1036: "Reviews"

[jpk]

Secondary joke: I plugged in this lamp and my dog went rigid, spoke a sentence of perfect Akkadian, and then was hurled sideways through the picture window. Even worse, it's one of those lamps where the switch is on the cord.

Shopping in Boston on the first of September: "Oh, man, that's an awesome bookshelf, and it's just sitting on the side of the road! With awesome books already in it! Pull the truck over!"

[rhomboidal]

I stand by my review that that lamp looks like a uterus. And I deducted another star because when you turned it on, you could see the snarling spectral face of Benito Mussolini's ghost in the light bulb.

[CatCube]

I admit, this one made me chuckle. The alt-text made me outright laugh. Maybe it's because it's late, but this is a favorite. Especially since I've just made a major purchase and had to sort out the genuine problems from the bitter bitching in online reviews.

[Clockworkparts]

Missing panel 1.5: they get the lamp home and it doesn't work very well.

[Quicksilver]

"Oh, man, that's an awesome bookshelf, and it's just sitting on the side of the road! With awesome books already in it! Pull the truck over!"

I lol'd, because this is where all 3 of my bookshelves come from. The gold that idiots throw away...

[glasnt]

Review: 5 stars: I love lamp.

[NotAllThere]

I'm going skiing at Andermatt this weekend, so if anyone wants me to get a lamp for them...

[Arariel]

The alt-text reminds me of something from Pratchett's "Making Money":

"He’ll be like this for fifteen seconds, then he’ll throw the knife straight ahead of him, and then he’ll speak in fluent Quirmian for about four seconds, and then he’ll be fine."

[toadpipe]

The alt-text reminds me of something from Pratchett's "Making Money":

"He’ll be like this for fifteen seconds, then he’ll throw the knife straight ahead of him, and then he’ll speak in fluent Quirmian for about four seconds, and then he’ll be fine."

Yes, yes again, then oui, then I throw a poodle at you.



Also.

Really? Do people actually give a single damn about online reviews anymore? I'm stunned, really. I stopped paying attention to anything but seller reviews online forever ago.

If I'm in the store, am touching/seeing with my own eyes, I know what crap does and doesn't look like. I haven't needed consensus on that in more than 15 years.

[JimsMaher]

alt-text: "I plugged in this lamp and my dog went rigid, spoke a sentence of perfect Akkadian, and then was hurled sideways through the picture window. Even worse, it's one of those lamps where the switch is on the cord."

The Curse of Akkad
So the conclusion is: either it's religious myth, fiction, or climate change.

I suppose the point here is that people lie, seriously though ... or am I reading too far into this?

Ulterior motives aside, try to weight reviews into your decisions as you would advice from a stranger on a city sidewalk. It could be useful, or it could also be the coherent ravings of a paranoid. A random stranger who is just as likely to be pro-cord-switches as they could be anti-cord-switches.

Also, consider the sample size of those Amazon star-ratings. Typically less than a hand-full of reviews exist for many items. The lower the reviews, the less likely they are to get a decent sample size. Just go to your Public Library, check out Consumer Reports, and be done with it. I hear CR is online now. .... or you could ignore your interlink tether attached to your palm, and just think for yourself every now and again, no big deal.

[sotanaht]

The alt-text reminds me of something from Pratchett's "Making Money":

"He’ll be like this for fifteen seconds, then he’ll throw the knife straight ahead of him, and then he’ll speak in fluent Quirmian for about four seconds, and then he’ll be fine."

Yes, yes again, then oui, then I throw a poodle at you.



Also.

Really? Do people actually give a single damn about online reviews anymore? I'm stunned, really. I stopped paying attention to anything but seller reviews online forever ago.

If I'm in the store, am touching/seeing with my own eyes, I know what crap does and doesn't look like. I haven't needed consensus on that in more than 15 years.

Maybe not for a lamp, but some things. Especially to know if something is likely to break in 8 months, something that's a little hard to tell even if you are touching/seeing it with your own eyes or hands.

[Eternal Density]

Expected lamp, received bobcat.

[toadpipe]

Maybe not for a lamp, but some things. Especially to know if something is likely to break in 8 months, something that's a little hard to tell even if you are touching/seeing it with your own eyes or hands.

I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it.

[mric]

I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it.

You don't have children, do you.

[careyhammer]

Great comic! I just heard that Best Buy is going to be closing stores now because of people who go there just go there to look at things and then buy from Amazon.

[Red Hal]

Yes. The problem I find with online reviews is trying to sort the genuine ones from the comedy, bitter or planted ones. It's a real shame because we had a chance as individuals to help out others and deliver a clear message to companies about their products, and that is being thrown away bit by bit in the name of humour, sabotage or churlishness.

P.S. Liked the comic but the humour was for me tinged with mild regret for what could have been in this brave new world we have created.

[toadpipe]

I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it.

You don't have children, do you.

I have two, one is three, the other is five. Both boys. My statement still stands.

...by any means other than trying to break it.

[Linux0s]

No matter what else is in this comic... no matter what else ends up this thread... I'm walking away with "Uterus Lamp" and that's it. The End.

And I know Randall did this on purpose too. Probably spent weeks and weeks trying to work Uterus Lamp into a basic 3-6 panel format. But the fact remains that no one can actually visualize or draw a Uterus Lamp. And that's why this comic is titled "Reviews".

Make no mistake, Randall has piles of scrapped drawings titled "Uterus Lamp".

[da Doctah]

Ï föünd ä grëät lämp öncë ät IKEA. Änd ït önlÿ häd thrëë ümläüts.

[Linux0s]

p.s. The last panel the girl should say "So, it has come to this... "

[herbys]

I don't mind lamps with the switch on the cord. What I HATE is lamps with the switch right under the bulb, the only place that is both invisible (as it is hidden by the tulip) and dangerous (at the very least, you can burn your fingers, at worst you could get electrocuted if the lamp is improperly designed, which is likely if we start with the location of the switch).
BTW, all the lamps at home are like that. My wife doesn't share my criteria.

[JBantha]

Am I the only one who can't stop thinking on Tales of Monkey Island -- Chapter 4: The Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood after reading the cat part?
I also know that the lamp resembled a leg. Don't ask why.

[RyanfaeScotland]

I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it.

Not sure where you live but I think every country has it's equivalent of Poundland (UK) or 99 Cents Store (US) or the like where an ever changing range of stock is sold for a single really low price. When I started getting into gardening (and still now in fact) I would often shop at them for tools, storage boxes and other garden related things even though I knew they wouldn't be great quality and would most likely break after a few months usage but for the small price I was paying I wasn't worried. My reasoning is that it was better to spend a pound on a tool to see if I used it enough to justify spending more on a better quality one, this saves me having a shed full of expensive tools I never use.

Not really sure what my point is, really I just like telling people about gardening, but I think I'm trying to say that in my life cheap crap that is expected to break has its place.

You not do things like that?

[AvatarIII]

this exact thing has ruined shopping for DVDs and Games, I used to read a blurb and look at a cover to decide whether to buy it, now I pull out my phone and go to metacritic or RT, it's probably saved me money and a few shit movies and games, but still, it's ruined me discovering those facts for myself.

[zmic]

this exact thing has ruined shopping for DVDs and Games, I used to read a blurb and look at a cover to decide whether to buy it, now I pull out my phone and go to metacritic or RT, it's probably saved me money and a few shit movies and games, but still, it's ruined me discovering those facts for myself.

yeah the problem with metacritic and the like is that the averaged appreciation of humankind does not necessarily coincide with your own appreciation. It's much more fun just to follow your own hunch.

Also I'm always somewhat paranoid about user reviews. Many movie reviews on IMDB are obviously fabricated by ghostwriters trying to create a hype.

[AvatarIII]

this exact thing has ruined shopping for DVDs and Games, I used to read a blurb and look at a cover to decide whether to buy it, now I pull out my phone and go to metacritic or RT, it's probably saved me money and a few shit movies and games, but still, it's ruined me discovering those facts for myself.

yeah the problem with metacritic and the like is that the averaged appreciation of humankind does not necessarily coincide with your own appreciation. It's much more fun just to follow your own hunch.

exactly, review sites may have stopped me buying movies or games that might be good guilty pleasures for me, or perhaps games or movies in which I'm part of a tiny niche that would love them, even when most people don't

[The Moomin]

My pet peeve with reviews is people reviewing things, especially books and movies, before they've been released based on their expectations or random rumours they may have heard.

[rara_bb]

Anyone notice that the word francs was inserted after the rest of the text was already written? He must have written something else there first, then changed it. Wonder what it was?

Euros?

[AvatarIII]

Anyone notice that the word francs was inserted after the rest of the text was already written? He must have written something else there first, then changed it. Wonder what it was?

Euros?

I'm guessing Euros. He probably just assumed that they took on the Euro and then realised that they didn't because they're not in the EU.

[thesingingaccountant]

It's comforting to know that I'm not the only person left who cares not one whit for online reviews of anything. I buy very little, and my tastes are (unfortunately) rather limited, so it's pretty useless for me to consider other people's opinions of things, especially books and movies.

Still, I've heard good things about the Uterus Lamp...

[sotanaht]

Maybe not for a lamp, but some things. Especially to know if something is likely to break in 8 months, something that's a little hard to tell even if you are touching/seeing it with your own eyes or hands.

I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it.

Lets take for example a computer mouse. I would specifically be interested in one for gaming (not necessarily a gaming mouse, just that that's the purpose I'm going to be using it for). Razer brand mice are well known for shoddy construction, they tend to break down in under two years, under one in certain cases (that's where my example came from). There is also a "feature" some mice have called angle snapping or prediction, where the mouse firmware will attempt to smooth out any curves you draw with the curser into straight lines. Honestly I don't know why they do that, but I know that quite a few do, and it's not exactly a well advertised feature (nor is the lack of it well advertised). In gaming, it can be a problem, especially for example in an FPS game where it means your aim won't follow your movements exactly. Both of these problems can only be avoided by listening to the opinion, in one form or another, of other people who used the product you would otherwise be buying.

I also tend to put a great deal of stock in user reviews and opinions for internal computer hardware (motherboards and the like). Of course I tend to buy those online anyway so I don't really suppose it counts, but for those items it would not matter at all if I were able to see them in a store before buying, seeing and touching them tells me almost nothing useful. I still buy mice in particular in stores becuase in addition to other peoples opinions, I still need to be able to touch the product to decide if I want it.

[Kiddo]

Great comic! I just heard that Best Buy is going to be closing stores now because of people who go there just go there to look at things and then buy from Amazon.

I had to laugh. I'm not a fan of Best Buy (their sales staff are the most adept at ignoring me that I've ever seen) to start with and my last purchase from them involved going in the store with my mother, reading the reviews of what I wanted on Amazon, finding out said item is not in stock and is $50 cheaper on Amazon, bought it from Amazon and walked out. I do like the instant gratification of buying in person and supporting local stores and the likes, but dang, sometimes I feel like these stores are making no effort to make it easier than ordering from Amazon.

[bigchiefbc]

Man, this strip is totally my wife and I when we went to Home Depot to buy a gas grill a couple weeks ago

[Doom Shepherd]

The Alt-Text made me think his lamp ought to be classified as an SCP.

[J Thomas]

http://www.ask4ufe.com/UserFiles/Image/ ... uterus.gif

I never noticed how much it looks like a lamp.

[jacksonliam91]

I had this problem buying a George Forman Grill.

All the ones without removable plates, said "I wish the plates were removable so it's easier to clean".
Al the ones with removable plates said "doesn't cook as well as ones with removable plates"

Except for one which cost about 7 times as much as I wanted to spend and was wider than my stove...

[battlesnake]

This reminded me of a prank that b3ta pulled a while back:
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B001N6W8U0/ref=nosim/?tag=hotukdeals-21

Who can come up with the funniest review (and post it on amazon too)? Target lamps are:
~$700 - www.amazon.co.uk/Jenny-Worrall-Designs-Horticultural-Society/dp/B005QJWHJM/ref=sr_1_116?s=lighting&ie=UTF8&qid=1333110086&sr=1-116
~$3500 - www.amazon.co.uk/Anglepoise-Giant-1227-Floor-Cobalt/dp/B005FEPAMO/ref=sr_1_1?s=lighting&ie=UTF8&qid=1333110053&sr=1-1

Those are straight links, not via amazon associates or any other money-making trick

[Annihilist]

I find it incredibly interesting that it was not so long ago that we would usually associate internet access with desktop computers, and sometimes laptops. Now, most of us associate internet access with mobile phones.

I'm only 17 and I find it hard to get my head around that.

[jasc15]

Between this phenomena and my frugality, I agonize over every purchase. Even something trivial, like my glass measuring cup, I wish I had looked into a bit before buying. First of all, it was overpriced, and second, its contents dribble down the side if you pour too fast. I wonder who used the prototype, saw it dribble all over the place, and said "ok, let's make a million of these".

[Sarcose]

[quote=toadpipe]I can think of nothing at all that I would ever consider buying that fits that description. Not a single thing. Never in my life have I ever paid money for something that was expected to break in less than a year by any means other than trying to break it[/quote]

How many ways can I reply to this?

1. Is it because you read reviews for them that said they didn't break within 8 months?
2. Is it because you've never bought a kitchen appliance, every single function of which is notorious for being unreliable?
3. Is it because you've never bought a washing machine / dryer / replaced another absolutely integral piece of your home's systems?
4. Do you shop at the Illuminati Mall, for which all the top quality products are reserved?

Consumer products are notorious for not working and it is unrealistic to go in with the expectation that everything is not snake oil. You NEED a filter.