xkcd

by **peri_renna** » Wed May 02, 2012 12:07 am UTC

Granted - he survives the heart attack, but not before major loss of brain function.

I wish I had more patience.

by **ShortChelsea** » Wed May 02, 2012 12:32 am UTC

Granted, but you've stolen it from everyone else in the world. Everyone else now has no patience and can't stand you.
I wish that it was Thursday already.

by **sourlemon** » Wed May 02, 2012 7:20 am UTC

ShortChelsea wrote:Granted, but you've stolen it from everyone else in the world. Everyone else now has no patience and can't stand you.
I wish that it was Thursday already.

Granted. It's Thursday, but you're stuck babysitting your neighbor's wise ass kids for the rest of the week.

I wish I have nothing due for the rest of the month but still have my job, and is still getting paid

by **ShortChelsea** » Wed May 02, 2012 3:04 pm UTC

Granted, but now you're bored out of your mind.
I wish I had a great birthday present to give to my boyfriend.

by **peri_renna** » Wed May 02, 2012 3:10 pm UTC

Granted! It's in your house. Somewhere. You don't know where.

I wish I had amazing guitar skills.

by **Badion** » Thu May 03, 2012 5:23 pm UTC

You have amazing guitar skills but you are such a douche nobody wants to hear you play.

I wish I had read Hemingway.

by **bug sniper** » Thu May 03, 2012 6:58 pm UTC

Granted. You've read it in your fourth grade classroom. You couldn't understand the complex themes or the character motives because you weren't old enough. Over the years, you forgot everything about the book, and you will have to basically reread the whole book now.

I wish I wasn't a serial crackhead.

by **ShortChelsea** » Fri May 04, 2012 4:47 pm UTC

Granted. You're now addicted to pot.
I wish my guyfriends were less sexist.

by **superkipple** » Fri May 04, 2012 6:17 pm UTC

Granted. All your guy friends are now women.

I wish I could read minds on demand (and only on demand).

by **sourlemon** » Sun May 06, 2012 5:44 am UTC

Granted. But you can only read mind when you're in the federal prison :mrgreen:

I wish I can play the piano and have no injury that prevent me from doing anything else.

by **Kyreles** » Sun May 06, 2012 9:14 pm UTC

You have mastered Mary had a Little Lamb. You can play it flawlessly. You can even transpose it to other keys. 3rd grade students from around the world marvel at your abilities.

I wish for a kitty!

by **ShortChelsea** » Mon May 07, 2012 3:48 am UTC

Granted: You now have a kitty! It's adorable! Unfortunately, your kitty is just old enough to be able to get pregnant and she is. You can't seem to be able to take her to the vet between pregnancies to get her fixed and are now up to your ears in kittens.
I wish my neighbors were more neighborly.

by **Kyreles** » Mon May 07, 2012 2:13 pm UTC

Granted. You neighbors come over every day for tea. It's a couple, Mr. Know-It-All (well, actually, Sake is closer to beer than wine) and Mrs. Condescending (You look so pretty with makeup on; you should wear it all the time). They won't leave for at least an hour and a half. You just want to cuddle with your boyfriend, but can't.

I wish for some Sake!

by **tastelikecoke** » Mon May 07, 2012 2:33 pm UTC

Granted! But the sake will be immediately wasted. You failed to notice a ninja, sneaking silently behind you, holding a chain, tying you up into the chair, leaving you immobile except for your puny legs. The floor is wet with wine. And now, wearing the wrong shoe for the wrong occasion, you slipped off your feet and the ninja got away with your money, which you also failed to notice.

I wish for a Rasberry Pi!

by **SchighSchagh** » Wed May 09, 2012 5:26 am UTC

Denied. I grant you some spelling skills though (rasPberry piE).

I wish I didn't have any wishes.

by **Metazoan** » Wed May 09, 2012 5:51 pm UTC

Congratulations, you are now a very content mangelwurzel who has no need of a Raspberry Pi.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mangelwurzel

I wish I could do links properly.

Without growing up, that is.

by **bug sniper** » Fri May 18, 2012 11:57 pm UTC

Granted, soon afterwards, a forum update turns your link into a font application piece of code. I think you can use links after you get at least 5 posts.

I wish programmers would name the queue functions to "add" and "serve". Those names are more intuitive in my opinion.

by **matt96** » Sun May 20, 2012 1:26 am UTC

Granted, now all previously written code no longer works, the world is thrown into chaos, nice work.

I wish that fewer sad commercials would be shown on the television.

by **Badion** » Mon May 21, 2012 3:59 pm UTC

Granted, there are now less sad commercials but the attempt at being funny and failing ones of risen exponentially. Most shows are now 10 minutes long with about 15 commercial breaks.

I wish for a diet soda made with splenda that wasn't some crazy flavor like pomegranate.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue May 22, 2012 10:25 pm UTC

Granted. Your diet soda isblackberry flavored, which isn't crazy at all.
I wish my sister wasn't so bratty.

by **Badion** » Wed May 23, 2012 2:54 pm UTC

Granted, she is now batty, like crazy, and that is much worse.

I wish for fish.

by **dfl** » Thu May 24, 2012 8:11 am UTC

Granted. A whale shark of 23.7 tones has landed on your fragile bones.

I wish for the ability to twist physical laws in any manner without negative impact to my mental well being.

by **someguy12345** » Thu May 24, 2012 8:50 pm UTC

Granted. You accidentally create a black hole inside yourself, causing great harm to your physical well-being, as well as that of the entire universe, but leaving your mental well-being unscathed.

I wish I knew what to do with my life.

by **Badion** » Fri May 25, 2012 12:34 pm UTC

Granted, its sitting on a couch wondering what to do with your life.

I wish for more facebook shares with better value.

by **bug sniper** » Sun May 27, 2012 7:12 am UTC

Granted. They are made of chedder cheese. Once the nuclear war is over, whatever food you find will be of great value to you.

I wish to never get killed mid sent-

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue May 29, 2012 12:53 am UTC

Granted. You are now mute, which kinda sucks. On the plus side, girls/guys love girls/guys who are good with their hands.
I wish for moar cake.

by **Odilo** » Wed May 30, 2012 7:24 am UTC

Granted. Unfortunately, the cake is barf-flavoured.

I wish the internet would disappear.

by **ShortChelsea** » Wed May 30, 2012 3:45 pm UTC

Granted. All the internet capable things in your state break, so you can't get online.
I wish for something tasty.

by **Kick** » Wed May 30, 2012 3:49 pm UTC

Granted, but it was the last thing you could ever taste.

I wish for silence.

by **ShortChelsea** » Wed May 30, 2012 3:55 pm UTC

Granted, you are now deaf.
I wish this deja vu would go away.

by **Odilo** » Thu May 31, 2012 1:37 am UTC

Granted. You lose the feeling that this has happened before. Probably because you can no longer remember anything for more then 5 minutes.

I wish I knew objective-C.

by **Badion** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 4:44 pm UTC

Granted, Objective C is the bus stop in 30 minutes.

I wish I knew more programming languages.

by **jendral_hxr** » Mon Jun 04, 2012 10:39 pm UTC

Granted, but you miss assembly.

I wish for roadbike.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 1:38 pm UTC

Granted, but people still don't understand bike laws.
I wish that people understood bike laws.

by **flicky1991** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 2:35 pm UTC

Granted, but the laws themselves now state that no-one can ride bikes.

I wish I knew the secret to eternal life.

by **Badion** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:21 pm UTC

Granted the secret to eternal life is to not die. Same idea as flying, where you throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I wish for more evolutionary leaps.

by **ShortChelsea** » Tue Jun 05, 2012 10:03 pm UTC

Granted. We can now all leap at least three feet thanks to evolution.
I wish that I had looked at the seller's ratings before I had bought from him on ebay.

by **Odilo** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:40 am UTC

Granted. He had 97% positive feedback. Your package contained a bobcat.

I wish I had a pet octopus.

by **flicky1991** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 8:27 am UTC

Granted. However, you have nowhere to keep him and he quickly dies.

I wish for a house on the Moon.

by **ShortChelsea** » Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:03 pm UTC

Granted, you have a house on the moon. However, the world flips out because there is a house on the moon, NASA flies up there, finds your name on the deed (conviently on the coffee table), and the US government arrests you on whatever charges relate to building a house on the moon.
I wish my question in another forum would be answered.

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