Misquote-a-Wish!

[peri_renna]

I wish for sea pizza!

Granted! One anchovy, kelp, and sea salt thin crust, coming up!

I wish for lame fortunes.

Granted! Here's a bushel of fortune cookies.

I wish I knew how to not sweat the small stuff.

[eculc]

I wish I knew how to not sweat small stuff.

you no longer sweat small objects. instead you sweat arge objects, like bricks of lead.

I wish I had a new laptop.

[Arlick]

I wish I had an old lapdancer.

Granted, everyone thinks you're a creep

I wish for a silver plated toilet seat

[Kyreles]

I wish for silver plated beaver feet

Granted. You can't wear shoes anymore and you've become a freakshow.

I wish I could speak Icelandic.

[peri_renna]

I wish I could speak iambic.

The trick is stress on every second beat.

I wish I had a job.

[orangedragonfire]

I wish I had four hundred jobs.

Granted. You have less freetime than you thought possible.

I wish for a nice, cool drink.

[Randomizer]

I wish for iced pee in the sink.

Granted. A friend of yours puts the stopper in the sink and pees in it, and then pours liquid nitrogen in it to freeze the pee. Unfortunately he decides it would be a funny prank to pour some of this nitrogen down your back when you aren't looking. The results are not pleasant.

I wish for a cherry pot pie.

[peri_renna]

I wish for a cherry bomb pie.

Granted! It tastes ... well, it's inedible. But it makes quite a bang when set on fire!

I wish for a broadsword.

[orangedragonfire]

I wish for a knight with a broadsword.

Granted. He is angry at being torn from the past, and tries to kill you.

I wish for that poor knight to be sent home again.

[LOLBeth]

I wish for a poor night at home again.

Granted. The next time you spend the night at home, you have insomnia and all your money is stolen. The same thing happens the next night.

I wish it were easy being green.

[peri_renna]

I wish it were easy to be seen.

Granted! A spotlight shines on you wherever you go.

I wish I hadn't gained so much weight.

[eculc]

I wish I hadn't lost so much weight.

granted. you are now fatter than most cartoon suma wrestlers.

I wish I lived in canada.

[Adam H]

I wish I lived in a can of soup.

Granted. It's warm and cozy, but your digestive tract slowly replaces the soup with excrement.

I wish there were humanoid aliens on mars.

[LOLBeth]

I wish there were humourous aliens on mars.

Granted. Mars is entirely populated by stand-up comedians. When they invade, we all laugh ourselves into seizures.

I wish I had a teleportation device I could use instead of commuting.

[peri_renna]

I wish I had a telecommunications device I could use instead of commuting.

Granted, judging by the fact you can post on this forum.

I wish for a complete set of encyclopedias.

[orangedragonfire]

I wish for a complete set of encyclopedias to fall on my head.

Granted. You get a terrible headache.

I wish that more people would join Nomic 16.0.

[Kyreles]

I wish that more people would join Demonic 16.0.

Granted. Your neighborhood church of Satan is growing faster than ever!

I wish I had a pet Tarrasque.

[peri_renna]

I wish I had a pet Burlesque.

Granted. Have fun!

I wish I had my own house.

[orangedragonfire]

I wish I had my own mouse.

Granted. You have to feed, protect it from cats, and it eats all your cheese and cables.

I wish that I had more time.

[matt96]

I wish that I had lore time.

granted, now you have time to learn historical legends of fake worlds.

I wish I didn't have to watch the same commercials over and over again.

[peri_renna]

I wish I didn't have to watch inane commercials over and over again.

Granted. Thanks to a new initiative by the National Endowment for the Arts, all advertising is well-written and well-acted with terrific production values.

I wish I had a good way to cheer up my brother.

[matt96]

I wish I had a good way to feel up my brother.

I hope you don't mind that I deny this one, but you already have one, it is about timing your attempt when your brother is sleeping.



the above poster does not recommend following the above advice, and cannot be held responsible for any results, intended or otherwise, of following the above given advice.

[Adam H]

...[I wish] your brother is sleeping.

Granted. It's a magical sleep from which he will wake up upon receiving true love's kiss.

I wish for true love's kiss!

[lynkyn]

...[I wish] your brother is sleeping.

Granted. It's a magical sleep from which he will wake up upon receiving true love's kiss.

I wish for Andrew B. Love's kiss!

Semigranted, I think he has a twitter, go ask him!

I wish for a programming language that knows what I mean as well as I do.

[chridd]

I wish for a programming language that knows how to be mean.

Granted.

I wish for all parentheses to be closed.)

[Adam H]

(I wish for all parentheses to be closed.)

Granted. (Well that was easy.)

I wish for a delicious lunch today!

[Randomizer]

I wish for a malicious lunch today!

Granted. You take a live badger to work with you, planning to butcher and cook it during your lunch break. However, it senses something is amiss and while you are in the bathroom it breaks free of its restraints, deliberately tearing up all the work on your desk and destroying your computer before making a break for freedom.

I wish for Notch to finally fix lwjgl so Minecraft will work properly on Linux without players having to fiddle with a bunch of junk.

[Kyreles]

I wish for Notch to finally fix lwjgl so Minecraft will work properly on Linux without players having to fiddle with a bunch of junk.

*the wish-granter has no idea what any of that means, he waves his hands and an angry badger appears and mauls you*


I wish I had a cannon in my chest to fire things out of

[peri_renna]

I wish for Notch to finally fix lwjgl so Minecraft won't work properly on Linux even when players fiddle with a bunch of junk.

Granted. You are forced to get a Windows box. All hail Bill Gates!

I wish I had a cannon in my vest to fire things out of

Granted! Unfortunately, it takes up so much space in the vest that you can't wear it any more.

I wish I had a crossbow.

[ShortChelsea]

I wish I had a hot cross bun.

Granted, but you know those aren't good for you, right?
I wish that I didn't have to pee.

[FCN]

I wish that I didn't have a goatee.

Granted. You are now less evil. But it turns out that people like evil. Evil is fun. Evil is interesting. Even you are getting bored with yourself.

I wish I could fall asleep when I wanted to.

[Arlick]

I wish I could make others fall asleep when I wanted them to.

Granted, you now have an unlimited supply of chloroform and a sound proof basement with chains attached to the walls.

I wish I had more mousetraps

[sourlemon]

I wish I had more mouse

Granted. Your house is filled with mice running around, eating all your food.

I wish today is friday.

[ShortChelsea]

I wish I could listen to friday.

Granted, Youtube is now working for you again.

I wish for amazing yellow high heels.

[peri_renna]

I wish today is fries day.

Granted! Fries are 16% off at the office cafeteria!

I wish I had a list of game reviewers whose opinions would actually be helpful for my purchasing decisions.

[sourlemon]

I wish today is fries day.
Granted! Fries are 16% off at the office cafeteria!

Lolz fries day sound much better than friday! Thanks for the awesome misquote. But what's with the 16%? Did you meant to say 100% off?

I wish I had a list of game reviewers whose opinions would actually be useless for my purchasing decisions.

Don't those exist already?

I wish I know when my wish is coming true

[bug sniper]

I wish I didn't know when my wish is coming true

Granted. Your wish is granted in such a subtle way that you'll never know the difference.

I wish I didn't trip over a box on the ground.

[orangedragonfire]

I wish I didn't trip over 1,051,522 boxes on the ground.

Granted. You don't trip over them; they do, however, block your path rather effectively.


I wish that that I could make another wish.

[bug sniper]

I wish for grazing yellow high heels.

Granted. You now have a pair of boots that eat grass. Enjoy.

I wish that that I could make another wish get misquoted.

Granted. Thanks for reminding me of the wish we all skipped.

I wish for the bus to arrive.

[ShortChelsea]

[
I wish for the bustle to arrive.

Granted. The hustle and bustle of city life is now yours to enjoy!

I wish for more birthday cake.