The Xkcd Cookbook (with an unfinished index in the OP)

[crowey]

absolutely fantastic chocolate brownies (adapted from a Nigel Slater recipe.)

300g golden caster sugar
250g butter
250g-300g chocolate (70 per cent cocoa solids)
3 large eggs plus 1 extra egg yolk
60g flour

. tsp baking powder You will need a baking tin, about 23cm x 23cm, preferably non-stick, or a small roasting tin. Set the oven at 180°C/Gas 4. Line the bottom of the baking tin with baking parchment. Put the sugar and butter into the bowl of a food mixer and beat for several minutes till white and fluffy. You can do it by hand if you wish, but you need to keep going until the mixture is really Soft and creamy. Meanwhile, break the chocolate into pieces, set 50g of it aside and melt the rest in a bowl suspended over, but not touching, a pan of simmering water. As soon as the chocolate has melted remove it from the heat. Chop the remaining 50g into gravel-sized pieces. Break the eggs into a small bowl and beat them lightly with a fork. Sift together the flour and baking powder and mix in a pinch of salt. Add the beaten egg to the butter and sugar mix a little at a time, beating it thoroughly in between additions. Remove the bowl from the mixer to the work surface, then mix in the melted and the chopped chocolate with a large metal spoon. Lastly, fold in the flour, gently and firmly, without knocking any of the air out. Scrape the mixture into the prepared cake tin, smooth the top and bake for 30-45 minutes. The top will have risen slightly and the cake will appear slightly softer in the middle than around the edges.Pierce the centre of the cake with a fork - it should come out sticky, but not with raw mixture attached to it. If it does, then return the brownie to the oven for three more minutes. It is worth remembering that it will solidify a little on cooling, so if it appears a bit wet, don't worry.

I reckon it'd be good with the addition of nuts, or if you can get them, some bashed up cocoa nibs.

[Zohar]

Made some leek soup yesterday. It was yummy.

Leek Soup
Ingredients:
4 large leeks, cut in half and sliced
3 large onions, diced
4 garlic cloves, chopped
A bunch of celery stalks, chopped
3-4 potatoes, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons cornflour
Salt
Pepper
Some green onions, roughly chopped

Fry onions, then add garlic and leet. Fry for a few more minutes. Add the rest of the ingredients except for green onions and cover with boiling water. Add salt and pepper. Cook for 15-25 minutes until everything is cooked properly. Add the cornflour (I suggest you sift it since it tends to "bunch"). Cook for another minute or two.

Serve with fresh green onions on top.

We didn't do it but you could probably add grated cheese on top when you serve the soup and perhaps add cream to the soup itself when cooking.

[zahlman]

You require:
1 cup uncooked rice (and a whole bunch of water... I'll assume you know how to cook rice)
2 cups (1/2 litre) whole milk
1/2 cup chopped dates (that's about 16 of them)
1/2 of one of those small (170g) packages of creamed coconut
1/2 cup sugar
2 sticks (1/2 pound) butter (don't freak out! The butter isn't going in, just the milk solids)
Some cornstarch
Spices to taste
...and of course, moar vespene gas, but that isn't part of the recipe.

Set the rice to cook while you clarify the butter. Save the milk solids when you skim them off the butter. Both of these tasks involve low heat and little attention, so you can also chop the dates and mix them together with the coconut while this is going on. Get the rice nicely overcooked, then add a cup of milk and let it simmer. You want it really nice and pasty at the end.

Pour off the clarified butter, then return the milk solids to the pan. Add cornstarch to make a roux, then fold in the date-coconut mixture. (You may need to add a little water too.) Once you have a nice paste, gradually add the remaining milk and sugar, a little at a time, alternately.

Pour the resulting sauce over the rice, then add spices and mix it all together. I recommend a generous helping of cinnamon, a little ginger and a touch of black pepper.

[Blubb3r3ng3l]

Better than sex cake

Make a devil's food cake normally
poke holes about an inch apart across the entire cake
pour 8 oz sweetened condensed milk over top
pour 8 oz caramel ice-cream topping (smuckers or like) into the still warm cake
cover with a tub of cool-whip
top with crumbled heath bars or toffee


awesomely delicious and very very easy for how good it tastes.

Also... try making a full tray of brownies, then pouring heated chocolate frosting over the top while they're still warm. Trust me on this one.

[Sprocket]

can we sub-group this thread into sections like Dessert, Smamich, Doctored Instant, Appetizers, etc?

[SecondTalon]

Sounds reasonable. I'll get to that.

[PatrickRsGhost]

try making a full tray of brownies, then pouring heated chocolate frosting over the top while they're still warm. Trust me on this one.

Hells yeah. I did something similar to this a long time ago. I baked a pan of brownies, and topped with a fudge icing. I made up regular fudge, the kind that hardens when cooled. Pour that over the cooled brownies. Allow to set at room temperature.

Next, cut a piece, and heat up in the microwave for about a minute. Makes you very popular at work/home/school/wherever.

[aleflamedyud]

fjanfjan already posted a recipe that looks mostly like this one, but this formulation seems to work pretty darned well. It's based off something called "kadurei shokolad"* some visiting Israelis gave us kids at summer camp, so I give my main credit to the folks over East who invented the original confection that apparently comes out the same way every time you make it.

However, I spent a couple months of my spare cooking time experimenting to come up with this recipe, which usually produces good results.

1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup cane sugar
About 1/4 to 1/3 cup milk; you will have to fiddle with this.
1 bag graham crackers, crushed -- tea biscuits may also work, but you have to mess with it.

Combine sugar and cocoa in a bowl. Add crushed crackers or biscuits. Depending on what you use for this most essential dry ingredient (it soaks up the most moisture), you may have to vary the amount. Stir in the milk, mixing evenly until you get a slightly moist doughy consistency that will hold shape. If you get a too wet consistency, add more crackers or other dry ingredients, and add milk if your mixture seems too dry. Roll into balls, which you can (if you like) cover in any of the following:

Shredded coconut (the customary covering), sweetened or unsweetened
Chopped dried fruits
Very finely chopped nuts
Sprinkle/jimmy candies
Cocoa (to make them like truffles)

Place these finished drops into a container and freeze them. Serve frozen.

Since these are made by freezing and served cold, I wonder at the possibilities of adding liquor to the recipe, probably cane-sugar rum or chocolate liqueur (although those may make the mixture too wet if you leave the milk in...). These could be great for parties!

[Zohar]

This was made for the picnic I had.

Sweet Potato Quiche
Ingredients:
For dough:
1 cup flour
80 gr. cold, diced butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg

For filling:
4 long sweet potatoes
2-3 purple onions
Goat cheese (it comes in tubes here and I used one tube, which I would guess is around 150 gr.)

For mixture:
2 eggs
120 ml. cooking cream (20-30% fat)
1 tablespoon finely chopped rosemary.
Salt and pepper

Preparation:
1. Place all dough ingredients except for egg in a blender. Blend until you get a crumbly texture. Add egg, blend until you get a firm dough, place in nylon and put in the fridge for an hour. Start the oven at 180 deg. C.
2. Peel and slice sweet potatoes to roughly 0.5 cm. slices, cook them in boiling water until they're soft.
3. While the sweet potatoes cook, slice the onions into rings, fry in some oil until it's soft.
4. To make the mixture, just mix everything together. Make sure the rosemary is very fine.
5. Take out the dough, flatten and roll it and place it in a cooking pan (I roll it on some cooking paper and then I can simply flip it over onto the pan).
6. Arrange the onion slices in one layer, over that arrange the sweet potato. Place sliced goat cheese evenly. Pour the mixture over everything.
7. Bake in oven for about 35 minutes.

[karmiclube]

Totally Awesome Cheesecake Brownies

cheesecake mixture ingredients:
--1 egg
--8 oz full-fat cream cheese
--1/4 cup caster (superfine) sugar
--1 tsp vanilla essence (extract)
--(liqueur of choice is optional, but is totally worth it *grins*)

brownie mixture ingredients:
--4 oz baker's chocolate
--1/2 cup unsalted butter
--3/4 cup brown sugar
--2 eggs, beaten
--1/2 cup plain flour

instructions:
--Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Line the base and sides of an 8in cake tin (pan) with baking parchment.
--To make the cheesecake mixture, beat the egg in a mixing bowl, then add the cream cheese, caster sugar, and vanilla extract. Beat together until smooth and creamy.
--To make the brownie mixture, melt the chocolate and butter together in the microwave or in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of gently simmering water. When the mixture is melted, remove from the heat, stir well, then add the brown sugar. Add the eggs, a little at a time, and beat well. Gently stir in the flour.
--Spread the brownie mixture over the base of the pan, and spread the cheesecake mixture on top.
--Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until just set in the center. (A good gauge of done-ness is sticking a toothpick or fork in the center and seeing if anything comes out stuck to it. If it comes out clean, it's done. If not, a few more minutes in the oven would not go amiss for your finished product. )
--Makes about 16-20 depending on how small you slice them, and given how incredibly rich they are, you'll want to slice them small. They're also just easier to keep a hold of that way.

If you want--as I inevitably do--you can mix in a splash your favorite liqueur to the cheesecake part for added flavor and awesomeness. Caramel Bailey's Irish Cream works REALLY well. The amount you add will depend on the liquidness of the liqueur, as you won't want the end result to be too soupy; also bear in mind all the alcohol *probably won't* bake out, so...yeah. Also, if you're feeling artistic, when you're putting everything in the pan, just add two-thirds of the brownie mixture at first, then the cheesecake, and after you've got that nice and smooth, spoon on the remaining brownie mixture in heaps. Using a skewer, swirl the mixtures together for a marbled effect.

with this recipe, i am unstoppable. also, i usually refer to them as "special brownies that won't get me arrested." the distinction is usually necessary.

[quintopia]

Here's an easy but delicious one I basically made up recently:
-Yellow squash
-Zucchini
-Stuffing Mushrooms
-Green Pepper
-Tomato
-Garlic
-Dried Basil (actually, fresh would be better, but I didn't have it on hand)
-Dried Oregano
-Salt
-Peppa
-Pick-a-peppa Sauce, or Worcestershire
-MSG
-Butter or Veg Oil or both.

Slice squashes, mushrooms, zucchinis to around 1/4" thick. Dice pepper. Half-wedge tomatoes. Put your oil/butter in your wok and get it jumpin' hot (start out at 10/10 on electric, and then come down to 7 when you starting adding ingredients).

Add zucchini, stir-fry 1 min.
Add squash and pepper, stir-fry 1 min.
Add mushroom, spices, sauce, garlic, stir-fry for 5 min.
Add tomato, stir-fry until done (5 more min.?)

It's pretty simple. You can make a ton of food for 2 in around 30 min. If it seems imprecise, that's because precision is for wimps.

[Nath]

A slightly lower-fat Alfredo variation:

Melt some butter.
Throw in some (reasonably) finely diced onions.
After a while, add garlic. (Ideally, crushed; I use dried.)
When the onions are cooked, splash in some milk.
Keep the pan on low heat, and stir frequently. You don't want it to bubble.
Throw in some finely grated cheese (I used a Parmesan-Romano mixture).
Add salt and pepper. Go easy on the salt if you used a salty cheese.
Keep heating (but not boiling) till it coats the back of a spoon.
Add some pasta, cooked about a minute less than the instructions on the packet recommend.
Stir, cover, wait a few minutes.
Eat.

(This can be customized with some cooked bacon, chicken, vegetables, whatever.)

A lazy version of a popular North-Indian recipe:

Heat some oil in a pan.
Add some strong Dijon mustard: not the yellow stuff you put in hot dogs.
Add some chilly powder.
Add some garlic. (Ideally, crushed; I use dried.)
(The standard version of this recipe uses powdered mustard seeds, chilly powder and garlic, mixed into a paste with a bit of water.)
Prod your lump of mustard-chilly-garlic with a spoon for a while.
When you smell cooked chilly powder, add a can of tomatoes. You can use the stuff with added onions and/or chillies and/or garlic if you like.
Stir well, and let it cook for a while.
Add your fish. You can use fresh, frozen or pan-fried fish. Not salmon. (The original recipe uses fish seasoned with salt and turmeric, and pan-fried.)
Add salt.
Cover and wait till the fish is cooked.
Eat with rice (traditional) or as a soup with bread (not so traditional, but good with crumbly whitefish).

Alternative: skip the fish, and fry some okra (ends cut off and slit lengthwise) in your mustard mixture before you add the tomatoes. Yep, okra doesn't need to be a gooey, tasteless mess.

You'll notice that this tastes nothing at all like anything a restaurant would call 'curry'. This is not accidental.

[ThorFluff]

Cheap, Fast and Not nessisarily cardiac arrest inducing.

Korv Thoranov

2 large onions
2 cans of crushed tomatoes
3dl of sourcream
1 Sizeable chunk of sausage
(This can be anything from a couple of hotdogs to the Swedish "Falukorv" or whatever is cheap or you have left over)

Chop onions, toss em in a fryingpan with some oil, let the fry on medium heat untill a bit more transparant and yellowish, don't burn though.
Chop sausage in the meanwhile, add to the fryingpan, bring up the heat to bring out some taste from it.
Salt n pepper 'bout now.
Add the krushed tomatoes, add whatever seasoning you like, rosmary, sage, basil, all works fine. Add a bit of water and let this simmer for a while on medium heat (Untill it's reduced to a slightly thicker sauce. Add the sourcream, stir, and let simmer for another while.

Served with pasta, Rice, Potatoes, mashed or otherwise.

The name refers to the swedish name for Sausage (korv) and Stroganov, a russian chef famous for his "Beef Stroganov". Though the only Real similarity is the sourcream
And I'm thor

[zinder]

OK, here ya go. Zinder's Italian-style Awesome

This is a complete menu for an awesome Italian type dinner. The recipes don't all serve the same number, so you'll have to fiddle, but these are all pretty awesome things, and they seem like a pretty good combination.

First, the spaghetti sauce. This is the very first non-trivial thing I learned to cook, and it is the single most commonly-used recipe in my [limited] repertoire. There isn't a written recipe anywhere (well, there is now), but it goes like this:

1 lb Italian sausage (approx 6 sausages) -- A really good sweet sausage is best, but I have more consistent results with spicy (some sweet sausages taste like air).
1 jar good marinara-like spaghetti sauce (26 oz). Use something that has actual chunks of stuff, plus roasted garlic. Definitely not a kind that comes in a can! (or heaven forbid a powder!)
1/2 onion
1 bell pepper
1/2 cup red wine

spaghetti noodles
salt

Serves 4. Doubles well if your skillet is big enough.

Procedure:
Take a large skillet, add water until there is a layer of water not quite 1/4 inch thick. Add sausage (whole).
Cook over medium-high heat, turning the sausages occasionally until all of the water is gone. [note: if your sausages aren't leaking any juices at all, add a very small quantity of olive oil and watch out for splatter, and next time buy less-healthy sausage]

While that is cooking, chop onion and cut pepper in to small slices. set aside.

When the water is gone, the sausage should look cooked on the outside. Take the sausage out of the skillet, slice them. do not drain the pan, do not discard the fat/drippings/juices Ideally the sausages should be almost-but-not-quite cooked. Place sliced sausage, onion, and pepper back into the hot skillet. If you lost tons of sausage juice when slicing, try to pour it back in to the pan.

When the sausage is browned -- basically as soon as it's done being "cooked", pour in the red wine. That'll start to boil off really quickly, let it go until it boils fiercely for a couple of seconds, then pour in the jar of marinara sauce.

simmer on fairly low heat. You can continue at this step for any length of time. It will be fine if you simmer for as little as 10-15 minutes (while you cook the noodles). It will be masterful if you cook it on low heat, stirring occasionally, for about 4-6 hours. It will also be thicker if you do that.

Now, in a separate large pot, cook the noodles according to the package directions. Add salt to the water after it boils, but before adding the noodles (I dunno, a small handful. not a pinch.)

When the noodles are done, you can eat! As a side note, this recipe reheats great. In fact, it is typically much better the 2nd or 3rd day than it is the first, because the flavors continue to mix after the fact. When reheating, I usually add about 2 T of water to the skillet before I put the sauce in, because the sauce really really thickens in the refrigerator.

Next, the vegetable dish. I recommend something I learned in a cooking class about a week ago that's quite fantastic. It sounds like a slightly weird combination, but I really liked it.

1 lb green beans
1 shallot
2 T butter
3 T slivered almonds
3 T bleu cheese crumbles

Cut the ends off of the beans.
In a large pot, boil some water. When it reaches a full boil, add about 2-3 T salt. While waiting for the water to boil toast the almond slivers. (place on a small hot skillet. stir frequently. it will take some time for them to start to toast, but they will go from perfect to black very fast, remove from heat, set aside). Also while waiting, mince the shallot.

Fill a bowl with ice water

Gently place the green beans in the boiling water, cook for about 3-4 minutes, or until the instant they lose the rubbery consistency (they should still be somewhat crunchy).
Remove them from the boiling water quickly, and place them in the icewater. Dunk them under the water to stop the cooking, then remove them from the icewater and set aside.

In a skillet, melt the butter. Add shallot, saute until translucent. Add the green beans, saute until the beans are hot all the way through. Turn heat to lowest setting, add bleu cheese and almonds. Mix together for about 5-10 seconds. Remove from heat. Top with a few more crumbles of cheese if you like.

Serves I dunno, 4-8? It's 1 lb of green beans, you figure it out

Serve with some warm, tasty bread. I recommend This Irish Soda Bread with raisins.

If your pockets are deep, your guests hungry, and your sweet-tooth aching, I recommend ending with this:
Guinness Chocolate Cake, but I warn you that it cost me almost $50 to make (I had to buy all of the ingredients, because I hadn't baked anything before, plus I apparently live in the food-is-expensive-here district). The recipe says it serves 12. That would be 12 good sized cake slices. I served 12-15 people on half a cake, because most people took tiny slices. It's a pretty rich cake. It's not sickly-sweet like some cakes can be -- but it is rich. Also, this recipe conveniently requires a [US] pint of Guinness, whereas Guinness is typically sold in 12oz bottles. The recipe was designed this way so that you'd have no choice but to drink the remaining 2/3 bottle of Guinness while you bake. As an added bonus, Guinness usually comes in no smaller than a 4-pack, leaving you 2 more backup bottles to drink should the first bottle run out before the cake is done. (If you somehow don't use the backup bottles, they're great later!) Drinking the backup bottles does increase your ingredient cost, but in also enhances the experience... or something like that.

I have made all of these, and they are all great. I've never made them all together. Well, if you don't count the cake, I did... I've only made the cake once. I'm going to make it again, but so far every time I've needed a cake for something, I've made a different kind. It's going to be time for this chocolate cake again soon, though, I think.

--

I know this is already obscenely long (as all my posts seem to end up), but one more thing: The post is long, and the recipes don't necessarily seem simple, but: they are pretty simple. The cake turned out fabulous, and it was the first thing I ever baked (aside from "helping" mom make cookies when I was really young). The soda bread is also pretty easy, and is pretty consistently good. With the beans, super-simple recipe, just be careful not to turn the heat up too high -- butter burns easily, and then you have to start over. (though slightly burnt butter did make the kitchen smell yummy). The sauce... well, it's been a family recipe for so long that by the first time I tried to make it, I'd watched it being made about 500 times... but it too is quite simple. But if you actually make any of these things (and especially if you make several of them), it will look like (and taste like) you did a lot of work. Granted, if you make all 4 recipes, it is a lot of work!

[Manderley]

Unagi (eel) with noodles
1/2 lb grilled eel, chopped into bite size bits
10 oz cooked soba noodles
2 tbsp sesame oil (vegetable, canola, or safflower oil works, too)
3 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp mirin (opt)
3/4 cup sliced mushrooms
1/2 cup fine julienne carrots
2 sliced green peppers
1/2 cup chopped onion

Briefly heat a large frying pan on medium-high heat. Add the sesame oil and the vegetables and cook for about five minutes (longer if you like your vegetables squishy). Add the noodles, eel, soy sauce, and mirin and continue cooking until heated thoroughly. Remove from heat, serve, and enjoy.

Note - Mirin is a rice wine similar to sake but lower in alcohol content. It's typically used to help out fishy flavors like unagi. You don't have to use it, but it certainly helps.

[Kendo_Bunny]

One of my more popular, easy recipes that I promised to write down for several friends. And then I thought, why not post it here? So here it is: Stuffed Bread

Ingredients:
1 loaf bread- Italian or French works well, though my personal favorites are Sesame or three-cheese semolina. The only important thing is that you can fit your hand into it.
Roughly 1 lb ground beef, depending on the size of the bread.
1/2 onion, finely chopped. (Add more if you're partial to onions)
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
2 tbsp olive oil
Italian Seasoning, salt, pepper, and rosemary to taste
Crumbled bacon optional

You will need:
A cookie or pizza tray
A large saucepan
A bread knife
A bowl
Toothpicks

Steps:
Cut off the end of the bread loaf and hollow it out. Collect the bread innards in the bowl- use for bread crumbs, croutons, or a pre-dinner snack. Make sure to leave the loaf stable enough to hold up it's own weight.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Heat the olive oil in the saucepan with a little bit of the spices. Once hot, add the ground beef and brown with the rest of the spices. Add the onion and cook until onions are tender.
Add the cheddar cheese and stir until the cheese is melted. If bacon is desired, add at this step.
Spoon the beef, onion, and cheese mixture into the hollowed bread, stuffing it in well. Re-attach the now-stuffed end with the toothpicks.
Bake for about 15 minutes, or until bread is crisp, then serve.

Basically, it's a high-quality hot pocket, but it's quick, cheap, easy, and it tastes delicious. Perfect college meal, especially for parties. Also keeps very well, in the unlikely event that any is left over.

[parsonsb]

parsonsb's spaghetti sauce

1/3 pound either hot or sweet italian sausage
1/3 pound of ham
1/6 pound of diced pepperoni
1/6 pound of bacon
1/2 large bell pepper
1/2 large onion
1/2 bag of spinach
3-7 cloves of garlic
2 8oz can of tomato paste
3 cans of diced tomatoes (basil, oregano, garlic vareity)

If the sausage is still in link form remove it from the casing, dice the ham and the bacon. Dice the bell pepper, onion, and garlic. Start browning the sausage and add the garlic. Then add the ham and pepperoni and bacon. When the sausage is about half way done add the onion and bell pepper and spinach. Once the onion and bell pepper are translucent add 1 can of tomato paste and 2 can of diced tomatoes. Let simmer for a few minutes. Add more tomato paste if too thin or more diced tomatoes if too thick.

Serve over noodles.

Serves a few.

[superglucose]

I call this Breakfast:

1 slice of toast or half an english muffin or a bagel, whatever you fancy
1 egg, preferably REALLY fresh, i.e. right from the chicken's ass, but if you buy your eggs at a grocery store, that's fine.
Ketchup to taste
Hot sauce to taste (I suggest Tapatio)
1/2 Avacado
2 strips of Bacon (turkey, pork, human, doesn't really matter)
1 slice of cheddar cheese (I use vermont white, but I've done cabbot and something really mild. The sharper the better.)

Make the bacon. Partway through there should be enough space to fry the egg in the bacon fat, and at this point you should begin toasting the bread if you haven't done so. After the egg and the bacon are done to your standards, take them off heat and put the egg on top of the bacon (this will keep it warm but also help keep it from cooking too much more). Slice the cheese, get the bread. Put the ketchup, hot sauce, and avocado on the bread. Then put the bacon on the avocado. Then put the egg on the bacon... again. Then put the cheese on the egg and put the whole thing in your mouth. It is to be noted that chewing and swallowing are only recommended at this point.

Yall can make this stuff without ketchup and use other liquids instead. The order of excellence goes like this:

Ketchup>BBQ Sauce>>Mustard>>>>>Mayonnaise>>>>>>>>Horse Radish.

I call this lunch:
Pasta, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, parmasean cheese. Mix 'em together. I generally do it after cooking the pasta and grating the cheeze and letting the pasta cool so it doesn't melt the cheese, but, whatever floats your boat.

I call this dinner:

Tequila Lime Chicken Sandwich:
3 Steak Roll (it goes really well on Ciabatta)
3 Chicken Breast (preferably not suspended in brine, er, chicken stock)
3 slice cheese, your choice (I use vermont white or cabbot cheddar, but I like my super-sharp cheddars)
3-6 shots tequila (7 if you've had a particuarly hard day)
1 cup Olive Oil (extra virgin, none of this oil that sleeps around)
Pepper and salt... to taste
1 Bell Pepper
1 gallon ziploc bag
1 fork (heaven forbid you have none of these, another sharp implement will do. Hell, you could use your teeth if you wanted)
1 Red Onion (or white, I don't care)
1 clove garlic (if you use garlic salt... phail. Powder is ok. I guess.)
1 cob of corn, if you want
a favorite TV show or short movie
ketchup, BBQ sauce, mustard, pickles....

Here's what to do:
Open the ziploc bag. Pour in the cup of olive oil, salt, pepper, crushed garlic, the 3-6 shots of tequila. Now, take your sharp implement and stab the chicken breast a few times, take your anger out on it. If you're still feeling a little pissed, down that 7th shot of tequila, and then put the chicken breasts into the ziploc. Stick the whole thing on a plate in the fridge for 30 minutes to an hour.

Now, um, wait for 30 minutes to an hour. I watch an episode of Star Trek TNG with my girlfriend, but some people don't have Star Trek. A short disney movie is good too.

After 30 minutes to an hour, start your grill and cut the onion in half. Then use olive oil or PAM to lightly coat the veggies. Once that's all ready, take your chicken and vegetables to your grill... or pan if you have no grill, or oven if you have no pan. If you have no pan, no grill, and no oven, wtf are you doing cooking?

Here, grill the chicken for about... 5-7 minutes a side. Seriously. Chicken grills fast, and you can always cook it a little longer, unless you have the much-sought-after de-cooker. There WILL be juice, this is what is commonly known as a GOOD thing. Is the juice clear? Is the meat white? Then it's done. Is the juice pink? Is the meat red? Then cook it a little longer.

Stick the chicken in an oven at 100 degrees if possible, just to keep it warm. Cover it with foil.

Keep cooking the veggies until they're burned (except the corn, don't burn the corn). then take the veggies off, and scrape off the burned part. If you have a dog that likes to eat that kind of stuff, there you go! Otherwise, I find my trash can is usually hungry about that time of night...

Anyways, slice up the veggies and scrape the corn, then slice the cheese, put your condiments on your steak roll, put the chicken breast on (whole is fine, you can cut it up if you want smaller bits, w/e), put the cheese on, put the veggies on, and eat!

I call this desert:
4 cups lemon juice
4 cup lime juice
4 cups sugar

Stick all this in your ice cream maker. Or in ice cube trays. Or popsicle maker. W/e.
Now you have ice-cream, small popsicle like cubes, or popsicles.

Holy shit, that reminds me, it's summer! Sweet! No school, nothing but hanging around with friends eating! Sweet!

[Zohar]

I made some excellent pasta last night, trying to recreate a dish I had at a restaurant:

Pasta with peppers and cheese sauce:
2 large onions
4 cloves of garlic
100 gr. pine nuts
1 large package of canned peppers. I'm not sure exactly how those are called, it's toasted peppers (that had their skin burned and taken off) preserved in some sort of brine, I think. They turn out slightly sweet and sour. I used about 400 gr. I hope they're available where you are. (if anyone can tell me how they're called I'll edit this)
250 gr. Bulgarian cheese (you could use feta cheese instead, I suppose)
2 small packages of fresh mushrooms (about 400 gr., I would guess)
A lot of olive oil
Black pepper
500 gr. of pasta

1. Slice onions, then cut into strips (just cut a "radius" from the center of a slice to its end, then separate the layers by hand)
2. Chop garlic and mushrooms. Grate (or just use a fork) the cheese. Slice preserved peppers into strips.
3. Heat olive oil in pan, there should be lots of it. Add onions, fry for a few minutes, then add the garlic and pine nuts.
4. Add the mushrooms after the rest has already cooked. Fry for another couple of minutes.
5. Add the peppers.
6. Add black pepper to taste and more olive oil if needed. Cook a few more minutes.
7. Pour sauce onto freshly made pasta, add the cheese, stir vigorously.

We didn't need any salt because of the cheese. I suspect some sort of herb would be very appropriate here but I'm not sure which.
I would suggest getting water boiled while you're starting to cut everything and start cooking the pasta around step 4.

Edit: See two posts below - balsamic vinegar would be excellent with this. Don't overdo it, put it in step 7. Really, be careful with it or you might ruin everything. Add a bit at a time (I'm guessing 3-4 tablespoons).

[superglucose]

Rosmary. That sauce screams rosemary to me. In fact, reading that recipe I tasted rosemary.

[Zohar]

Really? I don't think rosemary fits there too much, myself.

However! I just remember a crucial ingredient the dish had in the restaurant and I think it would vastly improve an already excellent recipe - balsamic vinegar.

Be careful not to add too much because its taste can be overpowering.

[Wanderingcowboy]

Zohar... you missed an awesome opportunity to post a recipe for brownies in your last post (reply #420 to the thread)

[zaqwithaq]

Random magic stuff

Put a hunk of brei on a cracker
wrap said cracker with brei in procuto
put in a toster oven for a few minutes

enjoy the magic!

[Zohar]

Zohar... you missed an awesome opportunity to post a recipe for brownies in your last post (reply #420 to the thread)

I don't get it.

[Torvaun]

For reasons unknown to me, 420 is associated with marijuana. Hence, brownie recipe.

[superglucose]

For reasons unknown to me, 420 is associated with marijuana. Hence, brownie recipe.

The reason is very simple: potheads will make any possible association with marijuana

[Zombor]

udon tofu stir-fry

it's like a amped-up meal version of ramen, but stir-fry Udon is a super-thick noodle that comes in packages that need to be refrigerated, but is totally delicious if you like noodles, i first found it in the BYU school grocery store, but will most likely be found in specialty grocery stores. and takes about 30-45 min to cook, or probably much faster since I cook slow.

2 packages of udon
water
seasonings/sauces (soy sauce/ other Asian sauces+pepper)
cooking oil/vegetable or olive oil(best)
1 block of tofu (2x1 or approx block, more if you like tofu)
vegetables (carrots/broccoli/cauliflower/snap peas/turnips/water chestnuts etc.) total probably shouldn't exceed 1 1/2-2 cups, or you could use frozen stir-fry type vegetables
1/2 onion
3-5 hard-boiled eggs or cucumber for topping (optional but makes it so much better)

prep:
pre-prep: chop vegetables to 1/2x1 inch approx pieces, turnips and carrots need to be chopped thinly, especially turnips, they are delicious in stir-fry, but is necessary that they be translucent-like when sliced
1) boil water & put about 3-4 tbsp oil in wok or large frying pan and heat up
2) put thinly chopped onions in wok and cook by themselves until they look a bit golden/crispy-like around the edges
3)when water boils, put udon in and follow directions on package
4)put other vegetables in and cook about 1/2 way and then put tofu in, you might want to place carrots/turnips in 2 min before other vegetables since they are more dense
5) add seasonings/sauces when desired and to taste, but at least 4-6 tbsp is needed to flavor tofu, possibly more
6) take udon out slightly before done and add to almost done stir-fry and mix/cook them togeather for a bit
7) slice eggs/cucumber (one or the other, both is a bit much) and place on top, the contrast makes it better
eat and enjoy with a cold, mild beverage

[Zohar]

Dried Tomato Pie

This fed about 6 hungry people who didn't have much else, it fills a pretty large pan/dish/whatever.

Dough base:
130 gr. cold diced butter
2.5 cups flour
0.25 cup cold water
1 tsp. salt
0.5 tsp. sugar

Filling:
200 gr. dried tomatoes
0.5 cup olive oil
A huge bundle of fresh basil
A lot of green onions (I think I used around 7-10 stalks)
150 gr. feta cheese
200 gr. goat cheese
4 eggs
4-8 garlic cloves, to taste
Some salt, flour, pepper

1. Finely slice dried tomatoes into strips, put in a bowl and pour some olive oil. Place that in the fridge for a while so they soften. You don't need to do that if you're using tomatoes that are already preserved in olive oil.
2. Put dough ingredients except water in blender. Blend. Add water. Blend only until it's firm. Take it out, knead it if necessary (not too much). Roll it thinly and place in the pan (or just use your hands to "mush it" into place). Use a fork to poke holes in it. Place in fridge for a while (preferably at least an hour).
3. Separate the basil leaves from their stalks, slice the green onions, grate the cheeses. Put those in a bowl, along with the tomatoes, eggs, chopped garlic, salt, pepper and if you need to, add flour (flour is so it's not too runny). Mix it up.
4. Pour the filling into the pan, pop in an oven preheated to 180 deg. C for about 45 minutes. Take out, let cool for about 5-10 minutes, enjoy.

[Korvost]

(Basic) Ingredients:
Eggs, as many as you like, depending on how big the omelette is going to be
Ham
Cheese, grated or sliced and crumbled
Sweet Mustard, can be substituted with other mustard too
Salt and pepper after your liking
Add other stuff

Cooking process:
Put everything in a bowl and stir for a bit, then pour it into a frying pan.
Pull up the edges of the omelette somtimes and tilt it against the edge you pulled up. When it's completely done, fold it in half and lift it out of the pan and onto a plate.

Eat.

[carbohydrated]

Ingredients:
Salad dressing of your choice
Plain croutons

Directions:
1. Take croutons, put them in a bowl.
2. Mix in a comfortable amount (so that all of the croutons are slightly moist) of your favorite salad dressing (mine varies between Ranch and Caesar Dressing).
3. Enjoy?

ta-da.

[Random832]

[delete pls]

[hermaj]

[converted to non-metric by Random832]

Want to like... convert it back, since we're not all under the imperial system? Next time you do conversions, which was very nice, it would be great if you could leave both the metric and the imperial conversions up there. Also, if it's a directly copied recipe and you haven't made any changes to it (other than converting) it might be a good idea to cite the recipe book or site that it came from as well as the author to minimise copyright issues. As for the metric/imperial thread, there's really one answer and that is to go start it and see how it takes off.

[Random832]

I've been informed that a moderator is "not happy" that I "simply" reposted a recipe from earlier in the thread (apparently the effort put into converting the units was worthless, and the convention from every single other thread in the forum that it's acceptable to quote a post you're replying to is irrelevant). I have therefore removed it.

[Delmieth]

Hi all!

This here is a dead simple pasta sauce I make when I cant be bothered thinking about what to make. In addition to having it on its own, you can use it as the base for a bolognese (just add some mince when frying) or an awesome marinara sauce (just add some random seafood). I have also used it for pasta bakes and a truly pwnage pizza base sauce.

1 large onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
olive oil
2 cans tomatoes (you could also use fresh if you want)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
herbs- I use basil, origano, marjoram and parsley. dried is ok, but fresh is best. grow it in a pot on your windowsill!
a bayleaf
salt and pepper
dash balsamic vinegar

500g packet of pasta, any sort you are in the mood for. I am going through a fetucini phase at the time of writing...

Heat oil in a medium sized frying pan and saute onion untill softish then add garlic. After a minute or so, I push the onion and garlic to the side and quickly fry the herbs (except parsley) for 20 seconds. This helps to bring out the flavour.
Chop your tomatoes finely and add to the pan, along with the bayleaf and the tomato paste. Stir well to combine the paste and add balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper.
Bring to the boil, then you can turn it right down to the lowest heat you have and leave it for ages while you are doing other stuff (at least 20 mins)
When you are about to cook the pasta, get it simmering again and add the chopped parsley

Drain pasta and serve with the sauce, cheese, spring onions and roasted nuts if you feel like it.
Serves 4

I also love making fresh pasta with this, and I will post a recipe soon

[Azrael]

IN REPLY TO ANGRY RED TEXT: in my defense, you didn't say anything when crowey made his post.

Yes, it's red. No, it's not angry -- very clearly not angry, actually, when you read it in context. Since there is no accusation, there need be no defense -- which is a good thing, because "But *he* didn't get caught!" is a terrible one.

[Random832]

IN REPLY TO ANGRY RED TEXT: in my defense, you didn't say anything when crowey made his post.

Yes, it's red. No, it's not angry -- very clearly not angry, actually, when you read it in context.

Sarcasm doesn't work on the internets apparently. I was making fun of other people who think it's angry.

Since there is no accusation, there need be no defense -- which is a good thing, because "But *he* didn't get caught!" is a terrible one.

Yes, that is a terrible defense. It is also a terrible understanding of what I actually said. "I thought it was acceptable because other people have been doing it and no-one has said anything" would be somewhat better on both counts.

[crowey]

1- I'm a girl
2- I don't know what book it's from, I found it after googling for a brownie recipe, and I credited it to Nigel Slater in my OP
3- I changed the recipe anyway, his has cocoa powder in, but I found it made them too dry so removed it from the recipe.
4- Yes, a conversion of units thread would be good (I keep meaning to buy some measuring cups so I don't have to faff and do maths before I can start cooking)
5- granulated works fine instead of caster, but it can affect texture and lightness of the final product, especially in cakes.

6- I'm not sure why I numbered all my points.

[hermaj]

3- I changed the recipe anyway, his has cocoa powder in, but I found it made them too dry so removed it from the recipe.

Well then, that is not even a problem then, is it? My issue was only that if a recipe is directly taken from a source, there can be some copyright issues that you can avoid by clearly acknowledging the source, by author and book or site. (Though I don't understand why you would repost a recipe when you could easily link to it.)

If you have made changes then a nod at the original, if you want to do that, should suffice, but if you do that it would be a good idea to say that you've changed stuff. To use the example that is causing us so much grief, if you say "My recipe based on Nigel Slater's chocolate brownies", that indicates that you used his recipe as a starting point and then changed some things about it to develop your own recipe. Because when you say things like "stolen from Nigel Slater" and nothing else, it is pretty easy for people to think that you have just casually reposted another person's recipe, which isn't really cool.

So basically - if you've simply copied a recipe, please clearly acknowledge that you've done so by listing the name and the source. If you've used another recipe as a starting point for making your own changes and developing what is essentially your own recipe, and you want to nod at the original author, that is awesome. Make sure you say something to indicate you've made changes though, so it's not confusing. Also try to keep in mind that this thread is really for sharing your own ideas and recipes, so the issue of directly copying an existing recipe should not really be coming up here. It is more for the threads that are all "What can I do with vegetable x" and you have a cookbook with such a recipe.

Back to the thread now, please. Any more issues, you need to PM rather than further disrupting the thread.

[Nyarlathotep]

Alright.

Since I returned to the US I've had a hankering for real Japanese style ramen. The problem is that nobody in the US makes this, so I am left alone.

I thus googled for ramen recepies only to find that most of the time, there are none, and that when there are it involves things like boiling pork for four hours. I don't have four hours.

So, I present to you my own recepie: Ramen Amerikana.

In my experience this still isn't quite like REAL ramen, but it's way closer than what most Americans eat and it is really tastey. It's also easy to make and includes bacon, which makes everything better.

You will need:

Ramen noodles
2 leaves of bok choi (or less, as suits your fancy)
sesame oil
soy sauce
bacon
mushrooms (preferably shitake but anything works)
whatever seasonings you want
optional: one egg

Begin by setting the bacon to cook and tossing in the mushrooms on top of that, then setting the water to boil and putting about two teaspoons of sesame oil on top. When the water's boiling, throw in the noodles and bok choi, while still attending the bacon.

After the noodles have begun to soften, add the soy sauce. When they are nearly ready, crack the egg and drop it in - MAKE SURE THE WATER IS BOILING AND THE POT IS STILL ON THE HEAT. Let the egg poach. Remove the bacon from the pan when it's done as well as the mushrooms.

When you start to see that the egg white has cooked, pour the soup into a bowl and then put the bacon + mushrooms on top. Season as thou wilt, and enjoy~

[crowey]

Also try to keep in mind that this thread is really for sharing your own ideas and recipes, so the issue of directly copying an existing recipe should not really be coming up here.

I don't really see the problem with posting an "I did this recipe by this person, and it worked really well" but, whatever. I'll stick to your rules from now on.


My recipe (that I made up) for a marinade for sticky chicken.

It's dead easy:

per chicken breast:
1 tsp honey
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp tamarind paste
1 tsp poppy seeds
1 tsp sesame seeds.

Mix it up, cut your chicken into strips, soak them in the sauce for a bit and then griddle/grill/BBQ them. Spread the rest of the sauce over whilst they are cooking.

This is particularly nice on a salad that has mango and corriander in, and a dressing of lime juice, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.