Awesome Teacher Quotes

[benoitowns]

My chemistry teacher says a lot of ridiculous things. So much such that we gave him his own twitter page, which my class inherited from the year before us. http://twitter.com/VanDerWaalrus
Some of my favorites:
I like to think of a block of cheese. Imagine a cheese block that..actually this is a terrible example. Forget I said anything kids.
Lewis dot structures should be shooting out of your fingers like projectile vomit by now.
I want to create a suspension of Lego's and...whiskey.

[mathgeek17]

I have a lot from my chemistry class. These are the only ones I can remember off the top of my head:
"During Beta emission, a neutron decays and leaves behind a proton and an electron. That electron doesn't like to be in the nucleus and flies out as fast as possible, like this..." She then proceeded to run around the room, screaming, and eventually ran into the hall and didn't come back for 20 min.
Kid: What does NRG stand for?
Teacher: Say it again.
Kid: NRG.
Teacher: Say it again.
Kid: NRG.
Teacher: Say it again.
Kid: NR... Wait, I get it.
Every year she also shows a diagram of a boat full of people and ions, called the ion boat. If you know your ions, you're on the ion boat. If you don't know your ions, you could get eaten by the frequency shark (the symbol for frequency looks like a shark's fin, for those of you who don't know). If you really know your ions, you can surf by, like the wave length surfer (the symbol for wavelength is an upside down y and someone drew it into a stick figure once, it's also a pun).

[joshz]

upside down y

You mean lambda? λ

[mathgeek17]

upside down y

You mean lambda? λ

Yes, but not everyone necessarily knows what lambda looks like.

[The Scyphozoa]

And apparently not everybody knows how to use the character map on their computer.

[eSOANEM]

(the symbol for frequency looks like a shark's fin, for those of you who don't know)

This isn't really to do with the quote, but I don't get using nu for frequency. I've always been taught with f which seems far more natural in every way. Of course, you can't get eaten by an f-shark, it looks too ridiculous.

[mathgeek17]

(the symbol for frequency looks like a shark's fin, for those of you who don't know)

This isn't really to do with the quote, but I don't get using nu for frequency. I've always been taught with f which seems far more natural in every way. Of course, you can't get eaten by an f-shark, it looks too ridiculous.

I don't know what to tell you. That's the way my school teaches it.

[Monika]

I was wondering about how the f was supposed to look like a shark fin.

[theknownuniverse]

For some reason, me, my friend, and a couple of our teachers were discussing Peruvian runners. My friend said they were the best in the world; something to do with lung capacity. I retaliated with: "Then how come they've never won the Olympics?" (bad argument, I know, but it was all I could come up with.) my English teacher then replied: "cause peruvians can only run on hilly surfaces. You enter a Peruvian in the Olympics, he runs about five feet before throwing himself at the ground and sobbing"

[Nautilus]

"Their breasts have gotten so large they can't have sex."

[Catmando]

My Chemistry teacher's former students have compiled lists of his quotes. Apparently they're legendary. I only have one memorable one from this year, though. He was talking about particle accelerators and briefly went over the one in Fermilab. His closing comment was, "They recently shut down the Tevatron... ehh, apparently America can't afford science anymore."

[ArchaicHipster]

A friend of mine's English teacher maintains that every weekend, the entirety of the English department and the Maths department go in a maths teacher's transit van to the local beach and engage in naked mud wrestling on the sand. He's quite strange.

[Nautilus]

We made a facebook page to keep track of all of the amusing stuff a science teacher, JP, says.

Samples:
"This is one part per ten blue crazy juice."
"If we were ants, there would be no struggle for existence."
"The government entrusted me with thermite... and the evolutionary tree of fish!"

[a Person]

Yeah, at the end of my GBI lecture there's always a summary slide basically. And this one time:

Das sollten Sie mitnehmen:
|> ...
|> ...
|> ...
|> Bäume

In other words, "What you should take with you: ... trees."

Not intentionally funny, I think, but it mad me laugh anyways.

[videogamesizzle]

My zoology teacher from last year: "If I ever need your help, I'll kill myself." She also told us to look up videos on animal reproduction at home, adding that "It's not porn if it's animals!"

She was interesting.

[TheGrammarBolshevik]

From the first lecture of a course on Kantian ethics:

On a sentimentalist view, I know that torture is wrong like I know that marmite is disgusting. Do you all know what marmite is? It's this horrid British yeast paste — my mother is British — that they invented during the war when they ran out of food and had to start scraping things out of drain pipes. And since then they continue to damage their palates and eat the stuff. Australians have their own version, Vegemite, which is slightly less offensive because it has bits of kangaroo in it. Anyway, if you're ever in Britain you should go and get some of it... well, only you shouldn't. It is not an acquirable taste.

[eaglewings51]

"I just generally hate people."

"Saying 'It was Valentine's Day!' is not an excuse for not getting the assignment done. I don't love anyone. .... Except my wife."

"No, you can't sit down. You just have to stand right here for the rest of the class."

"That is a creepy horse. That's why I never let my kids ride on it. *switches to another image that is the same image only with a different depth of field* Nice horse. *switches back* scare-your-kids horse *switches back* nice horse *switches back* scares your kids." (This was about a merry-go-round horse.)

"No, I didn't bring any Arby's back for my friends. Why should I? My friends don't deserve it."


All by my Photography professor. He's snarky, sarcastic, and generally awesome. My only complaint is that he talks too loud. I usually end up with a headache within half an hour after the class because he talks so loudly.

[Kick]

When frustrated by the majority of our class having trouble with some aspect of database design, our professor lamented out loud "Don't be wrong; be right!"

I thought it was hilarious, possibly due to his thick accent.

[eaglewings51]

"You guys act like I'm just a complete ass."

"If you're really interested in coke cans, well, we need to have a talk."


My photography professor again.

[eaglewings51]

And some more from my illustrious photography professor.

"Call them Jabba the Hutt and tell them to bend over."

"The problem with this country is we're all too fat and lazy."

"We have this thing called a waist ... and it bends!" (These first three were all concerning people yanking the computer toward them to check out what's wrong and thus unplugging stuff or ruining things rather than just leaving it in it's spot and bending over and looking at it.)

"Photographer or terrorist?"

"Those signs that say don't take pictures ... really mean, don't take pictures!"

"Don't do anything illegal for this assignment."

"I'm trying not to be an ass and say the obvious thing, 'well the world is round'."

"And she runs crying out of the room. Damn, not another one." (Thankfully, he was being sarcastic and no one actually did run crying out of the room.)

"This is called try, try, again photography."

"It's a picture of a trashcan. Oh my god! It's a foot!"

"There's the guy sans foot."

"Plant birds? Well that'll be interesting."

"She's going to kill someone at the playground." (About a photograph of a seven year old girl.)

"Kind of looks like a satanic egg carton."

"Children often look quite terrifying."

"Not a great shot unless you're riding the record player."

"Not a good idea unless they want to end up in the hospital."

"Number 2, yes it is vomit inducing to look at."



All of these are from one 1.5 hour class period. Yes, that's my professor and yes, he is my favorite professor of all the ones I've ever had.

[Pingouin7]

Well, that may be, but everyone I've talked to around here calls it soo-doh. And it was still hilarious.

I call it Suh-Doh, because, well, French.

[Odd_nonposter]

Chem prof, at the end of a late night lecture last night.
"Happy Valentine's day. Go watch a porno or something."

Engineering substitute lecturer:
"And MATLAB isn't the only place where misspellings will ruin your life. I was on a city's construction project approval committee, and one proposition came to us with a real doozy. It was the word "public" minus a very important letter. And it was everywhere. I mean, once is understandable, twice is... eh..., but three time is Freudian."

[Puppyclaws]

Statistics prof:

"Don't tell me that you're going to tell me a joke. I'm already regretting hearing your voice."

[eaglewings51]

And some more from my photography professor. All from today's class.

"That's a moose? Oh, it's a moose."

"Do I look that moody all the time?"

"I look kind of creepy."

"Granted, I don't have hips."

"That's when you've got to yell, 'Stop right there, you're beautiful!'"

"Dust usually isn't a sentient being that crawls into your camera."

"Did you take off your lens and sneeze into the sensor?'

"Oh that makes me cry" (talking about spit-polishing a camera sensor)

"Move past the response a ferret would give you, 'Ooh, shiny!'"

"Your chest is wobbly. It's got too much air in it."

[DavidSpencer]

My computer science teacher -

"Reproduction: it's in the genes."

[KrO2]

Statistics professor: Have you seen the Bernoulli distribution in your probability course? The answer is either yes or no.
You kind of either get the joke or you don't.

Actually, I still don't know whether it was a joke or not, but I thought it was funny. (If it quote didn't mean anything to you, the Bernoulli distribution is the "yes or no" distribution with one of only two values, 0 or 1.)

[eaglewings51]

"If any of you say the bad 'F' word, I'm gonna .... Flash, what'd you think I meant?"

"No, Gaby, deal with it. Keaton deals with it."

"Weirdos! How do you know this?"

"It's good to know you're rubbing your head."

"Looks like an MnM got murdered."

"You have some really jiggly books."

My photography professor, yet again.

[Monika]

MnM?

[eaglewings51]

MnM?

Yea, he was describing a picture someone took of splattered paint. It was red and orange and yellow so it didn't even look that much like an mnm. My professor is kind of weird sometimes.

[Monika]

What is an MnM?

[Whelan]

M&M's I believe.

[eaglewings51]

What is an MnM?

M&M's I believe.

Yes, ^^ this is what I meant. Sorry, Monika, I didn't realize that you were asking what one was in your first post otherwise I would have clarified.

[Monika]

Thanks

[eaglewings51]

"Sarcasm is welcome in this class"

"I feel like Vanna White" (my professor is a guy, over weight, and balding)

"Man, you're taking some great drugs for that leg!" (after a girl asked him to clarify something he'd already clarified)

"You'll be laughing when I fail you"

"Significant others - they're stupid"

"I'm not high enough up the food chain to care"

[Meem1029]

After going through a long derivation of some physics thing on the board:

"And the way I just showed you is completely different from the book. I couldn't figure out what the heck they were saying. The answer's the same though, and that's what matters."

[Djehutynakht]

'It's a beard thing. None of you have beards. Beardless freaks." - My Chemistry teacher. Twas funny.

[evonbarrys]

Its very nice post the given teacher quotes are useful for us also provide more information on student teaching resume so it going to be good move.

[eaglewings51]

"Yes, .... yes, .. that's a penis"

[Jupeli]

Thought I'd share a few quotes from lecturers. Most of them are from the same awesome physics professor. I have translated these from Finnish.

• "Nothing is as cunning as an engineer, except for beavers."
• "An engineer has a habit of getting to the right answer one way or another, provided that he knows the answer in advance."
• "The first rule of optics: light travels from left to right."
• "If a force is constant, there's nothing fun about it."
• "There are two schools of thought: one wants to just wave their hands and make interpretations from those signs, others just want to get these calculations done. Regrettably I belong to the group that just wants to calculate." (about a sign error)
• "A quark is the kind of creature that can not move. It is fixed, it has been put to jail. It has been naughty some time!"
• "There are also irreversible thermodynamical reactions. The finest of which is life. It's pretty difficult to go backwards. The system is in equilibrium for a while and then it collapses."
• "When two cars from the same manufacturer collide, it's not a collision, it's a scattering. When they are from different manufacturers, that's a real collision!" (about Coulomb repulsion)
• "Someone shoot the chemists!" (a comment about 1/cm used as a unit for energy)
• "Everyone knows what Pauli spin matrices are, except I and you."
• "A topologist is a sort of person that, when you give him an object made of rubber with a pattern drawn on it, starts wringing it joyfully."
• "Who on Earth would calculate that? Nobody!" (about a 3x3 matrix)
• "How in the name of the devil does the electron know it's being measured? It just knows."
• "If some random person comes to sell you 7 vectors in a bag, how do you know they are linearly independent?"
• "Details are open, this is a developing science and even what we know is partially just guessing." (a way to end the last lecture of Introduction to Nuclear Physics)

[Odilo]

When asked if we could use the first person in our essays: "If you do, I will rip off your arm and beat you to death with it."