There are the sounds of trumpets. The lights come on to reveal the courtyard of a mighty castle. Banners are hung, torches are lit, and final preparations are hurriedly being made for the arrival of One who is Most Esteemed. The trumpets sound again in fanfare as the carpet, of deepest red, is rolled out from the grand stage, and a procession of Knights, Courtiers, Cardinals, and all manner of Royalty and Clergy begin their procession from the back of the hall. And is it? Could it be BlitzGirl the First has graced us in the procession? It's hard to tell at this distance, it being such a huge courtyard and a surprisingly enormous crowd. One by one they take their places on the stage, each sitting on an elaborately carved perch that befits the grandeur of the occasion, and as the last dignitary sits, the music comes to a glorious close.And then, nothing happens. The elaborately carved podium, center stage, remains empty. There is great anticipation, and the assembled crowd begins to murmur, but the stage remains completely still. A moment passes, then another and yet there is no movement. But the crowd does not disperse; it instead becomes more intense in its anticipation.
From stage right appears the Pope of the Holy Contradiction, dressed in richly embroidered vestments of glorious golden hue, which flow around him2
strides to the podium and implores the crowd:
What is the greatest commandment ever written, uttered, spake, or encoded with electrons and sent at the speed of light and darkness throughout all the land? What is it to which we all must aspire, though our bodies be weak, and our will faltering? What is it that is the ultimate purpose of our assembly here, and indeed, of our entire lives? That commandment, handed to us from On High, is both simple, and challenging. It is, if I may utter the words myself without feeling inadequate:
Wait For It.
In this is written all of life. You have just done this here, this moment, but you must do this everywhere. And you must especially do this in the One True Comic, as it only exists in its own Time. For those who have arrived after the Beginning of Time, properly following this commandment involves a Holy Quest, pioneered by the Holy Apostle BlitzGirl The First, who in making her pilgrimage, has left us a Sacred Book, the Book of BlitzGirl.
The trumpets sound again in glorious fanfare.
We are gathered here to commemorate two others, who in completing this pilgrimage, have elevated themselves from ordinary Timewaiters, to the Most Exalted Status of BlitzGirl the Next. So, let it be known here and forevermore, that Selcouth and PhoenixRising have, by virtue of their heroic deeds, are consecrated each as BlitzGirl The Next, a title among the highest honors that can be conveyed in the One True Thread. Selcouth, I bid the rise, and kneel.
There is a disturbance among the crowd of Timewaiters as somebody makes his2
way up to the stage. It is Selcouth himself. Having no avatar at this time, he1
is hard to see, but you can make him2
out if you look carefully. He1
rises up onto the stage, and kneels before the Pope. The Pope raises his2
hand above Selcouth's head, and in a voice that carries far past the castle walls, heralds:
Selcouth, in honor of your having properly Waited For It even after the Beginning of Time, forsaking the distractions and temptations of the present time and the present Time, but seeking only to have the truth revealed to you at Its Proper Pace, and furthermore, in recognition of your doing this in anonymity, even before creating an account with which to receive the Sacrament of Sigcouragement, I, as the Pope of the Holy Contradiction, do consecrate you and bestow upon thee the title BlitzGirl The Next, that for all time, and all of Time, it be known that you have truly and properly Waited For It.
Selcouth rises, the trumpets sound, the crowd cheers, and the flags are waved up and down and left and right in curvy fashions, so as not to open the rift whence velociraptors might emerge should one make the Wrong Assumption about the shape of Space in Time. The Pope raises his hands to quiet the crowd, and speaks again to the assembly.
PhoenixRising, I bid thee rise and kneel.
Out of the crowd of humble Timewaiters, PhoenixRising, easily recognized by his flaming avatar he1
has on today, makes his2
way to the stage and kneels before the Pope, who again raises his2
hand above the head poking out of this flaming vestment, and proclaims
PhoenixRising, in honor of the completion of your Sacred Pligrimmage, that you have truly Waited For It as it was meant to be, forsaking the sight of the future as you pursued your Holy Quest, by the power vested in me as the Pope of the Holy Contradiction, do I consecrate you and bestow upon thee the title of BlitzGirl the Next. And furthermore do I consecrate the Gospel of PhoenixRising, a True and Holy Record of your Quest, to be counted among the Holy Books, alongside the Gospel of BlitzGirl, that it provide inspiration to all who follow, and indeed, to all Timewaiters, for all time and all of Time.
The trumpets sound again as the crowd roars and waves banners in curvy ways to avoid Velociraptorlypse (and Velociraptor lips). PhonenixRising rises and joins Selcouth center stage as the Pope takes holds his hands high to still the crowd. He1
And now I would like to invite our Most Esteemed BlitzGirl The First to take the stage and say a few words of inspiration.
The crowd goes wild! But at just that moment part of the castle collapses and water starts seeping into the courtyard. It seems the sea is still rising.1
or perhaps she, it's hard to tell2
or maybe her... it's hard to tell