Living alone: anecdotes and such

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Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby PerchloricAcid » Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:42 pm UTC

I thought it'd be interesting to have a topic where people would post their anecdotes, stories, experiences, etc. related to/regarding living alone.
What do you consider to be the pros and cons of living alone? Do you like it at all?
Do you consider yourself a loner or not (you can live alone, but invite people for visits everyday, which would imply you're not much of a loner)?
Etc, etc... write whatever you want about living alone :D

Personally, I live alone for about half a year, and it has its subtle manifestations on my lifestyle already. I hadn't given it much thought until one time when my boyfriend overslept at my place and I got up a couple of hours earlier than him. I wanted to make myself some tea, I wanted to clean the bathroom, I wanted to listen to music... when I realized that I've become very "loud" at doing all this stuff. After a few months of not having to care about bothering other people by my everyday activities, I feel as if I've quite much become reckless. Perhaps even a bit crude:
If nobody's visiting, the dishes may stay dirty for days. I'm kinda germophobic, so I thoroughly disinfect all of it once I've actually decided to clean the mess. It's yuck, I know, but I've become too lazy to wash them more regularly than I need them.

I'd say that the basic advantage of living alone is being able to organize your life like you want to, much more than when living with somebody else. I can sleep naked, I can be in my underwear the whole day, I can get up in the latest possible moment in order to be in time for class and not run into anybody while frenzically rushing to and from the bathroom, etc... I really like living alone.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Proginoskes » Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:56 am UTC

Living alone sucks.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby PerchloricAcid » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:51 am UTC

Why?
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby philsov » Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:46 pm UTC

The immediate social safety net is not there; your car breaks down and there is no car you can immediately borrow. If something major happens YOU need to call an ambulance because no one else will make that call for you, nor can anyone else easily rush you to the hospital. You're unable to easily move furniture around, do semi-advanced household duties like basic-construction, hanging stuff on walls, or anything that requires 3+ hands. Just flipping a queen sized mattress by yourself can be cumbersome -- not impossible, at all, just... annoying.

Socially it's difficult; sociability begets sociability. If I want to go out to eat or the movies or a sociable shopping trip I need to call people and establish a plan instead of just asking my roommate if he or she wants to come with and just casually going. Inviting people over is rarer alone rather than when living with others. As is, when its just me the ability to entertain is diminished so more often than not I'm the one that leaves and goes elsewhere instead of inviting people over. The flip side is that sometimes, even if I'm friends with the roommate, I'm not always friends with his friends so usually anyone's who's over is over because I want them over.

It's certainly more expensive. In terms of apartments a 2BR is usually $100 more a month, but then baseline rent and bills get halved for a major net gain.

I'm free to blast music whenever I want at whatever time I want, and all the space is my own so I don't need to be considerate about any of the factors that come with that - like cooking with the music on while someone else is watching TV, or the dreaded "both of our shows are on at the same time" conundrum or similar impasses with the laundry machine or something.

Cleanliness can go either way, stuff can stay in the sink/elsewhere because "it's not my mess and I refuse to clean it" or all get picked up because of the whole social responsibility thing and my crap in the sink means they can't clean their stuff and I/they don't like being "that guy".

Still, I'm a bit of loner so despite all this stuff I live alone all the same. Especially when the best option for a roommate at this point would be a stranger.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby gorcee » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:10 pm UTC

#1 pro for living alone: not having to close the door when you pee.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:33 pm UTC

I live alone, and I think its wonderful. I can be as messy or tidy as I want and nobody will judge me for it. I don't have to deal with a housemate's dirty dishes in the sink. I don't have to wait to use the bathroom.

The downside of course is the complete absence of a social life. But I never had much of a social life even when I did have housemates.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:05 pm UTC

I was the only person who set my non-work schedule and I had no need to adjust or alter any of my plans to match anyone else's whims

I didn't have to speak to another person unless I specifically sought out that contact.

I could cook whatever god-awful thing I wanted to eat, and eat it without any commentary from outside sources on it's smell, appearance or anything else.

I could freely leave books open to particular pages around and not worry about them being disturbed.



But really, the control of when and how I socialized was the best thing for me. Don't misunderstand, I wouldn't trade my wife for anything, but that's the main thing I miss - complete control of social interactions.


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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Ashlah » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:01 pm UTC

After moving out of my mom's house, I lived alone in a studio for one year. Then I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend.

I don't know if I have a strict one-or-the-other answer to this question. I love living with my boyfriend, and don't like being at home alone when he's gone. BUT when I lived alone, I loved it. Mostly the "do whatever you want without concerning yourself about another person" thing. If something were to happen to this relationship, and living with my boyfriend were no longer an option, I would choose to live alone again, rather than with friend/roommate (though I've never done it).

So at this moment in my life it goes Living with boyfriend>Living alone>Living with friends/roommates.

I will say this: Living by myself for a year, and being solely responsible for everything that comes along with that, was incredibly important for me. I would probably be a much worse person to live with had I not lived by myself for a year.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Jacque » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:12 pm UTC

gorcee wrote:#1 pro for living alone: not having to close the door when you pee.

I don't close the door to pee when just my wife is around. Of course, if she was a regular roommate the door would definitely be closed.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby MichiK » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:58 pm UTC

Both sides have pros and contras...

Pro living alone: Nobody cares about the chaos and if it doen't disturb me, it's no problem.
Contra living aline: The chaos spreads, entropy raises constantly and nobody cares.

I've seen both sides for some years now after moving out of my parents': First three years alone until it sucked, then half a year with some roommates which ended quite abruptly (but that's a different story), then two and a half years with my girlfriend, now alone again since a few months. Being alone really sucks when I need some company - roommates suck, wenn I want to be left alone. I've not yet figured out, which is the best model for me - probably not one of the both extremes. What about a larger house with individual apartments filled not with neighbours whose names I don't even know but rather full of awesome people and friends?
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Enokh » Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:00 am UTC

I've recently started living alone for the first time in my life maybe. . .4-5 months ago. I've got a 21-month old daughter, though. And I've got to say: it's goddamned AWESOME. There's a good deal to say about having a significant other that lives with you -- though, in my opinion, to hell with roommates -- if only because of the emotional support. But there's also an enormous amount to say about being the "master" of your house, of having absolute control over pretty much everything. Except what the little one finds and moves despite your best efforts, because they have a freaking built-in radar for things you don't want them to touch.

Everything you do is yours. When you come home and walk in your door everything you can see if absolutely yours. It's really, really nice.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Proginoskes » Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:01 am UTC

philsov wrote:The immediate social safety net is not there; your car breaks down and there is no car you can immediately borrow. If something major happens YOU need to call an ambulance because no one else will make that call for you, nor can anyone else easily rush you to the hospital. You're unable to easily move furniture around, do semi-advanced household duties like basic-construction, hanging stuff on walls, or anything that requires 3+ hands. Just flipping a queen sized mattress by yourself can be cumbersome -- not impossible, at all, just... annoying.


I was thinking more about about all the day-to-day tasks which you could normally take turns doing, like cleaning. Laundry and food shopping. Cooking (I stopped doing that long ago, actually, because when I got home, I'd be too tired). Sewing (I learned how to do this because ... you guessed it ... no one else there to mend things for me). Trash/recycling duties. Medication / drug stores. Clothes shopping (you can't ask complete strangers "does this look good on me?").

About the only good thing about living alone is that when you put something somewhere, it will stay there (unless acted upon by gravity). When I go on vacation, it annoys me when I get out a glass to drink ice tea from, leave it on the counter, and someone puts it in the dishwasher, and I have to get a new one.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:34 am UTC

But those tasks need to be done more often if you live with other people, so you gain nothing.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Ulc » Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:53 am UTC

SlyReaper wrote:But those tasks need to be done more often if you live with other people, so you gain nothing.


But many of them are not really more difficult to do for two than for one. It doesn't really matter if I'm making dinner for two or for one, it's roughly the same amount of time anyway - it takes me around 45 minutes to make rissotto for one, about 50 min. to make it for both my roommate and I. And for those that actually does double in time, the big hindrance to doing them usually is getting started - I hate starting cleaning, but once I'm going, it's not so bad.

Personally, after having lived first at a dorm, then with various roommates over a period of three years, then alone, and now with a roommate again, I have to say I greatly prefer to live with someone. I like coming home and the apartment not being empty, I like that I now have a good reason to cook a three-course dinner some random evening, I like getting a text saying "don't worry about dinner" and coming home to a deer tenderloin, and most importantly I like sitting in the living room, each person doing whatever they want without feeling alone.

When I lived alone, I had to consciously invite someone over every day I wasn't at work to socialize. Now, that's basically taken care off as a default.

Though it helps a lot that my current roommate was a close friend even before I moved in - I know most of his social circle, and he knows most of mine, and there is a huge overlap.

Only drawback is that my current roommate is a morning person, whereas I'm distinctly not a morning person.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby MichiK » Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:48 pm UTC

Ulc wrote:Only drawback is that my current roommate is a morning person, whereas I'm distinctly not a morning person.


That may be a drawback because of noise, not having breakfast together or whatever, but on the other hand, it's definitely an advantage when it comes to "Who may shower first?" and stuff like that.

Three of my friends live together and had all the same course in the moring in some semester and thus had all three to be at university at the same time. That was always stress for them because in principle all three either had to use the bathroom at the same time or at least two of them always had to get up earlier than necessary (which was difficult for them because they all aren't morning persons).
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Ulc » Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:45 pm UTC

MichiK wrote:
Ulc wrote:Only drawback is that my current roommate is a morning person, whereas I'm distinctly not a morning person.


That may be a drawback because of noise, not having breakfast together or whatever, but on the other hand, it's definitely an advantage when it comes to "Who may shower first?" and stuff like that.


It's not about the noise - if I'm able to sleep at all (and often, I'm not), I'll sleep through anything.

It's walking into the kitchen with a "eeeeegggggggggssss" while my hands are stretched in front of me, and meeting a chirpy happy roommate that suddenly trying to discuss politics with me.

Despite not being a morning person, I'm usually up before he is - his office doesn't expect him before ten, while mine expects everyone at 8.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby paulisa » Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:10 am UTC

I like living alone for many reasons.

First, all mess in my flat is *my* mess, and I don't have to justify it to anyone. This is important to me because my mother used to exaggerate wildly when trying to get me to put stuff away, saying stuff like "this is lying here for a week" when it was a graded assignement I just got back the day before. Also, I never have to do other people's dishes before I can cook, which was a huge problem with my first roommates.

Second, I can socialise if and when I feel like it, and if there's days where I just need a break from everything I can lock the door and ignore the world.

Third, I feel as though my waste-production has decreased dramatically, specifically refering to food that is wasted by going off. I don't mind buying the ingredients for my dinner on the way home from work or uni, or just making something from the stuff I have at home. Also, I can freeze a lot more useful foodstuffs without roommates taking up all the space in the freezer with icecream.

Fourth, I am also not a morning person. I need my tea and hour reading newspapers before I can even face getting dressed. This majorly annoyed my second set of roommates, who wanted to talk at breakfast and take breakfast in the kitchen, and were offended that I just took my mug to my room until I was ready.

Of course there are disadvantages, like no one to call work when I'm sick or cooking dinner or whatnot, but I live in an area where a lot of my friends either moved to when they moved out, or are still living with their parents, so if I need help or just want to take a coffee or whatever, many people are close.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Jorpho » Fri Mar 30, 2012 1:49 am UTC

I've had some profoundly infuriating roommates/housemates. And some obnoxious neighbors. And I'm pretty sure I have at some point been a profoundly infuriating roommate/housemate. And I moved back in with my parents for a while.

In the end, a good roommate relationship, like so many other things, comes down to luck. At its best, it can be great being in constant contact with this other personality or personalities, clashing away in some ways and finding agreement on others, with new and unexpected ways of doing things constantly flinging back and forth; in a sense, it helped me define who I was, and the first time I had to do without I found myself utterly lost in a way I did not expect.

But I've grown very comfortable living on my own, and I'm not about to give that up again any time soon. The many ways things can go wrong are too great to risk.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Enuja » Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:13 am UTC

I hate, hate, hate living alone. I'm a social person, but also a homebody. I like to make a pleasant home life and spend a lot of time there, but I don't like being alone most of the time. I haven't had a non-SO, non-family roommate since college, which ended 9 years ago for me, and I miss it sooo much. I know college is a particularly pro-roommate time, and arranging things with roommates is much more difficult after college, but when this lease is up, I must find a social living situation. My problems are increased right now by not being able to invite people over because I live in a studio with my ex, who is a profoundly un-social person as far as having strangers in his home goes (one of many incompatibles that led to the ex status).

I did go through a phase when I was really happy I was never going to have to deal with living in the same room with a non-SO, and even profoundly happy to have my own kitchen, but that phase is over. I know most people think of living with family (including SOs, but in small, monogamous family sense) or alone as normal and having unrelated roommates as a phase, but I have the opposite perspective. In our current society huge numbers of people live alone, and think it's both a symptom and a cause of many profound problems with our society.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Proginoskes » Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:18 am UTC

SlyReaper wrote:But those tasks need to be done more often if you live with other people, so you gain nothing.


But someone else can do them; it's called division of labor. There's this thing called a "wiffy" (the spelling might be off) that lives to clean, shop, do laundry ---

SMACK!!!

(That was from all the female readers of this thread, as well as a few sensitive males, so don't hate-post or send hate emails. I was joking after "division of labor".)
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Ulc » Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:42 am UTC

Proginoskes wrote:I was joking after "division of labor"


Okay, fuck it, I'm going to bite.

"Relax, it's just a joke" is one of those sentences that idiots all over the world tries to hide behind rather than be decent people. Along with "No offence, but" which means "I'm about to be as offensive as I can, but now you can't call me out on it!" - if you wish to offend people, do so, rather than making some bullshit excuse. if you don't want to offend people, refrain from making offensive statements! Don't hide behind some "I know I'm being offensive, so by acknowledging I'm offensive, I'm totally not offensive any more".

As an aside, it's traditional that jokes are actually funny.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby zmic » Fri Mar 30, 2012 9:00 am UTC

Proginoskes wrote:I was thinking more about about all the day-to-day tasks which you could normally take turns doing, like cleaning. Laundry and food shopping. Cooking (I stopped doing that long ago, actually, because when I got home, I'd be too tired). Sewing (I learned how to do this because ... you guessed it ... no one else there to mend things for me). Trash/recycling duties. Medication / drug stores.


I also consider this the greatest problem with living alone. A household is quite a lot of work. Cooking for 2 persons doesn't take more time than cooking for 1 person. So it makes sense to live together and divide the work. Many people who live alone end up with an unhealthy diet because they can't be arsed to cook when they get home from work.

Clothes shopping (you can't ask complete strangers "does this look good on me?").


actually, you can :)
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Proginoskes » Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:57 am UTC

Ulc wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:I was joking after "division of labor"


Okay, fuck it, I'm going to bite.

"Relax, it's just a joke" is one of those sentences that idiots all over the world tries to hide behind rather than be decent people. Along with "No offence, but" which means "I'm about to be as offensive as I can, but now you can't call me out on it!" - if you wish to offend people, do so, rather than making some bullshit excuse. if you don't want to offend people, refrain from making offensive statements! Don't hide behind some "I know I'm being offensive, so by acknowledging I'm offensive, I'm totally not offensive any more".

As an aside, it's traditional that jokes are actually funny.


I thought it was funny. If you don't, then that's your loss.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SurgicalSteel » Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:18 am UTC

Proginoskes wrote:
Ulc wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:I was joking after "division of labor"


Okay, fuck it, I'm going to bite.

"Relax, it's just a joke" is one of those sentences that idiots all over the world tries to hide behind rather than be decent people. Along with "No offence, but" which means "I'm about to be as offensive as I can, but now you can't call me out on it!" - if you wish to offend people, do so, rather than making some bullshit excuse. if you don't want to offend people, refrain from making offensive statements! Don't hide behind some "I know I'm being offensive, so by acknowledging I'm offensive, I'm totally not offensive any more".

As an aside, it's traditional that jokes are actually funny.


I thought it was funny. If you don't, then that's your loss.
Which is the other thing people say when they're called out on saying something shitty, whether it be a joke or not. "It's not my problem if you don't have a sense of humor" is not a valid defense for making tasteless or unfunny jokes. It makes you look like someone who is unable to just accept that they said something stupid and apologize, and instead is trying to shift the blame to everybody else because they can't stand being wrong and called out on it.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby eaglewings51 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:16 am UTC

I lived alone all last summer while I was working. That's the only time I've ever lived alone: before that and after that, I've had roommates in my apartment or dorm room at college.

I quite liked it. It's nice to have a house all to yourself. To do what you want, to leave dishes in the sink, to have lights on as late as you want. When I moved back up here to college, I was out super late one night in the media lab editing some photos for an assignment. At 11:30, my roommate calls me and asks "are you alive?". I didn't even think about the fact that someone might be concerned about me if I wasn't back at a certain time. One nice thing about living alone is not having to think about calling people if you're out later then you usually are.

I tend to feel safer if I'm living with other people. If I'm living alone, I tend to hear every little noise and think about what it could be. It didn't help that I was living at home last summer (my family commercially fishes in another town two days drive by boat away so I was by myself in the house I grew up in) so I was in this really big house that is unfinished on the inside.

Also, our answering machine is really really old. Which means, sometimes, fluctuations in humidity/temperature/movement/you-name-it will do something to the wires inside and it will randomly begin playing all the messages! Which scared the living daylights out of me on more than one occasion!!!! The first time it happened, it was 11 or so and I was half asleep. I was so freaked out. Because my mind immediately thinks, "hmm, answering machines don't turn on by themselves. Therefore, a creeper-stalker-ax murderer must be inside the house!!!" (Never mind that creeper-stalker-ax murderers don't usually announce themselves by playing answering machine messages and the answering machine is in such a place that it would be very difficult to accidentally bump it.)
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby flickering_candle » Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:24 am UTC

I find living alone to be far preferable to living with others. I actually noticed the biggest difference when I was house-sitting my grandparent's house while it was waiting to be sold (when I was between apartments, and they had moved into a retirement community), rather than when in my own apartment or with roommates in college. When you are not in sole control of your living space, other people can come and your actions need to be adjusted to take them into account. People coming to view the house, people coming to work on it (it needed a decent amount of work done); the thing I missed most about living alone in a relatively permeable environment (my grandparents house) vs a mostly impermeable one (my old apartment) was the loss of control and security I felt, because I felt that I had to adjust my actions to account for the presence of others. It was more noticable than in college, for example, because there were periods of no one else, interrupted by periods of frequent activity.
On the other hand, I enjoy being alone; one of my girlfriends did not. She moved out of her first solo apartment after two months of living on her own because she missed being constantly around other people, and her pet and occasional visitors did not make up for it. So it will vary with people's temperment.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Softfoot » Sun Apr 01, 2012 12:45 pm UTC

My living alone experiences are probably tempered by the fact that I not only live alone, but I live 2 - 3 hours away from my family and close friends (at least until I made friends after moving, which for me takes at least 6 months). Three weeks after my last move, I had to get a dog, because night noises + living alone = increased feelings of insecurity and anxiety.
I love living alone. If I had a housemate I couldn't decide to do keyboard practice late at night, and I'd feel guilty about loudly singing in the mornings. I have dietary needs, and I can make sure that what I have in the house is what I can eat, rather than having things around that I'd like to eat but shouldn't.
What sucks about living alone is what happens if (when!) I get sick. I have to drive myself to the doctors, drive myself to the pharmacy, and tend to wallow in misery. I used to live with my sister, and she would motivate me to get to the doctor, and distract me from my pity party. I miss that.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Proginoskes » Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:05 am UTC

SurgicalSteel wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:
Ulc wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:I was joking after "division of labor"


Okay, fuck it, I'm going to bite.

"Relax, it's just a joke" is one of those sentences that idiots all over the world tries to hide behind rather than be decent people. Along with "No offence, but" which means "I'm about to be as offensive as I can, but now you can't call me out on it!" - if you wish to offend people, do so, rather than making some bullshit excuse. if you don't want to offend people, refrain from making offensive statements! Don't hide behind some "I know I'm being offensive, so by acknowledging I'm offensive, I'm totally not offensive any more".

As an aside, it's traditional that jokes are actually funny.


I thought it was funny. If you don't, then that's your loss.
Which is the other thing people say when they're called out on saying something shitty, whether it be a joke or not. "It's not my problem if you don't have a sense of humor" is not a valid defense for making tasteless or unfunny jokes. It makes you look like someone who is unable to just accept that they said something stupid and apologize, and instead is trying to shift the blame to everybody else because they can't stand being wrong and called out on it.


And that's what someone who has no sense of humor says. Or what a douchebag says.

BTW, I still think the original post is funny.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SlyReaper » Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:54 am UTC

Prog, listen. When someone calls you out for saying stupid bullshit, the problem is not their sense of humour; the problem is the stupid bullshit you said.

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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SecondTalon » Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:31 pm UTC

Proginoskes wrote:And that's what someone who has no sense of humor says. Or what a douchebag says.

BTW, I still think the original post is funny.
That's because you're sexist.

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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Shro » Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:42 pm UTC

I'll give this a shot.

There's a difference between the subject of a joke and the target of a joke. The only way any *-ist jokes are ever funny is if they're actually mocking the *-ism. It usually takes someone clever to pull off a joke like that, because the distinction between subject and target have to be made pretty clear. Especially in places where you're not sure if people actually around ARE *-ist, because if your joke doesn't distinguish clearly enough, you've contributed to normalizing this *-ist behavior.

Here's a good way to tell if you should tell the joke or not:
Is the joke going to make the *-ists more uncomfortable, or is it going to make the "victims**" of these *-ists uncomfortable?

*race, sex, whatever.
**hate this word, can't think of anything better
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Red Hal » Mon Apr 02, 2012 1:53 pm UTC

That about hits the nail on the head. My wife and I joking with each other about how we both happen to be engaged in tasks that happen to fit in with the heteronormative stereotype of married life? Right place, right time, right audience. Coming in here and making the same jokes, while simultaneously extending them to all of womankind? None of the above.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby gmalivuk » Mon Apr 02, 2012 2:58 pm UTC

Honestly, the comment about wives being "for" certain household tasks bothered me less than the immediate "it was just a joke, sheesh," disclaimer. It meant the poster knew it would be a problem, and went ahead and said it anyway, assuming that defense would be sufficient.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Shro » Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:12 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:Honestly, the comment about wives being "for" certain household tasks bothered me less than the immediate "it was just a joke, sheesh," disclaimer. It meant the poster knew it would be a problem, and went ahead and said it anyway, assuming that defense would be sufficient.

I feel like the defense was a pathetic excuse of distinguishing target from subject. If your joke is so bad that you have to have a disclaimer on it that you're actually joking, it's a really bad joke. #justsayin
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Ulc » Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:33 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:Honestly, the comment about wives being "for" certain household tasks bothered me less than the immediate "it was just a joke, sheesh," disclaimer. It meant the poster knew it would be a problem, and went ahead and said it anyway, assuming that defense would be sufficient.


Exactly my point as well. A bad joke doesn't really offend me all that much, but hiding behind a "this is offensive, but now I've said it myself, you totally can't call be out on it!" is a cowardly move that is even more offensive than a bit of sexism, because it basically translate to "I'm a offensive douchecannoe, and I'm being a douchecannoe on purpose!".

Hence me lumping it in the same category as "No offence, but" - and if I had remembered it, the sentence "not my fault you're a humorless [insert grouping, often feminist]" would have gone in there as well.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Weeks » Mon Apr 02, 2012 3:48 pm UTC

Guys you're talking about someone with an avatar that says "I'm with stupid". Their whole presence here is a bad joke. Can't blame them, eh?
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Azrael » Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:36 pm UTC

Proginoskes wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:
Proginoskes wrote:I was joking after "division of labor"

I thought it was funny. If you don't, then that's your loss.

BTW, I still think the original post is funny.


Isn't laughing loudly at your own jokes considered a sure indicator that it wasn't actually funny?
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Angua » Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:53 pm UTC

Shro wrote:I'll give this a shot.

There's a difference between the subject of a joke and the target of a joke. The only way any *-ist jokes are ever funny is if they're actually mocking the *-ism. It usually takes someone clever to pull off a joke like that, because the distinction between subject and target have to be made pretty clear. Especially in places where you're not sure if people actually around ARE *-ist, because if your joke doesn't distinguish clearly enough, you've contributed to normalizing this *-ist behavior.

Here's a good way to tell if you should tell the joke or not:
Is the joke going to make the *-ists more uncomfortable, or is it going to make the "victims**" of these *-ists uncomfortable?

*race, sex, whatever.
**hate this word, can't think of anything better
Only joke I ever heard that came close to pulling this off (spoilered for possible racisim)

Spoiler:
What do you call a bunch of white guys chasing after a black guy.

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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby SurgicalSteel » Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:34 pm UTC

Proginoskes wrote: Or what a douchebag says.
Meh. I've been called worse by better.
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Re: Living alone: anecdotes and such

Postby Weeks » Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:44 pm UTC

buuuuuuuuuuurrrrnnnn
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