xkcd

by **curtis95112** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 4:03 am UTC

>Sing "Never gonna give you up" in a very loud voice

by **Randomizer** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:44 pm UTC

> Enjoy Queen Arasene's attention.

by **cemper93** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:18 pm UTC

Chewbaccawacca wrote:
orangedragonfire wrote:Uhmmm... you are still alive.

Yes, I'm alive though last I checked I was still trapped in the underworld/afterlife?

Sorry, I wasn't specific enough about that. You are in R1.

> Use all 3 of my fireballz on Meem1029 or in case of his premature death on random other chocolate slaves.

by **Sargon of Akkad** » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:36 pm UTC

>find reset button for the universe

by **blademan9999** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:03 am UTC

>Fire some more beams of awesomeness at nautilus.

by **kram2301** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:48 am UTC

> Try to rip open another gate in the underworld to R1 in order to give the chocolate demons the ability to enter R1 and from there evade all the other Rs.

by **eculc** » Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:46 pm UTC

>ride the giant worm through the gate and appear inside the indestructible chocolate factory

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:56 am UTC

>Uses an evil spell to warp all of the chocolate demons into a single Greater Chocolate Demon

by **cjquines** » Sat Mar 10, 2012 1:28 pm UTC

>Get active again.
Wait a second...
If I was married to the wizerd, and he died, and I became a chocolate slave, then why are the changes not (as it always happens) reflected in the people list? (I always check that list)

REAL action:
>Ask the Game Master "WTF is happening? I need a quick replay of what happened the last 4 pages" (pages 6-now)

by **Randomizer** » Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:53 am UTC

I'd really like to see what happens if you roll a one on that. >_>

Oh, DM... I still haven't gotten my swearing in... *puppy dog eyes*

by **cjquines** » Tue Mar 13, 2012 12:57 pm UTC

If I do roll a 1 on that...
Too horrible to think about...

by **orangedragonfire** » Wed Mar 14, 2012 4:21 pm UTC

Anyone want to take the next roll?

by **blademan9999** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:15 am UTC

I nominate either Cemper93 or Orange dragon fire.

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 4:39 am UTC

None objecting, I will roll tomorrow (March 15) around 4 p.m. Mountain Time. I WILL NOT roll for myself. If another wishes to roll, let me know and I'll gladly give up my spot, but only if they agree to roll tomorrow (March 15) and give me a set time frame.

by **Kromix** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 9:42 pm UTC

/do a barrel roll!
/Epic Dodge!!!

amidoingitrite?

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:14 pm UTC

Evengeduld wrote:> Analyze the red fog from R3 (does this include the +1 control rocket because I need it to analyze the fog right?)

Your Roll: 1
+1 for controlling rocket
=2

You go to press the "analyze" button, but as soon as you do you realize there is not "analyze" button. No analysis is taken.

Chewbaccawacca wrote:> Attempts to travel all around the underworld/afterlife in hopes that my extreme ugliness will cause the reality of the supernatural to spit me back to the world of the living (in disgust).

Your Roll: 3

You attempt to travel around the underworld/afterlife, but it refuses to let such a hideous creature as you in. It will allow entry though if you redeem your hideousness.Chewbaccawacca cannot go to the underworld/afterlife when he dies and will have to haunt the world he dies in!

Queen Arasene wrote:>Reincarnate as a chocolate wraith, to torment Randomizer because he stole my precious, if dead, body (AND the great curse)

Your Roll: 3

You indeed reincarnate as a chocolate wraith, but you are a melted chocolate wraith with no mode of transportation and as such need to find peanut butter to absorb so as to become stabilized. You fail to torment Randomizer beings as you just look like a puddle of writhing chocolate.

WarDaft wrote:> Trip over my own feet.

Your Roll: 4
-1
=3

You attempt to trip over your feet, but instead end up occupying yourself with trying to FIND YOUR FEET because you're a giant Iceburg Lettuce Dragon that is firmly planted in the ground. However, you do manage to somehow wiggle your toes....

curtis95112 wrote:>Sing "Never gonna give you up" in a very loud voice

Your Roll: 1
+1
=2

You can't remember the words, thus you fail to sing.

Randomizer wrote:> Enjoy Queen Arasene's attention.

Your Roll: 3

You enjoy her attention, but only for 10.37925 seconds. Any further attention doesn't interest you.

cemper93 wrote:> Use all 3 of my fireballz on Meem1029 or in case of his premature death on random other chocolate slaves.

Your Roll: 6

You fire all 3 fireballz perfectly. Matter of fact, they each turn into 3 firewavez that scorch the ground underneath them!

Meem1029 must roll to dodge THREE TIMES!!!!
You Rolls: 3, 6, 1

You manage to dodge the first firewave with only a scorched finger. You dodge the second like a ninja. The third firewave however...you dodged out of the way of the second and right into the third!!! It hits you with a full force blast and melts away most of your chocolatey slaveness!!! -1 HP for failing to dodge. -1 HP for being wounded while wounded. Meem1029 is dead!

Sargon of Akkad wrote:>find reset button for the universe

Your Roll: 2

You do not find the reset button because blue buttons no longer exist, and you just painted it blue last week. FAIL

blademan9999 wrote:>Fire some more beams of awesomeness at nautilus.

Your Roll: 5
+1 to offensive rolls
=6

You fire so many beams of awesomeness that you begin warping space-time with the "Awesomeness Phenomena". The hole in the space-time continuum begins to open wider uncontrollably! R1 will be devoured by the hole in 5 turns.

Meanwhile on Earth...
nautilus must roll to dodge!
Your Roll: 6

You get so fed up with being shot at by beams of awesomeness that you eat them! You are now immune to awesome things!

kram2301 wrote:> Try to rip open another gate in the underworld to R1 in order to give the chocolate demons the ability to enter R1 and from there evade all the other Rs.

Your Roll: 1

You instead close all gates to the underworld. Because of this...No one can die until the gates are reopened and all that are dead are trapped!

eculc wrote:>ride the giant worm through the gate and appear inside the indestructible chocolate factory

Your Roll: 5

You ride into the chocolate factory with a mighty roar! Unfortunately the workers perceive this as an attack and fight back.

eculc must roll to dodge!
Your roll: 5

You evade the barrage of chocolaty small-arms fire and learn about the flight patterns of chocolaty projectiles. +1 to chocolate projectile RTDs!

cjquines wrote:>Ask the Game Master "WTF is happening? I need a quick replay of what happened the last 4 pages" (pages 6-now)

Your roll: 2

You fail to even speak due to the tragedy that has befallen your husband. Instead, you must now mourn for the loss of the Wizerd by shaving your head and eyebrows! Also, the GM says, "go read the pages yourself you lazy bum!" (Next time try using a bribe.)

NPC's roll!

The current dice roller is much too lazy to roll for all of them, so instead....

Their collective roll: 6

Umm...this is bad...every NPC that is still alive...has suddenly fused together and is now having an identity crisis! It will begin attacking the world next turn if someone doesn't give it a name and purpose!

NPCs:

Spoiler:

Realities:

Spoiler:

Events:

Spoiler:

Players Table:

Spoiler:

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 12:54 am UTC

(what happened to my last action? Do I not get to play anymore?)

Hmm... since I was general of part of the Identity Crisis NPC, it might listen to me...

> Name Identity Crisis NPC Amaryllis.

by **Chewbaccawacca** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:51 am UTC

> Attempt to call out to the NPC conglomerate to inform it that it's name is Salartibartfast, and that it's purpose is to discover the answer to the ultimate question.

by **Evengeduld** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 6:36 am UTC

While being depressed about forgetting the analyze button...

> Shoot at the R3 gateway with my reality shredding gun...

by **cjquines** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 10:02 am UTC

> Tell the Identity Crisis I am its master and his purpose is to serve me. (The same way I did with the wizerd and the nuke: HYPNOTIZE WITH MAH BIG ALLURING HIPS)

by **eculc** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:45 am UTC

>press the button that turns off the factory's invincibility

by **Queen Arasene** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 1:23 pm UTC

> Excape to Rx, becoming a real chocolate wraith in the process

by **Snark** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 3:09 pm UTC

> Is born as the reincarnation of Lewis Carroll

by **cemper93** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:39 pm UTC

You forgot to take my fireballz stuff from me. It did only have 3 charges.

> Issue my undead army to toss the Identity Crisis into the hole that is about to devour R1 while staying in the relative safety of my UPD tower.

by **orangedragonfire** » Fri Mar 16, 2012 8:49 pm UTC

cemper93 wrote:> Issue my undead army to toss the Identity Crisis into the hole that is about to devour R1 while staying in the relative safety of my UPD tower.

Doesn't your army count as NPC and is therefore now part of the Crisis?

by **JesseScottOwen** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 12:40 am UTC

> breaks down and cries for hours. Decides to join xkcd forums.

by **Nautilus** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 7:25 pm UTC

(Back after, what is it, three months? Well, looks like I've been keeping pretty busy here anyways

)

every person in this thread wrote:Nautlus
Naughtilus
Nautilaus
Naultilaus
Nauaonfiajsngflkjanrglkjn

GET MY NAME RIGHT DAMMIT

Also:
>Travel to R3 to commune with my giant brethren, the sandworms

by **Randomizer** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 9:12 pm UTC

> Stab eculc to death.

Don't be messing with my factory, foo'. :p

Also, I'm still waiting on my ultimate swear, which seems to keep getting skipped. <_<

by **matt96** » Sat Mar 17, 2012 10:05 pm UTC

>attempt to start off in this game in a reality that no one else has access to yet.

by **blademan9999** » Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:29 am UTC

>Give the identity crisis the name FART HEAD!
(Hey that's offensive isn't it.) :mrgreen:

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 4:22 am UTC

quick message to all: until someone else decides to officially take over and roll at regular intervals, I shall be doing so every two days at approximately 4 pm mountain time. Until then.....

orangedragonfire wrote:> Name Identity Crisis NPC Amaryllis.

Your Roll: 4

You cry out to the NPC that its name is Amaryllis, and it seems to believe you. Unfortunately it begins riddling you with questions as to what its purpose is and why it's here. Much to your surprise, these words are magically charged and highly dangerous! Identity Crisis NPC is now named Amaryllis!

orangedragonfire must roll to dodge!
Your Roll: 5

You plug your ears just in time! The words have no power over those that cannot hear them! +1 to your next roll

Chewbaccawacca wrote:> Attempt to call out to the NPC conglomerate to inform it that it's name is Salartibartfast, and that it's purpose is to discover the answer to the ultimate question.

Your Roll: 3

You attempt to cry out to the NPC, and do so successfully! Unfortunately it has little effect due to the fact that it has already heard that its name is Amaryllis, but it accepts your proposal for what its purpose in life is. It shall consider it as an option.

Evengeduld wrote:While being depressed about forgetting the analyze button...

> Shoot at the R3 gateway with my reality shredding gun...

Your Roll: 3
+1
= 4

You manage to fire you gun at the moon, which is the portal to R3! It opens a small reality-devouring-singularity that shall begin growing until it shreds apart R3! It needs more power though to grow to reality shredding proportions. There is now a baby reality-devouring-singularity in R3!

cjquines wrote:> Tell the Identity Crisis I am its master and his purpose is to serve me. (The same way I did with the wizerd and the nuke: HYPNOTIZE WITH MAH BIG ALLURING HIPS)

Your Roll: 1

You FAIL miserably. You have instead successfully informed Amaryllis that you are now its humble slave and that its purpose is to save everyone and everything from all harm. It is now considering this as an option for its purpose.

eculc wrote:>press the button that turns off the factory's invincibility

Your Roll: 1

You can't press the button because you can't find it. In fact, you find a closet. What is inside that closet? You shall see....There is now a closet in the chocolate factory!

Queen Arasene wrote:> Excape to Rx, becoming a real chocolate wraith in the process

I forgot to change your status from "dead". As such, you shall gain a +1 bonus for this roll

Your Roll: 1
+1
= 2

You can't move through dimensions without first forming a thermo-nuclear-peanutbutter core.

Snark wrote:> Is born as the reincarnation of Lewis Carroll

Your Roll: 3

You become Lewis Carroll's reincarnation! As you do so you break the barrier between this world and the deathworld! But you are now charged with protecting the gate until more gates are opened, meaning you can't leave it. Stuck guarding only gateway to deathworld.

cemper93 wrote:You forgot to take my fireballz stuff from me. It did only have 3 charges.

> Issue my undead army to toss the Identity Crisis into the hole that is about to devour R1 while staying in the relative safety of my UPD tower.

due to that being my mistake...you shall reap the reward of only losing 2 of the 3 charges! Also, your undead army is not listed under the NPC list because I'm going to consider it an extension of you, and you cannot be an NPC!

Your Roll: 6
+1
= 7

Your undead army swarms Amaryllis and tosses him/her/it into the hole that's about to devour R1! Matter of fact, as you do this you gain an uncanny knowledge of how your undead army works! +1 to using your undead army!

Amaryllis must roll to dodge!
Roll: 6

Much to the dismay of cemper93, Amaryllis simply glares at the army and it falls into dust. undead army cannot be used for the next 2 turns!

JesseScottOwen wrote:> breaks down and cries for hours. Decides to join xkcd forums.

You may only use one action per turn. The above action counts as two. I shall roll the first action only.

Your Roll: 3

You break down and cry, but only for a few minutes.

Nautilus wrote:>Travel to R3 to commune with my giant brethren, the sandworms

You Roll: 2

You forgot where it is.

Randomizer wrote:> Stab eculc to death.

you have to use it in order for me to roll for it

Your Roll: 1

You trip as you reach for your knife and fall towards it!

Randomizer must roll to dodge!
Your Roll: 3

You land on the knife, but it was dull so it didn't go very deep. Randomizer is wounded for 2 turns!

matt96 wrote:>attempt to start off in this game in a reality that no one else has access to yet.

Your Roll: 2

You start in R1.

blademan9999 wrote:>Give the identity crisis the name FART HEAD!

Your Roll: 6

Although verbally offensive, it is not an offensive attack. Amaryllis is hurt that you would call it such a name and falls into a rage and decides that it should kill anyone that uses offensive language, starting with you! Amaryllis will not stop until you are dead! targeted by Amaryllis

NPCs' Turns

Amaryllis

Roll: 5
-1
= 4

Amaryllis attacks blademan9999 by throwing an angry bovine with a battleaxe!

blademan9999 must roll to dodge!
Fan Girl pushes blademan9999 out of the way and must roll to dodge instead!
Roll: 4

You get tackled in a life saving hug that puts both you and the Fan Girl out of harm's way! The cow hurtles past and lands nearby!

Strange Closet

Roll: 2

The closet sits there.

NPC List

Spoiler:

Realities

Spoiler:

Player Table

Spoiler:

by **curtis95112** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:43 am UTC

>Become one with the Identity crisis

by **thatweirdpanda** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:07 am UTC

> joins game by stepping out of cardboard box holding a smaller cardboard box.

by **orangedragonfire** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:22 am UTC

> Become friends with Amaryllis.

(there's still a hole that will destroy R1 in 4 turns, right?)

by **Evengeduld** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:49 am UTC

> Fly my rocket into the baby reality. Let's hope this fuels it

by **Randomizer** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:53 am UTC

BucklesMcStrap wrote:you have to use it in order for me to roll for it

I did. Several turns/pages ago. I'm still waiting on it to happen.

> Throw the closet with eculc out the window and into the reality-devouring singularity, in the hope of destroying both.

by **Snark** » Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:53 pm UTC

>Receive enchanted scimitar as gift from Satan for guarding the gateway to the deathworld

Befriending Satan... Good idea?

by **BucklesMcStrap** » Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:04 am UTC

Randomizer wrote:
BucklesMcStrap wrote:you have to use it in order for me to roll for it

I did. Several turns/pages ago. I'm still waiting on to happen.

I'll gladly add it in as a free action when I roll tomorrow, but I would like you to please specify the target(s) before I do so that I don't accidentally use it on someone(s) you didn't intend for it to affect. I'll gladly roll for the swear though...if only to see what happens.... :twisted:

by **matt96** » Tue Mar 20, 2012 12:13 am UTC

> acquire standard supplies (such as basic armor, weapons, tools, etc.)

by **Nautilus** » Tue Mar 20, 2012 1:53 am UTC

>Again travel to R3 to become one with sandworms.

Spoiler:

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