Favorite math jokes

[Eebster the Great]

Commute with a joint.

Wait, I still don't get it. Is a "joint" like a "join"?

Presumably it's "a joint" like "adjoint". A normal operator is one that commutes with its adjoint. Hence, the joke. You may now slap your knee.

Ah, I see.

"Why does your typical telephone worker toke on the way to work?"
"Because normal operators commute with adjoint!"

[Garrett]

Dunno if someone already posted this:

[Timefly]

Chat up line:

Baby, if I were to rearrange the alphabet there'd only be 2x25! permutations because I'd always keep 'u' and 'i' together.

[larryllama]

Here's one for the advanced calculus crowd.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Mean Value Theorem

[++$_]

A long time ago, far away from any other civilization, there was a little house between two hills, and in the house there lived a farmer, his wife, and his young daughter. Now, because the hills were so far away from civilization, they had no official names, so the family just called them Hill One and Hill Two. One morning, a mysterious man came to this house and said he was hunting minks for their fur, which he would later make into coats and sell at the market in the city many miles away. He wanted to know if there were any minks nearby.

"Be careful," warned the farmer's wife. "This place is protected by powerful nature spirits. If you shoot any animals around here you could face a fate worse than death!"
"I don't believe in nature spirits," said the hunter. "I'm not afraid."
"OK, whatever," said the farmer's wife. "There are some minks around here -- just take a look on the hills. But make sure you don't fall under the spells of the nature spirits, because if you do, there's nothing we can do to rescue you. They'll turn you into a wild animal, or even a plant."
"I still don't believe in nature spirits," said the hunter.
"After you set your traps, why don't you come back here for lunch?" said the farmer.
"Sure," said the hunter, and off he went to set his traps.

However, by lunch he didn't return, and the family began to worry that he had been captured by the nature spirits. The daughter wanted to go search for him. Her parents warned her that they couldn't do anything for him, but she explained that she was just curious what he had been turned into. So they decided to split up and go search for the hunter. The father went to search Hill One, the mother went to search the area between the hills, and the daughter went to search Hill Two. When the daughter got to the top of Hill Two she noticed a beautiful tree with some strange-looking fruit. She climbed up the tree to pick the fruit and discovered something very weird. The fruit of the tree was made out of what looked like beaten eggs, and inside there were lots of little pieces of cheese and onions.

So the daughter, drawing the obvious conclusion, ran down the hill, screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! The furrier transformed is a nice omlette tree on Hill Two!"

Here's one for the advanced calculus crowd.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?

A. Mean Value Theorem

Intermediate value theorem, surely.

[patzer]

this one's probably been said before, but I'll post it anyway.
Mathematician 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?
Mathematician 2: A log cabin.
Mathematician 1: No, a houseboat; you forgot to add the C.

[ekolis]

Q: What did (x + 1)(x + 2) say when it got multiplied out into x² + 3x + 2?

A: Rats! FOILed again!

[Dopefish]

So the daughter, drawing the obvious conclusion, ran down the hill, screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! The furrier transformed is a nice omlette tree on Hill Two!"

I can't work out what that is supposed to be. Something about fourier transforms, but I don't know what "nice omlette tree on Hill Two" is supposed to be.

I'm sure I'll facepalm and kick myself for not recognising it sooner when I hear it.

[phlip]

It took me a few goes too, but I think it's supposed to be "The Fourier Transform is an isometry on L²"...

[Dopefish]

Ah, thanks. It's stuff I'm not familiar with, so I don't feel so bad about not getting it.

(I've found the relevant wiki pages to educate myself though, so yay learning.)

[Qaanol]

So, I know dressing up in costumes for Jewish holidays is not part of the historical tradition, but nonetheless I’m being Cauchy for Passover.

[Yakk]

You don't actually have to dress up as Cauchy. Just get close.

[Something Awesome]

At a conference, two mathematicians are debating a recent result in topology. They disagree on its implications, and it soon escalates to personal attacks.
"Your momma's so fat, she can't be embedded in R^3!"
"Well, your momma's so fat, she's a counterexample to the Whitney Embedding Theorem!"

[nxcho]

Didn't see this one when i browsed through this thread:


Edit: Hint: It's from the block buster movie yet to be done, Fourier Transformers.

[Monika]

Hm, explain?

[bling]

hahaha nice jokes!!

[MrDrake]

What did the constipated Mathematician do?

Spoiler:

He worked it out with a pencil...

[++$_]

Hm, explain?

It's the Fourier transformer.

[skullturf]

What did the constipated Mathematician do?

Spoiler:

He worked it out with a pencil...

What did the constipated giant mathematician do?

Spoiler:

He worked it out using logs.

[MisterH]

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:

- because 7 8 9

[TheChewanater]

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:

- because 7 8 9

You should really put that in［spoiler］tags in case some of us haven't heard that joke before.

[Chuff]

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Spoiler:

- because 7 8 9

You should really put that in［spoiler］tags in case some of us haven't heard that joke before.

Thanks Chewy. Fortunately by chance I scrolled straight to the bottom post so I was able to read the joke for the first time without having the punch line ruined.

[TheGrammarBolshevik]

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Would you all like a beer?"

The first logician says "I don't know."

The second logician says "I don't know."

The third logician says "Yes."

[Eebster the Great]

It took me a second to get that one.

Two gods walk into a bar. They talked briefly, and then the bartender asks one, "and what did your friend say he decided on?"

[Giallo]

A few moths ago I was with my physics professor. He looked at me in the eyes and told me I had a lot of potential.
Then he shoved me down from the roof.

[pizzazz]

I like the logicians one, though it took me some time.

It took me a second to get that one.

Two gods walk into a bar. They talked briefly, and then the bartender asks one, "and what did your friend say he decided on?"

I don't get it.

[Eebster the Great]

I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.

[pizzazz]

I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.

Ok. I know the puzzle, but haven't heard it with gods, just regular people.

[letterX]

I don't get it.

There is a very famous logic puzzle in which a traveler approaches two gods at a fork in the road, each in front of one path. One god always lies and the other always tells the truth. The puzzle is: how can the man determine which road leads to his destination by asking one god a single question?

The usual solution is to ask one god which path the other god would recommend.

Ok. I know the puzzle, but haven't heard it with gods, just regular people.

I have frequently heard it with two guards (as in 246), which in some accents sounds like gods, I guess?

[TheGrammarBolshevik]

The term "gods" probably originated with a related problem.

[Eebster the Great]

The term "gods" probably originated with a related problem.

I'm quite sure it is the other way around (the gods of that problem come from the gods of the earlier, easier problem).

[mike-l]

I've usually heard the God terminology whenever you move from Lie/Truth to anything more complicated, whether it be Lie/True/Random or foreign languages or whatever.

[MisterH]

Why was 5 relieved?

Spoiler:

because it was 6 7 8

[Qaanol]

Why was 5 relieved?

Spoiler:

because it was 6 7 8

Change it to say “Why was 9 relieved?” and I think you’ll have yourself a joke.

[Monika]

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

[chridd]

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

Nein!

[TheChewanater]

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.

[Talith]

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.

In my opinion, you still one.

[OverBored]

I think they outlawed puns involving numbers last year.

That's two bad, I have some funny ones.

Feel three to try them out, just don't four-get that not everyone appreci-eights that type of humour.

[TheChewanater]

Feel three to try them out, just don't four-get that not everyone appreci-eights that type of humour.

Now that I think about it, we really half to stop doing this.