"Lectures are shit."
"Augustus himself would have liked my handout, I think."
"Real heroes don't give a damn. They run out there completely bare-arsed and strangle monsters."
"When it comes to wife-beating, the Taleban have nothing on the Romans!"
"They left the babies by the road. Oh wait, they didn't have roads. They left them in bushes."
“He wasn’t a Christian when he killed them; he became a Christian immediately afterwards!”
(on the Emperor Constantine)
That's the worst idea since Mr. Schicklegruber said to Mrs. Schicklegruber "Let's go upstairs, Brumhilda, I'm feeling saucy."
Why is there an Essex, a Wessex, a Middlesex and a Sussex, but no No'sex? Because where there's no sex, there's no people.
Irrefutable wrote:you are so lovely
emceng wrote:Then the sausage says, "I have 1 kid, and raging genital herpes." Get the fuck away from me sausage!!!
sje46 wrote:Do... do you want to marry me?
Belial wrote:You are the coolest guy that ever cooled.
I reiterate. Coolest. Guy.
crucialityfactor wrote:I KNEW he could club bitches!
SexyTalon wrote:Reality - More fucked up than Photoshop.
GENERATION 63,728,127: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig and divide the generation number by 2 if it's even, or multiply it by 3 then add 1 if it's odd. Social experiment.clintonius wrote:"You like that, RIAA? Yeah, the law burns, doesn't it?"
L wrote:A day without kells is a day not worth living.
LE4d wrote:have you considered becoming an electron
The Ethos wrote:"Giving a person a neuroleptic is the equivalent of slapping a speaking person in the face, punching them hard in the stomach, and telling them to SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Essentially, you just sit there, waiting for the pain to stop, but it never does.
....Creepy Pharm Doctor.....
Maybe if I was your father you would be a better person than you are today.
Gojoe wrote:Well, I would say something here, but it would only make it worse.
Why can't you be normal?!?
You can make a gazillion dollars doing science, but you can make a bajillion dollars writing about it.
Davean wrote:Only the bots can see the entire forum the mods have dedicated to bashing taptap for asking questions with obvious answers. It should look good when his next interviewer Googles him before the interview.
"My life has been full of useless knowledge." (Graham, CS 180)
"Theorem, proof, theorem, proof, it will kill you." (Wainwright, MATH 140A)
"You either have to be alive or dead -- we don't accept engineers." (Reynolds, MTHEL 305)
"Who's the bastard that's been quoting me in mathNEWS?" (Cleaver, BIO 113)
"Let's pause and reflect on what the hell is going on here." (Baker, MATH 230A)
"I take the Christian attitude towards exams: it is more blessed to give than receive." (Hentzell, MATH 130A)
"We now have to write it in proper mathematical language so no one can understand it." (Read, C&O 230)
"This is on a transparency, so it should be perfectly clear." (Wood, CS 360)
"Do with me what you will. Be gentle." (Burkowski, CS 454)
"I noticed I was quoted in your mathematics newspaper. If the person who submitted that would step forward, I will give you your 'F' right now." (McCutcheon, BUS 121)
"What university is this now?" (Panjer, ACTSC 433)
"And then I discovered the World Wide Web, and I said, 'Hey, this is neat. Look at all the pornography on it!'" (Moskal, PMATH 330)
"Why don't we pretend that we're stupid. Pretend we're from Western. [Shortly after] Okay, let's pretend we're not SO stupid. Pretend we're...honours students from Western." (Willard, MATH 135)
"MAPLE is very easy to use. You type 'MAPLE', and press enter. Then you type 'HELP'." (Stewart, MATH 145)
[Looking at result on board] "Aw, shit!" [looking around] "Shhh...you didn't hear that. Don't you dare put that in profQUOTES or I will give you all zero without compunction." (Marshman, AM 251)
"I'm getting it! I'm getting it! Ha, ha. I've proved the wrong thing!" (Davis, MATH 234A)
"I was advised that I could get into trouble if I photocopy these and give them to you, so my way around this is to put them in the library and let you photocopy them and get into trouble." (Hewitt, MATH 138)
"My drugs weren't as strong as yours." (Hare, CS 372)
"pi / 2 is equal to 5.3, uh, for large values of pi." (Tempa, CS 340)
"You guys are too wimpy to turn stuff into mathNEWS." (Cormack, CS 442)
"0 x 0 = 0, except on the STAT 230 midterm, where it could be any number of things, according to you guys." (Bennett, STAT 230)
"Welcome to 'Bullshit 211'." (Conrath, M SCI 211)
"Instead of answering your question, I'll say something else." (Lawson, MATH 235)
"The only thing we know with certainty right now is that everything I've said in the last 5 minutes is wrong." (Scott, ECON 402)
"There are three series you should know or you'll fail the course: geometric; harmonic; and there's probably one more.... I fail." (Hewitt, MATH 138)
"Complex variables are fun until someone loses an i." (Mann, PHYS 365)
"Is anyone here hungover? What, just me?" (Irving, C&O 230)
"I should have been a truck driver ... I always wanted to be a truck driver." (McKiernan, AM 362)
"I feel like Liz Taylor's last husband. I know what to do but I don't know how to make it interesting." (Wentzell, MATH 130B)
"My wife conjectures that if I died, my students wouldn't notice the difference." (Davis, MATH 234A)
"When I talk about withdrawal times, I'm not talking about birth control." (Panjer, ACTSC 433)
"Algebra is just like granola bars. They're both full of fruits, nuts, and flakes." (McGee, MATH 138)
"You know it's a work of art because when you first look at it, you say 'What's that?'" (Dickey, PMATH 360)
"Without really knowing what you're talking about, the answer is 'yes'." (Simpson, CS 246)
"Does everyone believe this? Good! Proof by democracy." (Best, C&O 367)
"I don't know why nothing I say appears in mathNEWS." (Shallit, CS 462/662)
Trigonometry...it's like incest. You have all these funky terms that are all related. What's sine? Cosine minus pi halves. See?...Cousins! Anyway, you take these cousins and you breed them together. Funky stuff comes out: Cotan is, like, pretty funky, but as you've seen things can get really ugly fast. Inbreeding does that. The goal is that you end up with something nice, and if you breed them just right maybe you will. Maybe!!
I am after all, the King of the swingers....
Cantankerous, semi-retired old chemistry teacher: "<pupil>, what drove you to take Chemsitry this year?"
Pupil: "I got an A last year!"
Teacher: "You see, <pupil>, A's are like arseholes around here: everybody's got one. Now go and get me <chemical> from C5"
Pupil: "Where's that again?"
Teacher: "Leave this room, turn left and keep going"
Teacher: "With any luck, that idiot will fall out the window. Now, stereoisomerism..."
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