Things that WILL KILL YOU In Australia

Things that don't belong anywhere else. (Check first).

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Are You Scared?

Yes
16
19%
I wet my pants
5
6%
I wet my pants (for reasons other than fear)
8
9%
No (read: yes, but REAL MEN don't admit fear)
28
33%
I'm An AUSSIE! We Know No Fear
29
34%
 
Total votes: 86

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Daem0hn
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Things that WILL KILL YOU In Australia

Postby Daem0hn » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:46 am UTC

There seems to be rumors flying around about Australia being a dangerous place. Well, in my opinion you are all................well informed (read: pansies).

Here is a compilation of many of the things that WILL KILL YOU if you visit Australia and haven't undertaken a years intensive training on the proper wrestling techniques used to disable the many wild animals that will try and steal your wallet during your holiday.....

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Redback Spider
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redback_spider

While its certainly not the most dangerous spider in Australia. It is one of the most common. Unless you keep yourself protected, you are certain to find these little guys in plans, posts, beams, fences etc. around the home. (They are like the next door neighbours that everyone loves to hate!)

Like most dangerous creatures. Leave them alone, and they won't hurt you. They won't kill an adult, but will make you violently ill, and a visit to your local emergency ward will be required. They will kill a small child.

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Funnel Web Spider
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venomous_f ... _tarantula

Not as common as the old Redback, but certainly packs a killer bite. Again, don't annoy it, and it shouldn't hurt you. In saying that. Don't stick around to test this theory. They are known to run towards people not annoying it. And you Kiwi's thought none of your neighbours had Tarantulas.

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King Brown (Mulga) Snake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Brown

The King Brown snake is not a snake to be messed with. You've seen people on TV play with snakes, and tell you what to do if you see one. Well, you don't move. This snake will kill you within 20 minutes of a bite. Don't touch, don't annoy, just don't. Although the name suggests otherwise, this is actually in the black snake family (Taipan), and most deaths are caused as people are given the wrong ant-venom.

His little friend the Brown Snake also plays in Australia. Getting bitten by one of them, depending on size, will also kill you. A big one will also kill an adult within 20 minutes of injection.

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Common Taipan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taipan

The Taipan is Australia's most poisonous snake. If bitten, in the short time you still have to live, say goodbye to the people around you, because you will die. There is anti-venom, however, the needle would need to be in your arm as you recieved the dose of venom, and you may still not live.

A large one, will kill you within 5 - 10 minutes of the bite. Not as common as the King Brown and Brown, there are still plenty around.

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Death Adder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Adder

The Death Adder may not kill you right away, but if you are receive a bite, head straight to hospital. It will slowly (within 12 hours) kill you. Not all that many around, certainly not as many as the above two, but still here. Don't **** them off.

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Australian Copperhead Snake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_copperhead

Like most of our snakes, don't annoy this one. There is no anti-venom, so if you do come across one, you are probably lucky that they arn't very tough. They don't like to fight, but if they do, you could die. Certainly not as dangerous as some others, but can certainly cause you to get really, really messed up.

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Red Bellied Black Snake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red-Bellied_Black_Snake

This is really the least dangerous of our dangerous snakes. A bite can certainly kill, but generally these guys are just too stupid to care. They don't like fighting, bit they can. Like the above, just don't annoy it. It doesn't have its own anti-venom, but it can be treated with another.

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Tiger Snake
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_Snake

A big one of these guys will have you dead in 30 minutes. Yep, they aren't to be messed with . Like the above two, they would rather run off because they are wimps, but if needed, a bite from one of these will make sure you never annoy another snake again in the rest of your life. All 30 minutes of it.

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Koala
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koala

This cute, cuddly, furry little guy is all nice and harmless, just siting in the tree. Almost cute enough to go and pat. While thats all fine, you may have posed for a photo holding one at one of our many zoo's. But in the wild, don't mess with the Koala.

It hasn't happened for a long time, as most people are very well educated before coming to Australia, however, the claws on these little buggers are huge. They will shred the hell our of anything that annoys it. So just don't. They won't kill you, but they have the ability to re-arrange your face if needed.

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Drop Bear

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The LAST thing you will see....

Their existence is questioned by those unfamiliar with Australian animals, but I assure you that they are real, and they are thirsty for YOUR blood.

The drop-bear as they are commonly known, is a strange genetic variant of the koala. Some believe this 'next stage' in evolution was caused by patronizing tourists constantly touching and abusing the usually placid (and stoned) koala.

The drop-bear is to be feared. The only reason there are no confirmed deaths is because, to put it nicely, your body will not be found.

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Red Kangaroo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Kangaroo

Most species of Kangaroo over here will simply sit and let you pat them, or feed them. Hell, some Red's will. Just don't trust them. The will kick your ass. Well, not actually, generall they will kick your cheast. This can be fatal if they break your ribs correctly. They also have some beasty claws to annoy you with.

If you find a nice Kangaroo and it starts to growel. Get out.

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Salt Water Croc
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltwater_Crocodile

We all saw Steve wrestle with them, move them, and he made sure people new how dangerous they are. Please, don't do what Steve did to them. You will die.

The last death from a Salty was approx. 2 months ago. I young girl was taken by one. They will take you, do a couple of death roles with you between their firm jaws, then take you and submerge you for a couple of weeks, and then the feast is on.

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Fresh Water Croc
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltwater_Crocodile

These guys also like Salt Water. They are a lot smaller, but will still eat you. See above, they do the same.

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Stingray
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stingray

Due to Steve Irwin being killed earlier this year, we now all know that these guys can be quite dangerous. But, I'm sure you all realised they were before Steve was killed.

While they are very calm, they will lash out if they feel trapped and unable to escape. Hence, Steve's death. When fishing on the Barrier Reef (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Barrier_Reef) - It is very common to catch stingrays accidentally. Depending on the size, some people have no option but to remove the barb. Once rays are out of the water, they fling their barbs around like crazy. Generally can't kill you, but a stab in the correct place will.

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Stone Fish
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_fish

The stone fish is the most poisonous fish in the world. Thats right, it also calls Australia's Great Barrier Reef home. Stand on this little bugger, it can make you sick, but it it gets to the right spot, you can die if untreated.

So, don't play with stones on the reef, or you might find one of these the hard way.

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Blue Ringed Octopus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_ringed_octopus

Never actually seen one of these, and I can tell you, thats a bloody good thing. If one of these guys sticks its venom into you. You will die. Thats not a threat, I'm serious. You will die. There is no known anti-venom for these guys, so if you find one, please, don't touch.

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Box Jellyfish
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_jellyfish

Their venom is among the most deadly in the animal kingdom and has caused over 5,567 recoreded deaths since 1884. Need i say more?
They dont tend to venture too far south (which is definitely a good thing) and are mainly found in the tropical north. As with other jellyfish, wearing tights or leggings while swimming can protect you from stings, which in this case would defiently be a good idea.

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The Portuguese Man of War (Blue Bottle)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portuguese_man_of_war

Like any jellyfish, thes guys hurt. And, there are a lot of them. It can kill you, and has killed people, but generally it will just hurt. Not just any pain, trust me, you'll remember this for the rest of your life. Don't step on them, don't swim with them, don't annoy them, just stay away.

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Great White Shark
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_White_Shark

Don't touch, don't go near, don't look, don't swim, just stay the hell away from these guys. They will kill you. Many of Australia's beaches are still not shark netted, SWIM BETWEEN THE FLAGS!

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Tiger Shark
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_Shark

Not as strong as the great white, but more deadly, dangerous and cunning. Swim between the flags, these guys are pretty common to stealing arms, legs and lives.

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Bull Shark
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bull_Shark

These little guys generally won't kill you, they simply are not strong enough. Bigger ones certainly could. Like most things I've posted, don't play with them.

Bull Sharks are known to eat arms and legs with people swimming in their water. Please also note, they are not only swimming in our beaches (where no nets present), but in our canals and rivers too. Be careful. They are known to live in the Gold Coast Canals and the Brisbane River (crazy to swim in that dirty water). They will hurt you.

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Platypus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platypus

Not many people realise that these goofy looking things can actually pack quite a sting. They have two barbs full of venom. If they sting you, there is no anti venom, and the venom does not react to pain killers. That includes morphene. You could be vomitting from pain for upto a month after being stung. Leave them be.




*Note that i cannot take full credit for this. Nashy, a member of Neowin compiled the majority of this list.
Last edited by Daem0hn on Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:07 am UTC, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Lani » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:50 am UTC

So, the lesson I should take from this is "Never go to Australia", right?
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Postby hermaj » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:53 am UTC

Oh, no, definitely come. But don't touch stuff. I think I might have mentioned on the forums (read: to Gordon who is absolutely nice and funny and wonderful :P) about the group of Japanese people my friend 'Borg and I had to take to the beach - we had to sit them down and say "Look, don't touch anything unless we say it's okay." There are blue-ringed octopuses there and I've totally seen one, because this guy picked one up and started poking it and went "Look! Look! It's turning blue!" He was convinced it was perfectly safe, but we managed to make him put it down before he killed himself.

Also, you totally forgot the drop bears. :P
Last edited by hermaj on Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:13 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby thefiddler » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:54 am UTC

I... still want to go to Australia.

I'm just going to have to solicit about five tour guides. :D

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Postby Pathway » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:55 am UTC

Er. Thank you?

I dunno, if someone came up to me on the street to tell me about all that I'd probably run from them.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:56 am UTC

yeah, its not too bad, its just"be careful in australia"

Also, I have heard that only sydney funnel webs kill you, while melbourne funnelwebs arent nearly as bad.

And white tail spiders can be nasty too. They have no venom, but they're scavengers so they can have some really nasty flash eating bacteria on their teeth.

Basically: stay away from snakes, spiders, sharks, jellyfish, stingrays, and crocodiles, and be very careful with the "cute and cuddly" things too.

And drop bears are very nasty, do not mess with them. The best way to deal with a drop bear is climb up a tree, so that they cant drop onto you.
Last edited by Toeofdoom on Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:58 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Traisenau » Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:58 am UTC

There are also the cane toads with their you know, deadly poison...
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Postby Daem0hn » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:06 am UTC

Sorry for forgetting the drop bear - how could i omit the countries most dangerous creature. I am a disgrace to my country and my flag. :P I've updated it now though.
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Postby Peshmerga » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:11 am UTC

Image

the #1 killer of humans

38% of all people die from heart disease

fuck your animals.
i hurd u liek mudkips???

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Postby Pathway » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:20 am UTC

Peshmerga wrote:fuck your animals.


Propriety compels me to decline.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:22 am UTC

And the #1 killer of tourists in australia is? You dont even want to know.

and fucking these animals would be EXTREMELY SUICIDAL.

Go ahead.
Hawknc wrote:Gotta love our political choices here - you can pick the unionised socially conservative party, or the free-market even more socially conservative party. Oh who to vote for…I don't know, I think I'll just flip a coin and hope it explodes and kills me.

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Postby Gordon » Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:34 am UTC

think I might have mentioned on the forums about the group of Japanese people my friend 'Borg and I had to take to the beach - we had to sit them down and say "Look, don't touch anything unless we say it's okay."

Our talks mean nothing to you???
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RealGrouchy wrote:I still remember the time when Gordon left. I still wake up in the middle of the night crying and screaming his name.
I do that too, but for an entirely different reason.
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Postby Fluff » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:47 am UTC

Great post. That's sent me off on a wikipedia mission for the last half an hour. I've only just returned. :P

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Postby joeframbach » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:53 am UTC

Also, huge swarms of frogs in the road cause people to swerve, which I'm sure isn't safe either.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Feb 16, 2007 4:58 am UTC

Dont forget the desert. People can easily die in the desert if they arent prepared. even if they dont find a dangerous animal they can still die of thirst :p
Hawknc wrote:Gotta love our political choices here - you can pick the unionised socially conservative party, or the free-market even more socially conservative party. Oh who to vote for…I don't know, I think I'll just flip a coin and hope it explodes and kills me.

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Postby myoumyouou » Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:24 am UTC

bwahahah! fantastic
now if only i can get all of these creatures do my bidding, the world will be mind. mwahahahah
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Postby williamager » Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:17 am UTC

One must admit that even the Wikipedia links given disagree with the rather exaggerated text. Take for example, the Taipan: Wikipedia asserts that antivenom treatment is actually highly effective, and the sources given support this.

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Postby Aoeniac » Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:35 am UTC

Something is only poisonous if you get sick from eating or touching it.

Venom is from stings and bites and injections.

That said, I am afraid of everything toxic in general anyway.
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Postby hyperion » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:14 am UTC

you won't always die if stung (bitten?) by a blue ringed octopus. but it will make you really sick and it will fucking hurt. same goes for a stonefish.

apparently you shouldn't bother with a tourniquet for aussie snake bites, because the venom doesn't act on the blood.
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Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:21 am UTC

Yeah... you wont quite die if you're lucky enough to have people around you who know how to help, and preferably quick access to an ambulance... leave them octopii alone.

Some people say Drop Bears have some sort of venom... I reckon they dont need it. Anyone know anything about it? I need to settle an argument... (by which i mean i want to start a new argument here)
Hawknc wrote:Gotta love our political choices here - you can pick the unionised socially conservative party, or the free-market even more socially conservative party. Oh who to vote for…I don't know, I think I'll just flip a coin and hope it explodes and kills me.

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Postby hermaj » Fri Feb 16, 2007 11:13 am UTC

Gordon wrote:
think I might have mentioned on the forums about the group of Japanese people my friend 'Borg and I had to take to the beach - we had to sit them down and say "Look, don't touch anything unless we say it's okay."

Our talks mean nothing to you???


I wasn't sure if it was you or not! :( I knew I had talked about it somewhere with a forum person and I didn't want to assume.

Peace cuddle? *holds out arms*


EDIT: @ ToeofDoom - I thoroughly researched drop bears when telling no-g about them. No venom! They just have fangs and the element of surprise, so don't walk too close under those eucalypts. Also, I read somewhere they can be deterred by a generous smear of Vegemite behind each ear. :P

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Postby Hawknc » Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:31 pm UTC

The following items also need to be added to that list:

- Platypus (don't be fooled - they're just biding their time)
- Eddie McGuire
- Adelaide water
- Bruce Schneier if you interrupt his holiday
[/list]
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Postby Toeofdoom » Fri Feb 16, 2007 12:58 pm UTC

the platypus was already there. But the others... yes add away
Hawknc wrote:Gotta love our political choices here - you can pick the unionised socially conservative party, or the free-market even more socially conservative party. Oh who to vote for…I don't know, I think I'll just flip a coin and hope it explodes and kills me.

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Postby Lani » Fri Feb 16, 2007 1:43 pm UTC

HYPERiON wrote:you won't always die if stung (bitten?) by a blue ringed octopus. but it will make you really sick and it will fucking hurt. same goes for a stonefish.

apparently you shouldn't bother with a tourniquet for aussie snake bites, because the venom doesn't act on the blood.


It may be similar to the rattlesnake venom here in the states, which works on the lymph system. I believe what you do is tie a very loose tourniquet, loose enough to slip a finger under, about two inches up from the bite, and wide enough that you aren't affecting blood flow.
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Postby SpitValve » Fri Feb 16, 2007 8:48 pm UTC

Stats!

Of course some countries don't really report that sort of thing very well...


This is not on topic but still interesting... NZ has a 2nd most reported crimes per capita in the world :) Apparently we report them more often or something...

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Postby Aoeniac » Fri Feb 16, 2007 9:44 pm UTC

If you're worried about Drop Bears just put mayonnaise on your head.

Or was it Vegemite?

No wait... peanut oil!

XD
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Postby Gordon » Fri Feb 16, 2007 10:53 pm UTC

Peace cuddle!

I only skimmed the other posts :( still scared
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Postby Aoeniac » Sat Feb 17, 2007 12:17 am UTC

By the way, how does Vegemite taste anyway?

I'm seriously curious because I love salty foods but I have no idea where to get friggen yeast extract paste where I live.
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Postby fjafjan » Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:06 am UTC

Aoeniac wrote:By the way, how does Vegemite taste anyway?


It should be far up on this list
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Postby SpitValve » Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:24 am UTC

And apparently English marmite is completely different to Kiwi/Aussie marmite...

Anyway, speaking of Australia: pwnt!

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Postby Toeofdoom » Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:28 am UTC

fjafjan wrote:
Aoeniac wrote:By the way, how does Vegemite taste anyway?


It should be far up on this list


Vegemite isnt bad, but think of it as something like some sort of spice. A little bit of chilli is good... but someone who doesnt know what it is and fills a sandwich with it aint gonna be having a good day.
Hawknc wrote:Gotta love our political choices here - you can pick the unionised socially conservative party, or the free-market even more socially conservative party. Oh who to vote for…I don't know, I think I'll just flip a coin and hope it explodes and kills me.

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Postby Jesse » Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:40 am UTC

I have tasted both Vegemite and Marmite, they taste the same.

And I love it.

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Postby Toeofdoom » Sat Feb 17, 2007 1:44 am UTC

They taste different to me atleast. and to most other people.

Anyway, those stats do show a good point, there are more deaths in south america and probably africa than australia related to poisonous things, but thats probably largely due to australia's people being mainly in cities, and then they leave spiders and snakes and whatever alone.
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Postby Traisenau » Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:05 am UTC

Aoeniac wrote:By the way, how does Vegemite taste anyway?

I'm seriously curious because I love salty foods but I have no idea where to get friggen yeast extract paste where I live.


Think of it as one of the four foods my dad won't eat(For the record, my dad will eat anything you put in front of him, hell, he didn't even mind Tab when the stuff was first made...), with the other 3 being Liver, Kidney, and Peanut Butter(No, we do not know why this is one of the four O.o )
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Postby Aoeniac » Sat Feb 17, 2007 3:41 am UTC

Johnthemage wrote:
Aoeniac wrote:By the way, how does Vegemite taste anyway?

I'm seriously curious because I love salty foods but I have no idea where to get friggen yeast extract paste where I live.


Think of it as one of the four foods my dad won't eat(For the record, my dad will eat anything you put in front of him, hell, he didn't even mind Tab when the stuff was first made...), with the other 3 being Liver, Kidney, and Peanut Butter(No, we do not know why this is one of the four O.o )


This is very promising because I eat and enjoy liver, as well as peanut butter. I had no idea you could get kidneys to cook but I'm not too keen on the idea no matter what animal it is.
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hermaj
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Postby hermaj » Sat Feb 17, 2007 4:57 am UTC

*goes to pantry, gets smidgeon of Vegemite on finger*

It tastes of salt, like stock cubes taste of salt, with that beef extract kind of flavour. If you spread/dip any thicker than I just did though, it tastes of "BLEEECCCHH... :cry: "

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hyperion
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Postby hyperion » Sat Feb 17, 2007 4:59 am UTC

i've heard that vegemite is the crap they scoop up from the bottom of beer-fermenting tanks
Peshmerga wrote:A blow job would probably get you a LOT of cheeseburgers.
But I digress.

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Postby myoumyouou » Sat Feb 17, 2007 9:14 am UTC

it's actually from the top. and it's not crap
everything you've ever thought about has been thought about before. think about it

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Hawknc
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Postby Hawknc » Sat Feb 17, 2007 12:01 pm UTC

Toeofdoom wrote:the platypus was already there. But the others... yes add away

Bugger. That'll teach me to PgDn so fast.
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Postby Twasbrillig » Sat Feb 17, 2007 6:09 pm UTC

I hear that theres a curfew in Melbourne of 8pm... for CATS. Is this just some retarded law or is it in the interest of cats not getting boom headshotted by things like drop bears... *shudder*.
I want to have Bakemaster's babies. It's possible, with science.

I wonder if you can see...
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