xkcd

by **Sruixan** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 5:01 pm UTC

As your attention gradually drifts away from the placid monotony of my voice, you will become painfully aware of the mismatched nature of your socks.

by **snowyowl** » Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:00 pm UTC

The universe instantly ceased to exist, but apart from that life went on as usual.

by **Sean Quixote** » Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:12 am UTC

Ket May must let Tom pick onion cheese bacon, jal.

by **Radical_Initiator** » Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:31 am UTC

Though Hermann knew it would not be so simple, the kangaroo quietly leapt into the Aston-Martin.

by **Sean Quixote** » Wed Feb 08, 2012 11:59 am UTC

Ambiguous imagery. Dubious assumptions. Sentence fragments...

Could these be the true answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, as ancient astronaut theorists believe?

by **Jave D** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:59 pm UTC

Because of what you did when you were a kid.

by **RollingHead** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:58 pm UTC

"Hi, how are you?"
"I'm eating nuts! xD"
... I just had this conversation and I swear I have no idea what to answer to that...

by **Igidich** » Thu Feb 09, 2012 11:43 pm UTC

Well at least breathe like you like me!

by **Radical_Initiator** » Fri Feb 10, 2012 6:14 pm UTC

That may be, but you can't pop goulash.

by **Col. Mustard** » Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:49 am UTC

That's just slippery enough to work!

by **orangedragonfire** » Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:10 am UTC

They said it was impossible, that I was crazy to try. But behold! I have done it! Weapons of Math Distraction! Tremble in fear!

by **Col. Mustard** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 7:53 am UTC

I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an early retirement. TO THE KNEE

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Feb 21, 2012 8:45 am UTC

And so it became clear that showdowns were a thing of the past. A new form of entertainment evolved... showups!

by **thorgold** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:12 am UTC

You may be a showup champion, but I...

I have Post-It notes.

by **Sean Quixote** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 5:15 am UTC

Chicken noodle soup, with a soda on the side.

by **thorgold** » Wed Feb 22, 2012 1:07 pm UTC

I'm not your guinea pig! You don't own me!

by **Sean Quixote** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:10 am UTC

I'm not your buddy, guy!

by **userxp** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:31 pm UTC

Nonsense. Modern science has conclusively proved that 5 out of 10 people are half of them.

by **Felstaff** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 5:25 pm UTC

You can't unsee it, once you realise the Nike 'swoosh' logo is really just a beard of a very pointy-chinned man in profile.

by **shirosuzume** » Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:02 pm UTC

We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.

by **Jave D** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 4:31 am UTC

I like the bread.

by **t1mm01994** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 9:05 am UTC

The fish of crumbs is too damn high!

by **Dthen** » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:15 pm UTC

Did that check out okay?

by **Felstaff** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:17 pm UTC

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_sounds/lb/wolfnipl.wav

by **darknut** » Tue Mar 20, 2012 8:04 am UTC

and the what happened

by **farnsworth** » Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:19 am UTC

I don't care how many elephants are carrying bananas; I love you no matter what.

by **orangedragonfire** » Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:01 pm UTC

But then the elephants lost the bananas, aaaaaand... GOAL! CHECK! UNO! SCORE! MATCH! GAME! POINT! YATZY!

by **LOLBeth** » Mon Apr 02, 2012 11:04 pm UTC

And they all lived happily ever after.

by **The Scyphozoa** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:10 pm UTC

"So no one told you life was gonna be this gaaaaay..." *clap clap clap clap*

by **orangedragonfire** » Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:02 pm UTC

dun Dun DUN!

by **Jave D** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 5:07 am UTC

They may take our lives, but they can never take... our Independence Day!

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:54 pm UTC

Except that they did; and now we have nothing.

by **Whelan** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 3:33 pm UTC

Gosh-darned boobies.

by **LOLBeth** » Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:24 pm UTC

The prequel was actually an improvement.

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:53 pm UTC

And suddenly, there was orangejuice everywhere. Oh, the things I have seen that day! The horrors! The oranges! The juice!

by **FCN** » Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:39 pm UTC

Two, Four, Six, Eight
Everybody Count To Eight
(by twos)

by **Mike Rosoft** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:45 pm UTC

Big bada boom!

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 8:55 pm UTC

And just when we thought we were clear, it all went... not wrong, but right. Horribly, horribly right.

by **darknut** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:01 pm UTC

Utahraptor's got shufflepants

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Apr 13, 2012 9:02 pm UTC

Behold the irony! Its taste is the smell of green.

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