xkcd

by **peri_renna** » Sun Apr 15, 2012 3:50 am UTC

Granted. You create a forum where you are the only user. Hosting is $5/mo.

I wish my dad hadn't linked my wiki before I finished setting it up.

by **Kyreles** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:37 pm UTC

Granted. It never gets linked. Or set up.

I wish I was better at Starcraft II.

by **matt96** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 2:37 pm UTC

Granted, you are now fused with your computer, enabling you to macro faster and stuff, but you cannot move at all, and are banned from professional tournaments.

I wish that I will not be the next person to post in this thread.

by **Badion** » Mon Apr 16, 2012 3:11 pm UTC

Granted. the world keeps moving with out missing a beat, however becasue of you typing and the butterfly effect, an ant in the Southern tip of southeast Asia just started a civil war with his colony.

I wish for more kro-mix and less Kromix.

by **bug sniper** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:37 pm UTC

Granted. You get a bag of vegetables designed for paleolithic Cro-Magnon cavemen. However, your cave buddies won't eat it because you don't know how to cook your kro-mix. Kromix would have explained everything to you, but he's not around anymore.

I wish I didn't have a soul-crushing headache.

by **matt96** » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:46 pm UTC

Granted, you now have soul-crushing depression.

I wish Kromix's picture would change

by **bug sniper** » Sun Apr 22, 2012 4:00 am UTC

Granted. It changes to a more compressed version of itself for easier storage.

I wish I had a giant blob of cotton candy to cure my depression.

by **matt96** » Sun Apr 22, 2012 8:41 pm UTC

granted, you become so happy that after you eat the giant glob of cotton candy, you become even more depressed than you were before.

I wish this thread would become yet another nomic thread.

by **lynkyn** » Mon Apr 23, 2012 8:10 pm UTC

matt96 wrote:granted, you become so happy that after you eat the giant glob of cotton candy, you become even more depressed than you were before.

I wish this thread would become yet another nomic thread.

Granted 5 years ago, but people enjoy it anyway!

I wish I could buy shares on a server to seed for me, to ease my guilt.

by **Bartimaeus** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:18 am UTC

Granted, but you find out that 5 + 93 = -e and end yourself.

I wish that I could change unreality.

by **bug sniper** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:24 pm UTC

Granted. You can now change the environment of the Unreal Tournament. However, you still aren't able to win.

I wish there weren't so many Nomic threads.

by **Bartimaeus** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:41 pm UTC

Granted, but all the other threads disappear too.

I wish more people would post on Count to a Million

by **flarpfreak** » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:46 pm UTC

Granted, You'll still never see it reach a million in your lifetime.

I wish I had more emoticons

by **Kyreles** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:05 am UTC

Granted. 17 new "happy" emoticons are introduced to bridge the gap between

and

I wish for spiritual enlightenment.

by **Bartimaeus** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 3:21 am UTC

Granted, but your revelations are anything but pleasant, and result in your forced admittance to a mental facility.

I wish that my phone could call martians. It would call them by their names.

by **flarpfreak** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:36 am UTC

Granted, their names are Larry, Curly, and Moe.

I wish my cat would stop playing with the toy with the bell

by **Odilo** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 4:55 am UTC

Granted. Your cat stops playing with all its toys. Because it died.

I wish I knew everything.

by **Bartimaeus** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:25 pm UTC

Granted, you know everything about necrophilia.

I wish I could leave.

by **flarpfreak** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 12:48 pm UTC

Granted, you leave this planet and wind up in Hell

I wish batteries would never run out

by **ShortChelsea** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 1:35 pm UTC

Granted, everything is now plugged into the wall.
I wish my grade in social psychology were higher.

by **Odilo** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:11 pm UTC

Granted. Your grade has increased by 0.01%.

I wish that I didn't need to sleep, but could if I wanted to, and wouldn't suffer any ill effects from not sleeping.

by **Cameroni101** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:31 pm UTC

Granted but you now suffer from constant hunger every time you walk on a tuesday.
I wish that I could eat bacon with no ill effects forever

by **Odilo** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:57 pm UTC

Granted, but you can never eat anything except for bacon. Ever. You eventually get really sick of bacon.

I wish that awesome shows like Firefly, Caprica, Twin Peaks, and Dead Like Me weren't cancelled.

by **Cameroni101** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:01 pm UTC

Granted but they are now terrible and are unbearable.

I wish I were a rich man, deedle daidle digguh digguh deedle daidle dum

by **Adam H** » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:44 pm UTC

Granted, but all the money in the world can't get that song out of your tormented head.

I wish nothing bad ever happened to anyone ever again.

by **flarpfreak** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:00 am UTC

Granted, the world is now ruled by Barney

I wish that the United States would switch to the freaking metric system.

by **Cameroni101** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:36 pm UTC

Granted but now you hate the metric system and advocate for the return of imperial.

I wish that I could dance better than anyone ever.

by **ShortChelsea** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:24 pm UTC

Granted, now you're the only person that has ever been born with legs.
I wish I were funnier.

by **flarpfreak** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 8:25 pm UTC

Granted, you still aren't funny enough to make anyone laugh

I wish I could fly

by **ShortChelsea** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 8:42 pm UTC

Granted, you now have buttwings.
I wish I could get a date for the dance next Thursday.

by **flarpfreak** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:39 pm UTC

Granted, you date is hideous and the same gender as you

I wish the voices would leave me alone

by **peri_renna** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 3:59 am UTC

Granted - now they talk to everyone else, instead.

I wish I had a perpetual motion machine of the second kind.

by **bug sniper** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 10:28 am UTC

Granted. Such a machine is technically not impossible to make. It only requires a massive deviation from the ordinary probabilities. This probability shift causes the oxygen molecules to stop flowing into your lungs.

I wish I knew more about SCP-426, and for a therapist and a cardiologist in in case I go insane or my heart stops beating.

by **Badion** » Mon Apr 30, 2012 5:22 pm UTC

Granted. You are now a serial crack head.

I wish for less confusion and more fusion.

by **peri_renna** » Tue May 01, 2012 1:56 am UTC

Granted. Pluto is now a sun, and therefore absolutely without ambiguity or dispute not a planet.

I wish I knew more intelligent people.

by **matt96** » Tue May 01, 2012 2:20 am UTC

Granted. Now everyone else on the planet is more intelligent, significantly more intelligent, so intelligent, that by thinking for 1 hour, one of them individually would be able to come up with 5 times more intelligent thoughts than you will come up with in your entire life time.

I wish I would be able to choose to not procrastinate.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue May 01, 2012 2:17 pm UTC

Granted, now you have so much more to do than before.
I wish for a bagel. A blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese.

by **Badion** » Tue May 01, 2012 2:44 pm UTC

Granted. Uncorrupted as well. The bagel is delicious and you are satisfied.

I wish for a bran muffin.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue May 01, 2012 6:11 pm UTC

*gasps* Yay!
Granted, but the bran muffin does what bran is supposed to do a little too well.

by **Odilo** » Tue May 01, 2012 7:58 pm UTC

I wish Douglas Adams was still alive.

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