Favorite math jokes

For the discussion of math. Duh.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Timefly » Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:18 pm UTC

Chat up line:

Baby, if I were to rearrange the alphabet there'd only be 2x25! permutations because I'd always keep 'u' and 'i' together.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby larryllama » Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:48 pm UTC

Here's one for the advanced calculus crowd.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Mean Value Theorem
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby ++$_ » Sat Mar 31, 2012 3:10 am UTC

A long time ago, far away from any other civilization, there was a little house between two hills, and in the house there lived a farmer, his wife, and his young daughter. Now, because the hills were so far away from civilization, they had no official names, so the family just called them Hill One and Hill Two. One morning, a mysterious man came to this house and said he was hunting minks for their fur, which he would later make into coats and sell at the market in the city many miles away. He wanted to know if there were any minks nearby.

"Be careful," warned the farmer's wife. "This place is protected by powerful nature spirits. If you shoot any animals around here you could face a fate worse than death!"
"I don't believe in nature spirits," said the hunter. "I'm not afraid."
"OK, whatever," said the farmer's wife. "There are some minks around here -- just take a look on the hills. But make sure you don't fall under the spells of the nature spirits, because if you do, there's nothing we can do to rescue you. They'll turn you into a wild animal, or even a plant."
"I still don't believe in nature spirits," said the hunter.
"After you set your traps, why don't you come back here for lunch?" said the farmer.
"Sure," said the hunter, and off he went to set his traps.

However, by lunch he didn't return, and the family began to worry that he had been captured by the nature spirits. The daughter wanted to go search for him. Her parents warned her that they couldn't do anything for him, but she explained that she was just curious what he had been turned into. So they decided to split up and go search for the hunter. The father went to search Hill One, the mother went to search the area between the hills, and the daughter went to search Hill Two. When the daughter got to the top of Hill Two she noticed a beautiful tree with some strange-looking fruit. She climbed up the tree to pick the fruit and discovered something very weird. The fruit of the tree was made out of what looked like beaten eggs, and inside there were lots of little pieces of cheese and onions.

So the daughter, drawing the obvious conclusion, ran down the hill, screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! The furrier transformed is a nice omlette tree on Hill Two!"
larryllama wrote:Here's one for the advanced calculus crowd.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Mean Value Theorem
Intermediate value theorem, surely.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby patzer » Sat Mar 31, 2012 10:36 am UTC

this one's probably been said before, but I'll post it anyway.
Mathematician 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?
Mathematician 2: A log cabin.
Mathematician 1: No, a houseboat; you forgot to add the C.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby ekolis » Wed Apr 04, 2012 2:03 am UTC

Q: What did (x + 1)(x + 2) say when it got multiplied out into x² + 3x + 2?

A: Rats! FOILed again!
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Dopefish » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:34 am UTC

++$_ wrote:So the daughter, drawing the obvious conclusion, ran down the hill, screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! The furrier transformed is a nice omlette tree on Hill Two!"


I can't work out what that is supposed to be. Something about fourier transforms, but I don't know what "nice omlette tree on Hill Two" is supposed to be. :?

I'm sure I'll facepalm and kick myself for not recognising it sooner when I hear it.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby phlip » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:37 am UTC

It took me a few goes too, but I think it's supposed to be "The Fourier Transform is an isometry on L2"...
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Dopefish » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:48 am UTC

Ah, thanks. It's stuff I'm not familiar with, so I don't feel so bad about not getting it.

(I've found the relevant wiki pages to educate myself though, so yay learning.)
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Qaanol » Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:17 am UTC

So, I know dressing up in costumes for Jewish holidays is not part of the historical tradition, but nonetheless I’m being Cauchy for Passover.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Yakk » Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:53 am UTC

You don't actually have to dress up as Cauchy. Just get close.
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Last edited by JHVH on Fri Oct 23, 4004 BCE 6:17 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Something Awesome » Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:42 am UTC

At a conference, two mathematicians are debating a recent result in topology. They disagree on its implications, and it soon escalates to personal attacks.
"Your momma's so fat, she can't be embedded in R^3!"
"Well, your momma's so fat, she's a counterexample to the Whitney Embedding Theorem!"
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby nxcho » Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:14 pm UTC

Didn't see this one when i browsed through this thread:
Image

Edit: Hint: It's from the block buster movie yet to be done, Fourier Transformers.
Last edited by nxcho on Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:17 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Sun Apr 08, 2012 6:25 pm UTC

Hm, explain?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby bling » Mon Apr 09, 2012 1:26 pm UTC

hahaha nice jokes!!
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby MrDrake » Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:23 pm UTC

What did the constipated Mathematician do?

Spoiler:
He worked it out with a pencil...
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby ++$_ » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:00 pm UTC

Monika wrote:Hm, explain?
It's the Fourier transformer.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby skullturf » Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:13 pm UTC

MrDrake wrote:What did the constipated Mathematician do?

Spoiler:
He worked it out with a pencil...


What did the constipated giant mathematician do?

Spoiler:
He worked it out using logs.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby MisterH » Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:43 pm UTC

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:
- because 7 8 9
Last edited by MisterH on Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:56 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheChewanater » Tue Apr 24, 2012 10:57 pm UTC

MisterH wrote:Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:
- because 7 8 9

You should really put that in[spoiler]tags in case some of us haven't heard that joke before.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Chuff » Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:04 pm UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
MisterH wrote:Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:
- because 7 8 9

You should really put that in[spoiler]tags in case some of us haven't heard that joke before.

Thanks Chewy. Fortunately by chance I scrolled straight to the bottom post so I was able to read the joke for the first time without having the punch line ruined.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:55 pm UTC

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you all like a beer?"

The first logician says "I don't know."

The second logician says "I don't know."

The third logician says "Yes."
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Eebster the Great » Sat Apr 28, 2012 11:36 pm UTC

It took me a second to get that one.

Two gods walk into a bar. They talked briefly, and then the bartender asks one, "and what did your friend say he decided on?"
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Giallo » Sat May 05, 2012 10:45 pm UTC

A few moths ago I was with my physics professor. He looked at me in the eyes and told me I had a lot of potential.
Then he shoved me down from the roof.
"Ich bin ein Teil von jener Kraft, die stets das Böse will und stets das Gute schafft."
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby pizzazz » Sun May 06, 2012 8:28 am UTC

I like the logicians one, though it took me some time.

Eebster the Great wrote:It took me a second to get that one.

Two gods walk into a bar. They talked briefly, and then the bartender asks one, "and what did your friend say he decided on?"


I don't get it.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Eebster the Great » Mon May 07, 2012 2:36 am UTC

pizzazz wrote:I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby pizzazz » Mon May 07, 2012 3:34 am UTC

Eebster the Great wrote:
pizzazz wrote:I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.


Ok. I know the puzzle, but haven't heard it with gods, just regular people.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby letterX » Mon May 07, 2012 4:36 am UTC

pizzazz wrote:
Eebster the Great wrote:
pizzazz wrote:I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.


Ok. I know the puzzle, but haven't heard it with gods, just regular people.


I have frequently heard it with two guards (as in 246), which in some accents sounds like gods, I guess?
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheGrammarBolshevik » Mon May 07, 2012 4:43 am UTC

The term "gods" probably originated with a related problem.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Eebster the Great » Mon May 07, 2012 7:53 pm UTC

TheGrammarBolshevik wrote:The term "gods" probably originated with a related problem.

I'm quite sure it is the other way around (the gods of that problem come from the gods of the earlier, easier problem).
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby mike-l » Mon May 07, 2012 8:01 pm UTC

I've usually heard the God terminology whenever you move from Lie/Truth to anything more complicated, whether it be Lie/True/Random or foreign languages or whatever.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby MisterH » Fri May 11, 2012 3:57 pm UTC

Why was 5 relieved?

Spoiler:
because it was 6 7 8
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Qaanol » Fri May 11, 2012 8:51 pm UTC

MisterH wrote:Why was 5 relieved?

Spoiler:
because it was 6 7 8

Change it to say “Why was 9 relieved?” and I think you’ll have yourself a joke.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Monika » Fri May 11, 2012 9:33 pm UTC

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby chridd » Sat May 12, 2012 12:30 am UTC

Monika wrote:I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheChewanater » Sun May 13, 2012 7:16 am UTC

Monika wrote:I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Talith » Sun May 13, 2012 10:50 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Monika wrote:I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.

In my opinion, you still one.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby OverBored » Sun May 13, 2012 11:45 pm UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Monika wrote:I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.


Feel three to try them out, just don't four-get that not everyone appreci-eights that type of humour.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby TheChewanater » Mon May 14, 2012 3:06 am UTC

OverBored wrote:Feel three to try them out, just don't four-get that not everyone appreci-eights that type of humour.


Now that I think about it, we really half to stop doing this.
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Diadem » Mon May 14, 2012 8:37 am UTC

Why did 32 go hungry?
Spoiler:
Because 16 8 4 2
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Re: Favorite math jokes

Postby Grop » Mon May 14, 2012 10:18 pm UTC

Monika wrote:I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.


Could it be because such jokes are unrelated to maths?
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