by **lanicita** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 2:40 am UTC

GraphiteGirl wrote:So, I've been posting this all over the place, but I realised it probably belongs here most of all. Does anyone else identify with this?

I definitely identify with this. I have always hated V-Day, in or out of a relationship, because I am much more fond of showing love when you have the time and inclination, rather than on a day manufactured for it. I am perfectly happy not celebrating it. But it's easy to see "doesn't like V-Day" as the equivalent of "doesn't care about any romantic things/loving gestures," which would be a great excuse for somebody to never do anything like that for me on any other occasion because they think I won't like it or want it. Hendu knows better and does do small loving things for me sometimes, which is why not really celebrating V-Day works for us. But yes, I can easily see this turning into a problem for people whose partners don't understand why they don't like or celebrate V-Day, or that they could still want things that are traditionally expressed on V-Day.

by **existential_elevator** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 8:31 am UTC

I pretty much had that exact problem with my ex. Sort of.

Nowadays, I'm trying to embrace Valentine's as a gentle reminder to do those things, because it is pretty easy to forget about when you're tied up in money, job and life stress. It should not itself be a big thing, and it should not be the only time of the year when romance happens, but all the time I'm busy as hell and rely on calendar reminders to get anything done, I will accept this as a statutory reminder for romance o'clock, and vow to remember to do romantic things on my own sometimes (even if I have to put them in my calendar too).

by **addams** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 1:26 pm UTC

arcticfox.sq wrote:They sound really useful. The only problem I can see is that even the slender/teen sized tampons hurt a little going in at first... Er... virgin here... I don't really know if I can get anything larger in there right now... Would it help to wait till after I'm sexually active to make the switch? How big are they anyways?

Yeah. You might want to wait. Or; See how small they are, now.

by **Angua** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 1:30 pm UTC

addams wrote:
arcticfox.sq wrote:They sound really useful. The only problem I can see is that even the slender/teen sized tampons hurt a little going in at first... Er... virgin here... I don't really know if I can get anything larger in there right now... Would it help to wait till after I'm sexually active to make the switch? How big are they anyways?

Yeah. You might want to wait. Or; See how small they are, now.

I found the tampax pearl to be easiest to start with, because the plastic inserter made it slide easier. Other people may have different experiences though.

by **Ashlah** » Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:54 pm UTC

I got my wisdom teeth out Friday morning, and they gave me antibiotics to take. I know that they reduce the effectiveness of birth control, so we'll definitely be wrapping it up, but do they decrease all aspects of the pill, or just the baby-preventing part? What I mean is, does anyone know if there a higher chance of breakthrough bleeding while on antibiotics?

by **poxic** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:05 am UTC

I think they cause a higher chance of breakthrough bleeding for everyone, so probably, yes. I don't know how much that is mitigated (if at all) by being on the pill.

by **lanicita** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:37 am UTC

existential_elevator wrote:I pretty much had that exact problem with my ex. Sort of.

Nowadays, I'm trying to embrace Valentine's as a gentle reminder to do those things, because it is pretty easy to forget about when you're tied up in money, job and life stress. It should not itself be a big thing, and it should not be the only time of the year when romance happens, but all the time I'm busy as hell and rely on calendar reminders to get anything done, I will accept this as a statutory reminder for romance o'clock, and vow to remember to do romantic things on my own sometimes (even if I have to put them in my calendar too).

That's a good point! I think I've needed the same reminders when I've been in LDRs, but living with hendu makes it pretty easy to do little things for him pretty often. And yeah... with my ex, I honestly didn't even bother trying to explain my aversion to V-Day. I think he would have had trouble grasping the concept if I did try to explain it to him, and he also loved V-Day so I didn't want to ruin it for him.

by **Cathy** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:10 am UTC

Thanks for the hair advice and everything. Mochafairy, yours looks gorgeous! I think I will do something like that. I just don't think I have enough hair for an eternity bun-- it's barely past my shoulders. I've had long long hair in the past but I tend to go for everyday-easy that super-gorgeous length. This means my hair goes from chin length to bra strap length, CUT, rinse lather repeat.

As for officiants, eff it, we're getting a justice of the peace. All these general non-deminational people just sound too complicated. We're getting a marriage license from San Antonio, driving to Houston for the wedding, and mailing it back before we go off to the honeymoon. (Driving into the sunset, literally. Car trip! Woohoo! No planning, just pick a direction and drive!)

Anybody have advice for changing of names and what's the best time to do it, and how complicated is it, and places to remember to change it? Also, transferring to husband's insurance and phone plan advice? Getting married is a bit topsy turvy. I'm not scared of it or anything, no cold feet, it just seems like a lot of paperwork! Lol!

My dress isn't strapless but it's v neck and the straps are a little off-shoulder so they might not stay in place. Gonna go try on maidenform stuff, they have some slip-type things that look more comfy than the bathing-suit impossible-to-pee-in type. I considered a nice corset, but the hardcore steel stays I'd want would show under the dress.

by **suffer-cait** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:50 am UTC

probable TMI

Spoiler:

by **cephalopod9** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:11 am UTC

Is it out of the ordinary to have kind of bastard PMS after starting on the pill?
I'm pretty sure this is all pretty normal, but I also just want to complain about being queasy, and my nipples hurt, and these new all-of-my-organs cramps suck.

Ashlah wrote:I got my wisdom teeth out Friday morning, and they gave me antibiotics to take. I know that they reduce the effectiveness of birth control, so we'll definitely be wrapping it up, but do they decrease all aspects of the pill, or just the baby-preventing part? What I mean is, does anyone know if there a higher chance of breakthrough bleeding while on antibiotics?

I have a wisdom teeth extraction scheduled Tuesday, which I'm trying not to think about mostly, but it's placebo week (scheduling my first on-the-pill period and a teeth extraction for the same week just seemed like a great idea) so I get to be concerned with breakthrough bleeding while undergoing oral surgery. wouldn't that be a fun story?
Also I am trying to decide if it is better to be well rested, or sleep deprived.

by **mochafairy** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:32 pm UTC

Re: wisdom teeth & antibiotics
Good luck! I had mine out, and I slept for 2 weeks. XD

Oh! If the knockout numbing stuff makes you sick, try some liquid Benadryl. I don't know what it is, but my body goes into "Gee Willikers it's like I have the stomach flu!" mode whenever I get anesthetics, and for some reason, if I don't try the liquid Benadryl, it lasts for a week.

I don't know if antibiotics increase risk of spotting. Sorry I'm no help on this.

Cathy-
As far as changing names, I didn't change mine, although I know I had a year to do it with the "easy paperwork". They tend to make it really easy to change your last name if you're a female getting married, but you can check when you get the license. They should have all the forms there.

As far as switching insurance and everything, get like 5 copies of your marriage certificate. You will need them. Think of everything that has your name on it (SS card, drivers license, passport, insurance cards, car titles, etc.). You'll also want whatever paperwork showing you changed your name, and copies of that as well. The insurance company will probably want to see them. The BMV/DMV/RMV will want to see them. Pretty much everyone will want to see them. It shouldn't be too difficult to get it all changed and be on his insurance. I didn't have any problems with being put on his insurance, but no guarantees for you. Good luck!

Cait-

Spoiler:

by **lucrezaborgia** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:54 pm UTC

I second the multiple copies of the certificate. It's illegal to make photo copies of your certificate, so anyone who will need a copy for legal purposes is going to need a certified copy. Get as many as you need at the same time as the price for copies is cheaper when you order the first time.

Ex. I got married last month and I'm going to be picking up my certificate this Thursday. It's $20 for the first copy and $3 for each additional copy per order. If you come back it's another $20 and then $3 per copy. You don't need to have a separate copy for SSN, driver's license, car title, and bank (double check of course!) as they don't require you actually giving them a copy. Basically anything that you can do in person won't require a copy of your certificate.

Things like life insurance, home insurance, home title, and mortgage will require copies of your certificate.

It didn't cost me anything for changing my name other than a lot of waiting around in lines. Your best bet is to take a day off to do your SSN, bank acct, DL, and car insurance if you have a local agent. You don't have to change your name on everything. Things like cable and internet don't need to be changed as it's not illegal to leave those in your maiden name. Heck, my aunt didn't even change her name on her bank account.

edited to add for cait: It's winter. Are you living in a really dry and cold area? This sometimes has an effect for me ever since moving from Florida to Wisconsin.

by **Plasmic-Turtle** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:43 pm UTC

Cait:

Spoiler:

Late to the V-day topic, but yeh, it's not my thing either. I much prefer anniversaries, as they actually relate to the particular relationship. I've never felt lonely being single on V-Day, and only once received gifts when I was in a relationship. It's just so commercial.

by **cephalopod9** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:22 pm UTC

mochafairy wrote:Oh! If the knockout numbing stuff makes you sick, try some liquid Benadryl. I don't know what it is, but my body goes into "Gee Willikers it's like I have the stomach flu!" mode whenever I get anesthetics, and for some reason, if I don't try the liquid Benadryl, it lasts for a week.

Do you know why this is? I take benadryl tablets for sinus congestion, I haven't heard of it being used for stomach flu.

by **Ashlah** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:53 pm UTC

They gave me an anti-nausea med (Phenergan) to take after my extraction. (Along with an antibiotic and two painkillers). I never felt nauseous, maybe it was the pills, maybe not, but I was very glad. Puking afterwards was a big fear of mine. The anesthesia didn't really affect me much at all (other than the whole being knocked out part). When I came to, I was pretty much completely coherent, which I wasn't expecting.

by **mochafairy** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 10:00 pm UTC

cephalopod9 wrote:
mochafairy wrote:Oh! If the knockout numbing stuff makes you sick, try some liquid Benadryl. I don't know what it is, but my body goes into "Gee Willikers it's like I have the stomach flu!" mode whenever I get anesthetics, and for some reason, if I don't try the liquid Benadryl, it lasts for a week.

Do you know why this is? I take benadryl tablets for sinus congestion, I haven't heard of it being used for stomach flu.

I have no idea why it works. I was just told by my doctor after a week of puking to try it, and it's worked for every time I've had anesthetics since then.

by **PictureSarah** » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:10 pm UTC

Re: Name changes - I didn't change my name, but I know that when we got our marriage license at the county recorder's office, they gave me the paperwork to change my name if I wanted to at the same time as we were doing the paperwork to get the license. Cathy, have you got your license yet? Maybe it works the same way in TX?

by **Cathy** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:08 am UTC

I plan on getting the licence this weekend. I'm going to order, like, 10 copies of the marriage license! One for all the state-side stuff, and then at least one for Switzerland. I'm a citizen, and to have my marriage be recognized there I need to send them bunches of stuff. Husband doesn't get citizenship, but it can make life easier to have all the records agree.

Heck, I'm gonna get a marriage license, name change, driver's license, voter's registration, donor card, social security card, passport, effing everything changed all at once. Seems like the easiest way to do it.

I'm in Texas so any Texas-specific advice is fantastic!

by **bluebambue** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:49 am UTC

Does anyone have any ideas where I could find a dress similar to this?

Film Noir dress (or something close) with a slit up the leg.

I have looked through vintage clothing stores near me, but nothing turned up.

by **GraphiteGirl** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:22 am UTC

pinupgirlclothing.com may have something like that!

by **meridian** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 5:35 am UTC

Spoiler:

by **Apparently Anonymous** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:42 am UTC

I'm thinking of moving on to another form of birth control instead of/in addition to condoms. I guess the pill is the most common one, but the stories of weight gain that I've heard from many are scaring me (I've already got some extra pounds that I'm not too comfortable with, and being an athlete it would really have negative consequences for me to gain any more weight). Anybody got any recommendations/experiences to share?

I also think I came across a chart comparing different contraceptives in this forum a while ago, but couldn't find it again when I did a quick search for it. Anybody remember that one and know where to find it?

by **dragon** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 10:51 am UTC

Apparently Anonymous wrote:I also think I came across a chart comparing different contraceptives in this forum a while ago, but couldn't find it again when I did a quick search for it. Anybody remember that one and know where to find it?

Contraception choices side-by-side comparison chart.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:23 pm UTC

Is anyone on here not going to change their last name when they get married? My boyfriend isn't attatched to his last name, but doesn't want to change his to mine because I have a funny last name. We've thought about changing our last names to something new when we get married.

by **bluebambue** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:44 pm UTC

GraphiteGirl wrote:pinupgirlclothing.com may have something like that!

Thanks! They have some thing that are close, but close isn't good enough to spend $100+

by **Angua** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:32 pm UTC

Anyone watch the latest House? It made me pretty annoyed with all the men are evolutionarily supposed to be manly and aggressive and non-compromising.

grrrrrrrr

by **PictureSarah** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:20 pm UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:Is anyone on here not going to change their last name when they get married? My boyfriend isn't attatched to his last name, but doesn't want to change his to mine because I have a funny last name. We've thought about changing our last names to something new when we get married.

I got married in 2009, and did not change my name. Thus far, it has not been a Big Deal, although a few of my older relatives thought it was weird, and every once in a while, I get mail addressed to Mrs. Sarah Husband'sname.

by **mochafairy** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:32 pm UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:Is anyone on here not going to change their last name when they get married? My boyfriend isn't attatched to his last name, but doesn't want to change his to mine because I have a funny last name. We've thought about changing our last names to something new when we get married.

I did not change my last name. Like PictureSarah, it hasn't really been a problem, but my grandparents refuse to acknolwdge that I didn't change my last name. They continue to mail me things with the name "Mrs. <Mr. Mocha's last name>" and every time I try to explain that I didn't change my last name, they act like it's the biggest scandal EVER, like I've just doomed us all to WWIII, the zombie apocalypse, and the death of the internet (these are probably not the terrible things they have in mind, but this is the scale as seen by me).

My husband and his family are totes cool with it. They're Spanish, so the idea of one person changing their last name to the other person's is really weird to them.

Also, Cait, what Plasmic-Turtle said. I second it!

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