[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Thu Jun 14, 2018 5:40 pm UTC

I'm in Honolulu. And I'm on T-Mobile.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby suffer-cait » Sat Jun 16, 2018 6:52 am UTC

I got over worked, and now I'm at the airport. If you're still lacking a phone in a couple weeks, I'll see if I have a spare around. Though if I do, it won't be very good.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Sat Jun 16, 2018 8:15 pm UTC

I begged for money and bought another one. Hopefully it doesn't have the same problems. Thank you though.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby suffer-cait » Thu Jun 28, 2018 7:20 pm UTC

Glad to hear you've got yourself taken care of.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Wed Jul 04, 2018 12:42 am UTC

thunk wrote:I'd like to expand a bit on what I mentioned above, especially as it connects to the driving question of "do I even want to transition or not?"

There are several contexts in which I tend to see myself as a girl and would very much want to be(come?) one. However, these are mostly imagination/wishful thinking/daydream type things, yet persistent and present for a long while since reaching puberty.
But it also seems that when presented with the opportunity to take concrete steps in transitioning, I don't actually want to. Clothes shopping scares me the fuck away. Mannerisms and all that sound like too much work (and it seems...what's the point of all this? I'm not bothered enough to want to do that most of the time?). And as I mentioned, estrogen and AAs didn't really do much for me.

As a result, I've had a nagging worry that I'm merely a "transtrender" and am merely considering myself non-binary either out of misinterpreting what I'm feeling inside or as a result of being convinced to do so by the social justice community. This has gotten more acute recently as I've drifted away from the more extreme positions I used to take in high school, and then reading once again about the "truscum"/"tucute" drama.

Arguments in favor of me being trans are 1) that I do tend to have some level of physical dysphoria about certain gendered bodily features--I dreaded growing facial hair when it first started happening to me, and still aggressively try to shave it (though my skin is a bit damaged due to improper procedure.) and 2)that imagining myself as female does make me feel quite good when it happens, and that has been consistent, including instances before I even started considering that I was trans.

Arguments against are that 3)when it comes to dysphoria, I need to be reminded about it before I'm upset enough that it becomes a significant push factor in my presentation to the outside world. If I'm preoccupied with work or whatnot, I'm reasonably okay with being a "man", 4)as above, that I haven't done much concrete (aside from leg-shaving?) to address the things I tend to be concerned about, though that may be due to anxiety and fear of backlash/the new, and that 5)I may well be brushing aside moments when I'm unhappy about considering myself female(-like)/would rather be male in order to fit the narrative that I'm trans. I hated girls' toys when I was young, for instance, and my level of considering-myself-a-girliness tends to correlate a lot with my current level of being leftist, which implies that it may well be political.

In short, I don't think there are any easy answers to this question. The best path right now seems to get back to therapy/counseling (it's free where I'm currently at, thankfully), and use that in order to untangle the points above, before making a firm commitment on one course of action or another.


Let's reassess where I'm at 1.5 years on.
I definitely seem to like behaving in a female manner. I've gotten back on HRT, and like what it's doing. So far so good.
Haven't gone shopping for clothes much, but when I did I very much appreciated it--especially after getting past the initial anxiety.
Point 3) still holds, in that my dysphoria has never been severe, but it's a good thing to mitigate.
5) Am I happy in doing 'male' things sometimes, or being such? Quite possibly. But that's not something absolutely (or at all) precluded just because I have some breast tissue now. And I've swung away from the political left, towards the center, without detransitioning, so that isn't right either.

Really, the period of reflection I took seems to have been useful, and as I mature I can get past some of these hangups.
It helps that I'm now in a much more supportive community and place than when I started.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Wed Jul 04, 2018 1:37 am UTC

Glad to hear it, thunk. :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Wed Jul 04, 2018 3:15 pm UTC

Five days until surgery.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Wed Jul 04, 2018 4:23 pm UTC

I'll help:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Seriously though, best of everything to you!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Thu Jul 05, 2018 4:52 am UTC

Good luck. Hope it goes expeditiously.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Deva » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:07 am UTC

Good luck.
_________________

Published the results of a United Kingdom-based survey recently. Responded to quite a few questions. Will pick out several bits.

Identities of respondents:
- Gay or Lesbian: 61%. Bisexual: 26%. Pansexual: 4%. Asexual: 2%. Queer: 1%.
- Non-binary: 6.9%. Trans woman: 3.5%. Trans man: 2.9%.
- Intersex: 2%.

Life satisfaction (out of 10)
- General United Kingdom population: 7.7
- Gay/Lesbian: 6.9
- Respondents (overall average): 6.5
- Bisexual: 6.3
- Pansexual: 5.9
- Asexual: 5.9
- Trans woman: 5.5
- Non-binary: 5.5
- Trans man: 5.1

Avoided being open about sexual orientation due to fear of a bad reaction for 70% of gays/lesbians, 80% of bisexuals, 86% of queer, and 89% of asexuals. Said the same of gender identity for 56% of trans men, 59% of trans women, and 76% of non-binaries.

Asked about any incidents in the past twelve months due to sexual and/or gender identity. Happened to 40% of respondents from someone they did not live with and to 29% from someone they did live with. Did not report the most serious incident regarding someone they lived with in 94% of cases. Cited it being too minor/common, not being taken seriously, and no likely change as the most common reasons.

Experienced something negative due to sexual and/or gender identity for one-third of respondents in education from 2016-2017. Noted a decline as people grew older. Described 88% of the perpetrators as students and 9% as teaching staff. Did not report the most serious incident in 83% of cases. Listed similar reasons as above.

Started transitioning by age twenty-four for 44% of trans women, 78% of non-binaries, and 84% of trans men.

Reported accessing mental health services at 24%, within the past twelve months. Appeared most prevalent among (cisgender) bisexuals at 29%, trans women at 30%, non-binaries at 37%, and trans men at 40%. Tried and failed to access mental health services among 8% of all respondents.

Claimed to have been attacked by a colleague or customer at work for 1 in 8 of trans employees. Held paid employment in the past twelve months for 65% of trans women and 57% of trans men (versus 80% of all respondents).
____________________

Probably listed too many. Contains more beyond this, though.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Shivahn » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:56 pm UTC

Huh. A lot of those relative numbers surprise me. I wonder if I'm just off-base with assumptions, or if the UK has a slightly different relative setup.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Deva » Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:33 am UTC

Found the identities breakdown surprising. Expected something slightly less lopsided. Wondered about the survey's presentation. Mentioned using LGBT as an umbrella term. Might put off people not explicitly in the acronym. Skimmed the long report. Asked for sexual or gender minorities. Discovered this, however:
Respondents were able to specify their own sexual orientation and gender identity if they wished in a free-text box. These responses were coded and the more common answers grouped into new categories. This process resulted in the creation of three additional sexual orientation categories to those originally listed on the questionnaire (asexual, pansexual and queer).

Cannot imagine that helping the lesser-represented. Collected a lot of data regardless, though. Puts it to good use, hopefully.

Learned about Section 28 from a footnote, also.
Section 28 of the Local Government Act 1988 prohibited local authorities from ‘promoting’ homosexuality and spending money on educational materials and projects perceived to promote a ‘gay lifestyle’. It was repealed in Scotland in 2000 and in the rest of the UK in 2003

Undoubtedly shaped some experiences. Almost stated that as an explicit difference (although likely no less common in practice) from the United States. Knew enough to check. Continues today in seven states, according to the Wiki. (Mentions Section 28 there too.) Lurks in unsurprising states (Alabama, Arizona, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina, and Texas). Ought not be shocked, given sexual education in the United States.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:57 am UTC

I started a new job as a paraprofessional. I'm almost done with my first week. It's going well I think.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:27 am UTC

congrats!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby suffer-cait » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 am UTC

Exciting!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:38 am UTC

Congratulations!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:07 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I started a new job as a paraprofessional. I'm almost done with my first week. It's going well I think.

Congratulations, that's great! I hope it continues to go well. Can you explain a bit what you do?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:35 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:
Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:I started a new job as a paraprofessional. I'm almost done with my first week. It's going well I think.

Congratulations, that's great! I hope it continues to go well. Can you explain a bit what you do?


I assist developmentally disabled kids in a classroom setting.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Fri Aug 10, 2018 3:41 pm UTC

Sounds challenging. I hope it's rewarding, too.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Tue Aug 21, 2018 2:20 pm UTC

Popping in briefly to say... everything went well.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby poxic » Tue Aug 21, 2018 2:24 pm UTC

+1
:thumbs-up:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Aug 25, 2018 8:26 am UTC

Yay!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:44 pm UTC

So the fairycon photo of the bathroom sign apparently is like semi viral.
*cartoons of fairies*
“Whatever just wash your hands”

Been the sign a while. Seen it before, seen similar in many places. As genderqueer i always loved it because I often feel like a whatever so it makes me smile.

Past few days since its gone viral ive learned that many hate it because it is seen as dismissive. I guess i can see that as whatever is often used flippantly in english. Its never how I read it to be, but i can understand that angle.

What I hate: im not allowed to like it. Because then i am harming trans people. Why cant I like a sign that sums up how i have felt for years about myself and getting to see it go viral as acceptable? Why arent us in between whatevers acceptable? And thats the painful kicker and its true because...
:cry:
apparently “everyone who finds whatever acceptable” is just “trans in denial” - if they arent being flippant.

Fuck you. Thanks for policing who I am. Happy to help support you in your dislike of “whatever”- i do understand why you dont like it. But dont you dare fucking police who I am and i have litterally heard directly and indirectly from about a dozen people including trans friends these last few days that all people who are ok with whatever are just trans in denial. Apparenrly they all forgot GENDERQUEER AND NOBINARARY AND FLUID ARE FUCKING LEGIT.

Okay: dislike of whatever
Not okay: directly dismissing identities within your dislikes of whatever
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Aaeriele » Thu Sep 06, 2018 5:43 pm UTC

Blarg. It's unfortunate that those people feel like they have to double-down so vehemently to feel okay themselves.

Your identity is valid. <3
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afuzzyduck wrote:ITS MEANT TO BE FLUTTERSHY BUT I JUST SEE AAERIELE! CURSE YOU FORA!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Thu Sep 06, 2018 8:17 pm UTC

Aaeriele wrote:Blarg. It's unfortunate that those people feel like they have to double-down so vehemently to feel okay themselves.

Your identity is valid. <3

<3 thank you
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sizik » Tue Sep 11, 2018 3:28 pm UTC

Hey, I'm a trans girl! I've been on hormones for 4 months now, and just came out at work last week.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue Sep 11, 2018 3:28 pm UTC

Congrats! I hope work went well.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:22 pm UTC

Nice. How did coming out go?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sizik » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:36 pm UTC

Coming out has went spectacularly so far. I'm currently out to close friends on facebook (most of whom I see in person frequently), and at work. Haven't come out to family yet, as my mom is currently my landlord, so I want to be in a more secure place housing-wise in case things go south.
gmalivuk wrote:
King Author wrote:If space (rather, distance) is an illusion, it'd be possible for one meta-me to experience both body's sensory inputs.
Yes. And if wishes were horses, wishing wells would fill up very quickly with drowned horses.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Quercus » Tue Sep 11, 2018 8:19 pm UTC

Sizik wrote:Coming out has went spectacularly so far.

Yay! That's really good to hear.

Haven't come out to family yet, as my mom is currently my landlord, so I want to be in a more secure place housing-wise in case things go south.

Sounds like a sensible call, though sucks not being able to be open about it (I'm in a similar position with my parents and being nonbinary and possibly wanting to hormonally transition).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Sungura » Tue Sep 11, 2018 11:48 pm UTC

Welcome to the thread!
I am very happy it has gone well for you thus far, and wish you luck with your family.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Tue Sep 25, 2018 5:05 pm UTC

Belated congrats!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Jan 23, 2019 10:49 pm UTC

I discovered that celebrity twin finder face-recognition sites are a thing, and while it's somewhat disappointing that my face doesn't seem to be a very good match for anybody else's, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the sites don't seem sure whether I'm a man or a woman.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Fri Apr 12, 2019 9:56 pm UTC

Yesterday I walked past some teenage boys on the street (with nobody else around) and heard one of them whisper to the other "is that a boy or a girl?" :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:26 pm UTC

:) :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Sat Apr 13, 2019 1:15 am UTC

:) :)

I don't think I've had that happen to me except for once. but it's ok. I'm getting there.

I'm recently feeling much cuter and better about myself, even though being mid-transition and only *finally* realizing I should stop trying to force myself to be 'normal' and straitlaced, and that yes, I can actually explore my own girliness without having to hide it, or be overly cautious, is hard.

Way hard. Too much emotion.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Mon Apr 22, 2019 2:55 pm UTC

<belated pats for Thunk and cheers for Pfhorrest>

I feel like I'm running about 50/50 for correct/incorrect gendering at this point. Biggest problem is facial hair, and I don't know why I'm stalling on going to the laser place again (oh wait, cost). I guess it mostly depends on whether people see me first from the front or the back...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby thunk » Thu May 09, 2019 3:00 pm UTC

thunk wrote:I'd like to expand a bit on what I mentioned above, especially as it connects to the driving question of "do I even want to transition or not?"

There are several contexts in which I tend to see myself as a girl and would very much want to be(come?) one. However, these are mostly imagination/wishful thinking/daydream type things, yet persistent and present for a long while since reaching puberty.
But it also seems that when presented with the opportunity to take concrete steps in transitioning, I don't actually want to. Clothes shopping scares me the fuck away. Mannerisms and all that sound like too much work (and it seems...what's the point of all this? I'm not bothered enough to want to do that most of the time?). And as I mentioned, estrogen and AAs didn't really do much for me.

As a result, I've had a nagging worry that I'm merely a "transtrender" and am merely considering myself non-binary either out of misinterpreting what I'm feeling inside or as a result of being convinced to do so by the social justice community. This has gotten more acute recently as I've drifted away from the more extreme positions I used to take in high school, and then reading once again about the "truscum"/"tucute" drama.

Arguments in favor of me being trans are 1) that I do tend to have some level of physical dysphoria about certain gendered bodily features--I dreaded growing facial hair when it first started happening to me, and still aggressively try to shave it (though my skin is a bit damaged due to improper procedure.) and 2)that imagining myself as female does make me feel quite good when it happens, and that has been consistent, including instances before I even started considering that I was trans.

Arguments against are that 3)when it comes to dysphoria, I need to be reminded about it before I'm upset enough that it becomes a significant push factor in my presentation to the outside world. If I'm preoccupied with work or whatnot, I'm reasonably okay with being a "man", 4)as above, that I haven't done much concrete (aside from leg-shaving?) to address the things I tend to be concerned about, though that may be due to anxiety and fear of backlash/the new, and that 5)I may well be brushing aside moments when I'm unhappy about considering myself female(-like)/would rather be male in order to fit the narrative that I'm trans. I hated girls' toys when I was young, for instance, and my level of considering-myself-a-girliness tends to correlate a lot with my current level of being leftist, which implies that it may well be political.

In short, I don't think there are any easy answers to this question. The best path right now seems to get back to therapy/counseling (it's free where I'm currently at, thankfully), and use that in order to untangle the points above, before making a firm commitment on one course of action or another.


Two years on, i'd like to revisit.
1)Higher-dose HRT certainly changed my appearance for the better and I'm much more comfortable with it now. In the end, it was a good idea.

2)However, I didn't get emotional changes from hormones at all. Instead, the cause of my current much improved mood is finding friends and a community---in fact several communities--that care about and appreciate me, and it also helps that I have a few people to hang out with in real life as well.

3)I feel more secure in my own girlhood, even if clothes and behavior-wise, i don't present any differently from before. I guess I'm just not interested in that? Or interested but embarassed? Either way it might be useful to chip away at, but I don't want to be forced to dress a certain way just to pass.

4)The dysphoria is still there, but increasingly focusing on things that haven't changed yet. Ugh. It's always possible to push it away when focusing on work, just as before.

5)I'm very much a girl and I'm very much center-left as of now. I picked up a correlation that wasn't there.

6) Even if I am a transtrender, how is that intrinsically bad? I should have the choice to break gender norms and modify my body to make me happier (though of course depending on societal discrimination, this might be more or less advisable).

7) I now regret that I waited too long before finally deciding to hormonally transition for good. Two needless years of further masculinization. Bad idea.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon May 13, 2019 10:45 pm UTC

That sounds good!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Tue May 14, 2019 12:22 am UTC

Today I had to actually go down in person to the DMV to renew my driver's license and while filling out basic info unsupervised on a computer, saw that the "Sex" option now has "Male", "Female", and "Nonbinary".

I was tempted to put "Nonbinary" but (A) that's not a sex, that's a (category of) genders, so I'm not sure what the question really wants, and (B) I'm not sure what the legal ramifications of doing so are, so I just chickened out and left the "M" that I've always had and never thought about.

(Relatedly: can someone transitioning MTF or FTM just renew their driver's license and pick a different box on the computer and that's all it takes to legally change sex now? I'd have thought there was more to the process).

It also had a multiple-choice thing for hair color, and I like to think of my hair as auburn, even though it doesn't have as much red in it as I'd like, but my existing driver's license has always said "brown", and once again the potential legal ramifications of picking the wrong thing made me scared (will someone IDing me say my hair isn't red enough to qualify as "auburn" and reject my ID?) so I just chickened out and left it "brown".

Then again, my existing license has had an inaccurate weight on it for close to two decades, and it's not like they make me step on a scale to confirm the weight I entered this time was accurate, or measured my height, or anything like that, so what the heck is the point of all this unconfirmed identifying information anyway?
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