xkcd

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:54 am UTC

I must say, I'm very consistent at keeping up-to-date with RTD....when I have an internet connection!!!

>Fuses with Death in order to gain awesome bonuses

by **blademan9999** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:50 am UTC

(I thought it was mentioned that you're not supposed to use attacks that hit everyone, but Meem1029 got given a weapon that could do that, and on a 5. If it was a 7, then maybe...)
(Anyway since I'm fused with Thorgold, how does it work?)
>Kill Meem1029 by hijacking his own new weapon.
(Also Curtis, the Moon has already been destroyed so, yeah...)

by **cemper93** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 6:12 pm UTC

blademan9999 wrote:(Anyway since I'm fused with Thorgold, how does it work?)

Hell, what do I know? You wanted to fuse with him!

blademan9999 wrote:(Also Curtis, the Moon has already been destroyed so, yeah...)

Thanks for the information. I think this wasn't mentioned in the events table.
EDIT: Well, I searched the thread for "moon" and didn't find any information on its destruction. I'll therefore presume it's intact, especially because people were able to get there with Kokojo's last roll.

Rolling. Please stand by.

by **cemper93** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:35 pm UTC

Evengeduld wrote:> Shoot a random target to open a gateway to another reality

Your target roll: 12/19. You picked RalithTheThird!
Your roll: 5 (+1 = 6)
You successfully hit RalithTheThird with your weapon and a giant gateway grows out of his chest! Colours of violet and black and strange shades you have never seen before form an arcane mist through which you can from time to time glance at unseen creatures. Unfortunately, RalithTheThird was on the moon and the gateway starts to eat the whole satellite, endangering everybody in its proximity!

RalithTheThird must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2
The hole in your chest sucks you right into it, hurting you in the process! You get thrown into the different reality, stranded somewhere in space. Around you there is a red-tinted fog, and you don't realize were you are. (wounded for 3 turns) (moved to R3)

eculc must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2
When you see the whirlwind of colors on the horizon, you run as fast as you can, but trip on the uneven ground of the moon, knocking your head on it. When you get up, its already too late. The last thing your feel in this reality is a strong sensation of falling. (wounded for 3 turns) (moved to R3)

QueenArasene wrote:>Stay dead

That's not at all a revival roll.
Your roll: 5
You stay dead. In fact, you stay more than dead; you stay so incredibly dead that you get another -1 to your next revival roll.

orangedragonfire wrote:> Secretly sabotage the super-awesome weapon.

Your roll: 4 (+1 = 5)
Not only are you able to stop the super-awesome weapon from firing, you can in fact steal it! (possesses the super-awesome weapon)

curtis95112 wrote:>Shoot myself to the moon

Your roll: 2 (+1 = 3)
You successfully shoot yourself to the moon, but, you know, it isn't there anymore. You too get lost in reality 3, but at least you stand on steady ground once you get there. Handstand, that is.

Randomizer wrote:> Hide from harm within the invincible chocolate factory.

Your roll: 4
You find a quiet corner in the chocolate factory and start reading a book.

eculc wrote:>melt Meem1029 into a chocloate bar.

Your roll: 4
You're still blind, but you finally learn how to grope your way in this strange place. Stumbling around, you finally feel out something that seems to be a chocolate melter. In a flash of genius you throw it in the direction you came from, sending it on its way towards earth.

Meem1029 must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2
You're strolling around, minding your own business, when suddenly OH MY GOD A FUCKING KETTLE FALLS ON THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD. (wounded for 3 turns)

WarDaft wrote:> I quickly recast my transform-into-chocolate-breathing-dragon-spell to prepare for battle!

Your roll: 2 (+1 = 3)
You instantly start to grow, every single lettuce leave turning into black wings. You intimidate your pet dragon, but when it wants to flee, you go after him and - oops, nothing happens. You have dozens of black wings amd you're really quite huge, but you're still a lettuce. Sorry.

ChewBaccaWacca wrote:>Attempt to locate Death himself to challenge him to a game of chinese-checkers.

Your roll: 2
You play well and are almost able to convince Death to set you free, but then you shy him away by making a witty remark about how the game originates not from China, but from Europe.

BucklesMcStrap wrote:>Fuses with Death in order to gain awesome bonuses

Your roll: 3
When you tell Death that you want to combine with him, he misinterprets that heavily.

Wizard is active!
> Looks out for Phrozt
Its roll: 3
The wizard focuses on its search for Phrozt, making the same mistake as him and forgetting all the mushrooms in the vicinity.

Wizard must roll to dodge!
Its roll: 6
Not only is the wizard able to evade the mushroom by casting a powerful spell, but the spell turns out to be so powerful that all the mushrooms stop floating and crush onto the concrete planet, making it burst! Phrozt and the wizard get separated again and now float on different shards of concrete.

Anti-wizerd army is active!
> Finish mission
Their roll: 3
They decide to wait a little longer before going home.

Tidal waves are active!
There is no moon, so there is no tides. They vanish.

NPCS:

Spoiler:

Realities:

Spoiler:

Events :

Spoiler:

Players table :

Spoiler:

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 8:18 pm UTC

> Run hectically from place to place in order to act normally as both a (fake) chocolate slave and general of the anti-wizerd army without any of them noticing that I lead a double life.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:06 pm UTC

>Attempt to wander around the After Life, seeing what I can see.

by **curtis95112** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:35 am UTC

>Summon a chocolate eating Bathtub

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 3:57 am UTC

I hope Death didn't think I said that I want to "know" him....

>Fuses Death with Chewbaccawacca out of boredom

What can I say...I need someone to play Chinese Checkers with here in the After Life!

by **Evengeduld** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 6:40 am UTC

If the normal people manage to get the chocolate slaves into an alternate reality and seal the gate back do we also win that war this way? and vice versa?

> Investigate the gateway to R3, See if it is safe to pass through.

by **eculc** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:19 pm UTC

>stumble around in the red fog as if I was in a cheap horror movie

by **Randomizer** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:43 pm UTC

> Use the knowledge I gain from the book to construct a melting ray that I can use against the chocolate slaves, which I can fire from within the safety of the factory.

by **Sytri** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:41 pm UTC

> Using magic sends everything chocolaty to R3. (Hopefully this will help trim the fat on my fat guy suit.

)

by **Queen Arasene** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 4:14 pm UTC

>Try to make the Wizard my willing slave, so that I can have him revive me later on.

by **WarDaft** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:01 am UTC

... well I suppose being a giant dragon chocolate iceberg lettuce is a bit of an improvement.

OF COURSE! I've been too selfish, only thinking of myself. I've been totally ignoring my Chocolate Iceberg Lettuce brethren. Silly me.

> Perform a grueling month long dark magic ritual, to raise up iceberg lettuces everywhere into great and terrible dragons of chocolaty doom! Tremble world, TREMBLE!

(One of these times it will work dagnabit.)

by **Meem1029** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:47 pm UTC

Hey! You missed my roll for the last one (it's at the bottom of the last page).

>Takes medical classes to be able to heal chocolate slaves.

by **cemper93** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 4:42 pm UTC

Evengeduld wrote:If the normal people manage to get the chocolate slaves into an alternate reality and seal the gate back do we also win that war this way? and vice versa?

If you can find a way of permanently sealing the gate, I guess that's just as good as putting all of them into the dead world, yes.

Meem1029 wrote:Hey! You missed my roll for the last one (it's at the bottom of the last page).

I missed it because you didn't indicate that it was an action using >. Therefore, I won't correct it.

Rolling. Please stand by.

by **cemper93** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:30 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:> Run hectically from place to place in order to act normally as both a (fake) chocolate slave and general of the anti-wizerd army without any of them noticing that I lead a double life.

Your roll: 3
They don't notice that you lead a double life, but while running around, you trip.

orangedragonfire must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2
Ouch! Are you okay? (wounded for 3 turns)

Chewbaccawacca wrote:>Attempt to wander around the After Life, seeing what I can see.

Your roll: 3
You see a cave wall. It's pretty boring, and you soon get distracted by hot skeleton chicks performing a lapdance. I call rule 34 on this.

curtis95112 wrote:>Summon a chocolate eating Bathtub

Your roll: 6 (+1 = 7)
When your chocolate eating bathtub arrives, the bathtubs of the world start talking. If he can eat chocolate, why can't we eat chocolate as well? Moreover, its him who benefits from all the surplus value we work for! And seriously, those chocolate eaters have a totally different culture than we do. Have your heard that they sacrifice goats at Christmas? The bathtubs arise in anger, willing to destroy everything that eats chocolate. (army of chocolate protecting bathtubs arises) (curtis95112 now owns the last chocolate destroying bathtub)

BucklesMcStrap wrote:>Fuses Death with Chewbaccawacca out of boredom

Your roll: 1
Death has grown so fed up with people trying to fuse with him that he decides to throw them out.

Your are alive! (But you're still in the demonic world.)
Chewbaccawacca is alive!

Evengeduld wrote:> Investigate the gateway to R3, See if it is safe to pass through.

Your roll: 4
On the other side of the gateway you see formations that look like sand dunes. The sand is red, and when the wind blows, red dust takes your view. On the horizon the a black moon sets.

eculc wrote:>stumble around in the red fog as if I was in a cheap horror movie

Your roll: 5
After hours of walking, the sand storm finally stops. After you sat down to take a rest, suddenly a giant worm breaks out of a dune in front of you. It glazes at you, indicating you that you may ride it.

Randomizer wrote:> Use the knowledge I gain from the book to construct a melting ray that I can use against the chocolate slaves, which I can fire from within the safety of the factory.

Your roll: 1
When you test your invention, you accidentially hit a wall and your melting ray gets reflected, causing your melting ray emitter to explode.

Randomizer must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 5
In the seconds before the machine exploded, you realized what mistake you had made. Not only had you time to find safe shelter, but you learned valuable things about engineering. (+1 to engineering/construction related rolls)

Sytri wrote:> Using magic sends everything chocolaty to R3. (Hopefully this will help trim the fat on my fat guy suit. )

Your roll: 2 (+1 = 3)
You instead send all the healthy food to R3. The bathtub army is not amused because it would starve now if bathtubs were to need food.

Queen Arasene wrote:>Try to make the Wizard my willing slave, so that I can have him revive me later on.

Your roll: 2
The wizard is drifting through the strange planes of R2 where you can't find him.

WarDaft wrote:> Perform a grueling month long dark magic ritual, to raise up iceberg lettuces everywhere into great and terrible dragons of chocolaty doom! Tremble world, TREMBLE!

Your roll: 4 (+1 = 5)
Your ritual shows effect! Unfortunately, Sytri did already send all the healthy food to R3, where the lettuce has dried out under the hot sun. The accumulated dark energy therefore lacks direction and collapses into an amulet which will grant you the ability to go to a random reality, but which will get destroyed in the process.

Meem1029 wrote:>Takes medical classes to be able to heal chocolate slaves.

Your roll: 4
You gained significant knowledge on chocolatey anatomy. (+1 to all chocolate healing rolls)

Bathtub capitalist is active!
> Eat random chocolate slave
His roll: 4
The bathtub capitalist picks a random chocolate slave to consume.
Pick roll: 3/5
The bathtub capitalist picked Naultilaus!

Naultilaus must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 1
Quite a good part of your worm chocolate flesh got consumed. (down to 3 HP)

Bathtub mob is active!
> Find factory to burn
Their roll: 4
The bathtub mob strolls around until it finds the invincible factory in the town. They try to set it on fire.

Invincible factory must roll to dodge!
Invincible factories are invincible.
The invincible factory bursts into flames, but doesn't get harmed.

Randomizer must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 5
You extinguish the flames around you using your towel. With all the fire going on, you'd still expect to suffocate, but you soon realize that you're able to breath carbon monoxyde.

NPCS:

Spoiler:

Realities:

Spoiler:

Events :

Spoiler:

Players table :

Spoiler:

by **WarDaft** » Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:49 pm UTC

Oh dear, a chocolate eating bathtub. That can't be good.

And since it seems you won't let me merge my roll bonuses, I'll stop trying.

> Drag the chocolate eating bathtub to the end of the world, and throw it off.

by **curtis95112** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:49 am UTC

>Throw a big rock at Wardaft

by **orangedragonfire** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:08 am UTC

> Include the army of bathtubs in my army of NPCs.

(also, how does the super-awesome weapon work? It says in the description that is fires at the end of the turn. Is that the next turn? Or do I need to activate it first. If so, would I need to roll to activate it?)

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:11 am UTC

>Begins consuming lesser demons to gain demonic bonuses

by **Evengeduld** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:55 am UTC

> Shoot a rocket into R3.

by **cemper93** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:07 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:(also, how does the super-awesome weapon work? It says in the description that is fires at the end of the turn. Is that the next turn? Or do I need to activate it first. If so, would I need to roll to activate it?)

When you use it, you have to roll as normal for this action. "End of turn" means that the shooting of the weapon will be the last action of all players in the turn you do it, whereas normally all actions are sorted by the time they are submitted. This is intended to give the other team a chance to prevent you from shooting it (which I do, by the way, thoroughly recommend).

WarDaft wrote:And since it seems you won't let me merge my roll bonuses, I'll stop trying.

Good idea I suppose. OTOH, I don't really see which other roll bonus (besides +1 on spells) you were supposed to get this turn.

by **eculc** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:40 pm UTC

>ride the giant worm to the gate between R1 and R3

by **Randomizer** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:30 pm UTC

My ultimate swear still wasn't applied. >_>

> Convince the bathtub mob that I am the one true chocolate, and that the chocolate slaves are actually made of carob and therefore should be destroyed.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:56 pm UTC

"I feel refreshed! The effects of a supernatural lapdance, not to mention previously being sexed to death, make me feel like I'm positively irsexresistable!" *strikes a pose, flexing glorious manly muscles, shirt is reduced to shreds, women swoon* "In fact, I feel so alive that I think I shall;"

>ATTEMPT TO BECOME THE MOST SEXY BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

(I tried to make that apparent that I only wanted to do one action. The rest was just fluff, because I've been having lots of fun with the story going on here. Let me know if that's okay.)

by **cemper93** » Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:45 pm UTC

Apparently, I'm really bad at keeping an overview over some things :cry:

Well, anyway, I won't be able to roll again before Monday or, more likely, Wednesday. I therefore pass on the dice to someone who wants it.

> Issue my zombies to jump into the bathtubs, thereby making them realize how bad zombie flesh tastes and how much better eating chocolate would be.

by **WarDaft** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:21 am UTC

OTOH, I don't really see which other roll bonus (besides +1 on spells) you were supposed to get this turn.

Well, grueling, month long dark magic ritual was kind of meant to be endurance related, and quickly recast a speed one, unless the speed/endurance bonus is specifically to walking a long ways or running really fast?

Or was I just too subtle?

by **cemper93** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 11:46 am UTC

That was too subtle for me to get it, but yes, the speed and endurance bonuses are more about physical speed/endurance anyway

But hey, WarDaft, I really appreciate that you volunteer for doing the next roll! :wink:

by **kram2301** » Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:38 pm UTC

> Throw the God of Luck at the God of Random Numbers to spawn game-breaking upgrades for everybody.

by **Queen Arasene** » Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:51 pm UTC

Now let's see...

>Gain more minuses on revival rolls

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Mar 05, 2012 9:38 pm UTC

I will roll in about twelve hours (+-3) if noone object until then.

by **blademan9999** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:07 am UTC

blademan9999 wrote:(I thought it was mentioned that you're not supposed to use attacks that hit everyone, but Meem1029 got given a weapon that could do that, and on a 5. If it was a 7, then maybe...)
(Anyway since I'm fused with Thorgold, how does it work?)
>Kill Meem1029 by hijacking his own new weapon.
(Also Curtis, the Moon has already been destroyed so, yeah...)

You forgot to do this roll!
(also Thorgold, attack the chocolate slaves with anti chocolate, it'll result in 3 +1 bonus's all activating)

>Vaporize Naultilaus with beams of pure awsomeness.

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:11 am UTC

WarDaft wrote:> Drag the chocolate eating bathtub to the end of the world, and throw it off.

Your Roll: 4

Iceberg Lettuce Dragons cannot move. Yet by sheer willpower alone you ignore that fact, and drag the bathtub to the end of the world and throw it off.

curtis95112 wrote:>Throw a big rock at Wardaft

Your roll: 6
+1 (all rolls)
= 7

Enraged at the loss of your dear ally and friend, the chocolate eating bathtub, you attack Wardraft with hunger for revenge and little regard for yourself. With your mighty fists you attempt to punch him to dust; your face being so scary that Wardraft gets -2 to defend himself against curtis95112.

Wardraft must roll to dodge!
Roll: 3
+2 (Wardraft's defences)
-2 (curtis95112 is scary)
= 3

You barely manage to avoid being pushed off the edge of the world.
(-1 to next roll)

BucklesMcStrap wrote:>Begins consuming lesser demons to gain demonic bonuses

Your roll: 4

You being consuming lesser demons, and get part of their power (+1 to evil rolls), but they do not like this. The lesser demons gang up on you, and start attacking you with fiery claws.

BucklesMcStrap must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 3

The fiery claws hurt like hell, but the demons don't manage to do any real damage. Still, the pain makes you loose focus for a moment.
(-1 to next roll)

Evengeduld wrote:> Shoot a rocket into R3.

Your roll: 5

You shoot a remote controlled, highly intelligent and highly dangerous rocket into R3. It is now there under your command, and sends back pictures of what it sees.

(+1 to control rocket)

eculc wrote:>ride the giant worm to the gate between R1 and R3

Your roll: 4

You soon arrive at the gate.

Randomizer wrote:> Convince the bathtub mob that I am the one true chocolate, and that the chocolate slaves are actually made of carob and therefore should be destroyed.

Your roll: 3

You convince the bathtub mob that any chocolate that is moving cannot be true chocolate, and therefore must be destroyed. They decide to start with you, since your are closest.

Randomizer must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2
You are inside the invincible chocolate factory. The invincible chocolate factory is invincible.
= enough

You avoid all damage.

Chewbaccawacca wrote:>ATTEMPT TO BECOME THE MOST SEXY BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!!!

Your roll: 1

Yeah... I don't even want to describe you, since that might cause sanity damage. Point is, you are now UGLY. With a capital U, G, L and Y. Especially the Y, because people go "Why... why.... WHY?" when they seen your. Those that survive, anyway.
(-3 to all social rolls)
(anyone seeing you must roll to dodge because of your looks)

cemper93 wrote:> Issue my zombies to jump into the bathtubs, thereby making them realize how bad zombie flesh tastes and how much better eating chocolate would be.

Your roll: 1
+1 (undead-ish act)
= 2

You are far to lazy to do something as strenuous as giving orders.

kram2301 wrote:> Throw the God of Luck at the God of Random Numbers to spawn game-breaking upgrades for everybody.

Your roll: 6

You throw the God of Luck at the God of Random Numbers, giving everyone super-awesome game-breaking upgrades. You also create the Supergod of Random Lucky Numbers. The supergod is not pleased with you throwing it, nor with gamebreaking upgrades.

Supergod of Random Lucky Numbers wrote:>Remove game-breaking upgrades.

Your Roll: The Supergod of Random Lucky Numbers does not need to roll; it controls all outcomes of all die-rolls.

The game-breaking upgrades are removed so efficiently that they never existed. Next, the Supergod of Random Lucky Numbers turns to teach kram2301 a lesson.

kram2301 must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 1

Turns out that messing with Gods is not a good idea. You are dead.

Queen Arasene wrote:>Gain more minuses on revival rolls

Your roll: 6

You gain so many minuses on revival rolls that their combined weight is enough to collapse, and create a minus-black-hole. The hole sucks in all of your minuses and bonuses, including the next 2 that your will get. After that, it will fade away.

blademan9999 wrote:>Vaporize Naultilaus with beams of pure awsomeness.

Your roll: 4
+1 (rolls against chocolate)
+1 (in huge war-robot)
= 6

You send deadly beams of pure awesomeness against Nautilus, and look so awesome doing it that you attract a fan girl. It will jump in front of all attacks against you, so you don't have to RTD. (until it dies)

Nautilus must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 6

You simply stand there, and stare the awesome beams into submission. They turn around to attack blademan9999.

blademan9999 must roll to dodge!
Fan girl jumps in front of the attack.

Fan girl must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 6

The fan girl looks so cute and innocent that the beams just can't bear to hurt it. They sigh, and once more try to attack Nautilus.

Nautilus must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 2

You did not expect the beams to come back again, so you forgot to defend yourself. You are wounded for 3 turns.

NPCS:

Spoiler:

Realities:

Spoiler:

Events :

Spoiler:

Players table :

Spoiler:

by **Evengeduld** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:53 pm UTC

> Analyze the red fog from R3 (does this include the +1 control rocket because I need it to analyze the fog right?)

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:08 pm UTC

> Attempts to travel all around the underworld/afterlife in hopes that my extreme ugliness will cause the reality of the supernatural to spit me back to the world of the living (in disgust).

*EDIT* Heh, well that didn't work. Ah well.

by **orangedragonfire** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:26 pm UTC

Chewbaccawacca wrote:> Attempts to travel all around the underworld/afterlife in hopes that my extreme ugliness will cause the reality of the supernatural to spit me back to the world of the living (in disgust).

Uhmmm... you are still alive.

by **Queen Arasene** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:53 pm UTC

That worked out better than I thought!

>Reincarnate as a chocolate wraith, to torment Randomizer because he stole my precious, if dead, body (AND the great curse)

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:36 pm UTC

orangedragonfire wrote:
Chewbaccawacca wrote:> Attempts to travel all around the underworld/afterlife in hopes that my extreme ugliness will cause the reality of the supernatural to spit me back to the world of the living (in disgust).

Uhmmm... you are still alive.

Yes, I'm alive though last I checked I was still trapped in the underworld/afterlife?

by **WarDaft** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:11 am UTC

Hmm, a minus roll eh? In THAT case I had better...
> Trip over my own feet.

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