The Xkcd Cookbook (with an unfinished index in the OP)

[German Sausage]

Pizza
Deep fried.

also, i made mathmagic's shake, and it was scrumptious.

[Rat]

Ingredient:

Brown sugar, one bag

Instruction:

Eat the brown sugar with a spoon. If you don't have a spoon just use your hands.

i tried that once.. im not sure where i got all this brown sugar but there i was...

surplus of brown sugar..

i didnt even get very far...

i almost died i think..

edit: also, that banana recipe of yours sounds dangerous.. a minute in the microwave? that's getting awfully hot for a banana and some chocolate >_>...

[Mathmagic]

Pizza
Deep fried.

also, i made mathmagic's shake, and it was scrumptious.

Awesome!

Glad I could spread the...scrumptiousness...around!

I would say that I'll try your recipe too...but I don't have access to a deep-frier. >.>

Maybe I'll try some quick fuck...

[warriorness]

1 Package of chocolate Carnation instant breakfast/meal replacement powder
1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter
1 banana
1/4 cup of quick oats
1 cup of milk (or until desired viscosity is reached)
1/2 cup of crushed ice
1 "lid" of vanilla (real vanilla FTW!)

Throw everything into blender.
Blend.
Pour into glass.
Enjoy.

Couple of questions: Firstly, this seems like an awful lot for a single shake. How many does this serve?

Also, one could substitute sweetened cocoa powder for the Carnation stuff, yes? Approximately how much is one of these Carnation packages?

[Mathmagic]

1 Package of chocolate Carnation instant breakfast/meal replacement powder
1-2 tablespoons of peanut butter
1 banana
1/4 cup of quick oats
1 cup of milk (or until desired viscosity is reached)
1/2 cup of crushed ice
1 "lid" of vanilla (real vanilla FTW!)

Throw everything into blender.
Blend.
Pour into glass.
Enjoy.

Couple of questions: Firstly, this seems like an awful lot for a single shake. How many does this serve?

Also, one could substitute sweetened cocoa powder for the Carnation stuff, yes? Approximately how much is one of these Carnation packages?

Well, I don't actually measure out the ingredients. >.>

I was mostly trying to guess how much I put in every time...I don't think I put in so much ice (maybe 1/4-1/3 of a cup), and I have NO idea how much milk I usually put in.

Also, I make the shake pretty thick (read: not a whole lot of milk), so it makes anywhere from 13-16 fl. oz. of shake, and it fills you up pretty good. It's supposed to be kind of like a meal-replacement shake that's good and filling (like a breakfast or pre/post-workout shake).

Yes, you could use cocoa powder, but then it's not as nutritious (the Carnation powder is alread a meal replacement, so it has all the yummy vitamins and whatnot). There's 40 grams of powder in each package. If by "how much" you mean cost-wise...I have no idea, because I'm not the one that buys them. >.> If I recall correctly, they're less than a buck a package...

[warriorness]

A guy called mez came up with the name for this one, and then I did the recipe. So I have to give him credit.

It can be either a breakfast or a lunch.

Ingredients:

1 bagel (I used a cheese one)
1 egg
1 slice ham
1 slice turkey
Some cheese (anything really... cheddar, havarti, gouda, you might even be able to pull off brie)
Tabasco
Mustard

You need a toaster oven for this one (a conventional oven may suffice).

Directions:

1) Cut the bagel in half, and toast it halfway.
2) Scramble the egg. While the egg is cooking, add some tabasco sauce to it.
3) Put the cheese on one half of the bagel, and the mustard, ham, and turkey on the other.
4) As soon as the egg is done, lay it, still hot, on the cheese, which should partially melt.
5) Finish toasting the two halves of the bagel with the stuff now on them.
6) Put the two halves together and eat.

[Akira]

Ooo--superbagel! I'll have to try that one.

Ingredients:

1 wheat hotdog bun (any other type tastes strange with this)
3 tbsp petite diced tomatoes (out of a can--drained as best as you can manage)
3 tbsp finely shredded cheese (I used a "fiesta" or four cheese blend)
The Pampered Chef All Purpose Dill Mix (or similar. it has "dill, onion, garlic, herbs and spices")

Pro-de-cure:

Open hotdog bun so that it lays flat. Toast in toaster/oven. I use a toaster and very lightly toast one end (because they are usually too tall) and then very lightly on the toher end--it generally gets a good even toast.

Immediately after you take it from the toaster, put the cheese on evenly and put it in the microwave for 9 seconds (time may vary, nuke just until the chese is all droopy. Don't worry about it getting bubbly)

Take it out and spread tomatoes on top.

Sprinkle with dill as desired. Fold and eat.

I made this by addicent one day, and I'm addicted. It's quick and easy and I think it's really good, personally.

[fjafjan]

Delicious chocolate balls (in metrics, screw you!)

1 dl sugar
100 grams of Margarin (or butter, but not preferable)
1 Table spoon of vanilla suger
3 Table spoons of cold, strong coffee(STRONG okey? if you are american your coffee is too weak, much too weak. The same for brittons. Italans, you might have it right)
3dl of Rolled Oatmeals
3 table spoons of Cocoa

Alternatively, add some chili for awesomeness

for coating, either Coconut flakes, or chrystalized sugar (or chili, i dun tried that though)
Mix the sugar, vanilla sugar and Margarine thoroughly, get it a bit fluffy, then add the coffee, the cocoa and the oatmeals. Mix properly, taste a bit for proper consistany
Pour out whatever coating you choose, roll the dough/batter/thingy into small balls (if unrollable then add some suitable ingedients mkey?) and roll em around in the coating
Then put it in the fridge untull cool

Then eat
AWESOME!!

[Akira]

...is dl a decaliter or a deciliter?

....or do I even know metrics at all? <_< I know centimeters? sort of? Lol.

[fjafjan]

dl = Deci litre = one tenth of a litre = 0.1l = 10cl = 1000ml

[Akira]

gotcha. O_o;

Yeah. Grew up in America. We're still stupid that way.

[LE4dGOLEM]

dl = Deci litre = one tenth of a litre = 0.1l = 10cl = 1000ml

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

one tenth of a litre = 1000ml ?

[Shro]

No, WRONG. Imperial system ftw!!! Only wussies need simple conversions.

[warriorness]

REAL chefs count in base pi(e).

Here's a handy reference guide to consult in case you get confused making something. It'll tell you all you need to know.

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

[Akira]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

I love you.

[bbctol]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Quoted for absolute truth. I eat tzatziki raw, if anyone knows what that is.

[warriorness]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Quoted for absolute truth. I eat tzatziki raw, if anyone knows what that is.

Wikipedia does, thankfully.

One of the best steaks I've ever eaten was at a restaurant in California called The Stinking Rose. Their goal is to incorporate garlic into every dish - they even make garlic ice cream.

[Akira]

Garlic icecream is where I would draw the line...

But i love garlic ^^ I adore italian food--and whats spaghettii without garlic int he sauce... on the bread... infused within the noodles very essence....!

[fynch]

Code: Select all

Ingredients
1) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat
transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/øF/ft2/hr, add ingredients one, two and
three with constant agitation.

In a second 2-L reactor vessel (reactor #2) with a radial flow impeller
operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five six and seven until the
mixture is homogenous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the
homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten
slowly, with constant agitation.

Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature
rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture
piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm).

Heat in a 460øK oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &
Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden
brown.

Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25øC heat-transfer table,
allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

This is what I thought of when I saw xkcd cookbook.

[fjafjan]

dl = Deci litre = one tenth of a litre = 0.1l = 10cl = 1000ml

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

one tenth of a litre = 1000ml ?

Wooops

Imperial units suck though

[ArchangelShrike]

If you ever come to Hawaii, go to Ninniku-Ya. It's pretty much like The Stinking Rose, but in a small house. And I think they make garlic ice cream there too.

Anyways...

Seared Spicy Ahi Salad

Ahi Poke (Spicy Seasoned Tuna, like Sashimi)
Mixed Greens/ Vegetables of Choice
Handful Maebo "One Ton" Chips or Equivalent
Oriental Salad Dressing of Choice
Canola/Soybean Oil or Non-stick Cooking Spray

Prepare salad:
Wash/Cut Vegetables, or take ready made from bag if lazy.
Place small amount of oil/non-stick spray in pan, heat to high. Sear ahi poke on lightly. If want extra texture, try coating in panko (Japanese breadcrumbs) before cooking.
Toss ingredients together.

Ahi Poke (A-he Po-k???)
Local Style Ahi Poke

INGREDIENTS

* 8 ounces tuna sashimi block, small dice (yellowfin tuna)
* 1/8 teaspoon Hawaiian salt (sea salt)
* 1/8 teaspoon kukui nut
* 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
* Pinch chili flakes
* 1 teaspoon soy sauce
* 1 teaspoon oyster sauce
* 1 teaspoon green onion, chopped
* 1 tablespoon onion, chopped
* 1 teaspoon garlic, chopped
* 1 tablespoon Furukake spice
* 1 tablespoon sesame oil

PREPARATION

Combine all ingredients in a stainless steel bowl and gently mix.
Make this on the day of use.
(Recipe from http://gohawaii.about.com/od/luaurecipes/r/ahi_poke.htm )

Not much of a recipe, but definitely tasty and healthy. And most of these foods can be found in the Asian section of your market.

[Drostie]

Imperial units suck though

Being a dual-citizen of the US and the Netherlands, I don't have many problems with Imperial units, to be quite honest. Base-12 does not frighten me. (The fact is, we all use 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day -- all based in 12s.)

My biggest pet peeve: ounces. Ounces aren't base-12. They're base frickin' 8. And that I don't understand. For the laymen: There are 16 ounces in a pound, and 1 oz of water has a volume of roughly 1 fl oz, and there are 8 fl oz in a cup, so we're still on these base-2 numbers for no good reason. Then, for Americans, it gets a little easier all of a sudden, because there are 16 fl oz in an American pint.

So, Americans can just ignore cups, focus on pints, and say, "ounces are always base 16." At least that's *doable*, then. (And an American pint weighs roughly a pound.)

Brits are crazy, though. Their pints are 20 fl oz, so you now need to go, "1 lb = 16 oz, 1 oz = 1 fl oz, 1 pint = 20 oz," and both the 16 and 20 have no real reason behind them.

Why couldn't we have stuck with base-12 for consistency's sake? 12 oz = 1 lb and 1 oz = 1 fl oz and 12 fl oz = 1 pint, bam, the number is exactly the same as it is for both time and length measurement -- 12 -- so no new things to remember.

But I prefer Fahrenheit to Celsius. In Fahrenheit, 0 is Too Cold and 100 is Too Hot and the stuff in the middle is generally okay. In Celsius, 0 is Cold and 30 is Warm and that takes effort, and who cares how many degrees are between freezing and boiling anyway? I don't stick thermometers in boiling water to see if it's boiling; I look for frickin' bubbles.

Actually, I think metric is a bit more naive, when you think about it. Where did base-10 come from? Our counting system. Where did our counting system come from? The number of fingers we have on our hands. Gee, how much a Neandertal is man, then?

[warriorness]

Actually, I think metric is a bit more naive, when you think about it. Where did base-10 come from? Our counting system. Where did our counting system come from? The number of fingers we have on our hands. Gee, how much a Neandertal is man, then?

I occasionally wish we'd evolved with only eight fingers. That way we could count in octal, which, by association with binary, is tons more awesome than a 5-oriented counting system.

And now, I present a special two-in-one recipe that is incredibly easy and incredibly tasty.

Ingredients:

12 oz semisweet chocolate chips (typically 1 bag)
14 oz sweetened condensed milk (equal proportions should be okay... 14 oz is just how big condensed milk cans are at my supermarket)
Approx. 1/3 cup regular milk (Hot fudge only) (modify to attain desired consistency)

Directions:

1) Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl. Microwave (or otherwise heat) in short bursts stirring in between, until the chocolate melts. Be careful - chocolate retains its shape even while melted. If you keep heating it, expecting to see completely fluid chocolate, you'll be disappointed when you end up with a bowl of burnt crap.
2) Mix well.
3) Pour into a fudge tray (jars if you made hot fudge) and chill in the refrigerator.
4) Eat.

[Nomic]

Hm...I wonder what would happen I would make pizza with macaroni topping (cooked macaroni obviously, and onyl put on the pizza after it's been in the oven). I'd quess something very AWESOMETROID. Must go and try!

BTW, regarding the metric system and whatever the one used in US is called, I don't think the US one makes much sence. I mean, 1 foot is 12 inches. Ok, but why is 1 yard 3.333333333.... feet? Wouldn't some nice round number make more sence? And why 12 and 3.333... anyways? Metric system atlest makes sence. Everytgig's dividet or multiplied by 10^X, we have 10 fingers so 10 is a good choise, and it's a nice round easily dividet number. Also the names of the measures tell how much of a meter they are. centimeter=100th of a meter (centi=latin for 1/100), kilometer=1000 meters (kilo=latin for 1000) etc. The name sof measures in the other system don't tell anything of their size compared to eachother.

[Taejo]

Ok, but why is 1 yard 3.333333333.... feet?

There ain't. 3 ft = 1 yd.

[warriorness]

Ok, but why is 1 yard 3.333333333.... feet?

There ain't. 3 ft = 1 yd.

Yeah. You must be thinking of the meter, which is approximately 39 inches.

[mrputter]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Made of 100% pure win.

Ounces aren't base-12. They're base frickin' 8.

As nerds, I'd hope we could collectively appreciate that imperial units of fluid volume measurement are actually base 2.


Anyway. LaTeX FTW.

\recipe{Saffron Risotto}
\subsection*{Ingredients}
\begin{itemize}
\item 8C vegetable stock
\item 8 Tbsp butter
\item 1 medium onion, finely chopped
\item 2C long grain white rice
\item $\frac{1}{2}$C dry white wine
\item $\frac{1}{8}$ tsp ground saffron
\item $\frac{1}{2}$C parmesan cheese
\end{itemize}
\subsection*{Procedure}
\begin{enumerate}
\step Bring stock to a simmer in a 3qt. saucepan.
\step Melt 4 Tbsp butter in large (e.g.: 8qt.) casserole. Cook onions in butter, stirring frequently, for 7 - 8 minutes.
\step Add rice and cook, stirring, until grains almost opaque.
\step Pour in wine and boil until almost absorbed.
\step Add 2C stock to rice and cook until almost absorbed.
\step Add 2C stock and cook, stirring occasionally.
\step Add saffron to 2C stock and let steep for 2 minutes. Pour over rice and stir until absorbed.
\step Add remaining stock $\frac{1}{2}$C at a time until done.
\step Remove from heat and stir in remaining butter and parmesan cheese with a fork.
\end{enumerate}

[Belial]

One of the best steaks I've ever eaten was at a restaurant in California called The Stinking Rose. Their goal is to incorporate garlic into every dish - they even make garlic ice cream.

Hahah...Cassidy, the vampire in "Preacher" referenced that restaurant, as an example to another vampire of how most of the superstitions are bullshit. Said it was delicious.

And I have to agree with the garlic rule.

[warriorness]

Steak post!

I make this one quite often; of course, I don't use filet mignon all the time, but it's still delicious. And if you do happen to get your hands on a filet, this recipe will do it justice.

Ingredients:

1 Filet Mignon (NY Strip works well if you're not a billionaire)
Some bleu cheese
Pepper
Fresh garlic (1 or 2 cloves)
Some other steak seasonings if you so desire, and/or Worcestershire sauce

Directions:

1) Chop/mince the garlic, and slice the bleu cheese as you would for a sandwich or a burger.
2) Take the raw steak, and rub the garlic into it (a popular technique is to cut small slits in the steak and insert the garlic inside). Add some other spices if you like, but don't go overboard. The bleu cheese is the important flavor here.
3) Put it on a grill or skillet on medium-high heat and season with pepper (and steak sauce - again, very lightly).
4) At about 7 minutes (depending on the thickness of the steak and how you want it cooked) turn the steak over. Immediately lay some sliced bleu cheese over the top (think cheeseburger) and cover the steak so the cheese melts faster.
5) When it's done, eat it.

There are many ways to tell when your steak is cooked enough. But if you're too damn lazy to use Google, here's one:

Poke the steak with your finger. If it feels like...

...your cheek, then it's rare.
...your chin, then it's medium.
...your nose, then it's well done.

[Anmorata]

Warriorness, that filet recipe sounds incredible. Thanks for sharing it (and all the others)!

[EvanED]

Hm...I wonder what would happen I would make pizza with macaroni topping (cooked macaroni obviously, and onyl put on the pizza after it's been in the oven). I'd quess something very AWESOMETROID. Must go and try!

There is a pizza joint in Madison called Ian's that sells macaroni and cheese pizza.

Now, I love mac&cheese (especially baked), and I love pizza, but putting them together just seemed, well, wrong. But it was actually really amazingly good.

[warriorness]

Hm...I wonder what would happen I would make pizza with macaroni topping (cooked macaroni obviously, and onyl put on the pizza after it's been in the oven). I'd quess something very AWESOMETROID. Must go and try!

There is a pizza joint in Madison called Ian's that sells macaroni and cheese pizza.

Now, I love mac&cheese (especially baked), and I love pizza, but putting them together just seemed, well, wrong. But it was actually really amazingly good.

Hmmm...

Next time I have a bit of free time on my hands (and also some mac and cheese and frozen pizza) I'll see if I can't whip up something worth posting.

Warriorness, that filet recipe sounds incredible. Thanks for sharing it (and all the others)!

Thanks! It wasn't entirely my idea... it was inspired by (yet another) one of the best steaks I've ever had. Unfortunately I don't remember where I ate it, but fortunately it's pretty easy to make as far as steaks go.

[EvanED]

Hm...I wonder what would happen I would make pizza with macaroni topping (cooked macaroni obviously, and onyl put on the pizza after it's been in the oven). I'd quess something very AWESOMETROID. Must go and try!

There is a pizza joint in Madison called Ian's that sells macaroni and cheese pizza.

Now, I love mac&cheese (especially baked), and I love pizza, but putting them together just seemed, well, wrong. But it was actually really amazingly good.

Hmmm...

Next time I have a bit of free time on my hands (and also some mac and cheese and frozen pizza) I'll see if I can't whip up something worth posting.

I should probably note that I don't think it had sauce. It might have been something as simple mac&cheese on a pizza crust or something like that.

[Roffle]

I'm getting really hungry...

Roffle's "Good eatin' times":

Put 4 tablespoons of whey protein powder in a shaker.

Add one teaspoon of creatine.

Add 5 Dcl of water (tap).

Shake (not stir).

Grab an apple from the fridge.

Enjoy a full and hearty meal. Join us next time for the secret of carrot sticks; How do they do it? Remember, don't count your calories, count your proteins!

[william]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Lies.

[warriorness]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Lies.

Get out of my topic, heretic.

[william]

Q: Do I have enough garlic in my dish?
A: No.

Lies.

Get out of my topic, heretic.

You call me heretic because you can't call me wrong

[LE4dGOLEM]

Garlic belongs with beef and pasta. That is all.

[Owijad]

And bread.


So, deep fried twinkies. They are really delicious, but it's hard to get over how much they'll kill me.

6 Twinkies
Popsicle sticks
4 cups vegetable oil
Flour for dusting
For batter:

1 cup milk
2 tablespoons vinegar
1 tablespoon oil
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
Chill or freeze Twinkies for several hours or overnight.

Heat 4 cups vegetable oil in deep fryer to about 375 degrees.

To make batter: Mix together milk, vinegar and oil. In another bowl, blend flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk wet ingredients into dry and continue mixing until smooth. Refrigerate while oil heats.

Push stick into Twinkie lengthwise, leaving about 2 inches to use as a handle, dust with flour and dip into the batter. Rotate Twinkie until batter covers entire cake. Place carefully in hot oil. The Twinkie will float, so hold it under with a utensil to ensure even browing. It should turn golden in 3 to 4 minutes. Depending on the size of your deep fryer, you might be able to fry only one at a time, two at the most.

Remove Twinkie to paper towel and let drain. Remove stick and allow Twinkie to sit for about 5 minutes before serving.

[Anmorata]

So, deep fried twinkies. They are really delicious, but it's hard to get over how much they'll kill me.

I feel my arteries clogging already. I just might have to try that sometime, out of my own morbid curiosity.