Rap Battle Thread!

[roband]

Tim, your raps are quite plain, like white hovis (that's bread)
See, I'm leaving you floundering, open water, you're dead
It's not just enough to get things to rhyme
You need to be clever (like your clogs) all the time.

Get some layers in there, make your rap like an onion
By the way, clogs are quite handy, if you've got a bunion*
I can carry on schooling,
unless you're finished fooling,
so I can finally get out all these lines I've been spooling.
See, I can spool like a printer, looks like you're out of ink
UP YOUR GAME SON, that last rap was a stink.




*http://www.the-bunion-experiment.com/clogs-are-great-bunion-shoes.html

[Kromix]

lets see we poke fun at peoples accents and location,
something smart to do, or at least for someone with mental retardation,
UK fag reporting in i hear? could o understand you through those teeth,
crooked and ugly, as if you got dragged though a heath.
with your mouth open and facing the floor,
like a moth squish in the hinge of a door.
talking about phones and android O/S,
we all know you still rock a nokia brick-phone no less.

but i still have to give it to you bud,
you still got heart no matter if it pumps mud,
you correct my word, retard as late,
i know what it means and was applied good, mate,
go ahead and come back, keep acting like a prat,
I'll just sit back and put on my big Texas hat.

[roband]

Sorry for dissing you, based on the place where you live
I can't see your face, gotta work with what you give
Your typing is rusty, are you drunk, kinda hammered?
Your words look like your brain and fingers both stammered.

You can slate me for being English, at least we didn't create Ashton Kutcher
And remember, when you type, that's MY language you butcher.
Seeing as you typo a lot, can I call you Kromux?
I only ask, because it might explain why your flow sucks.
Yes, that's right man I said it, your flow sucks.
I suggest you bend down, grab hold and pull up your flow socks.
See when your socks are up, your rap stock goes up and I won't mock so much and maybe you'll rock the Dutch.

Tim, that's your nick now, you're the Dutch-boy-wonder
Yeah, I'm addressing you too, I can send both of you under.
Not scared of battling two at a time, especially when you both blunder
Because when the wonder blunders under, the rapping goes cold like the tundra.

I could continue some more,
but you both must be sore,
from this lyrical pounding,
that's almost aggressive sounding.

[t1mm01994]

Your arrogant disdain is making me frown
Let's go battle in the language that I learned in MY hometown
It would seem to me that smart Robbie gets dumber
Through the batter I lay down, your senses get number

'cause that's what you are, just a number waiting
waiting to get taken down by the Teemo, baiting
I'm like a diesel, barely coming up to steam
while your power swiftly's going downstream

Your rap's like an onion, it's making me cry
it all sounds so bland, while my lines are so fly
I can fly like an eagle, nothing you can do
To stop me from eagling the bird shit out of you

[roband]

Please don't call me Robbie, can I call you Tim?
It is quickly becoming apparent that you are rather dim.
Like a lightbulb going on, when you have an idea
But it's not very bright because your disses aren't clear.

If an onion is bland, you got a fault in your tastebuds
Your lines are so shit, I mean I'd call them waste duds.
Talking diesel and steam, I think you're full of hot air
You need some nuclear power to keep up with my flair.

I'm getting tired and these aren't as good as they could or should be. That's me done for tonight.
Thanks Tim and Kromix.

[thecamoninja]

Aw shit, I'd like to thank y'all for bumping my thread
But all your damn butcher work just fills me with dread-
If I had an ax you'd be the first I'd behead,
The earth'd be better off if all y'all were dead.

'Cuz see, my rhyming leaves you buried in the dust,
And I'm only un-retiring 'cuz I must,
Y'all suck so bad it's like you broke a sacred trust,
When I see raps like yours, I get filled with blood-lust.

Lemme break it down for ya, like a good leader:
Rap's like a cake; if you want people to eat her
You gotta make it right, or they'll just delete her-
This includes things like having a fucking meter.

But don't get me wrong, rhyming's a concern as well,
Which you shoot in the face like a shit William Tell-
I hope that y'all don't have any records to sell,
If I said "You are shit," would that ring any bells?


I'm done for right now, but believe me: I'll be back;
It'll be just in time to grab and twist your sack,
And your girl will beg me to grope at her rack,
But she ain't worth my time; I don't do whores on crack.

[roband]

What you just wrote was a poem, not freestyling
See, I might not have meter, but I'm still here smiling.
Cus when I'm battling,
I'll leave you just dangling,
Search YouTube, dial the "Don't Flop" channel in
To see the kinda shit I feel like channelling.
I'm a bit more polite that most of 'em,
Won't be saying too much shit about your mum
Or constantly saying you're gay and dumb
But still be scared when you see me come.

In conclusion, you're wrong, battles are not about perfection
Meter doesn't have to be perfect, let me make that correction
I can guess why'd you point it out, cause it seems I've already got you beat
But as I said, meter can get to fuck, I measure myself in inches and feet.

[Adam H]

All you posers just be posing
Yo shit ain't cool it's frozen
Meter? Rhymes? Ya'll got fucked up minds.
Fuckin good thing H is here with his lines

It's down two sticks, then across one stick
The H hits you like a fuckin brick
You want pretty shit, write a limerick
But til you do you gotta suck my dick

[t1mm01994]

So I looked for a fight but got little resistance
Your lyrical skills are hardly even existant
That imperial system, you know where to stick it
All I know it's one foot to your ass when I kick it

Adam, it would seem that the H is for Hate
On the sucking of dicks, felt the need to compensate?
The sticks stuff doesn't make any bell ring
Unless you are Asian, that'd explain both things

[Adam H]

My name is H, bitch - three sticks in the letter
You'd get it but your head and ass are stuck together
And as you slowly grasp that I am your better
You taste your own juice as my rhymes make you wetter

[roband]

My name is H, bitch - three sticks in the letter
You'd get it but your head and ass are stuck together
And as you slowly grasp that I am your better
You taste your own juice as my rhymes make you wetter

"My name is H, bitch", that makes you A-DUMB-HEROINE
Now step to the side and let this real hero in.
Don't stand still for too long, got my sights zeroed-in
Did I just make a gun reference? Must be the flow I'm in
If you're gonna write some good lines, be nice and show 'em in?

Your rhythm is poor, stick to "Madam, I'm Adam" - palindromic,
Worst rapper by far, on any forum for a webcomic.
Do us all a favour, stick to limericks or haiku
In comparison, I'm next level, you're Pikachu, I'm Raichu
PM me up, some better lines I can write you
Or if that makes you feel bad, maybe Google could guide you.

[Adam H]

Everyone listenin can tell yo just trippin'
Let those brothas pick who is better at quippin'
The best you can do is to call out my rappin'
It helps you forget just who I'm tappin'
Yo mother, yo sister, yo daughter, yo boss
I'd fuck your wife too if she could afford my cost
Maybe when her rapper man gets a real job
Yeah, you'll pay me as she gets off on my fuckin knob

[roband]

3690 posts, using Firefox and I've never lost a post. Never understood how you could, Firefox is magic like that.

I just lost 3 verses. Pissed is not the word.

[Badion]

I'm ressurecting this bitch
grabing some words and putting them together with a stitch
Lets keep it short less I bore you kids
I'm about to win this shit with no bids

This must be why the economy is bad, you cant pay your own bills
You people are lazy, I've seen newborns with more skills

I can make more things happen with a rock and two sticks
But I'll hand it over to my man Kromix

[Kromix]

Zzzzz nap time...

[Badion]

Wake up son, i'm about to double post.
This thread is mad weak and doesnt appear to have a host!
Please respond or I'll take my win and leave you all like toast
Burned is what you are now but much more and you'll be a ghost

The clock is ticking...

[Adam H]

The crowd goes wild as I hit the stage
Badion was putting them in such a malaise
"Please, H," they screamed, "get him away!"
"My eyes and ears bleed every second he stays!"
I don't hear a rap, just a string of words
He deserves the title: King of Turds
But which is worse - his rap or his face?
Both are so ugly it's really hard to gage

[FCN]

You think you've got style, like "Check out my Huffy ten-speed!"
You think you've got the crowd in a bloody frenzy?
The world's yours to take, you're a stick-stick-stick-up kid?
You think you're on top but you're just ignorant.

Your flow's generic, your rhymes are hackneyed
Mine are quick and nimble as Jack be
I'm always on point, I stay two jumps ahead of you
With a flow so filthy you'd think it had a monthly schedule

It's like the end of a sentence -
My rhymes are on point, and yours are out of joint
Incoherent like white light, childish like a nightlight
Or Lite Brite
I gotta show you how to do this shit right

I can drop a simple phrase, it sticks in your mind for days
Flutters around your skull like a bird in a cage
Keeps sounding in your ears when it's just ink on the page
I've got the crowd in my hand without a mic or a stage

[Adam H]

Clap pause clap - that's all you hear when you stop
It's your only two fans, yup, your mom and pop
They drove all day through the rain and the snow
They live down the block, they just drive so slow!


Aw yeah I went there. Your parents drive slow, what now?

[thecamoninja]

What now?
I'll tell you what you fucking cow
I'll tell you how we do it downtown

See when you live in the city you don't need a car
'cause you can always just walk to the nearest bar
or 7-11, or shitty open mic
And those seem to be the only places you'd like
After all, why would a failure like you go anywhere else?
You're like a stale box of cereal at the back of the shelf:
The only time anyone thinks of you is when they think of throwing you out
But enough of this stupid practice, I'm gonna go win a real bout.

[Badion]

izzle my fizzle and shizzle my grizzle
you mc are full of soda pop and gristle
no meat in your posts or butter on your toast
just plain and sad and dead like duck roast
i cant let you coast on this so i'll make the most of this
and hit you with a random number dis 6546516514
your rhymes are weak like poor password policy
you probably use your birthday for your facebook identity
your secret question is "how many freinds do I have"?
Well anyone can guess, its zero, dont be a spaz

step back while I rhymes the lyrics like fire
im building a castle so tall you would thinks its a spire
Im gun for hire but im fairly cheap
cause my rhymes are meant to bump this thread so they are weak.

[FCN]

Crack Jack's back to impart his wisdom
Bumping the thread with rhymes you wouldn't bump in your system
I don't think I'll ask you to come share some more
Cause your dopest line was probably six five one four

I'm Grandmaster Function, it's the name that y'all fear
Mic in hand, crushing punks like Mjolnir
You can't survive the force of my wordplay
I own this thread, like the god owns Thursday
Just my presence on the stage is fearsome
Then the beat starts banging like a hammer on your eardrum
And my voice cuts through like Axl screamin'
Gets the room hyped up like Maxwell's Demon
My flow fills the air, it's intense
Penetrates your ears like Q-tips
Fills your nose like coke or incense
Folks who were s'posed to battle are struck dumb
Their throat tightens and their jaw's numb
With the teeth of my rhymes on their throat like an animal
It's like a dentist came to manhandle their mandible

Time to pass the mic, anyone want to offer their hand?
Make like Custer and come take a stand.

[roband]

"My flow fills the air, it's intense"
Now, sex while camping THAT's fucking in-tents.
I imagine you spit lines like Louis Spence
I measure worth in pounds, you've only got pence.

More later

[FCN]

You say you'll be back but your rhyme's barely started
It's just "you talk like a fag, and your shit’s all retarded"
Hope you spit more soon so we can finish this bout faster
You can drop some more of that knowledge you learned from your scoutmaster

[roband]

I see you're quick to drop the word 'retarded'
What's so wrong with being slow to get started?
And can you confirm what you mean when you use the word 'fag'?
For now I'll file your rhymes into the homophobic bag.

See - the mum jokes are fine, just an insult, that's fun
But on the list of things I hate, "UR SO GAY" is number one.
It's cheap and it's crappy, shows how you're not intellectual
It doesn't make me happy and makes your lines ineffectual.

Compared you to, it's clear I'm practically Einstein
Mature and complex, like a well aged fine wine.
You might say "FCN's dope, his rhymes make you look like a fool"
I'd say "FCN's a dope, his rhymes make him look like a tool".

[Badion]

I see you're quick to drop the word 'retarded'
What's so wrong with being slow to get started?
And can you confirm what you mean when you use the word 'fag'?
For now I'll file your rhymes into the homophobic bag.

See - the mum jokes are fine, just an insult, that's fun
But on the list of things I hate, "UR SO GAY" is number one.
It's cheap and it's crappy, shows how you're not intellectual
It doesn't make me happy and makes your lines ineffectual.

Compared you to, it's clear I'm practically Einstein
Mature and complex, like a well aged fine wine.
You might say "FCN's dope, his rhymes make you look like a fool"
I'd say "FCN's a dope, his rhymes make him look like a tool".

I couldn't agree with you more, that bitch is a loud mouth moronic whore
Don't be sore. You earned every bit of that
with your gay slurs and gay bat
for gay bashing and trashing and smashing and out lashing
you must be upset cause they have better style
better taste and are more worthwhile

FCN, here's a pen, write this shit down
gay bashing isn't accepted in this forum town
now turn that frown upside down and put on a this hat
It says DUNCE and i think everyone already knows about that
Your rhymes are flat
like tires on a hoopdie
you should be
back home in your room, home your cell, waiting for your mother to ring that dinner bell
Get lost little man go find the fast train
step in front of it and make sure it smashes your brain
thoughts like that are not cool fool
had to go eighties you
that pissed me off but please refrain from using gay slurs to get your manhood off.

Don't get upset, its all in good fun, I am sure you gay bashing was not maliciously done.
So roband, chill out, relax and be cool
go shoot some b-ball out side of your school
you won't be the prince and wont be a rapper
you'll always just be a guy that flushes your shit rhymes down the crapper.

[FCN]

Woosh. It's Idiocracy, son. Your hypocrisy's fun
You suggest that my voice sounds like I'm gay
Then you see the word "fag" and break out the outrage
But I didn't call you one, just mocking your wack diss
Then you got things turned around like a backflip
Following four bars was too much mental gymnastics
If you think you're Einstein you need a little more practice

[roband]

Just to be clear, my Louis Spence line has nothing to do with his sexuality.
It's the way he talks like the stereotypical nerdy kid with braces, spitting all the time.

Anyways, just cos it's in a film doesn't make it alright
Trainspotting I love, but injecting drugs ain't tight.
So don't hide behind that, either say it or don't
You might take it back, but I guess that you won't.

See, I'm friends with people from all along the spectrum
My circle of mates is a blend, like an alloy, electrum.
I'm bored with this now, you make it too easy
with your historical views, it's massively sleazy.

[thecamoninja]

Show of hands here, who's really kissed a guy?
That shit's fly, lemme tell you why-
You see, homosexuality is fun
I'm sure it's a revelation that'll leave ya stunned
But you gotta know that cocks rock
It's no shock, this ain't talk
It's true, doc, so don't knock
Or I'll knock your socks off
Take you to the box office
Gonna see a movie-you and me
On a date don't be late
Or I'll berate you
Never hate you
I love all men, again and again,
Now and then, tell me when
To meet and we can fuck
Oh, what luck
We'll cause a ruckus
And guys'll fuck us

[FCN]

If it was just a spittle reference then of course I take it back:
You didn't mean to convey "you talk like a fag"
I shouldn't have compared you to the Idiocracy fools
It was just a little mixup, then hilarity ensued
We don't need these flame wars in this forum
Let's put this "gay" stuff behind us, like santorum

Now MC Camo is here to say
That he's ready to show us why they call it gay
Sounds like fun for you but I don't want to play
Can't explain why, I was just born this way

Big ups to all the guys who get down in bed
Whether you get laid or you're getting head
Whether you're a clitlicker or you suck cocks
Just pity the lonely soul who fucks socks
With wrists as supple as a pinball wizard
And the poor old fool whose thing's all withered

[roband]

Let us start this anew, we all got a bit sloppy
Not sure about you, but I ain't the least bit hip-hoppy.
I'm not awful at this though, at least my flow is feasible
maybe you could buy skill? I heard that it's lease-able.
Now, I think you and rhyming is a terrible mixture
Luckily for me, in this thread, I'm a fixture.

See, I'm rapping at no-one - not a contendor in sight
Can't see anyone to beat, try as I might.
I could battle a robot, but I'd need to get a builder in
Cos right now I might as well be battling InvisibleChildren.
That joke's almost topical, only a month or two late
But right now I'm fishing without any bait.

I'm rhyming at no-one, doubt I'll get a response
Truth be told, this makes me feel a bit of a ponce.
But the best bit is this - if I'm alone I can't lose
Not that I would anyway, all your raps produce boos.
When I hit submit, I imagine a crowd all applauding
and wonder who will be the next faker marauding.

[Badion]

You can't see shit cause your so far behind
I 'll keep this shit short so I won't blow your mind
Your a fixture from home depot, your a sconce
that my friend is what makes you a ponce.
But its assuming the king wouldn't respond at once
and that my friend makes you a dunce.

[Adam H]

Yo Badion!

Even undistinguished linguists want to extinguish your lines
Relinquish your vanquished voice, enlist as a mime
There's "your" and there's "you're"
See, your "your"s should be "you're"s
When you confuse "your" and "you're" it's like a rap war crime

The glamour of grammer
it's like the banner on my manor
while for you it's st-st-st-st-st-st-stammering time

[FCN]

You're rhymes are shit, theirs a flock of flies on top of em
All you do is insist that we apostrophize properly

You try to lay down the law but you can't cuff me
Your just a grammer Nazi whose been caught by Muphry

A word of advice, though it has come too late
In a real rap battle, no one can hear you punctuate

You tried to spit shit at Badion but it was a fleeting win
Cause your attack backfired, now you've got a shit-eating grin

[roband]

Badion, look back at that crap that you entered.
I mean, it's not even formatted, justified or centered.
And Adam, your riposte, in limerick form
About to be destroyed by my reply - a lyrical storm.

Adam's rhymes are not terrible, so I'll hit him with a right hook
Badion's rhymes are hysterical, think you're not reading the right books.
My rhymes are impeccable, incredible and irrepressible.

See, your flows, they're a'i'te, but there's certainly something missing.
Probably start an online fight, once you work out who I'm dissing.
With your Internet 101 that means that you're still at school and learning?
Get yourself checked out at A&E, 'cos I think I smell some burning.

See, I'm the one on fire yet you're the one who's burned.
I try to be polite, but my respect you have not earned.
I do this cos I like it, it's fun and I'm damn good.
Especially considering I never lived inside the hood.

FCN pops up, ninja'd, with something to say
"In a real rap battle" who fucking cares about that, hey?
This is FRB, ForumRapBattles Incorporated
And if you get your grammar wrong, you're gonna get fucking slated.

So come on guys, up the output (and make it better)
I promise, I'll read and respond to every letter.

[FCN]

I've got my quotient of quotables, potent like potables
Infectious, portentous, you know folks wanna quote a few
Now you think you're the man cause your thumbs are opposable?
Better work on your skills cause your rhymes are disposable
You drop line after line, execrable, inexorable
Doesn't make you a man to produce like a testicle
Yeah, you got cojones but your rhymes are bollocks
Words splattered on the page like Jackson Pollocks
Acting invincible but your rhymes are nonsensical
You can scribble all you want, write a whole pencilfull
But the craft has been neglected
Your lines disconnected
Like your rhymes were r-selected
Think you're the man but your style's fetal
Trying to make hay but I don't see a needle

[t1mm01994]

Roband wanted a challenge, now he's going to get it
Tim's on the mic, deadlier than a machete
cus roband, you think you're really clever
it just seems you're getting lost in your endeavour

You look, you'll search, you'll never find
I'm straightforward, right, you're left behind
I'll be kind; I won't tear you in two in this rap
I'll still be playing bridge with this dastardly ol' chap

Bros all gather, see what's going down
it's FCN acting like a clown
using big words like he's smart
but if you look closer his lines just fall apart

See, you can say that my lines are disconnected
but your wall of text is formatwise unperfected
you could expect it, if your rhymes just aren't up to par
Grab a beer, sit down, and watch from the bar

Tim's taking over, let everyone know
they can come and see the Teemo show
If you wanna challenge, just stay put
I'll be with you faster than Pizza Hut.

[roband]

30 minutes or less, that's my delivery time, but I usually get served
You impress no-one when you rhyme, but of course - you've never heard.
Y'see, people gossip, talk about you, slag you off behind your back
Your flow is boring, yet mine's addictive, can't get enough of it - like crack.

So hi there Tim, you're young and dutch, and you have silly hair
You enjoy card games, you're not that butch, but really I don't care.
It's easier for me to diss you, because I know you well
And please take it personally, when I tell you "Go to hell".

I'm gonna wrap this up now, I'm feeling kinda groggy
These bars were weak, watered down, disappointing, kinda soggy.

[t1mm01994]

Oh look at that, rob is getting overzealous
judging from the tone, he looks like getting jealous
What's up with hating on my hair ?
That's a bold thing to do with a skin that's nearly bare

Thing, I'm young, I'm agile, you're old and -too much- grown
like David and Goliath, the ending's set in stone
You seem quite fond of you, but I wonder why
You're going through the floor, but your head's in the sky

You're getting older man, there's no stopping time
The later in the day the more difficult to rhyme
It's okay, there's a new generation, waiting in the wings
And soon enough, they will crown me glorious king.

[roband]

Yes Tim, you struck me back - I was waiting for that shit
A shame it wasn't more accurate or a more forceful hit.
But it didn't hurt, I'm not surprised, with your skinny little arm
No matter how fast you swing, how hard you try, I'll never come to harm.

Let's do this man, go round for round, wanna see you take me on
You'll come to learn that you're a Caporegime, and I'm the fucking don.
Head man of the mafia, subforum and IRC
You might be on your way up but you'll never match me
I'm nice enough to let you know, when I want you dead
You'll wake up, see it, chunks will blow, when you see that horse's head.

So you know that you're a marked man, got you covered, a defender.
The ball gets passed, I know I'll win - you're barely a contender.
Let's recreate the World Cup, rap style, who gets to be de Jong?
I'll kick you in the chest, accidental right? WRONG.

I like the football rhymes, so I'll carry on - you might have Van der Vaart
But we've got Stevie, Scott and Wayne and our goalie's got some Hart.
I hope we meet you in the Euros and roll over you like a wheel
We'll score for fun, watch Walcott take it around Van der Wiel.