Rules for supervillainy

[Ipsum]

Hi! I'd like to start this post by saying that I in no way condone the use of violence to gain power, so this will stay firmly in the realm of fiction. Now that that's done, I've noticed that in almost every aspect of fiction, comic books and fantasy especially, the villain always makes a dumb mistake that eventually leads to their downfall, and, well, that's a shame. So, I've decided that the best thing to do if anyone reading this ever become the next Dark Lord or criminal mastermind, they'll know what things to never do. Posts should be either a modification of an existing rule, or a brand new rule. I'll start:

1. Never, under any circumstances, leave your source of power lying around.
2. Don't share your entire master plan with anyone, no matter how Machiavellian and awesome it is.
3. Don't be too evil. No really evil ruler was in power for long.

[Kithplana]

4. Never reinvent when you can steal: The Evil Overlord List

[Ipsum]

That's awesome, and relevant. Thanks for showing me!

5. Always be friendly when you don't know whether the person you're talking to is useful or not.

[UniqueScreenname]

Don't wear a cape, ie Incredibles.

[philsov]

Whenever you are in your conference room, your back shall always be to the door, your cat will be in your lap, and you will freely swivel in your egg chair despite how absolutely vulnerable these three things are when in combination.

[OBrien]

When taking hostages, make sure to knock them out and perfectly prepare for their awakening: Your high-profile prisoner will be a lot more impressed / terrified if the first thing they see when they wake up after their kidnapping is you, staring down at them from some sort of throne In the middle of a badass secret lair.

EDIT: When turning enemies into some sort of bio-weapon never, ever make them stronger than you are.

[Adam H]

9. Don't let your anger overpower your good sense.

7 needs an edit: Whenever you are in your conference room, your back will not be to the door, your cat will not be in your lap, and you will not freely swivel in your egg chair.

[OBrien]

Don't make elaborate plans hinging on a myriad details going exactly as predicted when a simple one with a much lower chance of fucking up will do.

[Panonadin]

When taking hostages, make sure to knock them out and perfectly prepare for their awakening: Your high-profile prisoner will be a lot more impressed / terrified if the first thing they see when they wake up after their kidnapping is you, staring down at them from some sort of throne In the middle of a badass secret lair.

EDIT: When turning enemies into some sort of bio-weapon never, ever make them stronger than you are.

You already messed up. Don't bring enimies into your secret lair. Kill them.

If you don't want to kill them for SOME reason. Interrogate them in a hotel on the outskirts of town.

[Dr. Diaphanous]

In Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, which you should read, Quirrel makes this list of rules. But he decides that being constrained by the list kind of spoils the fun in being a supervillain.

From chapter 20:

Spoiler:

Professor Quirrell was silent for a moment, then smiled. "Tell me, Mr. Potter, can you guess what thought went through my mind when I finished assembling the thirty-seven items on the list of things I would never do as a Dark Lord? Put yourself in my shoes - imagine yourself in my place - and guess."

Harry imagined himself looking over a list of thirty-seven things not to do once he became a Dark Lord.

"You decided that if you had to follow the whole list all the time, there wouldn't be much point in becoming a Dark Lord in the first place," Harry said.

"Precisely," said Professor Quirrell. He was grinning. "So I am going to violate rule two - which was simply 'don't brag' - and tell you about something I have done. I don't see how the knowledge could do any harm. And I strongly suspect you would have figured it out anyway, once we knew each other well enough. Nonetheless... I shall have your oath never to speak of what I am about to tell."

[darknut]

when executing the hero put them into an easily escapable room with an execution prosess that take a long time to complete and single incompetant gaurd monitoring

and be sure to give them a full run down of your plans first

[TheMaskedGecko]

But that easily escapable room should be inside a large metal box, airtight except for the entrance hole in the roof 50 metres up, with frictionless walls that slope slightly inwards. And a note with 'mwu-hah-hsah-hah-hah written on it.

(The only problem with this is that it leaves a hole in the floor of you top secret evil secret hidden secret evil base, which you will inevitably fall into during the final battle. So rule 47: DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE BLOODY GREAT HOLE IN YOUR FLOOR. (Or invest in a perimetre fence.))

[Evengeduld]

your cat will be in your lap,

When allergic to cats don't use a bunny!! it won't have the same effect.

[UniqueScreenname]

When you want to squish the hero in a shrinking room, make sure the walls close quickly and there isn't a switch that can turn off the mechanism inside the room. Also, use another technique for heroes with super strength or missing sidekicks that can show up to turn off the mechanism from outside the room.

[Plasma Man]

Don't use poisoned weapons. You'll only end up having them used against you. Instead, tell your enemy that your sword (or whatever) is poisoned, then when they use it to scratch you with, you can pretend to die, then stab them in the back while their guard is down.

[Dr. Diaphanous]

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

[Menacing Spike]

Don't send creatures in ascending levels of power against the legendary hero. Don't send lvl 1 goblins to burn his village. Just use a random monster from your final dungeon.

[Dr. Diaphanous]

And here we must observe that men must either be flattered or crushed; for they will revenge themselves for slight wrongs, whilst for grave ones they cannot. The injury therefore that you do to a man should be such that you need not fear his revenge.

Spoiler:

From The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli (Chapter 3)

[Dthen]

That's awesome, and relevant. Thanks for showing me!

5. Always be intimidating when you don't know whether the person you're talking to is useful or not.

FTFY.

[Internetmeme]

In Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, which you could read, Quirrel makes this list of rules. But he decides that being constrained by the list kind of spoils the fun in being a supervillain.

I really wanted to try reading this, but the centered text is too distracting.

[Dr. Diaphanous]

Dr. Diaphanous wrote:
In Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, which you could read, Quirrel makes this list of rules. But he decides that being constrained by the list kind of spoils the fun in being a supervillain.

I really wanted to try reading this, but the centered text is too distracting.

?

What centered text?

It does not look centered to hulk. Maybe adjust the settings in the top right (below the ad banner)?

[keeneal]

There is no centered text. /jedihandwave

try this: Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

[The Geoff]

No monologuing.

You've got to get the laugh right, it's about standards. (Joss Whedon, Dr Horrible)

Anything other than a British accent just doesn't work. You can go Russian if the budget requires it, but your loss.

[Menacing Spike]

There is no centered text. /jedihandwave

try this: Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality

Harry looked under the cloak and saw...

An open question. Harry wouldn't let his mind see something false, and so he didn't see anything, like the part of his visual cortex getting that signal was just ceasing to exist. There was a blind spot under the cloak. Harry couldn't know what was under there.

Just that it was far worse than any decaying mummy.

That sounds depressingly like my nightmares...

Also decent read, I liked that harry was still an arrogant 11 years old, with flawed reasoning and all, and not being a perfect self insert. Of course, this is only mediocrely written and Harry's social intelligence does not fit at all with the character.