Damn You, Food Network!

Apparently, people like to eat.

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Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:38 am UTC

Ok, tonight for supper, I had a place of farm spaghetti, a couple ribs and a piece of gloriously baked chicken.

For seconds, I had a place of farm spaghetti, a couple ribs and a piece of gloriously baked chicken.

For thirds, I had a place of farm spaghetti, a couple ribs and a piece of gloriously baked chicken... and some salad.

...

I am almost immobilized by the sheer quantity and awesomosity of the food tonight... and yet, when I turn on Channel 36 and see "Jamie At Home" cooking with food I dislike, WHY DOES IT MAKE ME WANT TO COOK AND EAT WHATEVER HE MAKES? Seriously, anything Jamie Oliver makes on that show, even when it uses ingredients I hate, I must eat it (every recipe also uses stuff I love, so it evens out, I guess). The very first thing I saw him make was spectacularly easy, and even my half-assed attempt was one of the tastiest things I've ever made, and the thing tonight involved an entire cabbage, mixed with anchovy-baked bacon in a leafy-greens bread soup, and I wish I had some now.

...

Still immobilized by delicious food.

I guess this is a Food Network thread (or, you know, whatever Americans have that's close to it). Iron Chef can probably have it's own thread, so this is for everything else.

PS: Also, ever since seeing Rachel Ray on Iron Chef, she's somehow become hotter and less stupid.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Girl™ » Mon Feb 04, 2008 4:26 pm UTC

They used to have Food Network constantly playing on one of the TVs at the gym, when we went to the gym. That was fucking cruel.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Bakemaster » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:08 pm UTC

I used to watch Rachael Ray, ages ago. I thought she was more attractive before she was in Maxim and got popular and they started glamming her up to make her more attractive. Unfortunately I haven't had TFN in over a year now, so I'm not really up on the latest shows or what have you.

I do remember Alton Brown teaching me how to pickle things. Like pears. I think pickled eggs are disgusting, but pickled pears sound intriguing.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:15 pm UTC

She was in Maxim? Neat...

All I know is when I first saw her, I thought "Hey, cute!" Then I found out she got a cooking show directly after being discovered running a sample booth in a mall. BAM, hot = cooking show. Then she was on the cover of every womens magazine and food magazine and the airbrushing just made her look hideous...

Then she was on Iron Chef, and I got to see her talk, and see her work, and hear her thoughts on being a cook, not a chef, and television, and my respect for her soared, and she mysteriously became hawt again! (Giada still looks like a little alien fetus).

My favorite shows are Jamie At Home, Glutton For Punishment, and Ace Of Cakes (mostly because those guys are HILARIOUS, and they had an episode with Clutch).

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Belial » Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:34 pm UTC

Eww. Rachael Ray. Something about her is like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Also, has anyone noticed that all the good food shows are on the travel channel? How the hell did that happen? Anthony Bourdain and the "Bizarre Food" Guy. Who needs anything else?
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby aetherson » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:25 pm UTC

Rachel Ray sounds like she would be fun to have at a BBQ or something...

Mighty Jalapeno wrote: (Giada still looks like a little alien fetus).


Her head is just too big for her body...or maybe it's because she's really tiny and the angle of the camera makes her head look big...
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:33 pm UTC

It's not just her head, it's her face. Her FACE is TINY. I swear it's Photoshopped.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby nevskey1 » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:47 pm UTC

Wait, are we all talking about the same Rachel Ray? That really annoying "dumb person" who says "dumb things" and cooks disgusting crap. I wouldn't want her anywhere near my BBQ, my EVOO, or my ears.

Now Alton Brown, that guy is the man. Hilarious and informative. I was so surprised to discover such a tremendous personality on the Food Network, and have since been enjoying his show when I get a chance.

Oh, and that old Southern lady (is it Gaida?) is the most amusingly voluptuous person I've seen. Watching her hit on guys half her age with the most over-the-top sexual innuendos makes for good creepy entertainment.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby mandalynn » Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:55 pm UTC

nevskey1 wrote:Oh, and that old Southern lady (is it Gaida?) is the most amusingly voluptuous person I've seen. Watching her hit on guys half her age with the most over-the-top sexual innuendos makes for good creepy entertainment.

That would be Paula Deen, of Paula's Home Cooking.

And I have a major brain crush on Alton Brown.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Pirate.Bondage » Mon Feb 04, 2008 11:50 pm UTC

My brother is in college to become a chef and Emril is his idol. He's always watching/making things from Food Network.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Kizyr » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:33 am UTC

I probably have opinions regarding Food/Travel Network personalities far in excess of the amount that I watch either network. But in any case...

Alton Brown: You can never watch too much Good Eats. He's fun, he's informative, he really gets at the science behind cooking (in a way that's, again, fun and informative)... Really, Good Eats is like the perfection of all cooking shows.

Rachel Ray: I've always liked her. I don't think she's a top-notch chef, but more importantly, she cooks in a way that your normal, everyday person can follow. She'll offer suggestions and alternatives throughout her show, so it's useful to watch if you actually want to cook in addition to just watching someone else cook. She also looks like she actually enjoys her food; I'm suspicious of thin-as-a-rail chefs like Giada who don't look like they'd actually eat what they make.

Anthony Bourdain: Can't stand him. He's really arrogant and condescending. I always get the impression that he really likes finding reasons to look down on other people for eating 'normal' food or something.

Andrew Zimmern: On the contrary, I do like Andrew Zimmern. He sounds like he actually treats the other folks he deals with with respect and more open-mindedness. Another plus for being frank with people if he does or doesn't like a particular food. KF
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Zak » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:44 am UTC

We 'mericas, have the food network, and yes, Alton Brown is sheer win.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby ParanoidDrone » Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:18 am UTC

Rachel Ray on Iron Chef? :shock: When was this? It sounds like a prime source of entertainment. As far as her show goes (or any other cooking show, really), I don't mind the cooks themselves, I just don't like it when they blather on and on about x reason they like y dish.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:50 am UTC

It was Ray vs Giada, and Ray Kicked ASS. Her new show also has tasty food, and isn't too complex, and on IC she explained she was a cook, not a chef, and she didn't even have any proper culinary schooling. She was very... human, and likeable.

Giada looked and acted bitchy the whole show.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Zohar » Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:31 am UTC

I don't watch that many food shows lately, but only because I a watch a lot less TV than I used to. I really liked anything with Jamie Oliver (he's cute, too! :-) ), I loved Two Fat Ladies, I think almost any show with a presenter who's semi-charismatic is good enough for me. Plus, I actually try stuff I see.

I loved Iron chef (only watched the Japanese dubbed version), it was so awesome. The American version I saw a few times but didn't really like.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Moo » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:04 pm UTC

Did anyone see the episodes of Jamie At Home where he made (a) Italian cabbage soup (layered cabbage & bacon, bread, cheese, broth) or (b) the best Bubble & Squeak with lots of different winter veg?

I rarely watch Jamie but someone advised me it was a good place to get ideas on how to cook all this weird veg I am getting in my organic delivery boxes and never grew up with, thus having no idea what to do with them and not really particularly liking them as is. I caught both recipes halfway through on TV and the recipes are not on the Channel 4 (who broadcast the show in the UK) website. There are some from the show but not all and not those two. Annoying.

Keeping in mind that I am not American: I watched Rachel Ray once. Briefly. "And the great thing is, you can use tortilla chips instead of spoons. I know! I KNOW!!" as if she had just invented the most awe inspiring concept of the modern era. I could feel myself get dumberer every second I kept watching; everything about her annoyed me.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Girl™ » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:10 pm UTC

I don't much like the American Iron Chef either. The bad dubbing and oddly-translated phrases and weird Japanese ingredients were what made it so great. Take all that away, and you just have Bobby Flay being an uncontrolled douchebag. :(
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Masuri » Tue Feb 05, 2008 3:12 pm UTC

I watched a show on there the other day where this man molded a brooch out of sugar to put on a wedding cake.

Who pays for that? Seriously.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:55 pm UTC

Moo wrote:Did anyone see the episodes of Jamie At Home where he made (a) Italian cabbage soup (layered cabbage & bacon, bread, cheese, broth) or (b) the best Bubble & Squeak with lots of different winter veg?

MJ's Original Post wrote:and the thing tonight involved an entire cabbage, mixed with anchovy-baked bacon in a leafy-greens bread soup, and I wish I had some now.

That's what prompted me to make this thread... and I said so :)

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Moo » Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:57 am UTC

(well I didn't see the whole recipe so I didn't know about the anchovies, so I missed the corrolation. Now in hindsight, I am an idiot, but still! If you saw it why didn't you bloody post how to make it then!)

I made a close approximation, extrapolated from the bit I did see and remember, and although it had no anchovies it was pretty damn good and I don't even like cabbage.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Mighty Jalapeno » Thu Feb 07, 2008 7:22 am UTC

I know, I know :) It's ok.

I didn't post how to make it, since everyone I've told about it has made a... a... why don't we have a 'barfing face' emoticon? Anyways, I still wanna make it.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Moo » Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:27 am UTC

You should. But you should eat it all the same day. Trust me.

MJ, Your new avatar is... weird and intriguing. And weird.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Bakemaster » Fri Feb 08, 2008 6:51 pm UTC

nevskey1 wrote:Wait, are we all talking about the same Rachel Ray? That really annoying "dumb person" who says "dumb things" and cooks disgusting crap.

[citation needed]
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby HighCharity » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:18 pm UTC

nevskey1 wrote:Now Alton Brown, that guy is the man. Hilarious and informative. I was so surprised to discover such a tremendous personality on the Food Network, and have since been enjoying his show when I get a chance.

Epic. You are god.

Alton Brown: You can never watch too much Good Eats. He's fun, he's informative, he really gets at the science behind cooking (in a way that's, again, fun and informative)... Really, Good Eats is like the perfection of all cooking shows.


Another awesome post. You are totally right. I don't like watching people cook food, because it's just retarded, and if I can't find the ingredients, it pisses me off, but I still love watching Good Eats.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby PatrickRsGhost » Tue Feb 19, 2008 8:47 pm UTC

I agree with what everyone has said about Alton Brown. I watch him whenever I can. Not only does he tell you how to cook, but why you should cook the way he tells you to. He is to food what Beakman or Bill Nye are to Science. As a bonus, he throws in a lot of Science into the mix. Cooking is really a Science, if you think about it. So now if you're getting ready to cook in the kitchen, you have a viable excuse to tell everyone to stand back, since you're going to try Science.

He also provides a bit of history on some of the foods he prepares, such as where they originated, where they're most popular, how they came into Amurika, and so on. I once watched his holiday special On Demand, which ran from about a week before Thanksgiving (Amurikan Thanksgiving) to a day or two after Christmas. IIRC, he was talking about how he doesn't like to stuff a turkey with bread stuffing because all the stuffing soaks up the liquid, causing the meat to get dry and tough. Also some of the blood gets into the stuffing, which can be harmful to you. He also talked about fried turkeys, which are popular down in the South, and how a lot of people get injured or killed because they don't use the right kind of oil. The manufacturer of the fryers say to use peanut oil, since it takes longer to heat than corn oil or vegetable oil. If you use either of those two, your turkey fryer becomes a turkey rocket cannon. I'd purposefully use corn oil or vegetable oil, just to see that.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby nevskey1 » Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:10 am UTC

Bakemaster wrote:
nevskey1 wrote:Wait, are we all talking about the same Rachel Ray? That really annoying "dumb person" who says "dumb things" and cooks disgusting crap.

[citation needed]

1. /\According to Nevskey's unhappy belly and painfully agitated eardrums.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Bakemaster » Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:06 pm UTC

O...kay. Have you ever tried any of her recipes? Ever cooked them yourself? The only sensible thing I found scanning through that LJ community was a link to an article that said you can't make her meals as quickly as she claims, but finishes by praising the quality of the dishes once finished. I still smell bandwagon bull.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Girl™ » Wed Feb 20, 2008 9:33 pm UTC

I've noticed that she relies a bit too much on pre-packaged and canned ingredients to fill out her dishes. It makes for less-than-stellar results sometimes. But hey, it's "30 Minute Meals," not Julia Child.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Bakemaster » Wed Feb 20, 2008 10:15 pm UTC

I haven't noticed that, but I also haven't watched her show in several years since I had to give up having cable.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby nevskey1 » Wed Feb 20, 2008 11:41 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:I still smell bandwagon bull.
Actually, I agree. I honestly never even looked through that site. I just came across it before, and though it would fit in humorously with my riposte. Otherwise, though, I just don't like Rachel Ray. I can't really explain why, and by no means am I qualified to judge based on food quality. But something about her just irritates the living hell out of me. I wish I could explain myself better, but I can't.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Aleril » Thu Feb 21, 2008 3:18 am UTC

Belial wrote:Eww. Rachael Ray. Something about her is like nails on a chalkboard for me.



I remember my mother watching an episode of that where she named three places in San Diego for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner that were all great and a bargain.

They were.... mediocre.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby asad137 » Mon Feb 25, 2008 11:05 pm UTC

I find Rachael Ray annoying as all hell. That voice just drives me bonkers. The few recipes I've tried of hers have been pretty good, though.

Alton is, quite simply, my hero.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Azrael » Tue Feb 26, 2008 3:25 am UTC

Bakemaster wrote:O...kay. Have you ever tried any of her recipes? Ever cooked them yourself? The only sensible thing I found scanning through that LJ community was a link to an article that said you can't make her meals as quickly as she claims, but finishes by praising the quality of the dishes once finished. I still smell bandwagon bull.
I have two of her books, and although I only make/borrow parts from a small a fraction (maybe 20 per book), those are pretty good. Of the things I make, the only pre-packaged stuff I've ever used (besides things like soy sauce) is quick cook, plain polenta.

But you can't make them in 30 minutes. And her voice and television presence both annoy me to no end.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby mandalynn » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:59 pm UTC

I liked Rachel Ray when she did 30 minute meals and she was on Food Network from 6-7pm. Then she started getting bunches of other shows and she was on Food Network 75% of the day. Now she's on like, every channel. I could watch Rachel Ray 24-7 without even trying. She's on billboards, in magazines...she's almost as bad as Oprah.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Daeren Ryft » Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:24 am UTC

- Rachel Ray: I can handle her show if I only watch one episode. Two pushes it, cause shes also in a shitton of commercials. Her food can be good, but her personality just rubs me the wrong way.
- Insert other random italian-style food woman here: Really, there's too freaking many. I don't need 5 hours of olive oil with food on the side.
- Alton Brown: Bill Nye, but with delicious food! (Seriously, his Sliders he made on the Man-Food episode blow White Castle out of the water. And they're so simple and cheap!) What could possibly make it better? Maybe if it gave you the food at the end. Also, his germ/yeast/microbe sock-puppets crack me up every time, and I really dont know why. Maybe its the squeaky voices, or maybe its the constant belching. Or just the ridiculousness of sock puppets on a cooking show.
- Emeril: Sad to see Emeril Live go. Hes a good guy, and essentially IS the modern day superstar chef. Also, I ate some sort of chicken at his restaurant, it was in this deep red sauce and had these pog-looking pasta bits around it. Phenominal, and I'm still kicking myself for not writing the name down.
- Paula Dean: Good lord, this woman should be dead by now with the crap she makes. Dont get me wrong, I love watching her and her shows, but seriously, I saw her make a burger once out of a patty, bacon, fried egg, and GLAZED DONUTS FOR BUNS. (That, and her hitting on Bobby Flay is awesomely creepy)
- Bobby Flay: I don't know. He seems nice enough, but on a good deal of his shows he just radiates "Douchebag."
- Mario Batali: I rarely see him on anything but ICA, but hes a hoot and a half, and shares my motto: "It Needs More Garlic. ALWAYS."
- That one really angry assistant chef hag-woman on Iron Chef America: Shes always so pissed off when she's cooking. She may not be famous, but shes hilarious to watch mutilate food.

Yeah. I watch too damn much Food Network.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby mandalynn » Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:29 am UTC

No such thing as too much Food Network.

Ina Garten, aka the Barefoot Contessa, really irritates me.

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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Daeren Ryft » Sat Mar 15, 2008 12:34 am UTC

Thats her name! Shes just got this demeanor that...ugh. Doesnt help like she looks like my pastor's wife. The one who made food that made the entire congregation have a "Religious experience" in the toilets.
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby ParanoidDrone » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:38 pm UTC

Daeren Ryft wrote:It Needs More Garlic. ALWAYS.

Very yes. I follow this whenever I cook.

On topic, there's this show called Semi Homemade that sends me a mixed message. The food's ostensibly easy to make with pre-processed stuff, but then the hostess finishes the episode with this lavish "tablescape" that no sane person would go to the trouble of making unless they're named Hyacinth Bucket. (internet for the reference) IDK, it's like "...really? You expect anyone to actually take you seriously with this?" =/
Insert witty phrase here.

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Daeren Ryft
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby Daeren Ryft » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:57 pm UTC

Dear LORD that woman drives me battier than Rachel Ray does! Gah, what's her name...anyways. Also, unless you're having an anniversary, a holiday, or a fancy date every single day, who the crap would spend (Easily) hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for a bunch of different table setups that you're only gonna use once each?
SecondTalon wrote:Did I mention that Robert Frost drives a rocket-car that's powered by constantly firing shotguns in my world?

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hermaj
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Re: Damn You, Food Network!

Postby hermaj » Wed Mar 19, 2008 1:02 am UTC

mandalynn wrote:No such thing as too much Food Network.

Ina Garten, aka the Barefoot Contessa, really irritates me.


MY GOD WOMAN I DON'T CARE WHAT JEFFREY IS DOING TODAY SHOW ME HOW TO COOK SOME DAMN FOOD. That show drives me nuts.


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