Worst pun ever

[curious and questioning]

A search to find it. I'll start with a few ones you've doubtless heard before...

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted! (science variant: What do you get when an acid attacks a base? Assault)

What did the fish say when he hit his head on the concrete wall? Dam!

Two atoms were going about their business. One exclaims "I think I've lost an electron!" "Are you sure?", the other asks. "I'm positive!"

(I searched...)

[podbaydoor]

A man, told ten horrible pun jokes to his friends, but none of them made the friends laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Ansain]

A lost and wandering soul missed the big dance because he had no body to go with.

[DrStalker]

A forum game to find the worst possible pun? What an evil idea!

[Agentlien]

Aaah, I love puns.

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O

[Sarcio]

Aaah, I love puns.

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O

dingo.
baby.

A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

[podbaydoor]

If puns were sausages, this would be the wurst.

(Better when said out loud.)

[PatrickRsGhost]

A pirate walks into a bar. Bartender notices he has a belt buckle shaped like the steering wheel on a ship. The bartender asks about the wheel. The pirate replies...

"Y'arrr....it's driving me nuts!"

[foster]

A baby seal walks into a club.

imo this thread should be called "The Best of the Worst Puns"

[LoonRadio]

Old Dominion University in Norfok, Virginia is getting a football team, and I think this would be an ideal time to change their mascot. Right now it's the Monarchs, but, in keeping with the city's identification with mermaids, perhaps the Manatee would be a good choice. Oh my God, ODU Manatee.

[DrStalker]

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O

That's another reason it's so bad; not only is it a really stupid setup but the punchline requires knowledge of an event that, while spread all around the world at the time probably isn't known by a lot of people today.

Background.

The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"

[Rodan]

I didn't get the Ringo one, though.. o.O

That's another reason it's so bad; not only is it a really stupid setup but the punchline requires knowledge of an event that, while spread all around the world at the time probably isn't known by a lot of people today.

Background.

The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"

I wondered why Oz's band was called Dingos Ate My Baby...

[evilbeanfiend]

the bun is the lowest form of wheat

[pollywog]

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"

Two fish in a tank. One says to th other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[keozen]

Where would you weigh a pie?

*sing*
"Somewhere, over the rainbow, weigh a pie..."

[PatrickRsGhost]

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

What's blind and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the hot iron.

[LoonRadio]

Skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

What's blind and screams? Stevie Wonder answering the hot iron.

Not actually puns, but not bad. I used to have a whole comedy routine about the "King of Puns." I should go find it.

/wanders off looking for twenty year-old material

[idont_know12]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Zohar]

The most memorable sound bite from the whole affair is "A Dingo stole my Baby!"

It was even in Seinfeld!

[zomgmouse]

bash.org has supplied me with

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.

[German Sausage]

i find bananas appealing.

[Solt]

bash.org has supplied me with

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.

Did you read the one about the guy who broke his G string fingering a minor?

[Ended]

I'm convinced that the world is really controlled by sheep. My doctor says I'm a baaaaranoid schizophrenic.

[madjo]

time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

[Zohar]

A friend once told me he wanted to create a transformation called "MIT" so he could calculate it's kernel.

[Contrabass]

<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."

You left out the end...
G-flat leaves and E-flat and B-flat share a perfect fifth

[LoonRadio]

The King of Puns has died. In his honor, the state of Florida is renaming an island after his boyish, underage mistress. It will now be known as Key of A Flat Minor.

[jestingrabbit]

One day a mother weevil gave birth to two weevils. One of them was the best at all the weevil activities of any weevil that was known by the local weevils. He was great at spoiling all manner of grain goods, and was generally considered to be a god among weevils.

The other weevil, no matter how hard he tried, continued to be second string. He was smaller and less handsome and the lady weevils all thought he stank.

He was the lesser of two weevils.

[LoonRadio]

Note to bartenders: When a customer asks for another shot and a beer, pour the shot first. It's the lesser of two refills.

[__Kit]

Ahh, goddamn it we have this one 'joke book' in our toilet (to read, not for paper) and yeah it goes through page long setups for some real shitty puns.
Especially knock knock jokes, for science sake!

"Why did the chicken cross the road"
"?"
"To get to the other side!"

You see 'the other side' is also a reference to the afterlife!

[frostbytten]

Bob: So Ray, I heard you and Hugh have got a new job at the burger shack...
Ray: Yeah...*sigh*
Bob: Why the long face? I thought you wanted that job?!
Ray: I did, but I don't like the way our pay is set up.
Bob: What's wrong with it?
Ray: Well, Hugh and I are paid piecemeal rate. Which is to say, that we're paid for every burger that we sell. It's not very fair though. Regardless of how many either one of us sells, at the end of the day our boss adds up the total and divides it even amongst the two.
Bob: Well what's so wrong with that?
Ray: Well, since I do believe in honest and hard work, my count is usually pretty high. Hugh, however, is such a slacker! He takes smoke breaks all the time and doesn't try nearly as hard to increase his count! So it kinda ticks me off that most of my hard work is paying for him to slack off!
Bob: That's not fair at all! You should say something to your boss!
Ray: I dunno...I'm half tempted to just let it slide...I don't really want to confront Hugh about it, we're such good friends.

Bob: Ask not what your count, Ray, can do for Hugh. Ask what Hugh can do for your count, Ray.

[LoonRadio]

Bob: Ask not what your count, Ray, can do for Hugh. Ask what Hugh can do for your count, Ray.

Truly horrible. Good job.

[Robin S]

Does Schrodinger's Cat have 18 half-lives? (Courtesy of yours truly.)

To which the answer is: it's impossible to be certain. (Courtesy of my sixth-form Physics teacher.)

[Matthias]

So this rope walks into a bar and orders a Heineken. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here."
So the rope walks outside, ties himself into a knot and unravels one of his ends. He then walks back inside and orders a Heineken.
"Say, aren't you that rope I just kicked out of here?" the bartender asks.
"No," the rope replies. "I'm a frayed knot."

[zomgmouse]

A guy's walking in the woods when a fairy jumps out at him. He's startled but the fairy tells him not to worry. She introduces herself as Nuff.
"That's a strange name for a fairy, isn't it?" replies the guy.
"Not really - haven't you ever heard of Fairy Nuff?"

[podbaydoor]

What do you do when an elephant comes through your window? Swim for your life.

[lanicita]

A cockroach walks into a bar and asks, "Where's the bartender?"


One day, a Viking named Rudolph the Red looked out the window and said, "There's a storm coming!" His wife looked out at the blue sky and said, "How do you know?" He replied, "Because Rudolph the Red know rain, dear!"

[clockworkmonk]

why did the programmer always confuse christmas with halloween?
because DEC 25 = OCT 31.

[davef]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says, 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone'.

[frostbytten]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £30,000 and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says, 'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone'.

I almost coughed milk outta my nose....that was horrible, and funny. I gotta remember that one.