Simple Question = Silly Answer

[The Hyphenator]

Somewhere near the arse of the alphabet.

How did we get here?

[sleepygamer]

Well... you see... when a daddy and a mummy love each other very much, they sit down together and have a game croquet! And then, 9 months later, you came out!

And then mummy has to explain WHY you came out, because daddy was away on business most of the month.

The universe... why is it so big?

[.Taylor.]

To fit your mother.



How do you solve a problem like maria?

[Antimony-120]

To fit my ego inside of it.

How much blood does a church-mouse have?

[Matthias]

Well, that really depends on how you define churchmouse. If you're talking about a mouse that is in a church, then there is no way of directly telling because mice are invincible while on holy ground (it was part of that deal between Reepicheep and Aslan; the tail was just a bonus). You can logically infer from the size of the mouse, however, that it ranges from about five milliliters to about twenty, depending on age. If you're talking about a member or descendant of the Churchmouse clan from Redwall, however, that's a whole different story. That universe has a kind of inconsistent measuring system. On the one hand, fish, trees, and such are much larger than the mice; on the other hand, when they refer to "inches," it's to the mice approximately what an inch to humans would be. So that implies that the mice, and everything else, are friggin' huge, man! So for this breed of Churchmouse, you would either have a similar estimate, or one probably approximating the amount of blood a human has, i.e. approximately eight pints for an adult, about two for a wee baby.

Why didn't they just have the Haitian erase Sylar's memory when they captured him?

[pkuky]

//actually, I think the trees are proportionate to the mice, just that they live in a big forest. I mean, the highest trees stretch to the hight of the abby wall, which is built in proportion to the mice and also in proportion to the tree, apparently. it's the horses and badgers that confuse me. badger lords would make an AWESOME D&D class. they'd have to have like ecl-20.

[Matthias]

//You could probably get much the same effect by making a naturally lycanthropic werebadger, with levels in Barbarian. Although technically you might be able to take Frenzied Berserker from the get-go. I seem to recall making a rather silly twink like that, actually, though I was talking about a regular badger. They have a trait that allows them to go into a frenzy when attacked, which they will not come out of until they or their opponent is dead. Then you take ten levels of Frenzied Berserker and get deathless frenzy, and you cannot lose in single combat. Ridiculous.

[mat-tina]

Why didn't they just have the Haitian erase Sylar's memory when they captured him?

Because there is no such thing as erasing peoples' memory, even on Haiti.

Why did you try to kill this thread with obscure references?

[quintopia]

Because only lame people never watched Heroes.

Why do they use cardinal directions to label the lanes on the I-285 Perimeter loop instead of simple terms like "Outer Loop" and "Inner Loop" or "Sunwise" and "Widdershins?"

[abrenecki]

Because they're Catholic.

(now groan)

Why is it,t that for the first 1hr i spent on irc (6 channels on 3 australian servers), no-one spoke a word?

[quintopia]

Because you shouldn't talk if you have nothing to say.

Why do the Swiss laugh unexpectedly in church Sunday morning?

[mat-tina]

They're on drugs.

Is Randall plotting against the world-wide conspiracies?

[quintopia]

A better question would be: "Why does everyone use the fact that you're paranoid as an excuse to ignore the lethal threat that is about to destroy the earth?"

Why does everyone use the fact that I'm paranoid as an excuse to ignore the ignominious threat that is about to discombobulate the planet?

[Antimony-120]

Because IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE! We're still discombobulated, too confused to know that it's happening again. To save the earth you must go back to the future!

Why is it life seems about to work out just before it smacks me upside the head?

[mat-tina]

Typo in God's Divine Plan(TM).

Why does appending a trademark notice make everything funnier?

[quintopia]

A failure to be silly does not appropriately create a situation wherein a query about the humor value of a comedic device can be issued. Especially if said humor device is never truly humorous in and of itself.

Sex?

[btilly]

Sex?

Not for me, thanks, I'm married.

Is Santa real?

[quintopia]

Well, it all depends on your perspective. In certain cultures, the character known as "Santa Claus" is real enough in the minds of children. As children are more prone to solipsism, Santa is very real from their perspective. The author of "Yes, Virgina, There Is A Santa Claus" can further elaborate. However, from a scientific perspective, this character would have to be so ridiculously advanced in terms of technology that we could only postulate his existence in terms of Clarke's Third Law. Furthermore, from a historical perspective, there was surely a real person named "Nicholas" who was sainted and whose persona was eventually exaggerated both by literature (see Clement Moore) and by clever marketing campaigns (see Coca-Cola). This evolution has led the Santa Claus character to be a very culturally real symbolic phenomenon of the spirit of Christmas, both as it was and is now. Lastly, if you read it in the Sun, then it is so.

Why is nudism taboo in this culture?

[Platypodes]

Why is nudism taboo in this culture?

'Cause waaaaay back in the olden days, a great, respected elder in the community declared nudity to be a sin so that he wouldn't have to show anyone his saggy butt.

How do you make pancakes?

[mat-tina]

Code: Select all

$ make pancaces
make: *** No rule to make target `pancaces'.  Stop.


What do you want me to ask?

[Platypodes]

What do you want me to ask?

I'd like you to ask, "Would you like some chocolate-covered peanuts?" And then I'd like you to send them to me over the internet. My computer has a candy dispenser right next to the cup holder.

How many shopping days are left till Christmas?

[DrPhibes]

How many shopping days are left till Christmas?

Thats the question to why Jesus died.

Am I going to become a teacher?

[Platypodes]

Yes, you're going to teach astrophysics to sentient marshmallows on a giant flying zamboni.

Who will be the next president of the United States?

[Matthias]

Terry Pratchett.

Could you use a cylindrical white hole with an aperture on one end, containing an equally cylindrical but slightly smaller black hole, as a gravity laser?

[falcon434]

if that was true, wouldn't we have one already?



how much wood can a woodchuck chuck?

[mat-tina]

The rate of a woodchucks woodchucking, V' m³/s, varies according to V' = k \cdot V_b \cdot f where V_b m³ is the volume of wood that each chuck chucks away when chucking an SI standard piece of wood, f Hz is the frequency of the chucking and k is a constant depending on the hardness of the wood.

Will you teach me The Way, oh Guru?

[btilly]

I would, but I already did. It will take you a lifetime to understand.

Where's Nemo?

[mat-tina]

Have you tried calling the local hospitals?

Where are my glasses?

[btilly]

You remember that *crunch* when you sat down? Well those were your glasses.

Who am I?

[quintopia]

The source of words which have been transmitted to me via the Internet. I can truly know nothing else about you.

What happens if you ask a simple question?

[malec2b]

You get a silly dingbat wallflower turnip goose android b'kaw b'kaw chirp chirp squirtle doorknob ding

Why was the last question so meta?

[dragongrrl]

Coz it was quintopia asking it... and let's face it, he's meta.

Why do I want a big bowl of ice-cream with milo on top right now?

[quintopia]

Because aspiring dragons prefer their ice cream with tabby kittens on .

What has that got to do with anything?

[btilly]

She wanted to understand why she was contributing so much to the key leading economic indicator called "ice cream sales".

Why do people like Fridays so much?

[Grooving Tony]

They don't they just dislike all the other days.


Why does it always rain on me?

[ShaKri]

you live in scotland man... it rains on everyone here... even indoors.


what makes hybernation possible?

[Jebobek]

Because Scotland is so boring all the animals just pass out.

Was that mean?

[Asmodieus]

no it was no the average of a number

How many epic fails does it take to equal one Bush fail?

[mat-tina]

Fail is a verb. The noun is "failure".

Understood?

[Asmodieus]

No becasue this is the Internet, interwebs, interblag, interblog, and a meme cest pool

Now why does everyone avoid that question?