xkcd

by **Okita** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:28 pm UTC

We all know that eventually Raptors will get bored and decide to rise up and take over the rest of the world. Most likely this will happen after Fox cancels one too many a Whedon show or if enough Lindsey Lohan/ Paris Hilton clones propogate and form a critical "Annoying celebrity 'bad girl'" mass.

At that point, raptors of course will consume the flesh of humans everywhere leading to the new Saurian Empire.

There is no hope for human kind.

But you might be able to live a little longer.

Rules of the game:
Posters alternate posting escapes for raptors and then how the raptors will eventually bypass said escape.

Ex.
Poster A posts: I'm going to hide in a locked bunker with enough food to last them out.
Poster B posts: The raptors have the key and one of them snuck in with you before you closed the door. Cat & mouse that has lost a leg, is anemic, and blind.

Edit:
This has become apparent a few times so I'm just going to be clear:
If you kill yourself or destroy the entire universe or basically in any way cause your demise to be sooner, then you have not survived any longers. It is presumed that raptors will destroy you and the point is to increase the length of time you live a little bit longer (even a second will do). So if you off yourself before then, well... you just look like an idiot who gave up.

by **sleepygamer** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:32 pm UTC

I climb the Eiffel Tower, disable the lifts, plant motion sensing turrets around the outside of the tower, to prevent the raptors climbing up, and then I relax with my 500 years supply of food, beer, porn, energy drinks and internet.

by **willwithskills** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:08 pm UTC

The raptors get a basilisk to pose as one of your friends on the internet (He has been killed, obviously). The basilisk sends you a smiley while you are chatting. You are dead. The raptors then sneak up on the basilisk and eat him without looking at his eyes.

by **sleepygamer** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:23 pm UTC

The raptors come and eat you, since you didn't make any plans to survive.

I cover myself with manure and urine, to mask my scent, and live out the rest of my life as a bushman, talking to animals and whatnot.

by **Belial** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 7:38 pm UTC

The raptors can smell your mortality no matter how much dung you smear on yourself. They drag you to a stream, wash you off, and devour you.

And your little badger, too.

by **Bulvox** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:04 pm UTC

you will die faster than anyone else because you live among raptors. no matter how well you get along with them now, they will devour you in the end.

2 words: Titanium Walls. that is what will be separating me from the raptors. also, titanium ceiling and bedrock underneath.

by **kellsbells** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:52 pm UTC

You forgot a door. The raptors walk in and eat you, at an almost leisurely pace.

by **sleepygamer** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:56 pm UTC

kellsbells wrote:You forgot a door. The raptors walk in and eat you, at an almost leisurely pace.

You forgot to make plans for the raptor outbreak. They walk up to you, and offer you coffee before snarfing you down.

Okay... I undergo extensive surgery to look, smell, sound and move just like a raptor. They'll never know!

by **pseudoidiot** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:00 pm UTC

You forget to take off your hat and they know you're a human.

I build a submarine that can sustain me indefinitely while staying underwater.

by **Cryopyre** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 9:42 pm UTC

No matter how far underneath water you may be, raptors have no problem learning to scuba dive.

I amass a horde of zombies, nothing will stop zombies.

by **Sykotic1189** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:13 pm UTC

The raptors contact me through the internet and hire me and my associates to destroy your zombie army. They take advantage of the chaos to kill you.

I move to Antarctica. Being cold blooded the raptors would falter long before they ever reached my igloo.

by **Cryopyre** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:18 pm UTC

Raptors launch a massive rail gun into space and accelerate part of the sun into your arctic, you die and seal levels rise.

I place a ring of turrets in a field, me at the center with a katana.

Automatic turrets of course!

by **falcon434** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:00 pm UTC

the raptors use a plane to parachute down in large numbers, eventually eating you.

i hide inside of a giant ice cream pile, within a locked room with 500 years of supplys and air, also, its chilled to -600 kelvin.

by **drconcon** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:12 pm UTC

Don't you know raptors will do anything for ice cream? You screwed no matter how cold your room is.

I hide on the island they used to shoot Jurassic Park (I hear there are just tyrannosaurus's left there now). With all the food, beer, weed, water and munchies I would ever need, of course.

by **AKAnotu** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:29 pm UTC

The raptors return through the use of a boat

I kill all the raptors. Period.

by **drconcon** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:41 pm UTC

(You also kill this forum game.)

Raptors are immune to guns. Unless you plan on doing it with your FISTS.

I happen to have a rocket ship in my basement for when raptors decide to rise up as the rightful rulers of Earth. So I fly to Mars, where there are no raptors.

by **Bulvox** » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:49 pm UTC

you forgot about the space raptors, and are eaten en route to mars.

i ride around on a tremor to protect me from the raptors.

by **falcon434** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:21 am UTC

the raptors just climb on board with you and eat you.

i build a fancy stage, complete with a doll that looks, smells, and tastes like me, with a voicebox i can use to talk through, then put on a big concert and fly away while the raptors are distracted. i then drop a nuke on them, killing millions, and providing a nuclear barrier between them and me.

by **Sasha** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:25 am UTC

The space raptors, which are immune to radiation, come and eat you.

I clone Bruce Schneier two thousand times.
There's no chin under that beard.

by **sleepygamer** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:32 am UTC

Wombat wrote:The space raptors, which are immune to radiation, come and eat you.

I clone Saladin's Mom two thousand times.
There's no chin under that beard.

The raptors kill you with a cunningly devised word filter. This gets Jack Saladin angry, because you said his mum had a beard, and he kills you.

I defend myself with 40 level 3 sentries. Just like The Engineer.

by **Okita** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:33 am UTC

SPIES SAPPIN' MY SENTRY!

'Nuff said.

Someone might mingle among their people, breed with their women, and in time, their differences become one.

by **Sasha** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:31 pm UTC

sleepygamer wrote:
Wombat wrote:The space raptors, which are immune to radiation, come and eat you.

I clone Saladin's Mom two thousand times.
There's no chin under that beard.

The raptors kill you with a cunningly devised word filter. This gets Jack Saladin angry, because you said his mum had a beard, and he kills you.

I defend myself with 40 level 3 sentries. Just like The Engineer.

Actually I said Chook Nawriss. Bruce Schneier? Saladin's Mom?
EASTER EGG: Chuck N0rris = Bruce Schneier.

by **sleepygamer** » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:57 pm UTC

Wombat wrote:
sleepygamer wrote:
Wombat wrote:The space raptors, which are immune to radiation, come and eat you.

I clone Saladin's Mom two thousand times.
There's no chin under that beard.

The raptors kill you with a cunningly devised word filter. This gets Jack Saladin angry, because you said his mum had a beard, and he kills you.

I defend myself with 40 level 3 sentries. Just like The Engineer.

Actually I said Chook Nawriss. Saladin's Mom? Saladin's Mom?
EASTER EGG: Chuck N0rris = Saladin's Mom.

No duh. That's why I mentioned the WORD FILTER.

Yeah.

by **Seremite** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:32 am UTC

I'm pretty sure this is the last escape attempt...

Okita wrote:Someone might mingle among their people, breed with their women, and in time, their differences become one.

1) As if that would ever happen.. raptors would never breed with humans.
2) The human/raptor hybrids are even more cunning and deadly as regular raptors/regular humans. And they're bloodthirsty.

I develope a rage zombie virus to infect the raptors, so they are only interested in consuming each other.

by **Bulvox** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:44 am UTC

also interested in consuming human brains. just like the t-virus.

suspend myself in stasis. with my blood levels dropped, and the fact that i'm in a metal pod, the raptors will ignore me.

by **kellsbells** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:16 am UTC

So they get bored and just destroy the machinery that keeps you in stasis, allowing you to slowly die, trapped in your metal pod.

I wear a biohazard suit with a vile, acidic exterior that wards off any raptor bites.

by **Tpl2000** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:15 am UTC

But you can't eat while in the suit, so the raptors wait patiently as you starve to death.

I transform into Bruce Schneier and roundhouse kick every raptor in existence 27 times to the face, thus disintegrating all of them, leaving little or no trace behind.

by **Master Gunner** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 4:01 am UTC

However, Jack can tell that you're not his mother, and beats you to death for imitating her. Also, all the raptors manage to re-integrate themselves from their constituent atoms.

I inject myself with a retrovirus that changes my DNA into that of a Raptor, and undergo extensive surgery to speed up my Raptor-ification. And I remember to take off my hat.

by **The Hyphenator** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:01 pm UTC

But you're still wearing your nose ring, so they recognize you as a human.

I team up with MacGyver to invent an anti-raptor device out of a paper-clip and some string.

by **Bulvox** » Sat Jul 19, 2008 1:25 pm UTC

unfortunately MacGyver is actually a raptor in disguise.

i transform myself into a wolf, which are this day and ages raptors, and join a pack. raptors vs. wolves, interesting fight.

by **jakeyizle** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:12 am UTC

The wolves realize you are not one of them and eat you anyways.

I make it seem as if all the raptors had said "Candlejack" so that he would kidnap them all. Thus getting rid of all the r

by **Megatriorchis** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:18 am UTC

Candlejack can't kidnap all the raptors at once, so he gets eaten.

I'd put up a sonar fence like the one on Lost that can kill raptors. It would surround the perimeter of my house. I'd be self-sustaining with my own garden and water treatment system and solar panels. And livestock, o

by **ShaKri** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:02 pm UTC

the raptors build a huge raptor castle out of raptors (like a house of cards ) where each /-\ is a raptor the shape would be

Code: Select all: /-\ /-\ /-\

but continuing downwards untill the top raptor is above the fence... this raptor enters.. eating your livestock and disableing your fence... all the raptors that made said raptor mountain eats 1 part of you.

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i would simply join SG1 on an away mission or on Promethius, Odyssey or an Asgard vessel ...
being protected by McGuyver ... The A Team... and SG1 as my private body guards.

i will also have a full compliment of Jaffa staff weapons P90's and Lantean weapons and defensive technologys (including the personal sheild emitter).

by **drconcon** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:59 pm UTC

The raptors don't know what you are talking about so they have no reason to fear any of that. They send in wave after wave of fearless raptors until your defenses are weakened enough to come in for the final strike and wipe you out.

I find an injured raptor and nurse it back to health. I tame said raptor, Ralph, causing Ralph to see me as one of their own. Ralph introduces me into their race and I become an honorary raptor, so they wont eat me (just like a feral human!)

by **the white hatter** » Sun Jul 20, 2008 8:44 pm UTC

unitll you fall ill, then they will turn on you and eat you, just like sheep do.

hide behind my chav mafia untill the raptors have eaten so much c#@p that they turn away to be sick, then let rip with my razor weilding emo army of pirate ninja clones!!!!!!

by **ShaKri** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:17 pm UTC

the neds turn on each other shouting the usual area names and "FLEETO" and wipe each other out before the raptors get close... and ofcourse the emos all kill themselves because "nobody understands" and their life isn't worth living.... leaving just you.. raptors are free to devour.

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I go the french (only time ever) and set up a wall of Grand Cannons around a secret army base...
also with chrono legionaires as a close perimeter defence.... and dog distractions... and last but not least... Tanya .... then me

.

by **cycoden** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 1:44 pm UTC

And like the Germans, the raptors go around your cannons and attack you via Belgium.

I relocate to Sealand

by **pkuky** » Mon Jul 21, 2008 5:46 pm UTC

the raptors rename the place landland, and you die of shame for living in a place with such a stupid name.

I get involved in raptor politicks, convincing them all I'm a valuble spy on the opposing faction, and yet too small to be a danger to them.

by **Okita** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 2:17 pm UTC

Raptors have no politics. They eat you for lunch while they agree on everything.

I suppose one could cover oneself and surround oneself with all manner of unappetizing and unappealing things. DVD copies of Gigli for example.

by **pkuky** » Tue Jul 22, 2008 4:13 pm UTC

the raptors destroy all unsavory things when construting raptor utopia. they eat you.

I spend a lifetime of wandering to the places where the raptors aren't at the moment. hopefully they won't in my lifetime multiply enough to live all over the world.

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